"I did. Those days were crazy but wonderful. It was like having two little coconuts sucking on your b.o.o.bs all day. They're teenagers now. Can you believe it?"

Cedric pointed to a gray strip of hair at the front of his head that actually looked pretty cool on him. "I have the gray hair to prove it."

Allison looked over at him affectionately. "I think your stripe is s.e.xy."

"I'm glad you do, sweetheart."

My sister lit a few of the candles on the coffee table. My gaze traveled over to the window. The snow outside was now falling more steadily. It was dark out, and that was making me really antsy about Nina coming home.

I quietly texted her as everyone was talking.

Please come home, baby.

A few seconds later, she messaged me back.

I'll call you soon.

Her brief responses today were a bit unsettling, but at least, they confirmed that she was okay. Whether we were okay was another matter.

Skylar propped the baby on her shoulder to burp him. "So, before you guys got here, Jake was in the middle of telling us the story of how he met Nina and the days before she found out about Ivy."

I was still looking down at my phone hoping for more from Nina as I mumbled, "Allison's heard the stories before."

"He just told us about the night he practically kicked her out of his room."

My sister nodded and flashed a knowing smile. "Fat Bottomed Girls...you mean, that night? Oh, you're getting close to the good parts now."

Mitch laughed. "How could you have possibly recovered from that disaster?"

I took a deep breath and stared into the candlelight. "A strange thing happened after that night. You would have thought I scared her off, right? Well, it was awkward for maybe the first couple of days, but soon after, it was like we started over and really became even better friends in the process. I think she knew deep down that something big was holding me back and that I needed time to be able to work it out. She never pressured me for answers, and well, we stopped putting ourselves in precarious situations with alcohol. She was just there for me and let me have her in the only way I could at that time, which was to give me her heart even if I couldn't have her body. To be honest, those were the weeks when we really fell in love."

CHAPTER 12.

Past "c.o.c.ksucker!"

Well, that was new.

It seemed Mrs. b.a.l.l.sworthy was trying out a new salutation as she welcomed me back from Boston that particular Sunday night.

I waved and shouted up into her window. "I've moved on from f.u.c.king myself to sucking c.o.c.k now? Good one, b.a.l.l.s."

She squinted her eyes at me then slammed the window down.

I swear to G.o.d, my life was like a comedy show sometimes.

Since I usually arrived back to Brooklyn pretty late, Nina was normally asleep by the time I got home because she had an early cla.s.s on Mondays. When I opened the front door on this particular night, it surprised me to find her wide awake, sipping some tea in the living room and flipping through channels. She was curled up in a brown fleece blanket.

I took off my coat. "Hey, you. Whatcha doing up?"

"I was having trouble sleeping."

"Everything okay?"

Nina lowered the volume on the television and sat up. "No. Not really."

I kicked off my shoes and sat down next to her. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Today was a hard day for me. It always is. It's the anniversary of my brother's death. Jimmy would have been going on twenty-five now."

"I'm sorry, Nina."

"It never gets any easier."

"No, and it likely won't."

I wanted desperately to make her feel better but knew that nothing would really help in this situation. I grabbed the mug from her hand and took it to the kitchen to refill it with the kettle water that was still hot on the stove. I poured some into another mug for me, adding fresh teabags and honey to both.

I returned to where she was sitting and handed her the tea. "Here. We're gonna stay up for a little while until you get tired enough to fall asleep."

"You don't have to stay up with me, Jake."

I ignored her and rested my feet on the coffee table as she snuggled into the blanket again for comfort. I couldn't help but wish she'd used me instead.

She took a sip of tea and smiled. "Thank you, though."

"You're welcome."

We were quiet for a few minutes until she said, "Christmas is coming soon. I don't look forward to it anymore because our house is so different now without him. It feels like half our family is gone, you know? It's a lot easier dealing with everything being away from home. I wish I could just stay here."

It would be the first time since she moved in that we would be apart for longer than a couple of days. An uneasy feeling came over me.

"You'll get through it, and if you can't, you can always call me anytime, day or night."

"Thanks. I appreciate that." She stared down into her mug. "I know that he wouldn't want me to be so sad."

"Remember what I was telling you when you first told me about Jimmy? That you need to focus on the happy memories?"

"Yeah."

"Well, just so you know, that's way easier said than done. There are gonna be times when you just find it impossible to do that. And that's okay."

"I know you can relate."

"You were putting yourself through a guilt trip again today, weren't you? Thinking about how you stopped going to see him in the end?"

"Yeah, I was."

"I figured." I slid a little closer to her side of the couch. "Do you know how many times I've sat there and thought about how everything would be different if I had just asked my dad to tell me a bedtime story before he left that final night? Even five minutes might have changed his fate. So, while we should be thinking about happy things, sometimes we torture ourselves by focusing on the hurtful stuff. It's just what we do as humans, I guess."

"I've asked you this before, and you ignored the question. Will you tell me about your childhood?"

After placing the mug on the coffee table, I nestled my back into the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "It was a really good childhood at first, Nina. My parents were crazy in love. My dad had saved my mother after a really rough patch in her life. She'd gotten into drugs and into a lot of trouble before she met him. Anyway, my father just took her under his wing, and she got her s.h.i.t together. For the first five years of my life, from what little I can remember, it was perfect. We didn't have much money, but there was a lot of love in my house. When my father was killed, my world just imploded. My mother had to work all of the time to keep a roof over our heads. I was alone a lot. Nothing was ever the same again. It pretty much stayed that way. She was really strong, though, and did the best she could. Then, when I was sixteen, I found my sister. My mother had given her up for adoption before I was born. She's actually my half-sister. That's a story for another day, but it was one of the brightest points of my life because all of a sudden, I had this family. She and my nieces, they're everything to me now."

"You're just surrounded by women, huh?"

She didn't know the half of it.

I laughed. "Yeah."

"You'd better have a son someday, then."

The comment made me almost ill, a reminder that kids were likely not in the cards for me.

I quickly changed the subject. "So, what did you and Jimmy like to do growing up?"

"We fought a lot as siblings often do, but we loved each other. It was just the two of us. We led a simple life. You know my dad owned a farm, so we rode around on the tractor a lot. Every Sunday morning, we'd go to the local farmer's market and sell produce. It seemed kind of boring to me then, but of course, I'd give anything to get those days back now."

"Wow, you really are a country b.u.mpkin."

"Tried and true. Everything was always homemade and organic, too. You can see why I like to bake you stuff and why I always use fresh ingredients."

"Organic...don't you mean o.r.g.a.s.mic? Seriously, no one's ever done stuff like that for me."

"Given you an o.r.g.a.s.m?"

f.u.c.k. Don't say stuff like that when I'm trying not to want you.

"Nina Kennedy, get your mind out of the gutter. n.o.body's ever baked for me. My mother never had the time, and even when she did, G.o.d love her, she couldn't cook for s.h.i.t."

"You know, Jimmy actually never cared for my desserts. He always preferred packaged Hostess cupcakes from the grocery store and used to h.o.a.rd them in his room. He insisted they were better."

"That's funny."

"Of course, I baked all the time anyway. Baking is to me what drawing is to you. It's therapeutic."

"Yeah. My therapy is much less fattening, though."

"You're really amazingly talented, you know that?"

"Thank you. I've been practicing for a while."

Nina and I sat on that couch talking intimately until one in the morning. Minute by minute, we'd slowly inched closer together until she was leaning her head on my shoulder. I ended up telling her the whole story about how I found my sister. I also told her something that few people knew about, that my mother also had a second daughter born out of wedlock who died as a teenager. Nina was floored that I, too, had lost a sibling even though I never got a chance to know Amanda.

She also opened up to me more about the situation with her loser ex and the circ.u.mstances of their breaking up. Spencer had cheated on her with a girl he worked with. Hearing how badly he'd hurt her made me want to hunt him down.

Nina was still wide awake when she asked, "Aren't you tired?"

"Sleep is overrated. I'd rather be up talking to you."

An idea came to mind, and I got up to get my coat.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back. I'll be gone about ten minutes. Don't fall asleep."

Nearly freezing my a.s.s off, I literally ran down the street. It felt like I was high off of her, and I couldn't wait to get back to the warmth of being next to her.

There was a small 24-hour grocery store about two blocks away. The bells on the door chimed as I blew through the entrance.

Weaving through the aisles, I scanned the market for what I was looking for.

I paid the cashier, not bothering to collect the change from my five-dollar bill.

Reentering the apartment, I was out of breath. Nina was still sitting in the same spot.

"Where the heck did you go?"

"Hang on. I'll be there in a minute." I took the paper bag into the kitchen and got out two plates. Removing the Hostess cupcakes from the packaging, I placed a single candle inside each.

Nina covered her mouth in surprise as I set the plates down on the coffee table. With a flick of my lighter, I lit both candles.

"Let's celebrate Jimmy tonight. He'd be disappointed with anything less than these gourmet confections."

Her eyes turned watery. She looked up at the ceiling for a moment and looked like she was sending him a silent message. It was simply beautiful to watch.

"I can't believe you did this. Thank you," she said as she blew out the candle.

I blew mine out too, and we inhaled the cupcakes in silence. Remnants of frosting coated her lips, and I yearned to lick it off.

A few minutes later, Ryan walked into the kitchen for a middle of the night gla.s.s of water and dampened the mood. He didn't acknowledge us but gave me the evil eye before walking back to his room.

"What's his problem?" Nina asked.

"He doesn't like you hanging out with me."

"Screw him. I don't care what he thinks. He doesn't know you like I do."

You don't know me like you think you do, baby.

My jaw tightened. "He's said stuff to you about me?"