"Stuart was my boyfriend freshman year of high school. Ryan decided to bring him up now for no good reason."

"What brings you to Brooklyn?"

"I start nursing school on Monday. Long Island University."

"Isn't that in Long Island?"

I knew where it was.

"No, there's a Brooklyn campus. It's actually not far from the apartment."

"With your fear of subways, that's a good thing," Ryan said.

Wait. What?

"What's this, now?" I asked.

"Thanks, a lot, Ryan," Nina said. Her face was turning redder by the second.

He apologized to her, and she tried to change the subject, but you could tell she was still embarra.s.sed.

I interrupted her because I needed to know. "Are you seriously afraid of the subway or something?"

"She's afraid of everything," Ryan said. "Planes, elevators, heights..."

Nina looked over at me, and whether she realized it or not, the fear in her eyes was apparent.

"I just get a little nervous in crowded, contained places. That's all." She smiled, trying to brush it off.

I nodded in understanding. "It's like a phobia. So, places that make you feel trapped?"

"Yeah, basically."

I got the feeling there was more to this. She might have been trying to downplay it, but her eyes betrayed her, exhibiting a dark honesty that contradicted everything else. Something about the way she looked at me reflected how I felt inside, too. I couldn't explain it, but I experienced a connection with this girl right then. It was like for a moment, she saw through my facade in the same way I could see beneath the fake smile she gave me when defending her phobias. There was a lot more to this, a lot more to her story. And she couldn't begin to know the half of mine.

"Hmn," I said.

She cleared her throat. "So, where do you work?"

She was trying to change the subject. I decided to have a little fun with her.

"I'm an electrical engineer for a company in the city. We design stadium lighting. And at night, I dance...at a male strip club."

The skin on her face pinked up before my eyes. Bingo.

"Seriously?"

"Yup." I turned to Ryan. "You didn't tell her she was living with Magic f.u.c.kin' Mike?"

She just stood there speechless. She had this innocence about her that I wasn't used to seeing in girls her age. The effect I seemed to have on her was exhilarating, though. When her face eventually turned from pink to red, I decided to put her out of her misery.

"I'm just f.u.c.king with you again."

"You're not a stripper?"

"I like you. You're an easy target. It's gonna be fun to have you around."

I walked over to grab a banana and felt her watching me. I bit off the entire first half in an exaggerated way. As much as I loved them, I didn't normally eat them like an orangutan while crossing my eyeb.a.l.l.s. I was doing it to get a reaction out of her and enjoyed the suddenly amused look on her face. Her eyes, which were so fearful and sullen moments ago, now seemed to be genuinely smiling back at me.

"I forgot to mention, that's Jake's bushel of bananas over there," Ryan said. "We think he is part human, part monkey."

"You like bananas, huh?" she asked.

"d.a.m.n straight, I do," I said. "I f.u.c.kin' love 'em. Mmm." Stuffing my face, I inhaled the last half in one big bite.

Nina started laughing as she looked at me like I was crazy. I smiled back with my mouth chock full and started to crack up. I couldn't remember the last time I truly laughed.

When the laughter faded, her eyes lingered on mine, and I felt that strange unspoken connection again that I didn't quite understand. All I knew was that making her laugh was addicting, and I wasn't in such a rush to go back to my room anymore.

I grinned and reached for another banana, my mouth still disgustingly full. I barely got the words out, "Want one?"

"Huh?"

"Want one?" I repeated.

"No, thanks. I'm good."

"I told you Jake was interesting," Ryan said.

Wait. What the f.u.c.k was he saying about me to her?

Why did I give a s.h.i.t?

The front door opened, and Nina's attention was abruptly taken away from me when Ryan introduced her to our other roommate, Tarah. Nina and she started talking about girly s.h.i.t, so I decided to head back to my room.

I tried to get my head back into the drawing I'd been working on, but in between strokes of the kohl pencil, my mind kept drifting back to my new roommate.

How the h.e.l.l was she going to live in New York City if she had a fear of subways?

I'd draw a little more, and then Nina would pop into my head again.

What the f.u.c.k was an origami bird anyway?

I put my sketchbook down, opened up my laptop and typed into Google: origami birds.

I chuckled when I saw what they looked like. Then, the nuttiest idea I'd probably ever had in my life popped into my head. I walked over to my desk drawer, searching for construction paper, remembering I'd bought some to make something for my nieces once. The only colors left were yellow and black. I grabbed a few pieces of black and some scissors and went back over to my laptop on the bed then typed: origami bat.

I cut a square and folded it into various triangles according to the directions. It took a few tries, but I finally got one that looked halfway decent.

Now, what the f.u.c.k to do with it was the question. I wanted to give it to her as a joke, but what would I write in it? I couldn't write a poem to save my life.

What could you write to someone you didn't know? All I knew was that she had phobias and a pretty smile. I knew she was starting nursing school.

I knew she made me feel something.

Then, I thought about the Olsen twins. I didn't really think she looked like them, but I could mess with her about the Full House thing. According to Ryan, he'd teased her about it all the time growing up, so she'd get the joke.

I grabbed a silver gel ink pen.

What the f.u.c.k were their names again? I typed into my laptop: Olsen twins.

Mary-Kate and Ashley.

Okay.

I sat there staring at the paper bat in my hand and couldn't help but laugh at myself. It was official: I had lost my d.a.m.n mind over a girl.

Scribbling on a notepad, I jotted down different phrases and finally came up with a message.

Welcome to the House, Mary Kate!

---Your Stripper Roommate That was kind of dumb.

Maybe I would keep it simple. I opened the flap to one of the bat wings and wrote, Welcome to the "House" inside.

My door was opened a crack, and I saw her walk down the hall to the bathroom, and soon after, the shower turned on. It was the perfect time to sneak the bat into her room. I started to second guess the generic message. It would seem too serious if I didn't write something funny. So, I grabbed the pen and added something onto the other wing then examined the final note.

Welcome to the "House". ---Jake How's Uncle Jesse?

Her room smelled like vanilla. The walls were bare and aside from the pink suitcase in the corner, it was relatively empty. A picture of her and some guy sat atop the dresser and made me wonder if it was her boyfriend.

I placed the origami bat on her nightstand and quietly slipped out of the room.

An old Nirvana song played on my iPod. My door was intentionally left open while I lay on my bed. A glimpse of her wet hair caught my eye as she hurried back to her room, and a smile spread across my face at the thought of her finding the bat. It dawned on me for the second time, that up until today, I hadn't genuinely smiled or laughed in ages. At the same time, I knew I was playing a losing game in seeking attention from someone who wouldn't even know who I really was.

I decided to take a shower to try to get my mind off her. Once I entered the bathroom, it became apparent that forgetting about Nina wasn't going to be possible. The leftover steam from her shower filled the room. As I ran the hot water and tried to relax, Nina was everywhere. A strand of her blonde hair stuck to the tile wall. The smell of her coconut lime shampoo saturated the air.

Then, after I stepped out of the tub, a pair of flowery panties lying on the floor caught my eye.

f.u.c.k.

I wasn't sure whether to leave them there or pick them up. A thought crossed my mind that I didn't want Ryan to find them. I didn't know where this was coming from. All I knew was that the thought of him touching her underwear irked me.

Really irked me.

So, I picked them up and took them to my room.

Throwing on some black sweatpants, I decided to bring her the underwear. I knocked on the door, and when she opened, the look on her face proved she wasn't exactly expecting me.

Her eyes trailed the length of my bare chest, and my abs tightened in response. She glanced down for a few seconds at my stomach, which was particularly ripped since I started working out a year ago on my lunch breaks at the office gym. The way her lips parted proved all of my hard work was worth it.

She finally looked up at me. "Ha...hi...what's up?"

A tight tank top clung to her enormous b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her nipples protruding through the fabric.

f.u.c.k. Me.

Wearing that, she was definitely not expecting me to knock on her door, and I was definitely not expecting to forget how to breathe. I couldn't even remember why I'd come to her room.

Oh, yeah.

I reached into my pocket. "I found these on the bathroom floor...thought you might want them."

She took them from me, looking adorably embarra.s.sed. Glancing over to the corner of the room, I noticed the bat still sitting in the same spot on the nightstand and a.s.sumed she hadn't seen it yet.

As if suddenly realizing that my eyes were making plans for the future with her beautiful t.i.ts, she crossed her arms over her chest.

d.a.m.n.

"Thanks," she said.

Her face returned to the same shade of pink I recognized from earlier. I smiled in an attempt to downplay the now obvious tension between us. When I felt my d.i.c.k twitch, that was my cue to step back into the hallway and return to my room. G.o.d, I needed to stay away from this girl, or I was gonna be in big trouble.

That night, I tossed and turned as one thought ran through my head like a broken record.

You can never have her.

CHAPTER 4.

Present "So, I take it you didn't actually stick to your vow to stay away from her," Mitch joked.

"Ugh...no."

I looked down at my phone when a text from Nina came in.

I'm fine. But I need more time alone.

"Is that Nina?"

"Yeah. I promised not to text her but couldn't help it. I needed to know she was okay. She says she's fine but that she needs more time."