Youre so heartless

Evelyns brain suddenly stopped. She couldnt tolerate his sudden tears, nor did his words called her heartless. All this time, it was Fabian who was heartless. It should be. But he already looked exhausted.

I I didnt want to make you suffer. Fabian spoke in hushed tones at Evelyn, who didnt budge.

When I proposed to you, I knew you were hesitating. Even the Felice Kingdom gave a sceptical response. So did the Empire, and so did everyone. said Fabian.

Your wife, the Empress, wasnt happy. My mother used to say that, too. I knew everything about it, but I still wanted to marry you, so I stopped being greedy. So I wanted to make up for my selfishness a little bit. This was the first time he had spoken long-winded.

What do you mean? Evelyn felt confused.

I hoped you didnt get tired of taking care of meaningless works in the Empress Palace. I didnt want you to waste your mind and body mingling with the hypocrite nobles. I was afraid that such extravagant work would make you tired and unhappy.

Evelyn blinked her eyes, Why you never said that .

My mother always said its all boring and horrible, and of course I knew you would think the same waybecause you didnt ask me, so, I thought I was doing the right thing.

She scared. Evelyn didnt want to hear it in person if Fabian regarded her as an incompetent Empress or if he didnt expect anything from her.

Even so, why? Why did you only show your sleeping face? Your Majesty didnt give me anything else, so how could you know I didnt like it? I wanted to wait for you. Her innermost voice that had been buried deep inside Evelyns heart burst out.

For me, who came from faraway Kingdom to the Empire to get married what else was there besides waiting for Your Majesty? That was my only joy. I wanted to welcome you with a smile every time you came, and as a wife, I would like to send you off every morning with a bright appearance. All couples isnt it like that? she cried.

Doing things like that Isnt that what we call marriage? Evelyn believed that marriage was like that. So, she was willing to take Fabians hand. The reason she decided to leave the Felice Kingdom that she loved so much was that she wanted to spend her life with Fabian as his wife.

..You were sick. Fabian abruptly spat out a clumsy remark. When the parliament was in the midst of a row over the territorial line issue in the north.

Evelyn couldnt remember about that time exactly. Still, Fabian clearly said, I had to look at the astrological stars and go to bed and go out to see morning stars again.

Even so, Fabian insisted on staying in the Empress Palace. Even if his sleeping hours were reduced, he wanted to be with Evelyn, because they were a couple.

Then, in less than a week, I had to hear that you collapsed in the garden while I was holding the congress.

Only then did Evelyn recall the incident. It wasnt a big deal, so she had forgotten about it. Doctors said she had mild anemia, a congenital disease that she occasionally had since she was a child.

At that time, for the first time after ascending the throne, I felt helpless. Even though you werent far away, even though I could run straight to your place, I couldnt stop congress. Because my soldiers were risking their lives to protect the northern region.

The days events werent recorded anywhere. Because Fabian didnt exaggerate it. Even more so, considering Evelyn was weak, Fabian tried to keep Evelyn away from Empire affairs. He didnt want to trouble and made Evelyn stressful because she was his wife.

You had anemia and fatigue seven times that year. Fabian kept talking.

Evelyn didnt remember, because she never counted the number of times shed passed out. After all, it was just a trivial matter.

When you passed out for the second time, I told you not to wait for me at night anymore. There was no other choice. Every time I heard news like that, I felt terrible and I couldnt focus on my official duties.

He still recalled it, a disastrous feeling first appeared in his mind. For Fabian, who was born as a Prince and grew stronger than anyone, It was incomprehensible to him.

On the contrary, it was a common occurrence for Evelyn, who had a weak body since childhood. The two of them were so different.

One day. Fabians low voice rang out. The palace chief told me that you had a nosebleed. Those were the days when you waited for me every night. That was the time when I went to see the morning star every day. Fabians voice became emotional.

I what am I supposed to do then? I really didnt know. I swear, theres never been a moment, when I thought of pushing you away.

Tuk..Evelyn felt something was falling into her heart. It was as if a new sprout had grown, and grief slowly dropped into her heart like a flower bud.

No Why should I push you away? Fabians hands that were hugging her body felt hot. But, I was forcibly taking you. Because of my greed and selfishness, I proposed to you.

One of the most difficult things for Fabian to understand so far was Evelyns reason for divorce.

She always called him a heartless and uncaring person. Whereas the opposite happened, he was still thinking about Evelyn. He never left her far from his heart. Fabian would have let Evelyn go if he could.

I had known from the beginning. From the moment I first saw you. I thought you were too free and bright to be locked up in the Imperial Palace. But I couldnt take my eyes off you. Your bright smile, your lively gestures, even your sweet voice.

What Fabian was concerned about when he got married, wasnt the opposition of others. He was worried about Evelyns future, which she had to live as an Empress because of him. His conscience felt guilty. Maybe that was Fabians first mistake in their marriage.

I am the Emperor. I was born that way. It wont change until the day I die.

The Emperors life in this Empire was all the same. He, who became the Emperor, had to be strong and unshakable. He couldnt be a man, a someone, or a husband. The Emperor was only the Emperor. He couldnt be someone else.

But the pain belongs to me. Its mine. Never, I cant pass it to you. I made a vow to myself before I proposed to you. I wont make you unhappy because Im the Emperor.

Fabians mind wasnt wrong. But why did they become so far away?

Why.? If you told me that, then we might not have come this far. Evelyn said hoarsely.

But if I told you, you would be sad. For me.

yes.

I hated it. Looking back, maybe it was my childish pride. he stuttered.

Evelyn shook her head. It was Fabians sincerity that made his fate harsher. A man who couldnt just hate someone. Now he looked so pathetic and broke her heart.

I just didnt want to burden you with the Empress things. Fabian didnt regret it. Even if he went back to the past, he didnt know any other way. It was the best thing for her.

But we couldnt even become a couple. Evelyn spat out a bitter word.

For me, its a couple. Ive always wanted to. Fabian sighed shortly. Then he smiled a little. Theres something that I should never have done.

Your Majesty?

Well, I broke my oath at the crowning ceremony.

Evelyns eyes widened as Fabian wouldnt do such a thing.

Evelyn, in front of you sometimes I tried to forget that Im an Emperor. Fabian looked very tired when he said those words.

It was a strange thing. In this world, no one really worried about him even though it was evident that no one could replace his role for a week.

When I saw you sleeping next to me, I could erase my fate at that moment.

Fabian was born as a strong man with the Emperors fate, and a nobleman. He was utterly different from ordinary people. Even Evelyn had the same mind as others. She never thought that Fabian was in distress. He was always relaxed and had the Emperors dignity.

At that time, I could only feel that I was the husband of a woman. Perhaps, if there were any happy times in my life, it would be a moment like that I guess. His voice sounded really serene. But it scratched Evelyns heart violently.

Dont Fabian looked at Evelyn with sad eyes. Dont make such a face. I didnt mean to make you like this.

At one point, Evelyns eyes were red.

Im sorry. Fabian apologized to her quickly, I was just trying to explainJust forget it.

Fabian didnt want to see Evelyn cried again. He was regretting that he had brought up some useless words. He would instead remain as an indifferent man, but his heart felt heavy because it seemed that he had hurt Evelyn in the past.

Ha. A deep sigh soaked Fabians lips after Evelyn started to shed a tear.

Please dont cry. Fabian held Evelyn in one arm, and he wiped her tears with his other hand. Evelyn managed to hold back her tears which trying to come out more.

Just ignore what I said. Im a heartless and bad person.

How can I forget what Ive already heard? Evelyn sobbed and bit her lips hard.

Then my heart hurts because I feel like Ive made you cry again.

Its the same with me. Evelyn didnt hide her eyes this time, Your Majesty, you also shed tears earlier.

I never did that. Fabian immediately denied it.

Ive already seen it, so I cant forget it.

Evelyn would never forget it.

Its your illusion. He coughed in a low voice.

No, you did. I saw it. And I wont forget. For a moment, Evelyn looked silently at Fabians face, forgetting that she was now in his arms.

Evelyn noticed he looked a bit different. His dry lips, the dark shadow under his eyes, his thin face and his eyes that had the same emotions as her.

Dont look at it too much. Fabian tried to turn his face away. But Evelyn patiently followed his face and stared at it again.

You would rather be angry. Fabian sighed.

Is that so? Evelyns persistent glance finally fell. But, the atmosphere between them was definitely different than usual.

Yes. Its better than looking at my face like that. Its the same face anyway.

Different.

Fabian was stunned. He wondered if he had heard wrong or Evelyns voice sounded affectionate.

Noits different, whispered Evelyn again.

Suddenly, their eyes met. Evelyn was seeing more in Fabians eyes now than in other moments so far.

What we didnt know about each otherI guess it was the same. Fabian asked back with his dark eyes.

Why didnt I know then?

Whats the difference?

Your Majesty now looks exhausted. Like me.

Yeah, I am, Fabian answered in a low voice.

And I think youre sad.like a person.

Fabian paused, holding his breath for a moment. Then soon, he had a faint, sad smile, Is it the same as you?

Evelyn couldnt say anything. She believed that she could throw away her love and sadness. She had a happy time even after leaving him. As he said, it was all in the past.

Only

Yes.

But Evelyn couldnt lie. Once in her death, once in her own decision, she had to lose Fabian. It wasnt an easy matter at all.

Evelyn seemed to have cut off half of her heart when she had to let him go. She also realized that the feeling of emptiness and loss didnt disappear until the day she died.

Even now, still? Like I am?

The sorrow hadnt been forgotten. And Evelyn just lived with that sadness.

Yes.

Thats what the breakup was. To endure forever, to the day of death, losing someone you loved.