"Some things don't change," Jason said. He scooped a handful of dirt from around the kaedo's roots. "This -- the land -- that doesn't change. You put work and love into it, and it gives you food and fruit and flowers and beauty. The things you do with your hands and your mind and your body don't change. Making things grow -- the importance of that doesn't change. I mean, things change, sure, but their importance -- what they mean -- that doesn't change much. Sunlight, the earth, water, children. Making life."

"Making life," Quilla said. She smiled. "I guess that's stability enough, for now. Come on, if I don't get you back in time for lunch, Laur will have my head."

"That's one thing that doesn't change, either," Jason said, and they walked back to the Tor.

After she left, though, he realized that he still didn't know her answer. He ate his lunch and thought about weddings. Cault Tereth was a long way away.

"Unplug me," Quilla said. Hoku looked at her and frowned.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Marrying Tabor?"

"I don't know."

Hoku thought about that for a moment. "Want to talk about it?"

"No. Unplug me."

"Well, you're going to listen about it." Hoku stood and walked to her window. She pushed aside the curtains and glanced around, then let them fall in place again. "Tabor's after you to marry him, and Mish and Jason are pushing you to do it."

"Not Jason. So what?"

"So maybe you shouldn't." Hoku came back to her desk and perched on its side, staring at Quilla. "There's nothing wrong with being alone."

"Except being lonely."

"Got nothing to do with marriage. You don't need to be alone to be lonely."

"You don't like Tabor."

"I like him. I like you. I like Hetch, too, but that doesn't mean I'm about to marry him, or marry you to him. Some people come in pairs, some don't."

Quilla felt her nose turn red, and she glared at Hoku. "And I'm one of the ones who's supposed to come alone, is that it? I'm not allowed not to be lonely, I don't even get a chance to try it, do I?"

Hoku snorted. "Get off. I thought you gave up melodrama years ago."

"Damn it, Hoku!"

"You want to marry Tabor, go ahead. He's a good man, he'll do his best."

"You make him sound like a biostat."

"I'd trust a biostat more than a marriage."

Quilla jumped up. "Besides, I didn't say I was going to do it."

"You're thinking about it."

"I can think about any damned thing I please!"

"Thinking with your cunt?"

Quilla folded her arms and glared down at the doctor.

"I'm not exactly Taine Alendreu, am I? Men don't go chasing me down the streets with their tongues hanging out of their mouths. Maybe when I find one man blind enough to think I'm attractive, I should grab onto him. He may be unique, you know."

"It's that important?"

"I don't know." Quilla slumped into the chair, put her feet on Hoku's desk, and shoved her hands in her pockets. "I don't want to fight with you, Hoku. I don't want to fight with anyone. Even myself. Why shouldn't I marry Tabor, if I want to?"

"Do you want to?"

"Don't start that argument again. Why shouldn't Tabor marry me?"

"Don't know."

"Then what are you arguing about?"

Hoku sat in her own chair and put her feet on the desk. She and Quilla looked at each other over their toes.

"I don't think you'd be marrying Tabor, and he wouldn't be marrying you," Hoku said. "I think you've got this picture in your mind that's maybe one-fourth Tabor Grif and three-quarters what you want him to be, what you think he is. Has little to do with what Tabor thinks he is or wants to be. If you're going to tie your life up with someone else, you should at least know what you're doing."

"I know his faults."

"Not a question of faults. Question of expectations."

"We've all got expectations."

"Some more realistic than others. And Tabor wouldn't be marrying you, either."

Quilla put her feet down. "Hart says that Mish and Tabor were lovers.

Maybe they still are."

"Hart's got a malicious computer for a brain. They were never lovers."

"How do you know?"

"I'm a doctor. I'm not going to tell you that."

Quilla twisted in her chair. "I thought that maybe Tabor wants to marry me because it's the nearest he can get to Mish."

Hoku pursed her lips. "Close, but not close enough. He's not in love with Mish, not anymore. Not that much. Tabor's in love with all of you, every Kennerin around. Except Hart, but I'm willing to concede even that."

Quilla caught her breath. She walked to the sink and poured herself a cup of water, and brought it back to the desk.

"In other words, Tabor only loves me because I'm a Kennerin. He doesn't find me attractive either, then, not all by myself."

"Is it that important? To be attractive? To be beautiful? I'm not."

"I'm twenty-one, Hoku! I don't like being ugly."

"You're not ugly. Stupid sometimes, but not ugly."

"Don't feed me that. I know what I look like."

"You don't. You look in the mirror and want to see Taine, and you're upset when you don't. You're not beautiful. But you're not ugly, either.

You're Quilla, that's all Besides, that's not the point."

"And the point is?"

"Hell should I know?" Hoku grinned. "I just want you to think about what you're doing, is all."

"Will you unplug me?"

"You getting married?"

'"I don't know!"'

"Back where we started from. That's what I hate about you Kennerins -- when you're stubborn, you do it in circles."

Hoku went to the cabinet and opened drawers, and when she turned around she held a scalpel.

"Come on, I haven't got all day," she said.

Quilla pushed her chair to the exam table, sat down, and stretched her arm along the table's surface, palm up. Hoku poked at the tan flesh of her forearm, frowning, then splashed some anesthetic on the arm and made a small incision. She pulled out a capsule, put it on the table, and closed the incision with two stitches. Quilla flexed her arm.

"Give it a week for the last of it to get through your system, and you'll be fecund," Hoku said.

Quilla pulled her sleeve down and fastened it at her wrist. "What do I owe you?"

"Your tanberries are ripe now, aren't they? I could use a kilo or two."

"I'll send Meya down with them this afternoon. Anything else?"

"A promise."

Quilla looked at the doctor.

"You've only got yourself, Quilla. Everything else is external, out of you. Just your body, just your mind. You can lend yourself around, try to give pieces of yourself to people or things. Just remember that all you've got is you, and be careful what you do with it."

"All right."

"Promise."

"Hoku, I'm not a child anymore."

"Promise."

"Sweet Mother, you're a stubborn old bird. I promise, all right? Cross my heart and make this vow, it will last forever, I will always keep to it, I will break it never. There, satisfied?"

"Satisfied. Is Hetch coming in today?"

"Sometime tonight, I think."

"Tell him I want to see him. He's probably off his diet."

Quilla grinned and closed the door behind her. Heatwaves rose from the streetstones. Her arm began to sting.

Hetch came in at sunset. Tham's pregnant wife was already at the port, two children clinging to her pants and another in her arms. They swooped around Tham as he came out of the shuttle. Bakar swore at them and held out his hand. Jes put a stein of beer into it. Merkit called a greeting in kasiri and swung off toward the native village. But Hetch stared around the pad, his face downcast. Jes touched his arm.

"Something wrong, Captain?"

"Jason and Mish around? I've got to talk to the directors."

"We're all here, and supper's waiting."

The mention of food didn't dispel the captain's gloominess, which persisted through greetings, supper, and into the evening. Jes had grown, he noticed. Hart wasn't home. Good. Hart made him feel nervous. Meya was growing up beautiful. It didn't make him any happier. After dinner they trooped into the living room. Jason closed the doors and opened the brandy Hetch had brought. Hetch emptied his glass with one gulp and Jason refilled it.

"Manny?" Jason said.

"I'm busted," Hetch said. Quilla and Jes looked at him, their faces serious. On the couch Meya slept, her head on Quilla's lap.

"Busted?" Jason said. "Bankrupt? I don't see how. The 'Zimania' sap is pulling a huge profit, and you must make a fair profit yourself. You added three new ships last year, and you've still got the monopoly in West Wing, don't you?"

Hetch shook his head. "You're six months behind, Jase. I've got one ship now, the 'Folly', and it's the oldest of the bunch. Parallax, over on Mi Patria, moved into the third and fourth sub-sectors, and they're big enough to undercut my rates. Matter of loyalty to an old shipper over profit with a new one. You know how that always ends. And they're warring over in sub-seven, too."

"So?"

"So 'Balclutha' and 'Obregon' were docked at Grey's Landing, unloading spices, when Monde Nuveau came through the grab and cindered the entire southern continent. Lost both ships, two damned fine captains, both crews, and cargo. The 'Peri' was lost last quarter going through tau to East Wing. I'm left with 'Folly' and she's due for scrapping three runs from now, I've got contracts that I can't handle with one ship and Parallax is scooping them up.

The insurance companies on Althing Green are refusing to pick up on the loss of 'Balclutha' and 'Obregon'. Claim that losses in war are no province of theirs, and I don't have the capital to take it before the Tribunal." Hetch reached for his brandy. "And that, Kennerin, is why I'm late and don't have your new bailers. 'Peri' was going to pick them up. The other two are gone, and 'Folly' can barely make it through tau in West Wing. If I tried to put her through inter-tau, she'd shatter." He stared into the glass. "Luck," he said, and drained the brandy.

"We're left with a barn full of sap and no way to get it to market,"

Jason said.

Mish picked up her glass. "Is Parallax planning runs out this way?"

"No. They've got sub-three and -four, and they'll probably move into two and five next, then one and eight. Seven they can ignore; there's nothing there, anyway. Nine'll be last on their list. They probably won't get here for another ten, maybe eleven years standard."