"I am am cooperating!" I said. "What am I supposed to do-lie about it? If I didn't hear him say anything about some Roland guy, am I supposed to just . . . ? You accuse me and my brother of all this perverted stuff we didn't even do, and I'm supposed to just-" cooperating!" I said. "What am I supposed to do-lie about it? If I didn't hear him say anything about some Roland guy, am I supposed to just . . . ? You accuse me and my brother of all this perverted stuff we didn't even do, and I'm supposed to just-"

"Okay, okay. Let's lower the volume, all right?" Officer Avery suggested. "No sense getting all excited. How about if we put it a different way? You listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Is it possible possible Ralph might have talked to you guys about this Roland and maybe you just don't Ralph might have talked to you guys about this Roland and maybe you just don't remember remember as much detail about it as Leo does? Maybe you were high at the time or thinking about your girlfriend or something? Or maybe Leo just has a better memory than you do? But maybe you remember as much detail about it as Leo does? Maybe you were high at the time or thinking about your girlfriend or something? Or maybe Leo just has a better memory than you do? But maybe you remember something something-even something vague-about Roland? Is that possible?"

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"I don't . . . I'm all mixed up. . . . It's possible, possible, I guess. Anything's I guess. Anything's possible. possible. " "

"But you're still saying Ralph never sold you any marijuana, right?" Overcash said. "Just passed the stuff, let you take some hits off it?"

"Yes."

"How about that stuff you two had tonight, then? Out at the bridge? Ralph wasn't passing the joint tonight. He wasn't even there."

"I don't . . . I guess he just gave Leo a couple of joints."

"Gave them or them or sold sold them?" them?"

"Gave them. As far as I know. Leo never said anything about buying them."

"Was Ralph planning planning to sell you some?" Avery asked. "You know-in quantity? to sell you some?" Avery asked. "You know-in quantity? Talking Talking to you guys about the possibility? Was this stuff a sample?" to you guys about the possibility? Was this stuff a sample?"

It had been Leo's big idea that we should sell dope at school, not Ralph's. But what was I supposed to do-whack him the way he'd probably whacked me? Or had he? I didn't know anything anymore.

I shook my head. "Not that I know of."

"Not that you know of, not that you know of," Balchunas mimicked. "That stuff you were smoking tonight: potent stuff, right?

Little more kick to it than the stuff you guys were smoking at work.

Right?"

"Look, what about my rights?" I said. "I have rights, don't I?"

He shot out of his seat. Started jabbing his finger at me. "You know who's always concerned about their rights, wiseguy? When they get backed into a corner? I'll tell tell you who. The guys who are lying between their teeth, that's who. The guys who are trying to cover something up." you who. The guys who are lying between their teeth, that's who. The guys who are trying to cover something up."

"I'm not not trying to cover anything up. I just-" He waved his hands at me in disgust. Sat back down. trying to cover anything up. I just-" He waved his hands at me in disgust. Sat back down.

"Look, Dominick," Officer Avery said. "We'd advise you of your rights if we were planning to arrest you. Which we're trying like hell not not to do, if we can help it. Now Leon says that stuff you guys were smoking tonight was a sample. Right? That Ralph wanted you to 386 to do, if we can help it. Now Leon says that stuff you guys were smoking tonight was a sample. Right? That Ralph wanted you to 386 386.

try it and if you liked it, you guys and he might make a little arrangement? Sell for him at school?"

"I'm . . . he never said anything like that to me."

"You never heard Ralph say he wanted you guys to buy a couple of pounds from him and then turn around and-"

"I didn't hear him say that. No." didn't hear him say that. No."

"But maybe he said it to your buddy Leon?" Balchunas asked.

"Maybe he offered Leon that deal to the both of you? Leon ever mention any arrangement like that to you?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. Maybe."

"That's an imprecise word, Dom. 'Maybe.' In your estimation, would you classify 'maybe' as 'yes' or 'no'?"

"How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"Well, that's up to you, Dom. If 'maybe' is 'yes,' Radical Ralph was was trying to put together a deal with you guys to sell his dope up there at the university, then you could probably get up and walk out of here in about three to five minutes. And if 'maybe' is 'no,' he trying to put together a deal with you guys to sell his dope up there at the university, then you could probably get up and walk out of here in about three to five minutes. And if 'maybe' is 'no,' he wasn't, wasn't, then this might take a while longer. You see what I'm saying? Gets a little more complicated if 'maybe' means 'no.' Because then we've got this discrepancy between what you say and what your buddy Leon says. If then this might take a while longer. You see what I'm saying? Gets a little more complicated if 'maybe' means 'no.' Because then we've got this discrepancy between what you say and what your buddy Leon says. I'maybe' is 'no,' then I guess we ought to have you call yourself a lawyer after all, or call your father, or call someone. Because, hey, let's face it-between what we found out in that car and what's going to show up in your urine sample, we got the goods on you, pal. And frankly, my friend, I've cooperated with you about as much as I'm willing to cooperate. We got other fish to fry out there in that waiting room. So you tell us, Dom, and you better be quick about it, too. What's 'maybe'? Is 'maybe' yes, you were aware that Ralph offered you guys a deal to sell for him? Or is 'maybe' no, he didn't? " "

I just wanted to get out of there. Not get arrested. Not cry in front of them.

"Yes."

It was after midnight by the time they let us go. The benches out front where we'd been waiting were almost empty. Crotch Lady was 387 387.

still there, snoring open-mouthed. Avery took us around in back to where Leo's car had been towed. Unlocked the gate. Waved us off.

At first, neither of us spoke. We just rode through Three Rivers with the windows down, the radio off. Leo kept checking the rearview mirror. It was one of the few times I'd ever seen him speechless- not not running his mouth. running his mouth.

"What the fuck did you tell them, anyway?" I finally said.

He started singing to himself, pounding out a tune on the steering wheel. "Who? The cops? I don't know. I told them a bunch of shit."

"Like what?"

"Why? What'd they ask you about?"

Part of me didn't even want to get into it. Didn't want to find out just how much of a weasel he could be-how low he'd go to get himself off the hook. Why had he dragged my stupid brother into it? Or told them Ralph was a queer? A radical with weapons?

"Birdsey, look back," he said. "Is that anyone?"

I turned around. "What?"

He was watching the rearview mirror as much as he was the road in front of him. "You think they're following us? The cops?" In the sideview mirror, I saw the car behind us take a right.

"Nope, false alarm," he said, exhaling. "Man, my mother would've shit a brick if she found out about this. . . . Hey, Birdsey, reach in back and get that box of eight-tracks on the seat, will you? I don't feel like talking. I just feel like mellowing out, listening to some tunes. Too bad they took that last joint Ralph gave us, right? I could go for a couple hits off of that thing. I'm all nervous still."

I reached around and got the box of tapes. Put them on the seat between us. We were riding out of Three Rivers, down Route 22. I didn't know where he was taking us. Didn't really care. I felt more pissed than nervous.

"Hey, I know," Leo said. "Let's get some eggs. That's what I could use right now. Some eggs and toast and home fries. And coffee, too. About two gallons of coffee. Enough coffee so I can piss this whole experience right out of my system."

388 388.

I kept staring out the sideview mirror. "What'd you tell them?" I asked him again.

"The cops? I don't know. I partly told them the truth and partly bullshitted them a little. Mixed it up, you know? Something would come to me and I'd just . . . use use it. Hey, not to change the subject, but you got any money on you? All's I got is three bucks. The Oh Boy's open all night, isn't it? I'll pay you back." it. Hey, not to change the subject, but you got any money on you? All's I got is three bucks. The Oh Boy's open all night, isn't it? I'll pay you back."

We rode on in silence, half a mile's worth or more. "And they bought bought it, too, you know?" Leo said. "That's the funny part. I it, too, you know?" Leo said. "That's the funny part. I knew knew they would. Cops are so fucking stupid." He patted his box of eight-tracks. "Put a tape in. Go ahead, Birdsey. Ladies' choice." they would. Cops are so fucking stupid." He patted his box of eight-tracks. "Put a tape in. Go ahead, Birdsey. Ladies' choice."

"What'd you say about my brother?" I said.

"What? I didn't say anything about him."

"You must have. They knew all about him pulling his pants down at work."

"Oh, yeah, that. I forgot. I was talking so fast, you know? Talking a blue streak. They were asking me all about the work crew and-"

"What did that that have to do with anything? Why'd you drag Thomas into it? They made it sound like we were all sitting around getting queer with each other." have to do with anything? Why'd you drag Thomas into it? They made it sound like we were all sitting around getting queer with each other."

"I was just-okay, look. Cops hate hate queers, Birdsey. Ask my mother. Ask queers, Birdsey. Ask my mother. Ask anyone anyone in law enforcement. So, what I did was, I created this smoke screen, okay? Made it sound like Dell and Ralph were, you know, trying to get funny with us and Thomas just . . . It was a in law enforcement. So, what I did was, I created this smoke screen, okay? Made it sound like Dell and Ralph were, you know, trying to get funny with us and Thomas just . . . It was a smoke screen, smoke screen, Dominick. Something to draw attention away from us getting wrecked out there by the bridge." Dominick. Something to draw attention away from us getting wrecked out there by the bridge."

"So you just bag my brother-slander Ralph-so that we can weasel out of-"

"I didn't slander either of them. How'd I slander them, Dominick? Your brother started crying and he yanked his drawers down, didn't he? Did I imagine imagine that? . . . You saw those queer magazines they had out there. What, did those things just fall out of the sky and land there? Wake up, man. Ralph's a flit and so's Dell, and all I did was tell them." that? . . . You saw those queer magazines they had out there. What, did those things just fall out of the sky and land there? Wake up, man. Ralph's a flit and so's Dell, and all I did was tell them."

"So what if they are? That doesn't mean you can just-?"

389 389.

"Hey, look, Dominick. I did what I had had to do. Okay? Why don't you just shut your mouth and play a fucking tape and don't worry about it. We're both out here driving around instead of at the friggin' to do. Okay? Why don't you just shut your mouth and play a fucking tape and don't worry about it. We're both out here driving around instead of at the friggin' state police barracks, state police barracks, aren't we? They didn't aren't we? They didn't bust bust us, did they? I did what I had to do, and I'm not taking any shit from you about it, either." us, did they? I did what I had to do, and I'm not taking any shit from you about it, either."

I said nothing for a mile or more. Heard Balchunas asking me all those embarrassing questions again. Saw him chomp that pen of his, snapping-turtle style.

"You smeared me me while you were in there, too. Didn't you?" I said. while you were in there, too. Didn't you?" I said.

"No, Dominick, I didn't didn't smear you. I got you smear you. I got you out out of that mess is what I did. But, hey, thanks a lot for the accusation. You're a real pal. of that mess is what I did. But, hey, thanks a lot for the accusation. You're a real pal.

You're-"

"You sure? Because one of the things they wanted to know was if I'd ever let Ralph get funny with me for some hash. Why'd they want to know that, that, Leo? What'd you do-bag all three of us? Leo? What'd you do-bag all three of us?

Thomas, Ralph, and and me? Fuck over three guys for the price of one?" me? Fuck over three guys for the price of one?"

"Look, Birdsey, you ought to be thanking me right now instead of accusing me of all this shit. That's all I I got to say. As far as I'm concerned, the subject's closed." He turned on the radio, punched several stations, snapped it off again. "And anyways, it's not my fault if the cops took what I said and twisted it around. They were just fucking with your head, you idiot. Trying to get you pissed off. It's a got to say. As far as I'm concerned, the subject's closed." He turned on the radio, punched several stations, snapped it off again. "And anyways, it's not my fault if the cops took what I said and twisted it around. They were just fucking with your head, you idiot. Trying to get you pissed off. It's a technique, technique, asshole. Don't blame me. Cops do it all the time. Ask my mother." asshole. Don't blame me. Cops do it all the time. Ask my mother."

"So what did you say then? What'd you tell them about this supposed hash deal?"

"All's I said was. . . . I told them Ralph made us this offer that he'd, you know, give us some hash if we'd let him go down on us.

And that we both both told him to take a flying leap. I'm telling you, Birdseed, cops told him to take a flying leap. I'm telling you, Birdseed, cops hate hate queers, and they're not exactly in love with blacks, either-especially groups like the Panthers. So I stretched the truth a little and-" queers, and they're not exactly in love with blacks, either-especially groups like the Panthers. So I stretched the truth a little and-"

390 390.

"Those are total fucking lies!"

"Yeah, and they worked, too, didn't they? You want me to turn around, drop you back off at the barracks so you can tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? Well, sorry, Dominick. I guess I ain't as much of a saint as you. I'd rather be out here than inside that station."

I stared up at the moon. Didn't answer. I didn't know what to think.

"Look, Birdsey, I had to think of something fast, okay? And on top of that, I was wrecked out of my mind. Remember? It was the best I could come up with. What was I supposed to do-sit around and wait for you you to get us out of this mess?" to get us out of this mess?"

He had a point. If it was me handling it, we'd probably still be back at Barracks J, getting fingerprinted, having our mug shots taken. Not that I was willing to admit that.

"Well, I just gotta hand it to you, Leo, that's all," I said. "When you decide to slander your friends, you can be pretty goddamned merciless."

"I wasn't trying to 'slander' anybody, Dominick. It was just . . .

survival of the fittest. So just do me a favor and shut up about it, will you? Let's just go eat."

Survival of the fittest: I let that hang in the air for a mile or more. Let it good and goddamn piss me off. Leo fished a tape from the box and shoved it into the player. Started singing along. I'm your I'm your captain. Yeah yeah yeah yeah captain. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. . . .

I reached over and yanked the fucker out of the machine. Yanked out two or three yards of tape and chucked the whole pile of spaghetti out the window. "Hey!" Leo protested. He braked hard enough to throw us both toward the dashboard. Then he changed his mind and gunned it. "What'd you do that that for?" for?"

"Because I wanted to, asshole."

"Yeah, well, you're you're the asshole, Birdsey. You owe me a tape." the asshole, Birdsey. You owe me a tape."

"Survival of the fittest? " I said. "You frame the guy because he's black, or because you think he's queer, but it's okay because it's just the fucking law of the jungle?" " I said. "You frame the guy because he's black, or because you think he's queer, but it's okay because it's just the fucking law of the jungle?"

391 391.

"Yeah, that's right, right, Dominick. It was Ralph or us, so I chose us. Dominick. It was Ralph or us, so I chose us.

You mind?"

"So the big, bad, black dope peddler tries to get us poor innocent college kids to deal for him. Right? That was your your bright idea, Leo. bright idea, Leo.

Remember? Not Ralph's. Yours. Yours. You were going to see if he'd sell us some shit and then we'd jack up the price and make a profit. You were going to see if he'd sell us some shit and then we'd jack up the price and make a profit.

Remember?"

"Did you tell them that? The cops? That it was my my idea?" idea?"

"Geez, I don't know, Leo. Did I? I was talking so fast-I was so wrecked-I don't remember what what I told them." I told them."

"Cut it out, Birdsey. Did you tell 'em it was my idea or not?"

"Tell them the truth, truth, Leo? No, I didn't. And you know why I didn't? Because Leo? No, I didn't. And you know why I didn't? Because I I don't bag my friends. Maybe I should have, though. Practiced 'survival of the fittest.'" don't bag my friends. Maybe I should have, though. Practiced 'survival of the fittest.'"

"Hey, how do you know he's not not dealing, Birdsey? All that grass we smoked all summer. That's probably dealing, Birdsey? All that grass we smoked all summer. That's probably exactly exactly what he was doing-getting us interested so he could use us in his little drug operation." what he was doing-getting us interested so he could use us in his little drug operation."

"Yeah, right, Leo. I think I saw that episode on The Mod Squad, The Mod Squad, too. Real life's just like TV, isn't it?" too. Real life's just like TV, isn't it?"

"No shit. Think Think about it. We worked with the guy all summer long and we didn't even know until tonight that he lives over at Dell's. That he's a fucking fruitcake. How do we know he's about it. We worked with the guy all summer long and we didn't even know until tonight that he lives over at Dell's. That he's a fucking fruitcake. How do we know he's not not a dealer?" a dealer?"