404. Be Happy--Here and Now!

The grave is not a throne, and a corpse is not a king. The living have a right to control this world. I think a good deal more of to day than I do of yesterday, and I think more of to-morrow than I do of this day; because it is nearly gone--that is the way I feel. The time to be happy is now; the way to be happy is to make somebody else happy and the place to be happy is here.

405. The School House a Fort

Education is the most radical thing in the world.

To teach the alphabet is to inaugurate a revolution. To build a school house is to construct a fort. A library is an a.r.s.enal.

406. We are Getting Free

We are getting free. We are thinking in every direction. We are investigating with the microscope and the telescope. We are digging into the earth and finding souvenirs of all the ages. We are finding out something about the laws of health and disease. We are adding years to the span of human life and we are making the world fit to live in.

That is what we are doing, and every man that has an honest thought and expresses it helps, and every man that tries to keep honest thought from being expressed is an obstruction and a hindrance.

407. The Solid Rock

I have made up my mind that if there is a G.o.d He will be merciful to the merciful. Upon that rock I stand. That He will forgive the forgiving; upon that rock I stand. That every man should be true to himself, and that there is no world, no star, in which honesty is a crime; and upon that rock I stand. An honest man, a good, kind, sweet woman, or a happy child, has nothing to fear, neither in this world nor the world to come; and upon that rock I stand.

INGERSOLL'S FIVE GOSPELS

408. The Gospel of Cheerfulness

I believe in the gospel of cheerfulness; the gospel of good nature; in the gospel of good health. Let us pay some attention to our bodies; take care of our bodies, and our souls will take care of themselves. Good health! I believe the time will come when the public thought will be so great and grand that it will be looked upon as infamous to perpetuate disease. I believe the time will come when men will not fill the future with consumption and with insanity. I believe the time will come when with studying ourselves and understanding the laws of health, we will say we are under obligations to put the flags of health in the cheeks of our children. Even if I got to Heaven, and had a harp, I would hate to look back upon my children and see them diseased, deformed, crazed, all suffering the penalty of crimes that I had committed.

409. The Gospel of Liberty

And I believe, too, in the gospel of liberty,---of giving to others what we claim. And I believe there is room everywhere for thought, and the more liberty you give away the more you will have. In liberty extravagance is economy. Let us be just, let us be generous to each other.

410. The Gospel of 'Good Living

I believe in the gospel of good living. You cannot make any G.o.d happy by fasting. Let us have good food, and let us have it well cooked; it is a thousand times better to know how to cook it than it is to understand any theology in the world. I believe in the gospel of good clothes. I believe in the gospel of good houses; in the gospel of water and soap.

411. The Gospel of Intelligence

I believe in the gospel of intelligence. That is the only lever capable of raising mankind. I believe in the gospel of intelligence; in the gospel of education. The school-house is my cathedral; the universe is my Bible. Intelligence must rule triumphant. Humanity is the grand religion. And no G.o.d can put a man into h.e.l.l in another world who has made a little heaven in this. G.o.d cannot make miserable a man who has made somebody else happy. G.o.d can not hate anybody who is capable of loving his neighbor. So I believe in this great gospel of generosity.

Ah, but they say it won't do. You must believe. I say no. My gospel of health will prolong life; my gospel of intelligence, my gospel of loving, my gospel of good-fellowship will cover the world with happy homes. My doctrine will put carpets upon your floors, pictures upon your walls. My doctrine will put books upon your shelves, ideas in your mind.

My doctrine will relieve the world of the abnormal monsters born of the ignorance of superst.i.tion. My doctrine will give us health, wealth, and happiness. That is what I want. That is what I believe in.

412. The Gospel of Justice

I believe in the gospel of justice,--that we must reap what we sow. I do not believe in forgiveness. If I rob Mr. Smith, and G.o.d forgive me, how does that help Smith? If I by slander cover some poor girl with the leprosy of some imputed crime, and she withers away like a blighted flower, and afterwards I get forgiveness, how does that help her? If there is another world, we have got to settle; no bankruptcy court there. Pay down. Among the ancient Jews if you committed a crime you had to kill a sheep; now they say, "Charge it. Put it on the slate." It won't do. For every crime you commit you must answer to yourself and to the one you injure. And if you have ever clothed another with unhappiness as with a garment cf pain, you will never be quite as happy as though you hadn't done that thing. No forgiveness, eternal, inexorable, everlasting justice--that is what I believe in.

And if it goes hard with me, I will stand it. And I will stick to my logic, and I will bear it like a man.

GEMS FROM THE CONTROVERSIAL GASKET

Latest Utterances of Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll, in a Controversy with Judge Jere 8. Black, on "The Christian Religion"

413. The Origin of the Controversy

Several months ago, _The North American Review_ asked me to write an article, saying that it would be published if some one would furnish a reply. I wrote the article that appeared in the August number, and by me it was ent.i.tled "Is All of the Bible Inspired?" Not until the article was written did I know who was expected to answer. I make this explanation for the purpose of dissipating the impression that Mr. Black had been challenged by me. To have struck his shield with my lance might have given birth to the impression that I was somewhat doubtful as to the correctness of my position. I naturally expected an answer from some professional theologian, and was surprised to find that a reply had been written by a "policeman," who imagined that he had answered my arguments by simply telling me that my statements were false. It is somewhat unfortunate that in a discussion like this any one should resort to the slightest personal detraction. The theme is great enough to engage the highest faculties of the human mind, and in the investigation of such a subject vituperation is singularly and vulgarly out of place. Arguments cannot be answered with insults. It is unfortunate that the intellectual arena should be entered by a "policeman," who has more confidence in concussion than discussion. Kindness is strength. Good nature is often mistaken for virtue, and good health sometimes pa.s.ses for genius.

Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and important question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm.

Intelligence is not the foundation of arrogance. Insolence is not logic.

Epithets are the arguments of malice. Candor is the courage of the soul.

Leaving the objectionable portion of Mr. Black's reply, feeling that so grand a subject should not be blown and tainted with malicious words, I proceed to answer as best I may the arguments he has urged.

414. What is Christianity?

Of course it is still claimed that we are a Christian people, indebted to something we call Christianity, for all the progress we have made.

There is still a vast difference of opinion as to what Christianity really is, although many wavering sects have been discussing that question, with fire and sword through centuries of creed and crime.