CHAPTER 86.

I SPUN, as Amadhia sang. And Chuckie faded away.

While Amadhia sang, Martini floated away from me or I floated away from him. I wasn't sure which.

Wanted to tell them all I loved them and would miss them, but I couldn't. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I didn't want to forget where I'd been.

If I was going home, that was wonderful. But what if I didn't remember everyone? What if they didn't remember me?

I'll never see Stripes again. Or c.o.x. Or Charlie and Max.

I'll never see Mom again.

Should I try to stay? They needed me. I'd helped. I'd saved them, saved the world.

Should I try to go back? I could make it work. Maybe. But if I stayed, I'd never see Charlie or Max again.

But if I stayed, I'd never see Jeff again. Or the flyboys. Or Mom. And all the rest of my friends and family. It was a heartbreak beat I was on. Lose one life, gain another. I couldn't have both.

I can't have both. Even if I want both. I have to choose. The heartbreak beat goes on.

Take care of them for me, like I took care of them for you.

Remember them for me, and I'll remember you for them.

It didn't just feel like love.

It was love. It still is.

Always remember.

Never forget.

CHAPTER 87.

THE FEELING OF FLOATING stopped and I blinked. The song was over. Looked around. I was still here, still in the Big Top. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, feel relieved, or feel cheated.

"Hey, I almost lost you there." A man took my hand in his. I knew the sound of his voice and the feel of his hand, and I spun toward him.

Charles smiled at me. "Ready to keep on dancing or do you want to go back with the others and dance with the kids?"

"Others? Kids?" Looked around. There were no gorgeous people in Armani suits in evidence, no politicians. It just looked like a typical casual Australian crowd.

"Kitty?" He looked worried. "Are you okay?"

"I might be. Have I been . . . odd . . . over the past couple of weeks?"

"Odder than you normally were? No."

"Huh. So you didn't notice anything off about me?"

He pulled me closer. "Are you okay? I'm not sure what you're trying to get me to say, especially not in a crowd. Are you trying to give me some kind of danger hint?"

"What do you do for a living?"

He sighed. "You know what I do."

"No, I don't. Well, I didn't. I do now. I'm pretty sure."

He stared at me. "How many weddings did we have?"

"Three. One in Vegas, one in France, and one in Australia. 'Cause someone wanted to make extra sure I wasn't going to change my mind."

"How long were you in labor with Max?"

"Two hours. He almost got delivered in the back of Peter's car."

He moved me and studied my wedding ring. Then he looked back at me and smiled slowly. "If I kiss you, really kiss you, what are you going to do?"

"Try me and find out."

He did. We made out while Amadhia sang her next song, whatever it was.

Charles ended our kiss slowly. "I thought I'd lost you forever."

"Me too. Are the kids here?"

"They are. And we have a lot to tell you about. But first off, we have several new residents and a cat."

"We got a cat?"

"Yeah, he's named Stripes. Jamie loves him."

"She does?"

"She does. You fixed her."

"You mean my Cosmic Alternate did."

"As far as we're all concerned now, you did it. And, I'll tell you what else you did while you were on vacation. Oh, and I work for the C.I.A. And I love you more than I can ever tell you, but I'm going to try to give you a good idea as soon as this concert's over and we're home in bed."

I laughed as we headed toward where I could see our family, arms around each other. "It is you. Oh, and I have news, too."

"Yeah? What?"

"We're pregnant. Number four is going to arrive nine months from a couple weeks ago, which was the last time we did the deed, right before all the cosmos broke loose."

"Isn't it too early to tell?"

"Not where I was."

"I'm going to not be jealous and just wait for the story."

"See? You're still the smartest man in every room."

Charles laughed and kissed me again as we reached the others. Stryker, my Stryker, was there, along with my James. And a cute young guy I'd never seen before who looked like he was in the military.

The kids squirmed out of the men's arms and ran to me and I held them for what definitely wasn't a long enough time. "I missed you all so much," I murmured.

"We missed you, too, Mommy," Charlie said.

"I missed you more," Max claimed.

"I'm sorry it took so long to bring you home, Mommy," Jamie said, sounding guilty.

Hugged them all more tightly. "It's all okay, and it all worked out, and we're together again and we will never, ever be apart."

Heard a soft mewling and all of a sudden, a cute ball of fluff was sitting on Jamie's head. "Gershom! You came with me!" The Poof purred, hopped onto my shoulder, nuzzled me, then disappeared. But it was here, with me. Meaning everything that had happened was all real and I'd have something with me to remind me of the world I'd gotten to visit.

Stood up and the young military guy gave me a funny smile. "Ma'am, my name is William c.o.x, but you can call me Bill. Or, if you feel like it, Lunatic Lad. Or Moneypenny. Though I prefer Bill."

"There's a story behind that, isn't there?"

He grinned. "There is. And we all can't wait to tell it to you."

CHAPTER 88.

I BLINKED. Thought I'd spun away from Chuckie but I was still here, in the Big Top Auditorium in Australia. Amadhia was still on stage. "Heartbreak Beat" had finished and she was doing another cover, this time with a dude singing harmony. Recognized it. Panic! At The Dicso's "New Perspective." Liked the song. They did a fine cover of it.

Felt let down and kind of bittersweet. Thought I'd been going home, but apparently not. So, I'd be here a while longer. Okay. I could handle that. Sorta.

A man grabbed my hand. "Almost lost you." I knew the feel of his hand, and I knew his voice.

Spun to see Jeff standing there. "Um, am I awake?"

"I think so, yeah." His brow wrinkled. "Are you okay?"

"Pretty sure I am now." Jumped into his arms and kissed him.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jeff moved me away and put me down gently, without really kissing me back.

"Are you okay?" Put my hand onto his chest. Yep, he had two hearts. This was my Jeff. "Did you happen to, ah, miss me? At all? Over the past, oh, couple of weeks?" Hoped that was why he'd shoved me away, because he still thought I was Other Me. Tried to send an emotional clue, but he'd have his blocks up in a crowd this size, and besides, my emotions were extremely jumbled right now.

Jeff was studying me and I could tell he was concentrating. He looked closely at my wedding ring, then looked back at me and smiled slowly. "You're not pregnant."

"Nope. At least as far as I know."

He pulled me up into his arms and kissed me, for real this time. As I wrapped my legs around his waist, it felt like the first time, only different-better, because I hadn't been sure if I'd ever feel his kiss again. His lips were soft and demanding, his tongue owned mine, and, as he wrapped me up in his arms, I allowed myself to accept that this was real and that I was really home.

We made out through the entire song. And then the next couple as well. It was all I could do not to grind against him or rip his clothes off. But we were in a big crowd, so I managed to control myself. Barely.

Jeff ended our fantastic kiss slowly. "I missed you, baby. But just so you know, you saved the day and everything's fixed."

"You mean Other Me did that."

"I do. But as far as most of the world is concerned, it was all you."

What he'd said registered. "Was she pregnant?"

"Yes. It'll be their fourth."

"Yeah, I know. You know, if we hurried up, we could, um, catch up and maybe, you know, coordinate."

Jeff laughed. "I'm willing to try as much as possible, just to make you happy."

"As it should be. Now, I'd like to see our daughter and my mother. And then I want to see everyone else, especially the flyboys. And your dad."

"Oh? Why?"

"I have a story they're going to appreciate. Oh, and I need to get a really good three-way mirror set."

"Why?"

"I made a promise."

"To whom?"

"Mommy!" Saw Jamie in Mom's arms. But that was only for a second. She was out of Mom's arms and in mine in less than a moment. Hyperspeed, it was the greatest.