I rose from my chair. He did the same and followed me out of the dining room. He still didn't say a word when we walked into our bedroom.

A knot formed in my stomach as I watched him shrug off his suit jacket and remove his tie and watch.

I walked over to his side of the bed and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for a wonderful birthday. And for the diamond bracelet."

"Why did you do that?" he said, his voice just below a whisper.

"What?" I unzipped my dress. Was he angry because I spilled the water or because I helped the waiter clean up. "I spilled the water, Jude. I-"

He shot me a glance that froze me in place. "I'm not talking about that. Why," he stretched out the word, "did you touch him?"

I frowned. "Touch him? I didn't...oh, you mean when I touched his hand?" I placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's going on, Jude?"

He shrugged off my hand. "Not only that." His voice was ice. "I saw the way you looked at him."

I slid out of my dress, shaking my head with confusion. "Why this sudden jealousy, Jude? In one year of marriage, have I ever given you a reason to be jealous? I just helped the guy. What's the big deal?" I picked up my dress from the floor and turned to walk away, but an iron grip on my wrist halted me. He spun me back to face him. Before I could react, I heard a sharp slap and felt my cheek burn.

"You are my wife. You don't look at other men." He said the words through clenched teeth. "You certainly don't touch other men." He released my wrist and walked away.

I touched my pulsating cheek and watched my husband disappear into the bathroom. I sank down onto the bed with shock. Had he really done that?

When he reappeared from the bathroom, he rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms.

"I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have done that. It's just that I love you so much. Please forgive me." He kissed my aching cheek and moved on to my neck.

I still didn't move, not even when he laid me back against the Chinese silk sheets and made love to me. I didn't return his kisses, didn't respond to his lovemaking. I just stared at the ceiling.

Had I just caught a glimpse of the price tag on the life I was living without paying for?

To make up for what he had done two months ago, Jude did everything to prove to me just how much he loved me. He told me several times a day, calling me every hour from work just to remind me. Until somewhere along the way, those three little words, valued by so many, lost their meaning and became just words in a dictionary.

Maybe too much of a good thing really is a bad thing.

His slap had caused something to s.h.i.+ft inside me, and I struggled to recover. To make matters worse, his jealousy was getting out of control. Every time there was a man around, he never took his eyes off me. The stress of making sure I didn't do anything to make him feel insecure was unbearable. His jealousy was smothering me. And his love was starting to do the same.

Last night after we made love, he whispered into my ear that we should make a baby.

I had looked at him with a small smile and didn't say anything. But hot panic erupted inside of me.

After everything he'd done for me, how could I refuse him something he wanted so desperately?

At first I went along with it. I went off the pill. Giving him a baby was a small price to pay for the life he had given me.

I wanted to be a mom, a better mother than my own had been. But what if, like my own mother, I failed at being a parent? What if life got in the way, and I ended up destroying my child? I couldn't go through with it.

Last night, I did what I had to do, the right thing for me. I started taking the pill again in secret.

A baby would be yet another reason for Jude to love me, and right now I was already finding it hard to breathe.

CHAPTER ELEVEN.

Lying on a four-poster bed in Jude's newest exclusive resort in Las Vegas, tears burned my eyes.

Jude trailed his fingertips along the length of my curvy body, from the hollow of my neck to the mound between my legs. My skin p.r.i.c.kled, but not from unleashed pa.s.sion.

Swallowing hard, I harnessed the urge to recoil from his touch, to gag from the musk in his cologne.

He brought his hand back up and I let out a silent breath. "I wish we had more time." He kissed my neck. "I'd rather be in here all day making love to you."

"I know," I lied. I wanted to be anywhere but in bed next to my husband. "We should get ready." I slipped out of bed and walked to the bathroom, my waist-length honey blond hair swaying like a curtain along my bare back.

"How about I join you? We can catch a quickie." I heard Jude ask a moment before the bathroom door closed.

"Need to wash my hair," I called back. He knew that was.h.i.+ng my hair took forever.

I leaned my back against the misted gla.s.s door, a hanging fluffy robe separating me from the cool door. I slumped forward, my hands clutching my knees. I drew in three deep breaths. Though the air filled my lungs, it didn't seem enough. I grappled for more and more and more until my heart stopped racing.

An hour later Jude was dressed in one of his black suits, tapping away at his laptop in the adjoining office, and Lucille, a celebrity makeup artist and hairstylist Jude had insisted we fly in from New York for the special day, fought with my long stubborn curls, finally wrapping and pinning a lush braid firmly against my scalp.

"There," she finally said in her British accent. "You look perfect."

I smiled but my stomach roiled. I longed to be excited about little things again. Like having my hair and nails done. But I was slowly forgetting how to be happy. I eyed myself in the mirror, watched my flat, green eyes staring sadly back at me. "Thank you, Lucille. You did great. I love it."

When Lucille left me alone in the room, I indulged in another breathing session. Tonight was a big night for Jude. The opening of his third luxury resort in a year. The Haley Luxury Resort and Casino was named after me, yet another token of his unending love. Yet another chain that bound me to him. The resort was pure luxury with fifty floors, two thousand rooms, a ninety-thousand-square-foot casino, a spectacular waterfall, and a shopping mall.

Even if my brown eyes were empty, I widened my smile, I pretended I was happy.

After all, what did I have to be miserable about? I had it all.

"My husband will arrange for the jet to fly you back to New York."

CHAPTER TWELVE.

Music and champagne flowed in the circular marble hall. People shook Jude's hand, congratulating him on yet another success. As I allowed Jude to parade me around the room, I didn't miss the envy on the faces of the women in the room. For my freedom, I would have traded places with them at the drop of a hat.

I did my part. I smiled brightly and clapped along with everyone else after his speech that included him thanking his loving, supportive wife. I nodded as his dark eyes met mine.

"I love you," he mouthed and inside I recoiled from his words.

After the caviar, champagne-sparkling water for me-and a five-course meal, my stomach twisted with anxiety.

Five minutes to midnight. The party would be over soon and we would return to our suite. He would want to celebrate there too, to have s.e.x. Over the six months, making love to him had become such a ch.o.r.e. Nothing but s.e.x. And he was insatiable. Even more so now that he wanted a baby.

Maybe it was a small price to pay for everything he had done for me. Without him, I would be nothing.

After the last guests filtered out, I let him take me back to our suite, which was decorated with flickering candles and fresh flowers.

When he made love to me I closed my eyes and prayed for him to finish soon.

Then guilt wrecked me as I fell asleep in his arms. What was wrong with me? How could I not be happy with a handsome and rich man who wors.h.i.+pped the ground I walked on? Why wasn't I able to shake the feeling that something was missing?

In the morning, on our flight back home, I wept in the toilet for thirty minutes, then reapplied my makeup, squirted drops into my eyes and continued to pretend.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN.

I'd never felt quite at home in Jude's house, which still looked like a bachelor pad. No feminine touch whatsoever. Not even a compromise. Given half the chance, I'd have gotten rid of the taupe and gray colors and replaced them with splashes of softer shades. I'd have replaced the hard-edged furniture with pieces that had curves to them. I'd have swept out the chill and brought in warmth, life. But Jude wouldn't have it. I was his wife, his partner, but he went crazy when I tried to replace even a simple vase.

Such a shame. If he would let me do something around the house, it would keep me from being bored all day while waiting for him to come home, from feeling empty. There was only so much TV I could watch and shopping lost its appeal when I could afford to buy anything I could ever wish for. Since returning from Las Vegas, I craved even more for what I couldn't have. I wanted my freedom, and a job would have been a piece of that freedom.

In spite of the heat outside, I felt a distinct chill as I entered the house after a day of shopping. The discomfort I felt upon entering the house went beyond just the temperature. There was some kind of friction, an invisible warning that something was not right. My skin p.r.i.c.kled the way it did when in the vicinity of danger.

"I take it, Mrs. Macknight?" Lin gestured toward my bags.

For a moment I met her gaze and wondered what she meant.

She was a diminutive Chinese woman in her fifties whose hunched back made her look even shorter than she already was. She had been Jude's housekeeper for over ten years and her loyalty was to him. When I moved something in the house that shouldn't be moved, she promptly returned it to its usual place. She always cooked his favorite dishes and never asked what I'd like. He was the one paying her after all. But she was always polite and friendly enough to me.

"The grocery bags," she explained and reached for them.

The moment I let go of one of the bag's handle, a booming voice made us both jump. One of the bags dropped onto the cherry wood floor and we heard a cracking sound. The eggs, I thought as a Lin bent to pick up the bag.

"So sorry, Mrs. Macknight. So sorry."

I touched the older woman's shoulder. "That's okay, Lin." I paused, my eyes gazing over her shoulder. "Is Mr. Macknight home already?" He was supposed to spend all day at the office closing some important business deal.

Lin's gaze drifted to the direction of his voice. "He come home half an hour ago. He very angry man today."

My stomach dropped. He'd been walking around lately like a volcano on the verge of exploding and I had feared when he'd snap. Was he angry with me or was it work-related? Was he sensing that I was emotionally pulling away? I was being so careful.

Lin left me standing in the hall, my fists balled at my sides, my heart thumping. After a long moment, I followed Lin into the kitchen to help her put away the groceries even though Jude would disapprove. But right now I needed something to distract me from the hard knot inside my stomach.

"Leave us alone, Lin," a deep voice filled the room and bounced off the walls.

Both Lin and I whipped around to see Jude in the doorway, eyes blazing. Angry was not the right word. His eyes told me everything I needed to know. His rage had nothing to do with work.

Lin's glance flitted to my face.

I breathed in. "It's okay, Lin. We can finish up later."

"No," Jude retorted. "Take the day off. We'll see you in the morning."

"Yes, Mr. Macknight." Lin untied her white ap.r.o.n. There was a slight tremble to her fingers.

Jude stepped aside to let her walk through the door.

As soon as she was gone, the air in the room thickened.

In spite of the anger, Jude looked das.h.i.+ng as usual in a custom-made dark blue suit and powder blue s.h.i.+rt. Once upon a time, I had found a loose tie on him really s.e.xy. Hard to believe that I had once found it impossible to keep my hands off him.

"Hi," I kissed his warm cheek, just the way I did when he came home every day from the office. "You're home early." Most days he arrived home late, waking me up for s.e.x before he called it a day.

"Cut the c.r.a.p." He jammed a hand into a trouser pocket and pulled out a small rectangular box. "What the f.u.c.k is this?" He tossed the box to the floor. It landed at the toe of one of my velvet peep toes.

I lowered my gaze and my breath solidified. s.h.i.+t. As panic rioted within me, I raised my gaze again and met his stormy eyes.

"I asked you a question." His eyes bore into mine until I had to blink. "What the f.u.c.k is that?"

I let out a shaky breath. "Pill ... it's the pill."

"Let me get this straight." His voice was calm, too calm. As if a storm were brewing. "Why the f.u.c.k are you taking the pill while we're trying to get pregnant? Are you making a fool of me? Is that what you're doing, Haley?"

I'd never seen him this angry. The way he said my name, shooting it out of his mouth like a dart, chilled my spine. I had no choice. He had to know the truth. He loved me. He'd understand. "I'm not ready ... to have a baby."

"d.a.m.n you," he shouted. "We've been married for almost two b.l.o.o.d.y years. What do you need to be ready for?"

How did he find the pills? I had hidden them so well. Jude rarely went into my walk-in wardrobe. Just to make sure, I'd even stuffed them into one of my boxes of tampons. What would he look for there? Unless he really did suspect I was unhappy and went on the search for proof. Did he hear me cry in my sleep? "You went through my things? Why?"

"You have no right to ask me that question. This is my G.o.dd.a.m.n house. Now shut the f.u.c.k up and tell me what you're doing taking the pill when you claim to want to get pregnant."

His harsh words sent my world spinning. Everything had changed. When had he started talking to me this way? "You're not the same man I married. The man I fell in love with would never talk to me like this."

Jude's expression grew tight. "You're the one who's changed, refusing to make love to me and lying to me."

"I get tired too, Jude. You ask for s.e.x all the-"

"Tired?" He laughed. "From what exactly? I'm the one who breaks my back trying to support you. How hard can it be to shop and have your hair and nails done every day?"

I squared my shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "You know very well I don't enjoy doing all that. I'd rather ... I'd rather work. You made it clear you don't want your wife working. You gave me no choice but to stay at home and do nothing."