The Day That I First Killed A Man

With a flash of dark blue, the bandit’s torso goes flying . A shocking amount of bright blood sprays from the stump . The sensation is very different from when I cut through monsters, and I immediately feel my stomach turn and I have to forcefully suppress the urge to vomit . I keep moving forward, as if turning my back on reality .

“Haghh…gg…d.a.m.n…d.a.m.n it…!”

I felt like I was the one who was about to fall . I had been murdered myself, and here I was now, killing others . Even if it was to protect myself and others, a certain self-loathing and despair now clutched my core and would not let go . It would not release me .

“You! You little s.h.i.+t!!”

One of the bandits looked at his fallen comrade and charged at me with an expression of unconcealed rage . I used Legs of the Forest Wolf to jump in the air and avoid him . And from that position, I used the momentum of my fall to slash down . He tries to block the attack with his sword, but it’s no use, and his blade shatters upon impact .

“Uhhhggg…!!”

His groan is almost inhuman, like a ghost . I was finding it hard to maintain the mentality that all of this served a purpose . No matter how much I tried, tried to switch gears, tried to stop thinking . It was what it was .

I couldn’t shut down . I wasn’t prepared for this . And so I swung my sword with the sole intent of defending myself . It was the right thing to do in a way . However, I couldn’t stop seeing it as wrong .

‘Unnecessary killing is evil…but that is why this is necessary…it is necessary…’

I repeat Daniela’s words in my head in order to stay aware . I held onto those words as I continued to swing, and eventually, there was no one left standing, except for Daniela and I, who were both drenched in blood .

“Ughh…aghhgghh…:

I couldn’t hold it back any longer, and it all came rus.h.i.+ng out of my gut . The truth of what I had done . The truth that I had killed .

“Hahh…hahh…!”

I crawl away on my hands and knees as if escaping from that weight . And the first thing I met as I moved away, was that severed torso of the first bandit I had killed .

“Ah, hah… . AAHHHH!!”

“Asagi!”

I heard her voice, but that was the last thing I heard as I lost all awareness .

“I am sorry, we should have helped you sooner…”

“No…please… It is a miracle that I am still alive like this…”

The girl in front of me had tears in her eyes as she held a man whose chest had been pierced by a sword . Likely her father… He had apparently been stabbed before we arrived . The girl looked up with glistening eyes and bowed .

“Thank you, for saving me…”

“It is fine . Are you hurt?”

“No, I am fine… Is, is your companion alright…?”

She said with uncertainty as she saw his face as I carried him .

“Aye . Today was his first time killing a man… It was an unavoidable situation, but it was still a lot for him . I think that his heart could not take it . However, he is a strong man . He will surely recover . ”

Yes, Asagi . The man that I loved would surely become well again .

Asagi had come from a world that forbade any killing . He had been nearly broken from just killing monsters . He had held onto those words that I had given him, about needless killing being evil . So what would happen when a man like that killed another man? The answer was obvious .

And so I had planned on accepting a bandit suppression quest one day . It would be a day when Asagi had grown completely accustomed to this world, when his heart had become strong . However, when bandits had appeared in front of us like this, I could not turn a blind eye just for his sake . I pulled out my bow and so pulled him into this fight .

Asagi’s heart is still weak . He has only recently grown accustomed to the act of ending a life . And those have only been monsters . It is a foreign mentality for me, as someone whose parents were killed by monsters, and as someone who has made a living off of hunting them, but I can understand it to a degree . After all, I fear dragons . And there will come a time when I must overcome that fear . When that time comes, I hope to have a stronger Asagi there, protecting my back as I challenge the beast .

“I understand…I am so sorry, just for us…no, just for me…”

“Do not be bothered by it . A life has been saved . Asagi will be happy about that . ”

As one travels, being fooled by others is, well, common . I am no exception . There were even times when my body was nearly defiled . And in those times, I have killed people .

That feeling, when you desperately stretch out your hand, grasp that shortsword and plunge it into your enemies chest . It hits against hard bone . I remember frantically taking a second stab . Those memories will never disappear . And if they will not disappear, you must accept them .

Those were necessary actions taken to protect myself . I had to do it . It was their fault for tricking me . I killed because I was about to be killed .

I averted my eyes like that for a while, but the feeling of guilt took a strong hold of me and would not let go .

And so I accepted it . All of that happened . However, it is because of those actions, that I am here today . Because of those actions, I was able to meet him .

I sincerely hope that this child who survived will become a salve to ease his heart . Not I, who is loved by Asagi, but the girl who he helped . She is the one who can save him .

It’s so dark . Dark . A darkness without light spreads before my eyes . Does it go on forever? Or does it stop in front of my nose? I don’t know .

But I can sense that something is moving within that darkness . I didn’t notice it at first . But my eyes slowly grew used to the darkness, and then I realized that it was a moving corpse that was only a torso .

“Aghhh!!”

I screamed with horror and thrashed about in an attempt to escape . But I couldn’t move .

“d.a.m.n you…you killed meee…”

A low, low voice that seemed to sound from the deepest depths reached my ears .

“I had no choice…It was you who were attacking…!”

“It hurts…it hurts… . ”

The bandit used its arms to crawl up to my feet .

“Stop . Stop . Don’t come any closer!”

“Stop . Stop . Don’t come any closer!”

“Oooooooo… . . ”

The thing that was moaning had now grabbed my foot . And it was crawling upwards .

“Hah…hhh…”

It grabbed my clothes as it climbed up my body, and when it was finished, the thing wrapped its arms around my neck . It’s jaw now lay on my shoulder . The sounds of its breathing brought a sense of dread as it said:

“But you will face the same fate . ”

“Aggghhhhhh!!!”

When I realized that I was shouting, I was in the same field of blood that I had been in before pa.s.sing out . In a panic, I looked at my surroundings until finally understanding the situation .

“Good morning, Asagi . ”

“Uh…ah…mor…ning…”

Though I was stuttering, we exchanged the same greeting that we always did after waking up . And then I realized that Daniela was carrying me .

“Sorry…I can walk now . ”

“Are you sure? I do not mind carrying you . ”

I immediately knew that she was not just talking about me, but about what I was harboring . After all, we were deeply in love and of one heart and one mind…heh . Even making jokes like that did little to raise my spirits .

“Um, are you alright…?”

A voice suddenly called from behind me . I looked behind me to see a young girl looking up at me with concern .

“Who…are you…?”

“I am called Marie Elle . Thank you for helping me . ”

“I am called Marie Elle . Thank you for helping me . ”

Someone was alive then… So there was someone that had survived because I killed them…

Daniela slowly put me down . My legs still shook, and I immediately fell to my knees .

The girl who had survived, Marie Elle, stood in front of me . A small girl . Her dark brown hair was covered in a spray of blood . The way she held her hands in front of her with uncertainty made her look even smaller .

I stretched out a shaking hand and touched her dark brown hair .

It was warm . I could feel the warmth . It reached a heart that had been chilled by blood . When I felt that warmth, tears began to flow .

“This child, Asagi . You saved her . ”

“I…”

“Yes . You fought to save others, to save lives . You fought, and you survived because you won . And it is because of that that Marie Elle is here, living . ”

“Living . ”

I hear that word and then look at the girl in front of me . She must have looked so concerned up until now because she was worried about me . Now she smiled gently .

“It is because of you that I am alive . Please do not blame yourself . ”

“Ah…ah…”

It was wretched, but what I couldn’t express after hearing those words, came out as a sound . And when the words finally did come out, I embraced her tightly .

“Thank you…for living…thank you…”

That was all I could do . Repeatedly thank her for being alive .

This grat.i.tude that I felt, took over my whole body, and before I knew it, the shaking in my limbs had subsided . Still, I could not stand . I surrendered myself as Marie Elle’s hand gently held me, and I wept .

 .

The Day That I First Killed A Man.

With a flash of dark blue, the bandit’s torso goes flying . A shocking amount of bright blood sprays from the stump . The sensation is very different from when I cut through monsters, and I immediately feel my stomach turn and I have to forcefully suppress the urge to vomit . I keep moving forward, as if turning my back on reality

 .

“Haghh…gg…d.a.m.n…d.a.m.n it…!”.

 .

I felt like I was the one who was about to fall . I had been murdered myself, and here I was now, killing others . Even if it was to protect myself and others, a certain self-loathing and despair now clutched my core and would not let go . It would not release me

 .

“You! You little s.h.i.+t!!”.

 .

One of the bandits looked at his fallen comrade and charged at me with an expression of unconcealed rage . I used Legs of the Forest Wolf to jump in the air and avoid him . And from that position, I used the momentum of my fall to slash down . He tries to block the attack with his sword, but it’s no use, and his blade shatters upon impact

 .

“Uhhhggg…!!”.

 .

His groan is almost inhuman, like a ghost . I was finding it hard to maintain the mentality that all of this served a purpose . No matter how much I tried, tried to switch gears, tried to stop thinking . It was what it was

I couldn’t shut down . I wasn’t prepared for this . And so I swung my sword with the sole intent of defending myself . It was the right thing to do in a way . However, I couldn’t stop seeing it as wrong

 .

‘Unnecessary killing is evil…but that is why this is necessary…it is necessary…’.

 .

I repeat Daniela’s words in my head in order to stay aware . I held onto those words as I continued to swing, and eventually, there was no one left standing, except for Daniela and I, who were both drenched in blood

 .

“Ughh…aghhgghh…:.

 .

I couldn’t hold it back any longer, and it all came rus.h.i.+ng out of my gut . The truth of what I had done . The truth that I had killed

 .

“Hahh…hahh…!”.

 .

I crawl away on my hands and knees as if escaping from that weight . And the first thing I met as I moved away, was that severed torso of the first bandit I had killed

 .

“Ah, hah… . AAHHHH!!”.

“Asagi!”.

 .

I heard her voice, but that was the last thing I heard as I lost all awareness

 .

□　　　□　　　□　　　□.

 .

“I am sorry, we should have helped you sooner…”.

“No…please… It is a miracle that I am still alive like this…”.

 .

The girl in front of me had tears in her eyes as she held a man whose chest had been pierced by a sword . Likely her father… He had apparently been stabbed before we arrived . The girl looked up with glistening eyes and bowed

 .

“Thank you, for saving me…”.

“It is fine . Are you hurt?”.

“No, I am fine… Is, is your companion alright…?”.

 .

She said with uncertainty as she saw his face as I carried him

 .

“Aye . Today was his first time killing a man… It was an unavoidable situation, but it was still a lot for him . I think that his heart could not take it . However, he is a strong man . He will surely recover . ”.

 .

Yes, Asagi . The man that I loved would surely become well again

 .

Asagi had come from a world that forbade any killing . He had been nearly broken from just killing monsters . He had held onto those words that I had given him, about needless killing being evil . So what would happen when a man like that killed another man? The answer was obvious

 .

And so I had planned on accepting a bandit suppression quest one day . It would be a day when Asagi had grown completely accustomed to this world, when his heart had become strong . However, when bandits had appeared in front of us like this, I could not turn a blind eye just for his sake . I pulled out my bow and so pulled him into this fight

 .

Asagi’s heart is still weak . He has only recently grown accustomed to the act of ending a life . And those have only been monsters . It is a foreign mentality for me, as someone whose parents were killed by monsters, and as someone who has made a living off of hunting them, but I can understand it to a degree . After all, I fear dragons . And there will come a time when I must overcome that fear . When that time comes, I hope to have a stronger Asagi there, protecting my back as I challenge the beast

 .

“I understand…I am so sorry, just for us…no, just for me…”.

“Do not be bothered by it . A life has been saved . Asagi will be happy about that . ”.

 .

As one travels, being fooled by others is, well, common . I am no exception . There were even times when my body was nearly defiled . And in those times, I have killed people

 .

That feeling, when you desperately stretch out your hand, grasp that shortsword and plunge it into your enemies chest . It hits against hard bone . I remember frantically taking a second stab . Those memories will never disappear . And if they will not disappear, you must accept them

 .

Those were necessary actions taken to protect myself . I had to do it . It was their fault for tricking me . I killed because I was about to be killed

 .

I averted my eyes like that for a while, but the feeling of guilt took a strong hold of me and would not let go

And so I accepted it . All of that happened . However, it is because of those actions, that I am here today . Because of those actions, I was able to meet him

 .

I sincerely hope that this child who survived will become a salve to ease his heart . Not I, who is loved by Asagi, but the girl who he helped . She is the one who can save him  .

It’s so dark . Dark . A darkness without light spreads before my eyes . Does it go on forever? Or does it stop in front of my nose? I don’t know

 .

But I can sense that something is moving within that darkness . I didn’t notice it at first . But my eyes slowly grew used to the darkness, and then I realized that it was a moving corpse that was only a torso

 .

“Aghhh!!”.

 .

I screamed with horror and thrashed about in an attempt to escape . But I couldn’t move

 .

“d.a.m.n you…you killed meee…”.

 .

A low, low voice that seemed to sound from the deepest depths reached my ears

 .

“I had no choice…It was you who were attacking…!”.

“It hurts…it hurts… . ”.

 .

The bandit used its arms to crawl up to my feet

 .

“Stop . Stop . Don’t come any closer!”.

“Oooooooo… ”.

 .

The thing that was moaning had now grabbed my foot . And it was crawling upwards

 .

“Hah…hhh…”.

 .

It grabbed my clothes as it climbed up my body, and when it was finished, the thing wrapped its arms around my neck . It’s jaw now lay on my shoulder . The sounds of its breathing brought a sense of dread as it said:.

 .

“But you will face the same fate . ”.

 .

“Aggghhhhhh!!!”.

 .

When I realized that I was shouting, I was in the same field of blood that I had been in before pa.s.sing out . In a panic, I looked at my surroundings until finally understanding the situation

 .

“Good morning, Asagi . ”.

“Uh…ah…mor…ning…”.

 .

Though I was stuttering, we exchanged the same greeting that we always did after waking up . And then I realized that Daniela was carrying me

 .

“Sorry…I can walk now . ”.

“Are you sure? I do not mind carrying you . ”.

 .

I immediately knew that she was not just talking about me, but about what I was harboring . After all, we were deeply in love and of one heart and one mind…heh . Even making jokes like that did little to raise my spirits

 .

“Um, are you alright…?”.

 .

A voice suddenly called from behind me . I looked behind me to see a young girl looking up at me with concern

 .

“Who…are you…?”.

“I am called Marie Elle . Thank you for helping me . ”.

 .

Someone was alive then… So there was someone that had survived because I killed them….

Daniela slowly put me down . My legs still shook, and I immediately fell to my knees

 .

The girl who had survived, Marie Elle, stood in front of me . A small girl . Her dark brown hair was covered in a spray of blood . The way she held her hands in front of her with uncertainty made her look even smaller

 .

I stretched out a shaking hand and touched her dark brown hair

 .

It was warm . I could feel the warmth . It reached a heart that had been chilled by blood . When I felt that warmth, tears began to flow

 .

“This child, Asagi . You saved her . ”.

“I…”.

“Yes . You fought to save others, to save lives . You fought, and you survived because you won . And it is because of that that Marie Elle is here, living . ”.

 .

“Living . ”.

 .

I hear that word and then look at the girl in front of me . She must have looked so concerned up until now because she was worried about me . Now she smiled gently

 .

“It is because of you that I am alive . Please do not blame yourself . ”.

“Ah…ah…”.

 .

It was wretched, but what I couldn’t express after hearing those words, came out as a sound . And when the words finally did come out, I embraced her tightly

 .

“Thank you…for living…thank you…”.

 .

That was all I could do . Repeatedly thank her for being alive

 .

This grat.i.tude that I felt, took over my whole body, and before I knew it, the shaking in my limbs had subsided . Still, I could not stand . I surrendered myself as Marie Elle’s hand gently held me, and I wept

 .