"No problem," I finally say and start my bike up. The rumble of the pipes cut off anything else she could possibly want to say.

With one final head nod, I back out and take off, hoping a ride clears some of my head and I decide right then to take the long route home.

Maybe it's not such a good idea to have Mackenzie in my s.p.a.ce anymore if it's messing with me so much.

But it's not like I could ask her to leave.

I could send her back to the clubhouse?

No, there's no way she would go for it, especially after demanding she move in with me. No f.u.c.king way.

After riding for over an hour, and no closer to coming to a decision, I pull up out front of my house, kick the stand down and climb off. The front porch light is switched off, but the kitchen light still glows, so I know she's still awake.

"You're home?" Mackenzie looks up from the porch swing when I climb the stairs.

"Jesus, darlin', didn't see you there." I take stock of where she's sitting and try to curb my displeasure that she's out here in the dark.

"Sorry, was just enjoying the cooler air." She pushes a blanket off her legs and stands.

"What the h.e.l.l you doing out here in the dark?" I scold when I see her in her f.u.c.king nightgown.

f.u.c.k me, she's trying to kill me again.

The fabric molds to her body and exposes her erect nipples for the world to see.

f.u.c.k, think of puppies, and babies. Puppies and babies.

"I'm fine, Beau. Relax." She bends and picks up a mug, and then walks to the front door. I don't fight her anymore on the subject because truthfully, I don't have the energy. The woman fights me on everything and tonight I just don't have it in me.

"You had dinner?" I ask, watching her walk into the kitchen. Her hips sway as she walks, drawing me in like some sort of siren.

I stay back kicking my boots off at the front and dropping my helmet on the table next to the door.

"Yeah, there's leftovers in the fridge." She looks up from washing out her mug when I make it to the kitchen.

"Thanks." I head for the fridge, suddenly pretty f.u.c.king hungry.

"How was your night?" She pulls herself up on the counter, watching me dig into some chicken pie dish.

"All right. You should have stayed. The girls wanted to talk some girly s.h.i.t with you," I tell her with a mouth full of food.

"Umm, the parties get pretty full on." She picks at a thread on her nightgown and looks up.

"Does it still make you uncomfortable?" I place my plate on the counter and pull a bottle of beer out of the fridge.

"No, it doesn't bother me at all. Just didn't want to see some things."

"What things?" I push, not sure what she's getting at.

"Well, you know, what you do is your thing and I respect that. I just didn't want to risk seeing something I'm not sure I'd be able to handle."

"You think I'm gonna be all over some club wh.o.r.e in front of you?"

"Why not? You don't owe me anything. Like you said, we're friends, and I know you and Lissy were-" She stops for a beat and arranges her face. "Anyway, it's not my business." She slides off the counter.

What the f.u.c.k? How the f.u.c.k does she know about Lissy?

"I'm gonna head to bed. I'm tired." She brushes past me and before I realize what I'm doing my hand reaches out and grabs her. Her body locks, tensing under my touch. I wait a beat, pausing for her to realize I'm not a threat. It's only a few short seconds before she relaxes.

"You don't have to worry about that, darlin'."

"Oh, I'm not. I know you have needs. We both do." She steps back out of my reach and I can't help but want to pull her back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The question comes out as a growl because she's p.i.s.sing me off. f.u.c.king needs. What f.u.c.king needs is she talking about?

"You really want me to answer, Beau?"

"Yeah, I really do."

"Okay, well, I haven't seen you with anyone since I've been here. You don't have to hide it from me, Beau. I mean we have to be okay when one of us brings someone else home."

I think my chest tightens and my arm grows numb. The thought of a man in my house, in her bed, could warrant a heart attack, right?

"Darlin', you won't be bringing a man into my home." I shut that s.h.i.t down right now. I wouldn't be able to control myself if some f.u.c.ker was in my house touching what's mine.

"Well, I'm not talking about tomorrow, Beau," she argues, making it worse.

"You won't be ever."

"Beau-" She starts to explain, but my mind blanks, white noise blocks her out. Need, fear, and anger simmer through me and before I think it through, I step into her s.p.a.ce, dip my head and smash my mouth to hers. She fights it to begin with, her hands pushing at my chest. Until I reach around and pull her closer. A soft sigh dances from her lips and my tongue sweeps, seeking an opportunity.

I know we've been here before and I told her I wouldn't go there with her again, but in this moment, none of that matters. What started as simmering desire transforms into intense infatuation. To have her, taste her, make her mine, it's too much to resist.

I'm f.u.c.king done fighting it.

Seventeen.

Mackenzie The kiss takes me by surprise. My first response is to fight it, push back and end it. Until his hand moves to the small of my back and pulls me in closer while his tongue whispers along my lips coaxing my mouth open. Desperation replaces my shock, and I meet his hunger with my own.

I know this is what we both agreed shouldn't happen, but I can't stop. I can't step away from him. Ever since the night I kissed him, I've been dreaming of this. I've been dreaming of a h.e.l.l of a lot more than this.

Deepening the kiss, I rise to my toes and reach up to run my fingers through his hair. He has it pulled back in one of those knots on top of his head today, so I rip it out and help it fall free.

He pulls back slightly and for a second, I think he's putting a stop to this until he places his hand on my waist, picks me up, turns and plants me on the kitchen counter. His mouth finds mine again while my hands make quick work of disposing of his cut. Moving away from my mouth, his lips slide down my neck to my collarbone. His breath is warm, his beard a mixture of rough yet soft.

"Beau." His name creeps past my lips. The hunger burning in my body brings the fire out in me.

His kisses stop, while he pushes the straps of my nightgown down my arms, exposing both my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to the cold air.

"Jesus, you're more amazing than I could have imagined." He lowers his mouth and takes a nipple between his lips and rolls it.

"Holy s.h.i.t." My hands find his hair again, pulling hard as his teeth graze my tight bud.

"f.u.c.k, your t.i.ts are perfect, darlin'." His gravelly voice shoots a jolt between my legs and a thrill down my spine. I don't think I've ever had a man make me need this much.

"Don't stop, please don't ever stop," I beg, dragging his head back to my breast. His mouth descends again, showing my nipple the same attention as before.

Rolling, nipping and tugging, the dampness between my thighs grows, arousal pulsing through me.

Pulling him off my nipple, I drag him back up to my mouth. He doesn't waste a minute. His tongue darting past my lips and curling against mine.

My hands work his belt, breaking it free before flipping the b.u.t.ton of his jeans and moving my hand down his front. My fingers find the base of his thickness instantly.

Jesus, he's so f.u.c.king hard for me.

Hard and thick.

Before I manage a full grip around him, he freezes.

"Wait." He steps back, breaking our connection. "Darlin', we need to cool it down." A pained look falls over his face and it's like having a bucket of ice water thrown over me, dousing all need and want. I push my arms back through my straps to cover myself up.

"Are you kidding me?" I slide off the counter and rush past him. Rejection flows through me, the burning flame of need he just lit now doused by my insecurities.

Am I not enough?

I need the earth to open up and swallow me whole. How could I be so stupid? A seed of embarra.s.sment starts to grow inside of me, and I know if I don't get away from him, I will be flowering a new shade of red on my face.

"Kenz, wait!" he calls out, but I can't bear for him to see me like this.

"No don't, Beau. Just leave it," I manage to say before escaping the kitchen.

"I'm no good for you, Mackenzie. This-"

"Is a mistake. I got it." I stop, turning back to finish his sentence and holding the disappointment from my voice. The last thing I need to become is some desperate woman in an off and on sort of relationship.

"No, darlin', I'm just looking out for you. You don't need this kind of f.u.c.ked up."

I shake my head, done with his excuses. I've lived f.u.c.ked up. I was married to it. Beau is not f.u.c.ked up. I know it with everything in me. The totality of his commitment to me proves he is nothing like Chad.

He's the one who gave me hope when Chad took it away. He's the one responsible for giving me a life I never thought I could be worthy of. Because of him, it's as if everything has been wiped clean.

"Do you want to be with me, Beau?" His eyes close at my question as if it pains him to answer.

"So much it hurts, darlin'."

"Then be with me, Beau. Be with me how you want to be with me." I offer what I think he needs from me. Not because I want it, because the truth is I don't know if I will, but because he does and I want him any way I can have him.

"Kenz, it doesn't work like that."

"Why not, Beau? I need this as much as you do."

"Because I don't want you to give it to me, darlin'. I want to take it. And as much as you think you're ready, you're not."

"How do you know I'm not ready? I'm willing to try." I am. I'm willing to do anything for him. And maybe it's stupid, maybe it's dangerous, but I trust him. Trust him more than I trust anyone in my life.

Beau would never hurt me.

"I know, darlin', believe me I know, but I'm not prepared to push it." The room falls quiet as we both process what is happening here. We both want the same thing, but in different ways.

"Then I can't live here with you like this. I thought I could move past this, but I can't. It's too much. It hurts too much." He looks up at my confession.

"You're right. It's not fair. I'll stay at the clubhouse," he offers, and it almost pains me as much as his rejection.

"No. I don't want to be here. I'll move out, find my own place. You've done enough for me since I came to you."

"Don't make any decisions tonight. We'll talk in the morning." He shakes his head, not setting anything in stone.

"Yep." I sigh, turning to continue walking to my room.

Tomorrow we will talk. I will make it clear I'm not staying here. I need to be away from Beau. Away from everything that reminds me of him.

If it means leaving Rushford, then so be it.

Eighteen.

Beau "We'll talk in the morning," I tell her, knowing she won't see any reason tonight. How can she after what I just did.

"Yep." She turns and walks out. I want to call out to her, tell her to come back, but I don't. I let her go.

Like you should have before you f.u.c.king touched her, a.s.shole.

Grabbing another beer from the fridge and my cut off the floor, I decide to skip the rest of my dinner and call it a night. I know I just f.u.c.ked up everything we've been trying to hold together, and to be honest, I wasn't sure how we were going to come back from it. I had her, willing and ready, yet I froze.

Switching off the kitchen light, I make my way down to my room. Mackenzie's door is to the left of mine and I force myself to pa.s.s it without a glance.

I open my bedroom door, walk inside and throw my cut across my bed.