"Don't say a word, sweetheart," he whispered. "I know this is hard for you, but trust me. Okay?" Alyssa nodded, and he saw the truth in her eyes.

John hovered above her lips and her eyes rolled shut. A sigh rolled off her lips, waiting for him to press his mouth to hers, but he wouldn't. Not after how she treated him last night. He would make her work for it.

John grazed passed her mouth to her ear, leaving a hot trail on her skin. He floated just above touching her. It was hard as hell for him but he wasn't going to give in just yet.

She took a deep breath and John glanced down as he watched her chest lift in his shirt. Fuuuccckkk. Her nipples were hard as pebbles and the fullness of her breasts showed through his shirt. He wanted so bad to reach down and press his face to her chest.

"Just relax," John whispered. "Cupcake is sound asleep which means you're all mine to do with what I want. Shhh . . ." he said, running his lips over the shell of her ear and pushing his hips into hers. The slightest, smallest moan escaped her lips.

"Johnny," she sighed breathlessly.

John groaned rolling his hips into her and she spread her legs wider, relaxing against the couch. "Honey, when you say my name like that it's hard for me to hold back from taking you. I love how you say it."

John grabbed her lips in a no surrender hold. He kissed her hard, and he kissed her good. He kissed her to make her forget everything around them. He wanted her focus solely on him, on them. Alyssa moaned into his mouth and kissed him back with the same intensity. She struggled to move under him, but John wouldn't allow it. He kept her locked in and under his command.

Pulling back, he breathed against her mouth, "I'm going to take you right here on this couch. Just thought you'd like to know now." John's tongue skated out and licked along her lip. He tipped her chin up and he leaned in for a kiss.

"I don't think that's a good idea-"

"Stop thinking."

"I . . . I don't . . . You have me all confused."

John chuckled. "I have you confused because you want me, and you don't want me to stop as much as your brain tells you to. Alyssa, you want me, and I want you. What's the problem?"

John sat back on his haunches. He scrubbed a hand down his face. "I'm trying, Alyssa, but you have to try, too. It takes compromise. A relationship is a work in progress. There is not one relationship that isn't. I can't be the only one putting everything in. You need to meet me halfway, otherwise we'll never make it out alive. The question is, do you want it bad enough?"

"Who said this was a relationship?"

John's voice grew deep. "Are you really going to go there?"

Alyssa shrugged. She didn't know where she was going. Of course she wanted it. Alyssa always wanted John to begin with. From the moment they met he stirred something inside of her. There was no question about it. But the real question was could she risk the heartache of him coming in and out of her life should it happen?

"Johnny . . ."

"Honey, like I said, I'll try my damndest. But you're not alone. This is how it is for many couples with a spouse in the service."

Alyssa just stared at him, her shoulders dropping.

"I know, I know. We're not a couple," John emphasized. "But can't we just try?"

Trying to find the strength, Alyssa swallowed then said with an unblinking gaze, "I can't . . . Not yet."

Disbelief was written all over his face. "Then what the hell was last night?"

Last night was one of the most emotionally compelling nights of her life. It was a night she would never forget and hold close to her heart forever. John was truly there for her in every aspect, and she could never thank him enough.

Her chin quivered, unshed tears threatening to fall. She was guilty for pushing him away at every corner. One minute she wanted him, the next she couldn't. She needed to meet half way, but the distance was too far to reach.

"I'm going to push past those walls and strip you down, then you'll be mine irrevocably. Every chance I get I'm going to be here."

A small smile tugged at her mouth. She needed to give an inch if he was willing to give a foot. It was a pivotal moment between them. John placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. He lingered for a moment then snuck up her mouth and planted a wet kiss to her lips. When she didn't hesitate but leaned in for more, John slipped his tongue into her mouth and kissed her until she was breathless. He lapped at her lips slowly with precision as he held her jaw in both palms, his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks. When she made a sound that indicated she wanted more, John purposely pulled back.

Arousal filled eyes gazed back at him. Grinning, John said flirtatiously, "That was the last kiss you get."

Because with them, it always started with a kiss. It was only a matter of time until she wanted more.

Alyssa was going to do it. She was going to leave Brooke with John. An hour or so after their conversation on her couch, Alyssa called Natalie and told her she had the day off. Her nerves were already shot and it wasn't even ten in the morning yet.

A chuckle echoed down the hallway. Alyssa smiled as she applied her mascara. Brooke's baby laugh was the most adorable thing to her. She could just picture drool dripping down her chin as her body bounced from laughing. Brooke was her heart. That laugh is what got her through each day.

Walking out to the living room, John was sitting shirtless with his feet propped on the coffee table in only basketball shorts. He didn't even notice her as she watched from the entry way. He held Brooke's hands as he balanced her on the crease of his thighs, her little legs holding her up. Gently, he eased her back onto his knees and blew raspberries onto her belly. Laughing, Brooke's pasty white legs kicked out as she giggled from being tickled. Bringing her in close, John let go of her hands and hugged her before he blew another set of raspberries into her neck. A bundle of emotions took over and she was left reeling them in. Her daughter was laughing and smiling. To cry was silly, but the joy she felt watching them together was overwhelming.

Alyssa sighed. She didn't know what to do. She was only twenty and with no mother to turn to. Every day was trial and error for her. She just prayed she was doing it right.

"Is that my baby girl I hear laughing?" Alyssa said, walking into the room. At the sound of her voice, Brooke turned and reached for her. Smiling at John, she asked, "Can I?"

"Who am I to say no? She wants you. I know the feeling pretty well."

Alyssa blushed, the heat creeping into her cheeks. "Laying it on thick already?" She lifted Brooke and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Don't know what you're talkin' about."

"Right . . ." She could feel John's eyes on her but she wouldn't look at him. She couldn't. She saw too much of his heart just in his steady gaze alone and wasn't ready for it.

"John, want to come into the kitchen with me and I'll show you a few things before I leave?"

"Lead the way."

Pulling out a plastic sack of breast milk, she placed it on the counter. "This is what I call liquid gold. You do not microwave it-ever. You carefully pour the milk into a bottle, twist the nipple back on and then heat it in a pot of hot water, not boiling, got it? Warm it for a few minutes and check it before-"

"Alyssa, I know to check a bottle on my wrist before I give it to her." He gave her a droll stare.

"Fine . . . But do not ever put this in the microwave. It removes all the nutrients. Dr. Spock said so."

"Liquid gold? And Dr. Spock . . . from the Simpsons? Alyssa, you got your baby knowledge from watching the Simpsons?" John jokingly threw his hands in the air. "What am I going to do with you?"

Alyssa lightheartedly backhanded his arm a few times. "Be serious!"

"Okay. Okay. Okay. I will! Just stop hitting me," he laughed.

"Yes. Breast milk is like liquid gold. It's hard stuff to pump out and get your hands on. And Dr. Spock is a baby book I read and keep on hand. You should too if you plan to stick around like you swear you are. He's a genius and knows it all."

"So boob juice is liquid gold. Got it." he joked, staring at her chest.

She snapped her fingers. "Eyes up here, Johnny. Yes . . . boob juice, if that's what you want to call it."

Wiggling his eyebrows, John said, "I bet I could pump a lot out of boob juice from you."

"Oh my God. You are so gross!" She laughed. "Please, for the love of all that is Holy, do not spill it. How about I just fill the bottles for you before I leave?"

Holding Brooke tightly to her hip, she began massaging the milk sac to remove all the thick nutrients and vitamins that were stuck to the side. Brooke noticed the bottle and began smacking her chest grunting for it.

"See this right here? All this thick creamy looking stuff? It's really important. Sometimes if it gets stuck I'll heat it under running water to melt it off the sides then pour it into a bottle."

It was second nature to her to hold her baby and make a bottle at the same time, but when she became fussy it was a little hard on her. John reached for her, and before she could even process what she was doing, she let John take Brooke so she could finish making the bottles.

Alyssa quickly filled six bottles and then placed them back in the fridge. "There you go. Oh-and if she doesn't finish it, just dump it out after an hour. Okay?"

"You just said it was liquid gold, now you want me to dump it out? Are you purposely confusing me?"

Alyssa chuckled, her eyes lighting up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. The milk isn't any good after an hour so that's why you need to dump it out, but if I know my baby, there won't be a drop left. I need to get going, but I'm going to nurse her one last time. My breasts are like rocks now and I need to get the milk out."

John's eyes dropped to her chest, then back to meet hers. "Just now?" he asked confusingly.

"Yes. Sometimes when she cries it's like an automatic sensor that goes off and my boobs produce . . . well, boob juice. Here, let me have her and I'll feed her real quick."

Grabbing Brooke, she said in baby talk, "Want some milk?" Brooke fussed, kicking her legs out again. One the couch, she cuddled Brooke to her chest, her mouth open and ready trying to latch on through her bra. "Hang on, baby," she said softly. Alyssa was about to lift her shirt, but somehow forgot John was with them in the few seconds it took to walk into another room. She was so focused on nursing and getting to work on time that she totally forgot he was there.

Turning to look at John with a now fussy baby in her arms, she said, "Um, this is kind of awkward."

"What is?"

"You watching as I'm about to breastfeed."

"That's awkward to you after what we did last night?"

Alyssa's cheeks flamed and her body came to life thinking about what they shared last night. Judging by the mischievous smirk on John's face, he knew what she was thinking.

"Well, I'm about to whip out my boob. It's a little strange to me. Isn't it for you?"

John tipped his head to the side and just stared. Of course it wasn't strange to him. "Would you rather I not look? I could turn around if you want."

A sigh rolled off her lips. It wasn't like he hadn't seen them before . . . "No, it's okay I guess."

"Cool. Because I kind of want to watch."

Who the hell was this guy? What twenty-one year old wanted to watch his friend breastfeed?

"Can you hand me the rag next to you, please?" John handed it to her and she placed it under her breast so the milk wouldn't spill onto her clothes. "Thanks."

Unclipping her nursing bra, Alyssa pulled down the material and Brooke immediately latched on. The first few tugs were always tender for her as she gulped hard and chugged the milk. Alyssa rested back into the couch as she cradled Brooke to her chest.

John leaned over, his elbows digging into his knees as he watched in utter fascination. He had never seen a woman breastfeed before, and it was something to experience. Alyssa gently stroked Brooke's back as she found comfort in her mother in more ways than one.

"You okay there?" Alyssa asked quietly.

"Huh?"

"Well, you're sitting there with your mouth hanging open. You look like you're in shock."

"Oh, well, I've just never seen this happen before. It's kind of cool."

Alyssa looked down at her now sleepy baby. "Yes, it is pretty cool." She smiled.

"Can I come closer? Or is that weird?"

"You mean to watch? Um . . . I guess so."

Brooke started to slow down as her eyes rolled shut. "Oh, no you don't, baby," she whispered, and reached for the snap on her right cup.

"What did she do?" John was so close that he breathed his question on her neck. Just having him sit this close to her made her heart speed up. "She almost always falls asleep when I nurse her. I need to switch her to the other side before she's out."

Sitting forward, Alyssa carefully flipped Brooke to the other side. She covered herself up then sat back and leaned into his side, finding it comforting that she did. John draped his arm across the back of the couch. He liked being here with her as she nursed. It was a feeling he couldn't explain, it just worked for him. She rested her head on his chest and took a deep breath. He wasn't expecting her to do that but was secretly happy she did.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

Alyssa lifted her head and their gazes locked. Her resilient blue eyes captivated him. There was just something about Alyssa that pulled him in every time he looked at her. Despite all the mourning and grief John dealt with in the past year, Alyssa was still the one. She was his light. His strength. His motivation.

And now Brooke was too.

He could never be mad at her. Not now. Not even when he found out the paternity results. Sadness suffocated him then, not hatred. He never wanted go to sleep fighting with her either. Life was too short and he couldn't predict the future because there was a chance one of them wouldn't wake up the next day.

His best friend's death forever changed him. At only twenty-one, John saw life with a different set of eyes now. He would always mourn the loss of his friend, but he had to keep trekking ahead. He couldn't let the sorrow suck him under even though some days he wanted to. He had a reason to live, to fight.

Silence filled the room as they sat there staring deep in each other's eyes. Everything about Alyssa moved John, especially the way she cared for Brooke. It made him want her even more than before. His eyes skimmed past her perfectly straight nose to her supple lips. Shit. She parted her lips and her pale pink mouth beckoned him. He told her earlier this morning that the kiss they shared was their last one. Now he wished he never said that because the way she was looking at his mouth made him want to kiss her forever.

A quick peek down at Brooke, and she was sound asleep, her mouth slowly falling open. Alyssa noticed his glance and looked down at Brooke, too, and then back up. She didn't move, John could tell she was trying not to.

Slowly, John tilted his head to the side. It was like he was compelled by her. His heart pounded against his ribs as his lips grazed hers. He needed to feel her.

"Alyssa," he breathed back and forth over her lips as she sat still. "That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen."

"Thank you," she whispered. She never broke his gaze.

"I know I said earlier that was your last kiss, but I lied. I want to kiss you, so I'm going to."

"Okay."

Before she could blink or change her mind, John cupped the side of her face and pulled her to him. Love. He felt nothing but love for her.

"That was your last one," she said.

"If that's what you say."

Truth was, every time Alyssa said she didn't need anything more from John other than friendship, it was a lie. Each time he gave in, she was secretly happy about it. One kiss was all it took for them to succumb to their desires.