Julia paused to think a moment. Then she went on. "Sometimes I feel sorry for men. We teach them one thinga"and then expect quite another."

Julia sighed and stirred her tea.

"You know, I was secretly hoping that I would have a son. I wanted toa"well, to break the rules. To raise a boy free to express love and tenderness. I don't mean I'd want him to be a sissy. It takes a strong man to be tender. John is that, but he still has a hard time expressing it. He justa"he just holds mea"comforts mea"but he can't seem to say how he really feels. If I didn't know him so well, I wouldn't understand."

Julia raised her cup and sipped.

"But I didn't have a son. I had twin girlsa"and how I thank G.o.d for them. John and I wanted more children, but, well, G.o.d knows best. I am blessed indeed. Two girlsa"and a wonderful husband."

Julia fell silent, allowing the young woman some time to ponder.

At length Anna raised her head and looked into Julia's eyes. "You know, don't you? That something isa"is wrong betweena"" She could not go on. Her eyes filled with tears and her head lowered. She bit a quivering lip between even white teeth.

"I guessed," said Julia softly. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"It's justa"justa"well, it isn't what I expected it to be," the young woman finished with a burst of tears.

"It never is," responded Julia.

Anna's head came up. She looked surprised.

"We expect romance, flowers, love songs," said Julia; "instead, we get dirty dishes, laundry, and silence."

"But I thoughta""

"And he thought," said Julia. "I suppose he expected things like welcome-home kisses, favorite pie, and slippers. Instead, he got broken plumbing, mounting bills, and complaints."

Anna dug for a handkerchief.

"If only there were some way to prepare for reality rather than romance," Julia went on, "marriage would have a much better chance."

"Are you saying there is no romance?"

"Oh my, no! There is romance. Our problem is that we want it all to be romance. And we want fulfillmenta"a perfect relationshipa"immediately. In reality we must first know each other, learn from each other, protect and support each other. We must build together. Work together. Marriage is hard work. The hardest task we will likely ever undertake. And then when we are well on the way to accomplishing some of those thingsa"then we experience the real romancea"the excitement of fulfillment and shared love. More exciting than we ever dreamed."

Julia's face was shining as she spoke the words.

That's how it had been for her and John. She loved him morea"was more sure of his love for hera"at the present than at any other time in their marriage, and they had enjoyed many good years together.

"I guess I thoughta"I guess I wanted it alla"romance, fulfillmenta"right from the start," Anna said. "Whya"why can't it be that way? I meana"I loved hima""

"And I'm sure he loved you. Loves you. But it takes time to work through the sharing of that lovea"to figure out how love works."

Julia leaned from the swing and plucked a flower from the nearby bush.

"See this rosebud?" She held it out to Anna. "It's perfect. So new, so full of promise and color. Someday it will be a full flower. Beautiful, fragrant. But just suppose I want it that way now. So I take the petals and force them to open up, to be maturea"now. What will happen?"

Anna waited.

"I'd spoil it," Julia said. "I would crush and bruise it, and it would just wilt and die. It takes time to reach full-flower," Julia continued. "We must nurture it, not rush it. It will happen if we are patienta"and loving."

The young woman blinked away her remaining tears.

"Here," said Julia, handing the rose to Anna, "there is a vase in the hall for it. Place the rose in your room and give it care. Watch it unfolda"slowlya"naturallya"fully."

She patted the young girl's shoulder and moved to gather up the tea things.

Anna smiled. "Thank you," she whispered. "Ia"I will try. To be patienta"and loving. I promise."

"That's all we can do," responded Julia. "Try. Try with all our might." She walked away with a prayer that the young man might also be willing to try.

Chapter Seventeen.

Heavy Thoughts John was not sleeping well. His mind was troubled in spite of his faith in his G.o.d, in his Jule. Things were not going as planned. The summer had turned to fall and they'd had only one paying customer. All of the reserve money was gone.

The garden had been good again. John breathed a prayer of thanks for that. But even so, they needed many items that the garden could not produce. John wondered how they would manage to purchase them.

There was also the matter of the girls' education. Another school year was drawing near. The girls needed more than Jule could teach them in home lessons. They were quickly becoming young women, and John and Julia wanted them to have a proper educationa"perhaps college if they were interested.

John shifted under the blankets, unable to find a comfortable position. Beside him, Julia breathed evenly. He was glad he wasn't keeping her awake with his tossing.

Oh, G.o.d, he prayed silently as he had many times before, show me what to do. Please, show me what to do. It would break Jule's heart to leave herea"this house. I could never offer her a house like this again. But we can't go on living like thisa"no income to speak ofa"nor much hope of anya"and so many needs for the family.

Help me, too, when I talk to Jule about our future. Give me the right words. Oh, G.o.d! I need you so much!

John lay in the darkness thinking about their circ.u.mstances. Perhaps he could find work at another mill. His old boss had written him on a number of occasions urging him to leave Calder Springs and join him at the new mill site. Perhaps some position would still be opena"though John was sure they had found a foreman by now. Stilla"any job would be better than no job.

John rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. The moon must be bright tonight, he mused. Then he thought about how easily his mind slipped to other things. He let his gaze go to the window. Light sifted in around the edges of the full velvet drapes. He was tempted to rise from bed and take a stroll outside to see the mountain valley by full moonlight.

It must be pretty out there tonight, he thought. The cry of some night creature interrupted his thoughts. It was followed by the hoot of an owl. John visualized the scene. The owl, hungry and in need of food for its growing family. The small nighttime animal being caught off guard. The speed of the owl, as with one silent and powerful swoop it split the air, grasped the victim with outstretched talons, and, hardly slowing its speed, continued on to its nest.

Tonight John's empathy was with the owl. He knew the desperation of trying to provide for a family.

"We do what we have to do," he muttered.

Julia stirred. John wanted to reach out and take her in his armsa"not for her comfort, but for his. But he did not want to wake her. She too was carrying a heavy burden and needed her rest. John turned so he could watch her in the moonlight, and his thoughts began to mellow.

It's a marvel we have made it this fara"and with no debts. I don't know how she does it. Keeps food on the tablea"and the girls cared for.

Then John remembered noticing the girls at the supper table that evening. Their dresses were getting tight and short. Julia had let out all the seams and let down all the hems. There was no more room for growtha"but the girls kept growing.

"They will soon be done with their growing," Julia had a.s.sured him with a careful little laugh. "They are as tall as I am now. Girls don't grow much after they reach their age."

John hoped Julia was right. She had no more bolts of material in the upstairs sewing room from which to sew new dresses.

The clock in the downstairs hall chimed three o'clock. John changed his position once more. He had to get some sleep. But sleep wouldn't come. It's no use, he finally sighed. I might as well do something useful.

John slipped out of bed and headed downstairs. The moon bathed the hallway and the stairs with enough light for him to find his way. He went first to the kitchen for a drink and then to his desk in the library.

He drew out a sheet of writing paper, dipped his pen in the ink well, and began a letter to his former boss. He would tell Jule his thoughts at the first opportunity.

"Look!" cried Felicity, as they dressed the next morning.

Jennifer looked, though she didn't seem too concerned.

"Look how tight this bodice is getting. I feel soa"so conspicuous in it. Doesn't it bother you?"

Jennifer nodded. Ill-fitting dresses bothered her too. But she didn't see any sense in fussing about them. There was really nothing her folks could do.

"Jen, do you really think Mama is going to make it?"

"What do you mean?" asked Jennifer, hoping she wouldn't need to answer the question.

"Do you really think this will ever be a resort town?"

"I don't know," answered Jennifer. "Mama has worked awfully hard to make it one."

"I know, but some things are impossiblea"even for Mama."

Jennifer smiled. It was one of their shared jokes. They never spoke of it to any other person. That would have been disrespectful. But through the years, they had joked with each other about their mother's need to fix things. "Let Mama do it," they would tease. "Just give it to Mama," "Bet Mama could fix it," and "Have you shown it to Mama?" as though there was not a thing in the world Julia couldn't manage, either by coaxing or by coercion.

"Well, we mustn't give up yet," whispered Jennifer. "Mama hasn't."

Felicity shrugged. "I think some of the other ladies have almost given up. Did you see Mrs. Shannon yesterday?"

Jennifer nodded. She had noticed the strained, hopeless look in the woman's face.

"Maybe she was just tired. She has so many children to care fora"she must feel like the old woman in the shoe."

Felicity tied the bow at the waist of her dress. She had already forgotten about Mrs. Shannon. She studied herself in the mirror. "You know," she said to her twin, "I get more and more thankful for big ap.r.o.ns."

Jennifer laughed. Hettie's big ap.r.o.ns worked well to hide one's appearance, but they were not very becoming to young figures.

"We'd better get down to breakfast," Jennifer said with a quick glance at the clock. "Mama will be calling us if we don't hurry."

The day's mail brought a letter. The Harrigans were to have more house guests. Julia breathed prayers of thanks all the way home from the post office.

"We needed this one so badly, Lord," she explained. Then added, "But of course you knew that. Thank you, Lord. Thank you."

She hurried home to share her good news. "Hettie," she cried as soon as she entered the hall. "Hettie, good news. We have another family coming. A couple with two grown daughters. Next week. We only have a couple days to prepare."

Hettie appeared, wiping her hands on her ap.r.o.n. Julia had to repeat her words.

Felicity and Jennifer were called from the garden to hear the good news. John and Tom were off hauling more firewood so they would have to wait to find out.

"When are they coming?" asked Felicity.

"Monday," replied Julia, her eyes aglow.

"How long will they stay?" asked Jennifer.

"They are a bit undecided. They may stay for two weeks or morea"if they like it here."

Felicity and Jennifer exchanged glances. They loved Calder Springs, but it didn't have much to offer folks who were used to excitement.

"We must get ready. Hettie, check the pantry. We'll have to make a trip to Mr. Perry's store and buy what we need on credit."

Then Julia had another thought. "Let's plan the daily menus, Hettie, and only purchase for one day at a timea"that way if they leave sooner than expecteda"" Julia left the sentence unfinished. There was no sense in purchasing supplies and then ending up with no income to pay for them.

Hettie smiled at Julia's burst of energy. She was glad they were to have guests, but she still secretly wondered how long they could hang on.

"How far did you get with the weeding?" Julia asked the girls.

"There aren't many weeds," Felicity replied. "We have been over that garden so often this summer."

"Then let the rest go. I want you to freshen the three guest rooms. Open the windows wide and turn back the bedding. Do the floors and the dusting and clean the bathroom."

Felicity was tempted to remind her mother that they had been through the procedure enough times to know what to do, but she held her tongue. Julia was excited. She had to vent her emotions by taking charge.

The girls turned to do as bidden, Felicity chattering to Jennifer as they left.

"I think I'll run down and tell John," Julia said to Hettie as she followed her to the kitchen. She removed her uptown slippers and put on the gardening shoes from behind the door. Then she reached for her gardening bonnet and hurried off.

"John! John!" called Julia as soon as she was within earshot. John spun around, afraid something was wrong at home.

Julia quickly dispelled his fears. "Good news," she called, waving the white envelope.

John walked toward his wife, brushing the sawdust and bits of clinging bark from his shirt as he moved.

"A letter," called Julia. "We are having more guests."

She was so excited that John decided to say nothing to dampen her spirit. He knew, however, that it would take many more guests to meet the family's growing needs. He forced a smile. "When?" he asked.

"Monday!" exclaimed Julia. She was out of breath from hurrying.

"Here, sit down," John urged her, indicating a fallen log. "Catch your breatha"then tell me all about it."

Julia sata"but she did not wait to catch her breath.

"Next Monday," she hurried on. "A couplea"and two girlsa"grown girls. They plan on a couple of weeksa"but may stay much longera"if they like it. They'll like it. It's soa"so beautiful here." Julia let her eyes travel over the scene before her. She gazed at the sweeping valley with the silver curve of the river, the shimmer of the distant lake, the slopes of nearby mountains rising up to join rugged crags and rocky peaks still covered by glacial ice.