"Yes."

Her lips brushed the back of his neck. "Tell me you're staying," she whispered.

"Forever." He rolled over, dragging her on top of him. "Tell me you like your Pinterest house."

Her hair tickled his face as she kissed the corner of his mouth. "It's too much. It took my breath away." Ryn's soft blue eyes gazed into his. "You take my breath away. You make all my dreams come true ... and it has nothing to do with any of this. It's just ... you."

Jackson threaded his fingers into her hair, holding her to his face, nose-to-nose. "I hope our baby has your freckles."

Her eyes filled with tears. "What if I can't-"

"Shh ..." He kissed her, his hands gliding down the perfect curves of her beautiful body. "Don't worry about it. I can do this. I used to find all the eggs on Easter before Jessica."

Ryn laughed through her tears. "Just don't drown in my pond before you find the eggs."

Chapter Forty-Two.

Brother dearest called to share the news of his reunion with Ryn. He had been away from her for less than a week. Did he really think she was going to have moved on already? In his words it was the season of miracles. However, Jessica had yet to witness one. After ten days of living like roommates with Luke, she felt something inside of her begin to die: hope.

His kindness and patience made it worse. He cooked her meals, took her to dinner, joined her for walks with Jones, and talked about everything and yet nothing. But he didn't touch her. They hadn't made any sort of physical contact since the night he held her in the hospital.

Every night he told her goodnight and walked to his bedroom-their bedroom-and shut the door. He told her to "stay as long as you want;" he didn't say "stay forever." At first it felt like he was giving her s.p.a.ce to grieve, s.p.a.ce she needed, but that s.p.a.ce seemed to grow with each pa.s.sing day.

"My family is dying to see you. No pun intended." Luke smiled as they pulled out of the building, heading to Tahoe for Christmas.

Jessica hadn't seen any of his family except Lake. Luke told them about her year as Jillian Knight, but he asked them to wait until Christmas to see her. Once again, to give her time to grieve and acclimate back into her life.

The trip to Tahoe was bittersweet because he asked if she'd like to come for Christmas with his family. Jessica remembered a time when they considered her part of that family.

"Well, I'm living to see them," she replied to his dying comment.

"I'm surprised you didn't decide to go to Omaha for Christmas. Don't get me wrong ... I'm glad you're here."

"Thought I'd give them some privacy on their first Christmas together. Apparently he's working round the clock to knock her up. His words not mine. But I'm glad that you're glad I'm here. It would be even more awkward if you weren't."

"More awkward?"

Staring out her window, she felt his sideways glance, but chose to ignore it. "I didn't mean amore.'" She lied. Then she acquiesced to his attempt to engage her in more small talk for the rest of the way to Tahoe.

"I'll let Jones do his thing and then bring our bags."

"K." Jessica found her best smile when his family tackled her at the door.

Hugs, kisses, smiles, and even a few tears. For a moment she felt like family.

"I have you guys in the same two rooms as your first visit."

Two rooms.

"Thanks, Mom." Luke gave Felicity a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll take our bags upstairs."

"I've got mine. I might need to reapply some makeup to my skeleton face." She gave his family a toothy grin as she took her bag from Luke.

"You look lovely. Don't even think twice about us," Felicity said.

Luke told them everything-almost-and truthfully she didn't feel an ounce of judgment.

"That's why I love you." She winked. "I won't be long."

Fleeing for her room, she shut the door and leaned back against it. Before she could let her emotions settle, a knock came at her back.

"Yeah?"

"It's me."

Jessica opened the door. "Hey, Lake."

She stepped inside and took a seat on the bed. "Luke told me to check on you."

"I've been up here like ... five seconds."

Lake shrugged. "I know ... and h.e.l.lo..." she pointed to her leg "...girl with the fake leg doesn't love going up the stairs. He's been so weird lately."

Jessica shut the door. "How so?"

"Since your kidnapping he's just been on edge and paranoid."

"Really?" Jessica had yet to see that side of Luke, which meant he'd put on an act with her.

"Yes. I'm not trying to compare it to what you went through, which was just ... horrifically unimaginable. But I think the whole ordeal messed with his head. Do you have any idea how hard it is to mess with the head of a shrink?"

She did, at one time. Since their year apart she wasn't sure if she knew anything for certain about Luke.

"Has he said anything to you?"

"Probably nothing he hasn't said to you."

Luke hadn't said anything to Jessica.

"Like?"

Lake twisted her lips. "Like how hard it is to be with you when you're not atogether.'"

"He said that?"

"Yeah, I'm sure it's the same for you too."

Jessica nodded.

"Come downstairs." Lake stood. "You don't need any makeup. You should have seen me after three months in a coma. Besides you already look better than when I saw you last week. Food looks good on your bones."

"Dibs on licking the beaters," Lake said when she and Jessica walked into the kitchen.

Felicity rolled her eyes as Lake s.n.a.t.c.hed it from the bowl of whipped cream. "Some things never change."

Lake moaned. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she licked the whipped cream. "So good. Where's Luke?"

"He took Caleb upstairs to rock him to sleep." Lara smiled. "He thinks he's the baby whisperer." She shook her head.

"He's going to be an amazing dad," Anne added. Her heartfelt smile faded to a nervous one when she looked at Jessica. "I didn't necessarily mean your kids." The smile was a full on grimace. "G.o.d ... I didn't mean that either ... I just meant if he has kids with ..."

"How's your foot taste?" Lake laughed.

Jessica welcomed Lake's attempt to lighten yet another awkward situation.

"It's fine, Anne." Jessica smiled. "I agree. Luke will be a great father someday." Her nightmare replayed in her mind of Luke, Jones, the baby, and the woman who was not her.

"Gather the troops. Everything is ready," Felicity announced, carrying the Martha Stewart-worthy turkey to the table.

They took their seats. The baby whisperer slid into his chair next to Jessica as Tom said the blessing. After murmurings of Amen, Lane stood, holding his gla.s.s in the air.

"To Jessica. I think we can all agree you are the greatest gift this Christmas."

Jessica looked around the room, fighting back all the emotions. "Thank you. I feel the same way about every one of you."

Luke's hand rested on hers for a moment. She blinked and it was gone, but the way his touch lingered paralyzed her.

They pa.s.sed around the food. Chattering about kids, the weather, and football ensued. Jessica focused on her mashed potatoes as if she'd never seen them before.

"So, Jess, are you planning on staying in San Francisco or going back to Omaha?" Tom asked.

And just like that ... all her illusions vanished and reality hit her as cold as the still familiar five-gallon buckets of ice water. Luke let her stay. He wasn't taking her back. They weren't "together" and everyone knew it except her.

The potatoes demanded her attention again. She pushed them around on her plate, knowing she'd never be able to take a bite of them with her heart lodged in her throat.

"Um ... I guess I haven't ... I mean ..."

"It's fine. I was just asking. I'm sure it's too soon to know what you want."

She risked a glance. "I guess."

Not even bound and beaten had Jessica ever felt so weak. The thought of a future without Luke sucked every bit of life from her existence.

She gutted down the food on her plate, which was a shame since Felicity's skills rivaled her own mother's cooking.

"Keep eating," Luke whispered for the millionth time.

"If you say that to me one more time I'm going to jab this fork in your eye." She gritted between her teeth with a fake smile to everyone else still sitting at the table. Half of the family had excused themselves to fall into a holiday coma in the living room.

"Dessert?" Felicity asked.

Jessica ignored Luke's yes-you-want-dessert look. "Can I wait a little while?"

"Certainly. I think the kids are antsy to open their presents anyway ... and by kids I mean Liam and Lake. I think they're more excited than Gina, and Caleb is too young to understand."

Jessica pushed back in her chair. Luke stared at her.

"Don't give me that look. I'll eat the whole d.a.m.n pie later, just ..." She sighed.

He grabbed her wrist before she could get away. "You're upset with me."

No. She wasn't upset. f.u.c.king livid and emotionally broken beyond the destruction of an atomic bomb was a more accurate description.

"I just want to see you get healthier."

"I am. I'm not upset. I'm just full. Okay?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't." She didn't intend to have an edge to her tone, but she did. "If I'm not allowed to apologize, then neither are you."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They'd planned on staying three days. Luke questioned if it was too long. Jessica seemed distant and angry, but only with him. He couldn't figure out what he'd done to upset her.

"Would you look at this?" Tom said, staring out the back window.

Luke yawned, pouring a cup of coffee, desperate for a jolt. It was only six in the morning, but he couldn't sleep with Jessica on his mind. He hadn't slept much since she showed up at his door.

"I told her I planned on chopping some wood this weekend. She's about finished a day's worth of work in ... h.e.l.l, I'm not sure. What time do you think she got up?"

Jessica brought the large ax behind her then swinging it over her head, she killed the log in front of her.