"This feels like a nightmare," I say. "Why? How? It's crazy to think that maybe Brian never was a threat."

Maybe our relationship wasn't fake. I mean, it was never fake to me. My feelings for him were real. Maybe it was real to him too.

"Kihanna," Gabe says. "Don't get your hopes up about him. We don't know anything yet. No matter what, he did go through a lot of trouble to make this video. Whatever his reasoning is, it can't be good."

I nod.

He's right.

Still, I want Brian's intention to be pure, because that would mean that what I felt for him was love. And if I loved Brian, maybe I love Ty.

I wish I knew what love really was.

"I need to talk to Brian," I tell Gabe. "Maybe I can find him-"

"Absolutely not," Gabe says. "Just because he wasn't the one who broke in that night doesn't mean he's not your stalker. He's involved somehow. And he admitted to killing all those people. He's not safe, and there is no way I'm letting you put yourself in danger."

"Fine," I say.

"Promise me you won't try to find him."

"I promise," I say. But that doesn't mean I won't let him come to me. Sooner or later, he will, and when he does, I will be ready to listen. Not because he deserves it, but because I need to know.

8 p.m.

Nobody has died. Yet.

Gabe gets to work on trying to find the missing piece of the video, and I head back to my room. Just as I walk inside, I get a text from Carter. It's a group text with him and Andrea.

Carter: Julie dumped me. We need to hang out because I want to not think about her.

Andrea: :( I'm sorry. Let's go get food. Food always helps me feel better after I get dumped.

Kihanna: I'm sorry too, Carter. I agree with Andrea. Food makes everything better.

Twenty minutes later, Carter, Andrea, and I are sitting in the back booth at our favorite diner and Carter is crying into his ice cream. Seeing him cry makes me want to cry.

Carter and Julie had been together for five years. He thought he was going to marry her. That's got to be tough. They were a cute couple, but obviously they had issues with the distance.

Andrea puts her hand on Carter's back and pats him awkwardly.

"Maybe you'll get back together," she says.

This causes Carter to sob harder. "She's... seeing... somebody... else."

"Oh," she says.

"She's probably already slept with him," he says. "We were supposed to be each other's first and last. He will never be her first."

"I bet the dude is ugly," Andrea says, trying to comfort Carter.

"He's a model. An underwear model," he says, unlocking his phone. "I Googled him."

He holds out the phone so we can see the guy that Julie is now dating.

The guy is hot.

"You're way better looking," I lie. I so lie. I'm not going to tell Carter that this model is hotter than he is. Besides, looks don't matter. Carter is an awesome guy. I doubt this new guy would hang out with me just playing video games, or listen to me complain about Ty and Gabe. If I was attracted to Carter, I would totally date him. But I'm not.

Andrea snorts. "On what planet? This guy is a hunk."

I kick her leg hard under the table.

"Ouch," Carter says.

"Sorry. That kick was for Andrea," I say, giving her a look.

"Kihanna, you don't have to sugarcoat it for me," he says. "I know that this guy is better looking. He has that whole six pack thing going on. And, you know, biceps."

"Who needs a six pack and biceps?" I ask.

"I do," Andrea says. "Or, you know, I need a man with them."

I give her another sharp look. "Andrea, you're not helping."

She shrugs. "I'm just keeping it real. If you want to win her back, you need to get hot. The school has a gym that is free for students to use. Why don't you hit it up? Then you can look like him."

"You're right," Carter says.

"No, she's not," I say. "If you want to work out, then do it. But don't do it to win Julie back. Do it for you. Because if Julie is vain and only wants to date this guy because he's hot, then she's obviously not a good girl to have."

"Even if you don't want Julie back, it would be awesome revenge," Andrea says.

Next time I have a bad breakup, I am so not calling Andrea. She gives bad advice.

"Carter, I think you're fine the way you are," I say. "So what you're not an underwear model. Not all girls are into that kind of guy. Just be yourself. If Julie and you are meant to be, she will come back to you eventually. If not, then you will find a girl who loves you just the way you are. Don't work out to win her back or get revenge. Work out because you want to or don't do it at all. Honestly, if Julie doesn't realize what a catch you are, she doesn't deserve you anyway."

"Aw, that's sweet," Andrea says. "Kihanna is right."

"Thanks, Kihanna," Carter says.

"Oh, my God!" Andrea says, grinning big. "I just realized, all three of us are single now."

"So?" I ask.

"So... We can do fun single stuff now," she says.

"How is that any different than before?" Carter asks. "Julie lives in LA so we always went out and did stuff. The only difference now is that I'm single." He frowns. "I'm single. This sucks." He pushes his bowl of ice cream away and puts his head on the table.

I've had my fair share of bad breakups, but I obviously have no idea what he's feeling. He dated Julie for five years. I've never dated anybody for more than three or four months at one time. I can't imagine spending so much of my life with one person, planning the future, only to have the future ripped away before it's even started.

Poor Carter.

"At least your ex isn't stalking you," Andrea says.

I jerk my head over and look at her.

Does she know about Brian? How could she know? I didn't tell her.

"Didn't your ex-boyfriend stalk you last year?" she asks, noticing the look on my face.

"Oh, yeah, he did," I say.

"It could always be worse," Andrea says.

True. And I'm saying that right now. Because what's happening to me sucks, but it's not nearly as bad as last year. At least this time, nobody has died.

Yet.

Wednesday, November 10 4 p.m.

Very complicated.

I retook my math test. This time, when I was taking it, I didn't feel like I was completely drowning in a sea of equations, so I feel better about the odds. Now I won't have to stress about finals as much.

Nope, I'm still stressed. Just thinking about finals makes me feel sick to my stomach.

After my test, when I'm walking to my car, I run into Micah.

I've kind of been ignoring him since Monday. Not just him. I've just been ignoring my phone in general. I know that Gabe fixed my phone so nobody is seeing what I'm texting, but I'm still paranoid. I don't want Micah involved in the craziness that is my life.

Plus, I am a big chicken. I don't want to tell Micah that I'm not interested in dating him right now. I'm scared he won't want to be my friend, and that would suck. I like having him in my life, just not as a potential boyfriend.

"Hey, Kihanna," Micah greets me.

"Hey."

"How is everything, you know, with the whole stalker thing?" he asks.

I sigh. "Very complicated."

Complicated doesn't even begin to describe it. Since Gabe and I watched that video, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Brian. I've been wondering if he really is innocent. I just need to know why he tampered with the video to make himself look guilty.

"I want to help as much as I can," he says.

"There really isn't anything to do," I tell him. "Right now I am focusing on staying safe. I guess the cops will handle the rest."

"Good," he says. "So, Chelsea and Simon have been asking about you. You haven't been to practice or any of our shows since Halloween."

"I know. I'm sorry. Things have been crazy with moving into my apartment and everything with my ex," I say.

"Your ex? Ty?" Micah asks.

"Brian," I clarify. Though, it has been a little crazy with Ty.

"Right," he says. "I keep forgetting that you used to date your stalker."

"I wish I could forget." At least forget the bad.

"You kind of have bad luck with relationships," he says.

I laugh. "Yeah, I do."

"We need to hang out again," he says.

"Definitely," I say.

"I get the feeling that you're really not into me," he says. "We don't have to date, but I do want to at least be your friend."

"I can handle friends," I say, feeling relieved. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings and now I won't have to.

"We have a show this weekend on campus," Micah says. "I forgot which sorority, but I'll text you the details later. Come. Bring all your friends, and ex-boyfriends, but maybe not your stalker. It'll be fun."

"Okay," I say. "I will."

"I've got to get to class, so I'll see you later," he says.

"Later."

6 p.m.

Sweet dreams.

When I leave campus, I go straight to the gym, mostly because I hope that Brian will show up. After an hour of working out, I am disappointed when I get to my car and he's not there waiting for me.

Heading straight home, I'm still hoping that Brian shows up somehow.

What will I even say when I talk to him again? I want to know why, but how will I ever believe anything he says? I'm not sure what the truth is and what's a lie when it comes to him. I just know that I need answers-truthful answers.

When I pull into the parking garage at my apartment building, I notice there is a car parked in our extra spot. For a second I think maybe it's Brian, until I see the Berkeley parking tag. Though, maybe he got a tag. He is pretty resourceful.

I walk towards the elevator and ride up to my floor. The door is unlocked, so I walk inside, locking it behind me. Just because Brian might not be stalking me doesn't mean I'm safe. Somebody is stalking me, and I want to protect myself, even though a locked door won't do much to keep them out.

As I walk into the living room, I notice there are two people sitting on the couch.

Gabe and Amber.

They're sitting really close, and part of me wants to go sit right in between them. I push my jealous thoughts aside, for now, and walk into the living room.