36.

Lily "Come here," Killian whispers. His voice is quiet, even though when we tiptoed past Chloe's room earlier she was finally out, sprawled out on her bed with her mouth hanging open, looking more like a passed-out college student than a kid.

I pause for a second, mostly because I'm taking in the view of Killian naked in my bed, his back propped up on pillows, legs stretched out, proudly displaying the hardest dick I've ever seen.

"Quit looking at the goods and get over here and sit on my cock." Killian grins, clearly pleased with himself.

"Lucky me. I'm dating a poet," I say sarcastically. But I climb up on the bed anyway, hovering over with a leg on either side of him, but not giving him what he wants yet. He runs his hand down the middle of my back, pulling me closer until his mouth envelops my breast. His touch sends warmth flowing through my body, my nipples hardening at the sensation, and when he reaches between my legs, he groans.

"You're so wet. You're always so wet."

I want to tell him that's only true because of him. I can't remember ever feeling this needy ever before, or being in this kind of constant state of arousal the way I am for him.

He teases me with his cock, pressing it against my clit, then against my entrance until I can't take it any longer. The feeling of fullness nearly knocks the wind out of me for a moment as I slide onto his shaft, but I settle onto him as he takes my face in his hands and kisses me the way he did downstairs on the sofa.

His hands wander over my body, caressing my breasts and kneading my ass as I rock on him, slowly gathering momentum. When I close my eyes, he calls my name. "Look at me. I want to see you."

Looking into his eyes only makes it more intimate, more connected as I ride him. Soon we find a steady rhythm, our hips moving in sync, and the rhythm builds as we get closer. This time, there's no dirty talk, no calling out each other's names, no screaming orgasms.

This time, both of us are quiet, focused.

This time, the intensity builds to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode. Killian covers my mouth with his to mute my groan me as I come hard. My orgasm triggers his, and I nearly come again as my muscles squeeze his cock, milking every last drop from him until he's drained. I cling to him, my fingernails digging into his back, hanging onto him until our ragged breath is the only sound in the stillness of the room.

Afterward, I lie on my side in bed, nestled in the crook of his arm with my head on his chest and my leg thrown over his. I listen to his slow and steady heartbeat as he strokes my arm with the tip of his finger. "Killian?"

"Mmm-hmm?"

"You never asked anything else about my husband."

He's silent for a moment. "I figured if you wanted to tell me, you'd tell me. I can be patient."

I can't help but snort, remembering exactly how patient he wasn't when he pressed me up against the counter in the bakery, his hands on my thighs, my ass, and between my legs. "You? Patient?"

He smacks me lightly on the ass. "Sometimes."

"My husband Adam was a cop." I pause, my heart beating wildly in my chest at the prospect of telling this to Killian, the possibility of facing his potential judgment. I'll never forget the looks the other cop wives gave me, disgust or pity or anger, depending on whether their husbands were as involved in the scandal as mine. "A dirty cop. Really dirty, I mean."

"That's your big secret? You married a dirty cop? As far as secrets go, that's sort of a letdown," Killian teases.

But I keep going, focused on making him understand. "When they told me he was shot, it was like my worst fear had come to life. I thought he had been shot on the job. Then afterward, everything started coming out. He was..." My voice falters, a mixture of embarrassment and anger. "I found out later. He was running girls. Underage girls. Runaways, mostly, from all over the place."

"Shit."

"His death I thought it was in the line of duty, but it wasn't. It was blue on blue except they were both criminals." I laugh bitterly. "His death blew everything wide open. There was a huge investigation, a whole ring of cops involved in it, ones who took money or just looked the other way, or ones like Adam who were... personally involved." Thinking of Adam's personal involvement makes me shudder.

Killian squeezes my arm, but he doesn't say anything, and I don't want to look in his eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see there pity, disgust, blame? I don't want to see it. But I can't seem to stop talking, either. "All of the stuff that happened afterward, it was like seeing an accident on the side of the road or something I just couldn't look away, even though it was horrible. I kept asking questions, reading everything I could get my hands on about the investigation, even when people told me to stop asking questions. I just wanted to understand how the hell someone I thought I knew could be involved in something so horrid." I know I'm rambling, disjointed, but I have a hard time telling this story in an articulate way, even seven years after the fact.

"One of the other wives the wife of a good cop asked me how I could possibly not have known that Adam was a disgusting, vile man. I asked myself the same thing, over and over, until I couldn't think straight for years after that. I replayed every interaction I could remember with him in my head, looking for some sign that I overlooked. Because the thing is, I should have known. A wife should know whether her husband is capable of such evil."

How do I put into words the earth-shattering nature of that discovery? It shattered everything I believed about my husband but even more, about myself.

"I couldn't trust myself to be with anyone after that." I swallow hard, my voice shaking, blinking back tears. "And the thing about it is that I was relieved that I found out before Chloe was born. How fucked up is that? He was responsible for destroying all of these girls, and I was just relieved that it was over before Chloe knew him."

"Lily " Killian starts.

"That's it. That's the thing I've been hiding, why I changed my name back to my maiden name and why I don't tell people much about my past. The FBI went through everything, trying to find out what I knew. Even the FBI assumed I knew something. When I was cleared, I moved back to the suburbs outside of Chicago, where my parents lived. I waited tables and went to school and my mother helped me with Chloe. I started baking because, I don't know, I needed something to occupy my mind sometimes. So when I felt overwhelmed, I'd bake. Then people wanted to buy my stuff and it became this thing. Baking helped me forget. I made cakes for a few weddings and learned more about cake-decorating and more people started asking me to bake for them. So I'd waitress, and cakes became a side job. When my parents moved to Colorado, Chloe and I stayed for a couple more years outside of Chicago. I didn't want to feel like I was running away because I was humiliated by what Adam had done. Then we passed through West Bend."

I exhale heavily, my eyes on Killian, waiting for him to say something, anything. "You're the only person in this town who knows any of this," I tell him. "Actually, you're the only person outside of my parents that I've talked to about this."

Killian looks at me for a long time, his expression dark. He runs his hand over my head and down my hair, pressing his lips against my forehead. "I don't know what to say, Lily. That's... It means a lot that you'd tell me." Then he rolls onto his side, pulling me back against him, and strokes my hair as his lips graze the back of my neck.

The combination of his touch, the warmth of his body, and the relief of confessing this secret and not having him look at me with disgust causes me to relax into him. Before I drift off to sleep, he whispers in my ear, "I give you my word that I'm not ever going to do anything to hurt you or Chloe."

Early morning sunlight streams through the window and I roll over in bed, running my hand across the sheets. Killian's spot is empty.

"Sorry. I was trying not to wake you," Killian whispers as he pulls his t-shirt over his head. He's standing on the other side of the room dressed in his t-shirt and jeans, his shoes already on. He runs his hand through his hair. "I was trying to sneak out of here before Chloe wakes up."

He's trying to sneak out of here so Chloe doesn't see him, because he's trying to spare me from having to have an uncomfortable conversation with Chloe.

I take a deep breath before I say what I say next, because I think it's the riskiest thing I've ever said. This is jumping in with both feet, free-falling into nothing.

"Killian?" I ask.

"Yeah?"

"Stay."

"Stay. . .?"

I nod. "For breakfast." I take a deep breath. Jumping, falling. "You should stay."

Killian stands there unmoving, his face impassive. For a second, I wonder if he even wants to stay at all, especially after my confession last night. Maybe he's rethinking this whole thing. He has his bachelor pad in the mountains, and he's used to living by himself. Maybe His answer jolts me out of my thoughts. "I told you I'd grow on you."

"What?"

A slow grin spreads across his face. "Careful what you wish for, cupcake. You invite me to stay, I might not ever leave." He clears his throat. "You got that waffle-maker downstairs? I know you think you have the monopoly on baked goods and all, but I do make a fucking fantastic waffle."

Downstairs, Killian makes us breakfast like it's the most normal thing in the world, while I hold my breath, watching Chloe's reaction, wondering if I did the right thing by asking him to stay.

I just invited him into my life in a big way. Our lives.

Chloe waits until we're at the table and she's taken a bite of her waffle before she starts asking questions. "Are you living here?"

"I have my cabin I live in," Killian says. "But I might hang around here a little more often. If it's okay with you."

"Okay, sure." Chloe shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly. "But will you show me how to fish?"

He glances over at me. After a moment's thought, I nod my approval.

"You bet," he answers with a smile.

37.

Killian "Hell has officially frozen over." Luke stands in the doorway of his house with arms crossed over his chest as Autumn walks up behind him, closely trailed by Olivia.

"What's frozen over? And why are you two standing in the doorway? You're going to let the flies in. Come inside or get out onto the porch."

I back up as Luke and Autumn step outside, closing the front door behind them. Olivia squeals, rushing across the porch and heading straight for a lizard darting across the floor. "Get bug!"

Luke points at me, talking to Autumn. "This man my brother Killian Saint, a man whose photo you would see under the word 'recluse' in the dictionary is inviting all of us let me emphasize the words all of us to his cabin. To meet his girlfriend. And her daughter."

"When you say it like that, it sounds completely ridiculous." Even so, I can't hide the grin that's been plastered across my face for the past few weeks. I know I look like an idiot with this goofy smile, but I can't seem to help myself. I wonder if this is how I'm going to look permanently. The past few weeks have been filled with more grinning more laughter than I thought was ever going to be possible for me. Lily has actually given in and let me help out regularly at the store, although I think it's mostly so she can get a piece of me in her office during working hours.

I think it's also so she can fend off the college girls who want to leave their numbers for me, even though when I suggested that as a possibility, she rolled her eyes and stormed off into the kitchen. So, I picked her up, carried her into the office, slid up her skirt, and showed her how much I think of the stupid college girls who wander into the bakery and try to flirt with me.

Last weekend, the three of us went hiking me, Lily, and Chloe. Chloe was full of a million questions about absolutely everything on the trail, and I got to show her bugs and some of the plants that grow wild out on the mountain. She was like a little sponge, soaking up all the information, and it was pretty awesome.

Autumn's arms around me shake me out of my thoughts. "I'm so happy for you, Killian!"

I can feel my cheeks burning. "Honestly, you guys act like it's some kind of miracle that I'm seeing someone."

Autumn glances at Luke. "No..." Luke says.

"Shut up, Luke."

"We're delighted to come up to the cabin, Killian. Right, Luke?" Autumn asks.

Luke laughs. "Aww. You look so adorable with that grin on your face."

"I'm not too adorable to slap the " I pause for a second, glancing at Olivia. "Crap out of you."

"Oh, God." Lily looks down at her cell phone.

"Mom, I'm ready!" Chloe bounces into the living room, clad in a yellow shirt with the words "Too Awesome!" in pink glitter across the front, pink jeans, sneakers that light up when she walks, and a purple floppy hat with a giant brim. She's holding her tackle box and the pink fishing pole I picked up at Connie C.'s store.

"Wow, that's quite the ensemble." Lily looks at me and grins. "Obviously, she's not been looking forward to this at all."

"I have been!" Chloe squeals. "I want to go fishing!"

"You might find that it's a little more boring than you'd think it would be. There's a lot of waiting around and doing nothing," I warn her.

Chloe sighs loudly. "Are we going already?"

Lily looks down at her phone, then back at me, her forehead furrowed. "One of the groomsmen in Amy Porter's wedding had a little too much B-O-O-Z-E before the ceremony and put his hand into the wedding cake. She's about to walk down the aisle and she's texting me a photo of the cake." She turns the phone around and shows me the photo of the mangled cake. "She's really upset."

"Why are you spelling things?" Chloe asks. "Boos? What's boos? Like a ghost? Who wants a ghost at their wedding? That's crazy."

"I really want to go fishing, but I also need to swing by a wedding and fix a cake," Lily says.

Chloe groans. "Mo-om, no. You promised we could go fishing."

"I'm sorry, baby. I crap. Maybe "

"I can take her down to the park," I interrupt. "I mean, if that's okay with you. Go fix the cake and just meet us there."

"Yeah!" Chloe yells. "You can meet us there. Come on."

I half-expect Lily to say fuck no, you're not taking my kid fishing by yourself. She stares at me, obviously considering whether or not I'm going to let Chloe play with matches and run with scissors. Or go waterskiing in the pond or something.

"Okay," Lily says, and I nearly have a heart attack.

"Okay?" I ask, because I'm not sure I heard her correctly.

"Okay," she repeats, smiling. "I'm not going to be that long. I'll meet you at the park."

Chloe hoots and hollers as she bounces across the living room, her shoes echoing loudly as she heads down the hallway toward the front door. "Come on, Killian!"

"Are you sure?" I ask. My hands slide around her back and I pull her against me. "I know this is a big deal."

She looks up at me, her eyes smiling. "I know. So don't fuck it up."

"That's some sage advice." I kiss her lightly on the lips, then a second and a third time. God, I can't get over how it feels to have this woman around so much. The more I'm around her, the more I want to be around her.

"Gross. Eww, kissing." Chloe materializes, yelling loudly. "Super, super gross. Barf. Barf all over the floor."

Lily laughs and steps back. "I'll see you guys at the park in like thirty minutes. An hour, tops. Don't let her run with sharp objects. Or swim in the pond. You hear me, Chloe? There are snapping turtles in that pond. Do not get too close to the edge, Chloe. Don't let her too close to the edge, Killian."

"No swimming. No sharp objects. No getting close to the edge. Check, check, and check."

Chloe sighs again. "Come on already."

Half an hour later, Lily texts me to say that the cake repair is taking slightly longer than expected. Chloe and I are cool, though, sitting in the grass beside the pond with her little fishing pole in the water. She was beside herself with excitement for the first fifteen minutes, but she's since declared fishing really boring.

"It's just waiting," she proclaims, standing up just so she can dramatically throw herself back down on the grass.

I can't help but laugh. "It's a lot of waiting, but then a fish will bite and it will be exciting."

Chloe scrunches up her face and gives me a "whatever" look, turning over onto her stomach in the grass and poking in the dirt with her finger. "Did you know that ants can carry their body weight? Mrs. S taught us that in science."