"I guess awish' sounds a bit self-indulgent. It was more like a to-do list."

"And you're done?" She stood in front of him.

"I'm done."

"Let's go then."

They headed back to San Francisco with their freedom. Like all freedom, it was tainted with blood and unimaginable loss.

"Where am I taking you?" Jackson asked.

"The airport."

"Portland?"

"Yes."

"Will you be home for Christmas?"

She shrugged. "Where's home?"

"I think you know."

She did, but home had changed. Like her freedom, it, too, was tainted.

"Where are you going?"

He grinned. "Home."

"She's a good home."

"She's the best home."

Jackson dropped Jillian off at the airport.

"Choose it." He held out two envelopes. One said Day, the other said Knight.

"What's this?"

"It's G.A.I.L's parting gift. How are you going to get on a plane without any identification or money?

"Good point."

"Pick."

She needed more time, but maybe time wouldn't make the decision any easier. Pulling the envelope from his right hand, she smiled. "New Year's in Omaha?"

"Omaha."

A cab took her to Willamette National Cemetery. She had no idea where he was, but it felt like part of her journey to find him. Bundled in a coat and gloves under a cloud-covered sky, she took her time searching. Every headstone had a story, some far more tragic than anything in her life.

Then he appeared.

Aric J Monaghan She touched her gloved hand to her lips as her eyes filled with tears. "Hey, Aric James." She squatted down, tracing the writing engraved into the granite. The days of guarding her emotions were over. The only way to move forward was to water his grave with her tears.

"The napkin ... G.o.d ... the napkin. I should hate you so much ... but I don't. I forgive you. I know ... you're probably not sorry, but you should be." Biting her lips, she swallowed hard. Her heart thundered in her chest as if it felt his nearness.

"I never wanted to love you, until I did. Then for a perfectly beautiful moment in time I didn't want to love anybody but you."

She dropped to her knees. "Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Because I do, I miss you every day." Closing her eyes, she let the tears flow and welcomed the pain. It would forever remind her of the love.

"I don't know if I'll ever truly find my path again, but if I do, you'll always be my favorite detour."

"Jillian?"

She turned. Wiping her cheeks, she stood. "Hi."

AJ's parents gave her sympathetic smiles.

"You should have told us you were coming to Portland." Char hugged her.

"I'm leaving tonight. It's just a day trip."

"How are you? We've been so worried about you." Char stepped back, wrapping her arm around Jim.

"About that ... I can't tell you how horrible I feel about missing the funeral."

Char's eyes shifted to the cuts and bruises. "You look ... what happened?"

"I ... I fell into a bit of bad luck on my way to the funeral."

"A car accident or something?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, something like that," she mumbled the last part. "I've been in the hospital."

"Oh my G.o.d ... we had no idea." Char reached for Jillian's hand and squeezed it. "You look terribly thin and fragile."

She nodded at Char. "I'm going to be fine. I just ... needed to talk to him."

They looked past her to AJ's grave. "We come every day, but if you need some more time alone we can come back."

"No. I've said..." she batted away a few more tears, drawing in a breath of courage "...all there's left to say."

She turned around one last time. "Goodbye, Aric James Monaghan," she whispered.

Chapter Forty.

The lady at the gate took her ticket before she boarded the plane home.

"Enjoy your flight, Miss Day."

Jessica nodded. "Thank you."

At every corner, happiness eluded her. Then when it was right there, she still felt undeserving. Luke was at the hospital, he held her, she saw the depths of the love in his eyes, but ... there were still so many buts.

A hotel would have been the smart choice, but at nearly midnight Jessica found herself at Luke's door instead. She wasn't sure why or what she expected.

The door opened, sucking the breath from her lungs.

Luke answered in a pair of lounge pants and a white T-shirt. He squinted against the light, rubbing his sleepy eyes. "Hi," he said in a raspy voice.

"Hi. I ... I just..." she shook her head "...don't know why I'm here."

Luke opened the door wider. "Do you want to come in while you figure it out?"

The instant she stepped inside, Jones trotted down the hall toward her carrying her red hoodie in his mouth.

"Hi, Jonesy." She hugged him, tears stinging her eyes. "I missed you so much." When she released him, he picked up the hoodie and retreated to the guest bedroom, content with her return.

"When did you get out of the hospital?"

Jessica hugged herself, feeling like a stranger in what used to be her home too.

"This morning."

"How do you feel?"

She took a deep breath then released it slowly. "Like I'm going to live."

"I'm glad." His eyes inspected her.

She chuckled, hugging herself. "Me too."

An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

"Where are you staying?"

"Oh ... I ..."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I don't know how to navigate this. You're welcome to stay here. You know that, right?"

"I don't ... I don't know anything anymore. I didn't even know if you would be alone tonight."

He flinched.

"I'm not being cruel, or at least I'm not trying to be. The day I died, I gave up my right to walk uninvited into your home. I gave up the right to know what you're doing and whom you're with."

"I'm here, with Jones."

"I wanted you to move on. Not for me or any sort of guilt. I just wanted you to be happy. That day in the closet, you promised me you would."

He lifted his shoulders. "I tried, but then I saw a ghost."

Jessica wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn't. Not yet. AJ still lived in her heart and sharing that time with Luke would require her to let AJ go completely. When she opened herself up to Luke, he would flow into every inch of her heart and take everything. That was the only way she could be with him.

Everything.

Forever.

"Can I stay? For tonight?"

"Stay as long as you want." He turned and walked toward the bedroom. "The sheets in the guest room are clean, unless Jones has been on the bed. Sleep wherever you feel comfortable sleeping."

After saying goodbye to AJ, there was nothing she wanted more than a warm body next to hers. She followed him down the hall. He turned into the master bedroom, and she continued to the guest room.

Having nothing but the clothes on her back, she stripped down to her undergarments and slid under the sheets. "Get up here, Jonesy."

He lumbered onto the bed, taking up most of it. She threw an arm and leg over his mammoth body and nuzzled into his neck. "Thank you for taking care of him," she whispered.

Morning came too soon. Luke didn't wake up, he just got out of bed. Jessica being under the same roof again made it impossible to sleep. Jackson called after he dropped her off at the airport, asking Luke to just "be there" for her. She went to Portland to say goodbye to AJ. At some point he planned on allowing his own feelings to surface, but they would wait.

After a shower he decided to make coffee. The moment he walked around the corner to the kitchen, he stopped. The unfamiliar blonde sat at the table wearing nothing but the familiar red hoodie, her legs tucked up into it, the extra six inches of sleeves doubled as hot pads for her coffee. With her back to him, she stared out the large windows, taking the occasional sip of her steamy morning jolt.

He hated the color of her hair. He hated that another man had loved her body and her heart. He hated that she sat ten feet away and yet she felt so out of reach. If he dwelled on all the things he hated, it would make it impossible to love her. And if he only chose to do one thing for the rest of his life ... it would be to love her.

"I missed this view." Of course she knew he was there.

She missed his car, the dog, and the view. Did she miss him?

"It's a breathtaking view today." Luke poured a cup of coffee then leaned against the counter with his legs crossed at his ankles. "Jones has s...o...b..red and chewed on that sweatshirt for nearly a year."

She scooted around to face him. "I just slipped it on. I only have the clothes I had on yesterday. Today might be a shopping day for me."

He hid behind his coffee cup so she didn't see the guilt on his face, the everything-you-owned-is-exactly-where-you-left-it-in-our-closet look.