Here I am, a frankly innocent high school student who somehow makes it through the day by earning a few bucks a month and then I have to give it all up for my rent and other monthly costs. I guess I could be proud of the fact that I live by my own earnings, but look at the downside - I don't have a single saving.

What happens if I someday fall ill? How will I pay for medicine? That is why, I am saying it right now, but life sucks.

Now from this monologue so far, you may (or may not) be thinking I am one of the those rip-offs of Touma Kamijou from A Certain Magical Index Franchise and … I don't know, I have never met this Touma Kamijou in my life so I can't tell if I am or not. That all said and done though, I do think I live a worse life than whoever this Touma Kamijou is.

I mean, just think about it, did that Touma Kamijou had to deal with magical mayhem that he had literally no idea about ever in his life? No, right? Right? Uh ... right?

Did that Touma Kamijou, when not dealing with magical mayhem, had to still leave his daily life to fight scientific douchebaggery (that is officially a word from this point on) and that also when he had no idea about anything at all? No, right? Right? Uh ... yeah okay whatever.

That is the proof that my life sucks more than whoever that Touma Kamijou is. Why did I just waste three paragraphs comparing myself to Touma Kamijou? I don't even know the guy.

But did that Touma Kamijou … okay, let's stop that.

Anyway, one thing I can be proud of is the fact that I live in a really big house. I mean, it's not like it's as big as that fricken snake in Snake & Ladders near 100. d.a.m.n that thing is long. But still, it's pretty big. To elaborate, it has 3 bedrooms, 1 large living room and a kitchen attached to that with 3 bathrooms, big lawns on both sides of the house and a strong, handsome, frankly quite s.e.xy house border. That is obviously complimented by like a million rooms that I never opened in my life … and a shed. It admittedly is an old house though.

No, this house is not at all like s.h.i.+rou Emiya's from Fate Franchise. It just happened to have similar characteristics.

Okay?

Okay.

Now, if you are wondering why I am living in such a large house on rent, well, it's a long story.

There was a once a man who owned this house and he took money from a mafia lord and then couldn't return it so it had to be taken over by the lord. The mafia lord, however, allowed the son to live in the house since he was small but made it look like he is living on rent.

Okay, I lied. It's not a long story. That's all.

Out of all the awesome dads that animes, mangas and light novels have produced (what am I even saying?) over the years, from the bada.s.ses like Minato Namikaze from Naruto and s.h.i.+ro Fujimoto from Blue Exorcist as well as plain nice guys like Akio Furukawa from Clannad and Maes Hughes from Fullmetal Alchemist (or is it Furumetaru Arukemisuto?) … I got Charles zi Brittania from Code Gea.s.s.

Well, it's not all bad. I'm already done with The Ragnorak Connection (i.e., old man's gone) so I live alone. What? My mother? Pfft! Do you know who you are talking to? I'm the protagonist, d.a.m.nit! My mom died before I was even a sperm (wait, what!?). Okay no, she died when I was five.

So now that I live all alone, I spend my days going to school and coming home, going to part-time job and coming home, going to buy groceries and coming home, going to get my bicycle repaired and coming home, etc.

Kids, appreciate your parents more. They go to a lot of places and come home so you don't have to.

Who am I kidding? "Parental Guidance Suggested" is going to be on this book's page. No kid would be reading this thing.

Anyway, the point of all that was to tell you guys I don't get any time to relax except on weekends. And so, I only relax on weekends. This world will be engulfed by the sun and SAO abridged will stop being funny before I actually step out of my house on a weekend.

Okay, so you wanna know about the city/town I live in? Leave something for later. There's no point in getting a 5/5 for world-building from just first chapter anyway.

Now, let's move on to the worst part of my life. It's my face. I hate my face. This face has only given me a life of hards.h.i.+ps. Everything that has been wrong with my life has been because of this face. (Not really, but who cares?)

I have oval-shaped-blue-colored eyes. I also have an oval-shaped face. I have long-black-hair, and by long I mean it shows on my neck's sides. I'm 5'6 tall and have a fine physique because of the all the running around I do for my job.

In short, I'm the type of guy who girls of my age feel attracted towards. This might be one of the reasons I am so popular in high school. And by popular, I mean that's it's not anything good.

Every Monday some guy tries to bully me because his girlfriend broke-up with him cuz' she found me to be more attractive.

Every Tuesday the girls scold me for turning whoever the h.e.l.l confessed to me down.

Every Wednesday the two genders combine their forces to take me down and by the time they form their alliance, the school is over. So yeah, I like Wednesdays.

Every Thursday the moderates of the alliance formed on Wednesdays tries to tell me how I shouldn't be so harsh on the poor women who confess to me.

Every Friday the extremists of the alliance formed on Wednesdays force me into deciding to join a group date with the girls and boys of worst personality, because of which, I get scolded at my job for being late.

Every Sat.u.r.day the group date happens and the alliance makes sure I can't run away, so I spend my day with people who are the biggest headaches in the whole school.

Every Sunday some girl finds an excuse to come to my house and then confess her love to me.

Look, I'm NOT INTERESTED.

Yare, yare!

Just what should I do? I am at a loss. After all, there's no way I can accept anyone as my girlfriend. There's just no way for that to happen. Why's that, you ask? Well, in order to explain that, I need to start with the story of what happened a month ago, in the last week before the summer vacation.

That's when I, Irium Glice, truly became the protagonist of this story.

*****