Editors: sleepchaser, con

“Sorry for the lack of communication. There has been quite a commotion here, you know.” G.o.d's voice was so casual that it left me disappointed.

However, this was a long-awaited call from G.o.d. There were a lot of things I wanted to say. First of all, I decided to report the most important thing.

“G.o.d, the hero woke up a long time ago―”

“I know. I was seriously wondering what would happen, but Minoru, it seems like you've been nurturing his love well," said G.o.d, his voice cheery. "I'm relieved." 

So he knew after all―huh? Wasn't there a word that shouldn't belong there? Something about love…  I must have misheard, right?

Not caring about my lack of response, G.o.d continued on in the same tone. “Oh yeah. I should probably say this first. Congratulations on your marriage!”

Huh?

Marriage? Were we talking about the same thing?

Who was married? With whom? Why was this word suddenly mentioned?

“Really, what a happy ending! I didn't think that you two would finalize the story this quick. I was going to contact you sooner, but I was busy preparing for your wedding celebration. I'll deliver it tomorrow, so look forward to it!”

“Excuse me, but it seems like you have the wrong number," I said as politely as I could. 

I had no idea what G.o.d was talking about. In other words, this was a wrong call. Period.

But G.o.d doggedly opposed my statement. “You really don't have to be that shy! I know everything that happens between you to. But please rest a.s.sured since your visual privacy is protected. Meaning I didn't see anything. Of course, tonight is also―”

“Excuse me, you have the wrong person.”

"You're unexpectedly a tsundere, huh…? Have you seen your status screen yet?”

Speaking of which, I hadn't looked at it today.

I swiped over the call screen straight away, and opened my status on the "Miniature Garden" app. 

And I felt like dropping my smartphone.

Name: Minoru       Occupation: Hero's Wife

Physical strength: 60/125

Energy: 43/85

Horticulture: Lv.5 3500/6000

     t.i.tle: Herb Lover

Environment: Lv.7 14535/30000

     t.i.tle: Weed PhD

Cuisine: Lv.6 2700/6000

     t.i.tle: Gourmet

Care: Lv.11 102100/140000

     t.i.tle: Can't Put It Into Words

My occupation had finally given up on being a man.

I had prepared myself to see a lot of terrible things, but becoming a "wife" was completely unexpected. I was at a loss for words.

When did I marry Sig? Even if I scrolled through my memories, I couldn't remember hearing even the first syllable of the word "marriage" leaving his mouth. 

“G.o.d, the ‘Miniature Garden' app is broken.”

But for some reason, G.o.d's voice over the speaker was louder than before, dripping with displeasure. “How rude. There aren't any problems in the things I make, though I do make adjustments from time to time. There's no mistake with your occupation. Your marriage has been established.”

“G.o.d, I'm going to get angry. This is rude to Sig as well," I said, my voice growing low and sharp.  

There's no way Sig and I got married. Not to mention, why am I the "wife?" It's pretty rude of G.o.d to play this kind of prank. Maybe the search for Sig's wife hadn't gone well. 

A pause stretches over the phone.

“He told you his name, right?”

“Name? Ah, yes. He told me his full given name today, but…"

Was that it? But so what if he gave me his full given name?

“His family has a tradition of letting their marriage partners know their real name. That serves as a confirmation of the intention to marry. It's not something to be taken lightly. Since you accepted the contract, Minoru, you're already his wife." 

“…P-please wait a minute!” My face went pale in an instant. 

Real name? The way Sig had said that seemed weird to me as well. Regardless, I'd never heard that just exchanging names would establish marriage, and he'd never said anything about it either!  

Ignoring my plea, G.o.d said brightly, “Yes, yes, Minoru. I will only tell you this. A real name is―” 

“Minoru.”

“…?!!”