TL: Zimming

Editor: bodyinthefreezer

It seems that hes finally coming to terms with reality now. Thats why hes getting married.

Really?

I think so.

I hope this is the last time we go to the valley of chaos! We should also spend some time in the palace like the imperial knights.

Yes!

The knights were full of hope. When Blake and Diana got married, they expected that the Crown Prince would settle down.

And in the midst of this hopeful atmosphere, I was struck by a sudden realization.

All this time, I was only worried about whether to tell him that I was Ancia or not and how to explain this situation.

What a shallow thought.

Seven years had passed since I left the palace. In the meantime, Blake and Diana had grown up to become adults. They hadnt simply grown physically.

Both of them had been through a lot and they had already moved on with their lives.

A thousand years ago, I was Laontel and Blake was Rakshul. We met again after many years, staying beside each other.

Thats why I had unconsciously assumed that Id be the only one for Blake. I was so caught up with worrying about how to console Blake after I left, that I never imagined the possibility that hed move on.

Even though I knew how the original story went, I had forgotten about it.

I see. Hes getting married to Dianajust like in the original

That means the two of them got engaged when I went missing.

It hasnt been long since Paul and Matthew were dismissed. Dont talk too much.

In response to the knights gossip Jayden chided in a hushed tone. The knights shuddered and around. After they confirmed that Blake wasnt nearby, they lashed out at Jayden.

As our junior, where are your manners?

Did I say anything wrong?

Youre too stiff. You should try smiling when you talk.

Why should I?

Just smile!

The topic of the conversation shifted to Jayden.

I thought of Blake and Diana standing together, side by side, as I listened to them. But I couldnt picture it. Was it because I hadnt seen the grown up Diana

What are you so preoccupied with? asked Blake suddenly.

I raised my head to look at him. He smiled softly and took my hand.

Lets go. I shook his hand off unconsciously.

Rose?

Jayden was standing nearby so I reflexively grabbed his shirt.

Would you like to ride with me?

As I nodded, Jayden suddenly moved away. Blake pushed Jayden away lightly and grabbed my hand.

The carriage is ready. Lets go.

Rose, lets go. You didnt sleep well last night either.

Blake was looking into my eyes. I couldnt shift my gaze from him. His eyes were full of worries, looking the same as they did seven years ago.

***

My hands were numb. If I was on a horse, I mightve already fallen off.

I couldnt refuse Blakes request, so I got on the carriage.

How are you feeling?

Good.

Really?

Yes.

I tried hard to stretch my mouth into a smile. After all, there was no need to worry him.

Last night, you were very surprised, werent you?

I shook my head.

Im alright.

It had been a long time since I last thought of Joannas words. The only thing I could recall from last night was Blake holding my hand tightly.

Youre beautiful.

Blake took my left hand and kissed the back of it, right on top of the mess of burn scars.

Youre the prettiest person Ive ever seen, Ancia.

Hearing him say my name so suddenly, I looked at him in surprise.

He was studying me with his crimson eyes. Just as Blake knew me, I also knew him.

He wasnt completely certain yet. He mustve called me by name to test the waters.

What should I do? How should I answer?

Ser said that Blake would dump me if he found out, but I didnt believe her. I could still feel the faint warmth of Blakes lips on the back of my scarred left hand.

He wouldnt abandon me just because of my appearance.

But so many years had passed, and my place had already been taken by somebody else.

Blake had moved on, preparing for a new life with Diana.

He wandered around in the valley of chaos, looking for me, but in his heart, he had already accepted the fact that I had died. Perhaps thats why he thought of marrying Diana.

In the first place, his first love was Diana, so it wasnt surprising.

Diana also had to wander around for two years because of me. She was even about to graduate and start a new life.

What would happen if I showed up in this situation? If I was healthy, I wouldnt have had anything to worry about.

If that was the case, I wouldve boldly declared that I was Ancia, and that despite all my years in the door of darkness, I still missed him desperately.

However, I wouldnt live that long. Id have to leave him again soon.

If I revealed that I was Ancia now, Blake would be happy, but only for his heart to get broken once more later.

If I were to die soon, then what would happen?

Once again, he would blame himself, and wander around aimlessly in despair.

Furthermore, Dianas marriage would either be postponed or canceled.

The wound that had barely been stitched up would rip open and everything would be ruined yet again.

I wanted to be by his side, but I couldnt leave more scars on him just for the sake of my greed.

I didnt want to leave irresponsibly after hurting everyone and reopening old wounds.

Ancia died seven years ago. It was for the best that everyone continues to think so. That was what was best for me, Blake, Diana, and everyone else.

I made up my mind, and looked straight at Blake. I acted as if I didnt know what he was talking about.

Blakes expression hardened.

Ancia.

He called my name again.

I had to act. I couldnt be caught.

Ancia? Whos that?

Dont you know who Ancia is?

I dont know.

I shook my head.

You really dont know?

This time he nodded.

Who is it?

Blakes expression became grim.

Its my wife.

Were you married?

Didnt you know?

No

Okay.

After hearing my answer, Blake remained silent for the rest of the ride. He didnt ask who I was anymore.

A stifling silence filled the carriage and I turned my head towards the window.

I shouldnt have followed Blake. I relied on him unknowingly because my body had changed, and seven years had passed.

The day before yesterday I vomited blood, and yesterday I lost my consciousness and collapsed. Today, my hands felt completely numb. I knew this body wouldnt last long.

I dont think I could even last 100 days.

When I was young, I had raised a white puppy. His name was Baekdol. One day, when Baekdol had grown up, he left home.

Grandma said that Baekdol had grown old so it was time for him to die. But he was smart enough to leave so that his master wouldnt see his dead body.

I didnt understand my grandmothers words at the time, but I think I understood it now.

Where should I go now? Where can I go?

You look like youre going to leave.

Blake broke the silence all of a sudden.

My wife often had that look on her face. Especially when she said she wont leave, yet she ended up leaving me.

Dont even think about leaving. I wont be tricked again.

Does he still think Im Ancia?

Im not her

I tried to deny it again, but before I could finish, Blake came closer.

I wont be tricked this time.

***

Tonight we were going to camp out in the mountains. I felt uncomfortable being alone with Blake, so I hurried out as soon as the carriage stopped.

Whether or not Blake knew I was avoiding him on purpose, he didnt bother to confront me.

Does he believe that I am Ancia?

My appearance had changed and I couldnt speak. I didnt know the alphabet nor did I have the power of light, so why does he think Im Ancia?

As I was thinking about it, my foot slipped over something.

Ah!

Jayden caught me before I could fall.

Be careful.

Thank you.

Jayden bowed lightly and went away. I mouthed out the words but I didnt know if he understood me.

It was amazing how Blake understood me so well. I was about to sit down in a corner, but I overheard the knights voices.