"Hey, Kell," I whisper, taking a seat next to her bed and reaching for her hand. She doesn't reply, the soft touch of her hand missing the warmth I've grown used to the last few months.

"I really need you to wake up, Kell." I squeeze her hand gently, desperate to get through to her. I only have about ten minutes alone with her until Brooks comes back from his shower, so I don't waste any time in filling her in on everything going on around her.

"So much is happening, and everyone needs you. Mia needs you. Brooks needs you. The club needs you." I sit and let her process it. "I need you," I whisper the last part. She doesn't respond like I wish she would, so I keep going.

"Beau asked me to marry him." I spill my secret from last night.

"I mean, it was barely a marriage proposal, more like a threat." I can imagine her laughing at his reaction to me saying no. "I just don't know if I'm ready. After everything with Chad, I didn't think I would ever get married again, but these last few months with Beau has changed me." The room falls silent as I process my own words this time. Babies and marriage with Beau are the last thing we should be thinking about right now, but I can't help it. He's planted this seed in me and it's growing into a possibility with each pa.s.sing second.

"Anyway, enough about me." I clear my throat and move on. The last thing she wants to hear about is Beau and my issues. "Mia is doing okay. She stayed with us last night. She's still having nightmares. I think it would help if she came and visited more, but Brooks doesn't believe it's good for her. And I understand he's coming from a good place, but she just misses you. Touching you. Both of you." I fall silent again, and try to rack my brain on anything I've missed.

"Missy's opens in five days. Everything's pretty much ready to go. Beau and I met with Brie yesterday. She's amazing." I'm about to tell her more about Missy's when Brooks walks back out. Damp hair and clean clothes on. His eyes are sunken, accompanied by almost black circles, and his beard is so overgrown he looks almost unrecognizable. But at least he's clean.

"Hey." I look up and watch him fall back into the chair he's claimed as his own before reaching for Kell's hand.

"Anything?" he asks without taking his eyes off her.

"Not yet." I try to keep it hopeful, hating how my disappointment grows as each day pa.s.ses. "But I know with time-"

"Time?" He barks out a bitter laugh and looks up at me.

"'Cause time is all we have, right? Time is just going to stop and wait for her?" I know he's hurting, angry and even scared. His world as he knows it has stopped. I understand his pain.

Knowing there is no point getting into it with him, I stand and give Kelly one last hand squeeze before stepping back.

"I'm going to get going. I'll be bringing Mia up after school today."

"I already told Beau, I don't want her up here too much."

"And I understand why, but she needs to see her mother and father. You can't keep this from her. It's doing more harm than you think." I reach for my bag, step around the bed and come to stand next to his chair.

"Mackenzie-" He twists to look up at me, "No, Brooks. I know you think this is what's best for her, but it's not. You're right. Time isn't standing still, and while you're here watching it slip by, Mia's left out there living what you're living but times two. Don't make her do it alone. Don't push her out. Let her be here." I bend at the waist and give him a quick kiss on his cheek before standing back to full height. He doesn't react, doesn't tell me to mind my own business. He just sits there looking up at me.

"We'll see you this afternoon." I give him one final look before spinning around and walking out.

I hold myself together until I make it halfway down the hallway. Only then do I let out a shaky breath as the day's first stream of tears come.

Jesus, I'm just a crying mess these days.

I didn't want to have to do this, but I know if it were me in this situation, I'd want someone stepping in. I know Brooks and this isn't him. This is a man too caught up in watching his wife sleep the days away, and he's missing the bigger picture. I'm not going to sit back and allow him to shut down like this. Not like I did, especially when Mia needs him.

If I have learned anything the last month, it is our time is irreplaceable, and it can be taken away in a blink of an eye.

Not only am I going to start living in time, but I will make sure Brooks is there with me.

Mia deserves it.

Kelly deserves it.

I deserve it.

"Just take a deep breath, and relax," I remind myself two days later as I hear the rumble of Beau's bike pull into the drive. "You want this. No, you need this." I place the rope I found in Beau's draw at the end of the bed.

It's not like I'm trying to convince myself to do it, because I know I want this, but more to calm my nerves. I've been planning and probably overthinking it. We both know it's been a long time coming; however, with Mia staying with us on and off and the work with the shelter, we've had no time.

I hear the front door click open and my body locks.

s.h.i.t.

"Kenzie?" Beau's voice comes down the hall.

"Down here!" My voice shakes with nerves, not believing this is about to happen. His footsteps grow louder along the wooden floor while I take my position.

"What you doing in here, darlin'?" Beau pushes the door open and stops short when he notices me.

"Hi," I whisper, watching his eyes darken with need, l.u.s.t and hunger.

"What the f.u.c.k you doing, Kenzie?" His Adam's apple bounces up and down three times before he slowly swallows.

"What does it look like?" I arch my back a little, pushing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s out a bit more. I'm f.u.c.king nervous, but I'm adamant I won't let him see it.

He hasn't moved his body, his eyes traveling from my naked body to the rope at the end of the bed.

"Mackenzie." He groans, and then takes one step toward me.

"I want this," I rush out, not wanting him to reject me or stop this. "I need this." He slowly takes another step toward me, licking his lips in a slow, sensual way. The last couple of days I've been going over everything in our relationship, and I didn't know what was holding me back. Until I realized I never gave Beau full control. It kind of became lost in the mess our life has become.

"Haven't had my c.o.c.k in you since Kelly's accident and you want me to do this?" I can see his apprehension and possible confusion, but I can't have him second-guessing this. I need the controlling man I fell in love with.

"Beau, I need this. I need you to make me feel. Make this doubt go away." He drops his cut to the floor and rips his shirt over his head.

Leaving his jeans in place, he takes four large steps to the end of the bed, places his knee to the comforter and crawls up over me.

"Doubt?"

"That I'm not good enough for you." I hold his stare, willing him to take it away.

"You're more than enough."

"I believe you believe it, but I need you to show me." He closes his eyes and sits back on his heels.

"You sure you want this?" His eyes darken as he looks down at me.

"Never been surer. I'm ready." He doesn't reply. Instead, he leans back and reaches for the rope.

"Are you going to listen to everything I say, Kenzie?" he asks, looping the rope around my left wrist and pulling it up over my head to secure it to the headboard.

"Yes, Beau." I nod as he pulls it harder. The rope rubs against my skin, the friction making this all the more real. This is going to happen.

He reaches for my other hand and secures it next to the one above my head.

"I'm not going to do your feet tonight, darlin'. Want you to wrap these long legs around me later," he tells me. My breath hitches when his mouth moves to my erect nipple, pulling it into his mouth and sucking hard.

"Ahh!" I arch at the sharp pain, before exhaling in pleasure.

"Who's this body belong to Mackenzie?" He pulls back, circling my wet nipple with his finger.

"You, always you," I answer, knowing it's the truth.

"And who controls this body, Kenzie?" He lowers his mouth just above my other nipple, waiting for my answer.

"You, Beau. Always you." His lips wrap around my nipple when I answer correctly, sucking it with the same intensity as the first one. Pain sears through me before he strokes me back to pleasure.

"You have the prettiest nipples I've ever seen." He draws back, and gently blows a breath over it. My hands pull on my restraints, my natural instinct to touch him takes over. I blow a frustrated breath realizing I just gave my control up. No touching.

"Tsk, tsk." He sits up and watches me with a deep hunger before reaching over into his nightstand and pulling out a small package. "I got these for you a couple of weeks back," he murmurs, pulling out a small black box. My eyes grow wide seeing the image on the package.

Nipple clamps.

"Are you going to use them on me?" He reaches in and pulls out what looks like a long metal chain with a clamp on either end.

"Yes," is all he says, before throwing the empty box to the side and coming back to hover over me.

"Been dreaming about using these on you since the first time I had you." He dips his head low, and pulls my nipple between his teeth for a few seconds before letting it go.

"Holy s.h.i.t." I breathe through the light sting. "Is it gonna hurt?" I watch him trail the cool metal over my b.r.e.a.s.t.s and around my nipple.

"No, darlin'. It's gonna feel good. Everything I do to you is gonna feel good." He clicks his tongue against his teeth as he reaches for my nipple. Squeezing it tightly between his thumb and finger, he uses his free hand to press one of the clamps open then places it over my erect nipple. The smooth metal tingles to begin with as he releases the clamp, letting it squeeze down slowly before slightly tightening it with a small screw on the side.

I draw in a sharp breath through my teeth, the sting unlike anything I've ever felt before pushes me out of my comfort zone.

"How's it feel?" he asks, pulling back to have a better look.

"It stings." I start to pant, not sure if I'm in pain or highly turned on, and have no idea what I'm talking about.

"Good." He moves over to my other nipple. Repeating the same actions, he squeezes my nipple between his thumb and forefinger, before slowly and gently releasing the clasp onto my swollen nipple. He fiddles with the tightening screw before resting back.

"f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, darlin'." His finger circles my left nipple, trailing it over the clamp, down the metal chain over to my right nipple. "It's even better in real life." He leans down and flicks his tongue over my nipple.

His c.o.c.k grows harder against my stomach, but I can't give it too much thought. I'm lost in a haze. He repeats the same action back over to my left nipple.

When he's happy with his work, he slides down my body, trailing soft, wet kisses on my skin. His beard scratches along my stomach, as every inch of me comes alive. Every touch and each breath brings me to the crest of something bigger.

"Spread wider for me, darlin'," he orders. When he settles his body between my legs, his warm breath dances over my skin. Doing as I'm told, I part my legs, exposing myself to him.

A hiss pa.s.ses his lips as his eyes settle on my exposed p.u.s.s.y.

"I want you to come on my face. Been thinking about it every day for the last month," he tells me before running his nose between my legs, breathing me in.

"Oh, G.o.d, Beau." My hips leave the bed as I squirm against him, seeking more friction.

"a.s.s to the bed or I will tie your feet." He looks up, his eyes gla.s.s over with a new level of power and I drop my a.s.s fast. "Good girl." He takes his gaze back to my p.u.s.s.y before ever so lightly flicking his tongue over my c.l.i.t. It's like it almost didn't happen.

"More," I whimper. Forcing my a.s.s to stay on the bed, I pull against my restraints instead.

I'm like a starved woman, just needing to be touched.

"Patience, Mackenzie." He grins back up at me, and I have to curb my desire to kick him.

"Beau." I can barely recognize my own voice. My plea sounds pained.

"Trust me, darlin'. This is going to be worth every agonizing second." He dips his face back between my legs and blows a warm breath over everything except my c.l.i.t.

f.u.c.ker.

I'm so wound up, I don't know if I can keep it up.

"Please, Beau." I'm at his mercy and the longer he keeps playing with me, the more my mind starts to daze.

"What do you need, darlin'?" His fingers wrap around my ankle, before slowly sliding up my leg.

"Yes, more. I need more." His hand rises over my knee, up the inside of my thigh, before slightly grazing my bare lips.

"Ughhh." I release a p.i.s.sed-off groan when he doesn't apply any pressure. His soft chuckle tells me this isn't going to end any time soon.

"The more you fight this, the more I'm gonna hold this off." I still my body, and try to clear my mind.

Okay, I can do this. Relax.

I let a slow and deliberate breath out, forcing my body to focus on what he's doing and not what I need. Every delicate stroke, every almost brush, it's like every spot he's not touching is more alive than where he is.

"That's it, darlin', let me play you like you were made to be played." He presses his lips on the inside of my thigh, and carefully guides himself up. His beard draws out the antic.i.p.ation. Where his lips or tongue don't touch, the rough hair sc.r.a.pes, bringing a whole new level of sensation.

"Mmmm." Pleasure pulls a low moan past my lips as heat blankets me in a heavenly fog. He's barely touching me, yet I'm certain any minute now, I'm about to come.

"You're f.u.c.king beautiful, Kenz. Lying there tied to my bed. Nipples pulled tight with these clamps." His fingers slide up over my stomach in a slow leisurely pace and lightly tug on the cord "Ahhh!" The sharp sting lights a new fire in me, burning a path straight to my c.l.i.t.