"But what if your brother is innocent as well? Not just your life is being ruined."

"I have cause to believe Alex's anger the night Helen died was beyond his control. I met with Helen last, and the way she described his reaction...Besides, our lives were ruined from conception. Nothing can change that."

"Well, it certainly won't change if you won't ever allow yourself to see a different way," I said, devastated by his blindness. I loved him, and he didn't love me enough to see another way. The hopelessness of standing there in firelight with him, struggling in a churning sea of pain rather than holding him, cherishing that we both yet lived after coming so close to death, was more than I could bear. I had to leave Killdaren's Castle, and I had to tell my family that I'd found Mary.

I went to the door and he didn't stop me, didn't call me back. I wanted his touch with every fiber of my being, couldn't imagine never knowing its thrill again. I couldn't imagine not hearing the timbre of his voice or facing the piercing green of his gaze. Tears fell. I turned to look at him one last time, feeling as if my insides were being twisted into knots. I wished that I could have spent one more night in his arms, loving him as woman to man, burying my hand in the silk of his hair, pressing against the heat of his body, breathing his scent, and feeling the fire of his passion.

He still faced the flames of the fire. "We'll speak in the morning about taking you to your sisters and your aunt." His voice was jagged with cutting pain. His hands were fisted at his side and I knew he hurt, that he wasn't indifferent to me. But he didn't love enough to let himself live.

I didn't say anything more. I wouldn't be here come morning, but I didn't tell him that, because I didn't have the words to say goodbye.

I entered the bedchamber I shared with Bridget, dashing at my tears. She, Prudence and Rebecca were there.

"Blimey, Cassie, what is it?"

"I...I have to go now," I said, bolstering myself.

Prudence gasped, stricken. "Surely, the Killdaren isn't asking you to leave?"

I shook my head. "He mustn't know until after I'm gone, and I will leave a note explaining why I left for you to give to him in the morning. I have to go see my sisters and my aunt at Seafarer's Inn. I have to tell them about Mary." I couldn't see Sean again and still hold onto my resolve not to beg him to love me.

But that wasn't truly possible, and I'd always known it, though I'd forgotten it. Someday I would dream of death again, and what then? What if I dreamed of his death, or the death of our child? If my own mother could step away from me at a moment like that, how could I ask a man to share that burden?

Rebecca ran up to me and I pulled her into my arms for a tight hug.

"Horseman gone. Mary's in heaven," she said.

"Yes." I hugged her tighter, glancing at the surprise on both Prudence's and Bridget's faces.

Rebecca had made a huge step, but I had to ask just a little more. I brushed her cheek gently. "Can you tell us more about the horseman and Mary, Rebecca?"

She shook her head. "Horseman came from the sea and took Mary. She cried." Tears filled her eyes then and I feared she would revert back to her hysteria. "Mum!" she called.

"I'm here, precious." Prudence enveloped Rebecca in her arms. Rebecca sighed and placed her head on Prudence's shoulder instead of screaming. We knew then that whatever trauma Rebecca had suffered that day, she was recovering well, though we might never know exactly what happened.

I looked at Bridget and Prudence and Rebecca and my heart squeezed painfully again. How could I leave them? They'd all become so dear. Seemingly reading my mind, Bridget's eyes watered, and she started fussing with the furniture, speaking very fast, as if hurting and trying to cover it up. "I'll be leaving here myself, sometime. As soon as we hear from Flora, I'm going to take my mum and my brother there and tend to my mum. The doctor's still not sure what's wrong. He doesn't think it's the consumption, but she isn't improvin' as well as she should. I think it's because she's not restin' as she ought. Keeps taking sewing to help pay for things since Flora's gone."

"Well." I swallowed hard. "You have to let me know where...Oh Bridget...You have to come to Oxford! You, your mum and your brother! You and he can...you both can get an education!"

"Real schooling? Blimey, Cassie." Bridget's eyes were brighter than stars. She shook her head, and tears filled her eyes again. "I can't go. Not yet. I can't leave Stuart to face the arrest of his mum and his brother alone. I have to help him. And I have to wait on word from Flora too."

I nodded, understanding, but still feeling as something precious kept escaping me every attempt to hold on to it. "Then later. You must come as soon as you can."

She nodded.

"And you too, Prudence. You must come to Oxford to visit me and my family. And there are teachers there that could teach Rebecca so many things that she could do."

Prudence shook her head. "No, Cassie. This is our world. Rebecca and I would be outcasts anywhere else. I know who I am and I'll not pretend to be different. Besides." She brushed a loving hand over Rebecca's head. "I don't dare leave. As long as Rebecca and I are here, he can't pretend we don't exist. He can pretend we don't matter, but he can't forget us."

I saw a sharp stab of pain in Prudence's eyes before she buried her face against Rebecca's soft hair. And I realized for the first time that all of her quiet ways, her dignity, and almost haunting beauty were because she loved a man who wouldn't return her affection.

"The earl," I whispered.

Prudence nodded.

"Casss, d-d-don't go," Rebecca cried, slipping back into her stutter.

"I have to, but I will see you again." I was determined to keep them a part of my life somehow. All of Mary's hopes for Rebecca had to come true and I wanted to see it happen, even if from afar. "I have a present for you," I told Rebecca and reached into my pocket.

Heart squeezing, I dug the pheasant shell out of my pocket and ran my finger over the M carved into its smoothness.

"Here, poppet." I took Rebecca's hand and pressed the shell into her palm.

"This is my promise that I will see you again. It is a very precious treasure and I'm going to let you keep it for me. It is a beautiful shell from the sea. And every time I see you, I'll give you another shell so that you can feel some of the wonders from the sea whenever you want to."

Coming over, Bridget looked down at the shell. "May I see it?"

Rebecca handed it to her. "Your cousin had a shell just like this, she did. Only it had a..." She looked at me, her eyes misty with sadness. "It had a C carved in it."

Bridget handed the shell back to Rebecca, who absorbed herself in running her tiny fingertips over it.

My smile trembled. "We found the shells while vacationing together when were ten and kept them all of these years to remind us of each other."

"Thank you," Prudence said. "I'll make sure she cares for it and I'll let her know how special it is when she is older."

"She'll have many more to her collection by then," I said. Though little, the pheasant shell was a big promise not to forget everyone here that Mary, and now I, held dear.

Prudence nodded. I could tell she didn't believe me, but I would prove her wrong. Maybe even one day convince her and Rebecca to come to Oxford for a visit.

"Do you need help getting your things together?" Bridget asked.

I shook my head. "I, uh, readied them earlier, after seeing the doctor. I don't have much." I was leaving with so much less than what I'd come to Killdaren's Castle with. My heart. "I do need a few minutes to write Mr. Killdaren a letter."

"And I need to get Rebecca to bed." Prudence's smile appeared forced.

"I made a promise." I hugged her and Rebecca.

"A s-s-seashell pw-w-womis-se." Rebecca held up the shell "That's right. A thousand-shell promise."

Rebecca smiled. "T-h-h-housand."

Just as soon as Prudence and Rebecca left, Bridget pulled on her blue shawl. "I'll have Stuart ready the shopping buggy and I'll ride with you to the inn, if it is all right. It'll give me time to speak to him about his mum and his brother. I was wrong, you know, about him not knowing what it was like to have his mother and brother hurting and not be able to help. He's lived his whole life that way, and I didn't realize it. All I could see was the privileges he'd gotten in life."

"I'm glad you can see differently now."

"We've been good friends for each other." Bridget was teary eyed again.

I gave her a big hug. "The best of friends. And I expect you to keep your promise to come to Oxford."

"I will. In the meantime, I'm making Stuart continue with the classes we started. I want to learn and the others do too."

"You will learn." I drew a deep breath, realizing there were so many other things that I'd be leaving undone here. How could I bear it? It was almost as if my life in Oxford never existed. So much of my heart belonged here.

Bridget nodded and started to leave. At the door she turned back toward me. "If you love him, why are you leaving?"

"Sometimes loving means you have to leave. Both people have to want the same thing, and be willing to sacrifice for it, or they can never be together."

"Like queen and Draco?"

"Yes."

"I wish we could write this differently."

"I do too."

Bridget sighed then left, leaving me with no more excuses. I gathered the pen and paper and prayed for strength. I had to force myself to do the impossible, which was to tell Sean goodbye.

Dear Sean, Forgive me for fleeing, for leaving this letter to say what I must. But I knew I wouldn't be able to say goodbye any other way. I came here looking for the truth behind Mary's death and somehow found a different truth as well: the truth I've been hiding from in my own life. In coming here to Killdaren's Castle and seeing the struggles of those who live in its shadowed walls, I learned that the advice I'd been giving to so many isn't wholly true. There are more important things in life than etiquette and propriety, and they are not found in the dictates of society. Those things are compassion, love and hope, and are found within the heart. Knowing you has brought them painfully, and beautifully, into my life and into my heart.

I have compassion for your pain, and in the depths of the night my spirit will reach out to comfort you in your darkness. You'll feel me in the wind rushing in from the sea.

My love for you will endure as long as the stars fill the heavens, for it is not bound by even the frailty of my own heart. Even though you do not hold the same depth of affection for me as I do for you, I know you felt the beauty of our union.

So this is my hope for you, which fills my heart. Don't spend your life forever beneath the shadow of a curse. Find the courage and the strength to love and to dance beneath the stars.

Eternally yours, Cassie I slipped silently from Killdaren's Castle, with my belongings and Mary's letters in an old potato sack. It was an hour before midnight, and a light fog had eased in from the sea. Its misty fingers wrapped around me, tightening the pain in my heart.

The castle loomed behind me its gray walls dim and its corridors still haunted with silence, as if I'd never been there. The gardens and maze stood before me, dark reminders of things I didn't want to remember, but would never forget. I didn't dare look at the gargoyle guarded observatory or think of the stars and what had lain beyond them in Sean's arms. The tangy salt of sea air mingled with my falling tears, and the moon, a big bright ball of it, shone brightly down, trying to show me that all was not dark with the world at the moment. I didn't want to see. The stars would never the same as before, for in a twinkling, my life had changed and Sean would be forever imprinted in the heavens as surely as if he were a constellation as large as the universe.

I gave the maze's dark hedges a wide berth, and shuddered as I passed on my way to where Bridget and Stuart waited for me at the stable. I was so absorbed in my own troubles that I had almost entered the stable before I heard the raised voices.

"I refuse to walk away from you. You have to let me help," Bridget yelled.

"No, I bloody don't, Bridget. You know what the villagers are like. They're a superstitious mob. Once word of what Jamie and my mother have done gets out, I'll be reviled, and so will anyone associated with me."

"You can't stop me," Bridget said, her voice growing louder. She stormed from the stables and nearly ran into me. Her red hair curled wildly about her face and her blue eyes were fiercely determined. "Bloody stubborn man. Can't see past his idiotic opinions, that's what. Who is he to decide what's best for me?"

I stopped and stared at Bridget a moment, wishing a little shouting could set my world aright.

Bridget smiled at me, dashing at the tears on her lashes. "Blimey, ladies don't say bloody."

I laughed a little. "Sometimes no other word will bloody well do."

Reaching Seafarer's Inn, I went up the stairs to the apartments only to find them alarmingly empty. All of my sisters and aunt's belongings were there, but they weren't. I immediately went down to the proprietor. A contrast of mussed hair and impeccably neat dress, he stood at the front desk, polishing its surface.

"Excuse me, Mr. Lloyd. Would you be able to tell me where my aunt and my sisters are at this evening? I seemed to have missed a communication with them."

"Why certainly, Miss Andrews. They are in the dining room. Viscount Blackmoor is having a private party." He looked down at my dress and cleared his throat. "Would you like for me to escort you in once you've, uh, refreshed your appearance?"

I blinked with surprise at his rudeness. Then I realized I still wore a maid's uniform. At least I didn't have on a mob cap, but I didn't dare delay to see what this private party was about. It was highly unseemly for them to be at a gentleman's private party this late. It was nearly midnight.

"No. I would like for you to escort me now."

I'm not sure what debacle I expected to intrude upon, but it wasn't a gaming den. Everyone looked up at my gasp of outrage, and there was a dead silence. I never in my life expected to see the Earl of Dartraven and Sir Warwick there with Sean's two friends, the viscount, my aunt and my sisters.

"What's your son's wench doing here?" Sir Warwick said to the earl, smiling nastily.

"So, that's the beauty Sean seduced-" Lord Ashton's sentence was cut by a jab to the ribs by Mr. Drayson.

"That's my sister," Andromeda declared, her cheeks flushed and her eyes over bright.

The blood drained from my face as the axe of a scandal fell on my head. From the shocked looks bouncing about the room, my reputation had been felled.

Chapter Twenty.

"Go ahead and spoil the surprise, Ashton." The deep voice came from behind me. Sean's luring lilt set my heart to racing, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, ushering me into the room, as his scent and warmth washed over me. "This is the beauty I'm going to marry."

I turned toward him, shocked to have his dark and vibrant countenance truly beside me. Without the backdrop of the castle's large rooms, he cut a more imposing figure than ever. His black riding pants tapered sleekly down to leather boots. His white shirt lay casually open at the neck, and he'd flung his ebony cape across a broad shoulder. My knees shook. Seeing him set my heart to racing until I realized why he'd announced to the world that he was marrying a woman whom he'd told that he didn't love and couldn't marry.

If I hadn't already been on the verge of fainting before, I was sure that I now would, just as soon as I informed a bloody stubborn male that I refused to be his noble sacrifice on the altar of propriety. I'd rather live with the scandal than marry without love.

The room erupted in noise. My sisters squealed, hurrying toward me, their walk just a tad bit unsteady. The earl winked. Sir Warwick shook his head as if he were not seeing and hearing right. Sean's friends burst into laughter, and Aunt Lavinia, her cheeks scarlet, kept looking between Sean and the viscount, fanning herself.

"No," I whispered to Sean, gritting my teeth against the yes my heart wanted to shout.

"Yes," he whispered back, iron determination lacing his hiss, and narrowing his green gaze. "Since you didn't bloody stick around for me to ask you properly, you're just going to have to wait." He nudged me toward my sisters, and I pushed back.

How did the man have the audacity to sound peeved at me! "This is..."

"The way it is," he said firmly. "Talk to your family. I have some business to attend to."

Moving away from me, his hitched gait more pronounced, Sean strode determinedly toward the viscount, who, looking grim, quickly stood. Silence descended like a death knell as all eyes riveted to the two men who were mirror images of each other-except Sean was pale and the viscount as tan as a sailor might be.

The tension filling the room gripped me, made me feel that at any second Sean and his brother were going to explode. The men were so charismatic that there honestly wasn't room for the both of them in the small den. It was easy to see how their countenances had perpetuated the rumors of the curse. They were like warrior gods of legendary lore, preparing to battle for the world.

"I'm dissolving the pact." Sean voice was tight and sharp.

"I see," the viscount drawled, matching Sean's antagonism with a deceptive ease. "It wasn't my idea, so I am glad to see it end."

"As soon as I can arrange my affairs, I'll be leaving here with Cassie. If you and I never see each other, and live a country apart, perhaps we can change fate."

The viscount looked as if he flinched then nodded. "As you wish."