He shut himself in his room. His heart pounded. His knees shook. Staring at the dark surroundings, his

attention shifted to his bed and the rumpled sheets where he'd been lying.

He had no doubt that Katherine had meant what she'd said. If he walked down the hall right now and entered her room, she would accept him into her bed as her husband. The idea made his knees weak.

He'd stood in her room a multitude of times recently, supervising the work, rolling out the rug, assembling her bed. Thinking of her...

Remembering the feel of her in his arms as he'd carried her from that room to his the night the tree had crashed through her window.

He knew exactly what her room looked like. Could guess how many steps from the door to where she lay at this moment.

She wouldn't even ask why he'd come. She wouldn't cringe or pull away. He'd seen her strength. He'd kissed her and she'd complied. She would comply again.

He resented his body for its blatant disregard for the impossible.

She wouldn't object. He could have her if he wished. He could remove her nightgown and discover the mysterious secrets of her lush body. He could kiss her, bury himself in her womanly scents and textures, satisfy this burning longing....

He could have done the same at any time in his life if he'd been willing to humiliate himself by paying for the favor. If he didn't care that a woman had to look the other way when he removed his clothing. If he didn't care that he'd paid a price to have her ignore or pretend he wasn't disgusting.

Paid or pitying or obliged?all the same. All about shame.

He wished she'd never said the words. Wished she'd never told him she'd thought of it or that she wouldn't object. It meant she'd taken pity on him. It meant the security he'd bribed her with made her feel obligated. It meant he had to come in here every night from now until forever and imagine going to her room. His hopeless need was an embarrassment now.

He lay awake far too long and it seemed as though he'd barely slept when there was a knock at the door.

He stumbled out of bed and peered out into the hallway. Groggily. he realized a pail of water sat at his feet and he recognized Kate's footsteps on the stairs.

He'd brought warm water to her every other morning, but this day she'd delivered to him. Which meant she'd kindled and warmed the stove. The smell of coffee drifted along the hall. No one had seen to his needs since he was a child and her care was disconcerting. Noah washed and dressed, reflecting on the changes to his living conditions and his ingrained routine.

When he entered the kitchen, Katherine turned from the stove and carried a bowl of oatmeal to his place. Butter and syrup had been situated nearby and she set down a pitcher of milk before turning back.

He seated himself, prepared his oatmeal and picked up the spoon.

She carried buttered toast to him, then took her seat. Her oatmeal had already been flavored. It was an inconvenience for him to sit at the opposite end of the table, because if there was anything they needed to share, she was forced to hop up and down. Before her arrival, he'd never had anyone else present while he ate. Being watched made him uncomfortable.

As they ate, he couldn't help pondering if she was upset about the night before. He'd been abrupt.

But he'd learned in a little more than a month's time that she was quiet in the mornings. Once the sun was up, she chattered like a magpie, but upon awakening, she was unusually silent.

He found the trait endearing. And he felt privileged to know something so personal about her. Had Levi ever observed the fact?

For Noah's part, her silence wasn't much different from her chattiness, because he didn't feel compelled to respond to either. But this particular morning was different because of what had happened the night before. And because it was unusual?and in this case unnerving not knowing what she was thinking.

His gaze fell on the wilted flowers in a jar in the center of the table?the violets and bloodroots he'd picked for her. At the time he'd wished his roses had been blooming. She deserved roses.

He'd thought it a thousand times since he'd known her and he would think it thousands more: Levi should have loved her.

Chapter Eight.

By Friday, Kate was proficient at baking bread. Not only had she made all the loaves that she and Noah consumed that week, but Fergie allowed her to help him bake for the hands. She took several loaves and stored them in the kitchen, then carried her soiled aprons to the laundry room.

It didn't take long to heat water, stir with the paddle, rinse and hang the clean items on the clothesline. Marjorie washed on Mondays, then ironed on Tuesdays. Kate had grown accustomed to the schedule and knew when she could do her own without getting in the way.

She admired her white aprons fluttering on the line before changing into a clean dry dress. After gathering her sewing, she added comfortable cushions to a chair on the front porch. Kate settled down with the tiny gowns she'd cut and pinned and began sewing seams and hems. The task gave her ample time to think. She wanted what Annie had, but so far she hadn't figured out how to go about getting it. She got things straight in her head, but then she ran up against the wall that was Noah.

An hour or so had passed when she recognized Estelle's buggy. Her visits were becoming a predictable routine and Kate wondered what it was she wanted to lecture about this time. The driver halted the conveyance several yards from the porch and helped Estelle down. Her starched black dress and crinolines rustled as she inarched across the yard and climbed the stairs.

Immediately, Kate looked down at the skirts of the lightweight blue dress she'd changed into. Black was just so hot and stifling.

Estelle's disapproving gaze discovered her sin, but the woman didn't remark. Instead she seated herself on one of the porch chairs.

"Would you care for something to drink?" Kate asked.

"You should have help." Estelle gave an annoyed sniff. "Someone to fetch drinks when guests arrive."

"We have so much help now, there's barely anything for me to do," Kate replied with a wry smile. "I'm certainly capable of preparing tea or lemonade occasionally." She set down the tiny garment she'd been working on.

Estelle would expect her to use the teapot and cups she'd given her, so she made tea and carried the full pot and two cups out on a tray.

"1 feel it's my duty to educate you in matters of manners," the woman told her. "Pour both cups, then ask if I'd like cream or sugar. After you've prepared mine, pass it to me. It's customary to provide tea cakes or cookies with afternoon tea. Next time I will bring recipes for the cook."

Kate's cheeks warmed. She knew how inept she must appear in Estelle's eyes. The woman meant well, but her lessons pointed out Kate's glaring inadequacies and made her feel more out of place than she already did. "Would you like cream or sugar?"

"Both please."

Kate reentered the house and finally found a small cup to pour a dollop of cream into. She couldn't help comparing this strained time with Estelle to the friendliness and warmth of Annie's family. Estelle intensified all that was wrong with Kate's life.

"There are things a lady never discusses," Estelie said once she'd finished her tea. "But I am going to make an exception in this case, because of its importance to your position here and its significance regarding your vulnerability."

Kate set down her cup and folded her hands in her lap. Her curiosity was piqued. "What is it??"

"As shocking and inappropriate as ii is to even have thoughts regarding the marriage act, I feel I must counsel you."

The subject couldn't have taken Kate aback more. Her skin warmed and she felt herself flush. "Please, Estelle. You needn't speak of this. I am not.. .a young innocent. I was, after all, married to your son."

Estelle held up a hand to silence her. "This is not a lecture or a warning against the ordeal. In any other situation and to any other young woman I would share clever advice for denying and discouraging unwanted overtures."

Confused, Kate made up her mind she would have to listen.

"In your case, Katherine, it's imperative that this marriage be consummated and that you bind yourself to the man by any means possible."

"What do you mean?"

"Has the marriage been consummated?"

Heat intensified in Kate's face. "No."

"You're not legally bound until that moment. Until then either partner can ask for an annulment and a judge can declare them never married."

Kate sat forward. "But we said our vows!" Distress sharpened her voice. "We signed the certificate!"

"Nonetheless, the act is necessary to fulfil the obligation. It's a vulgar act in any case, and I sympathize with your distaste at accommodating a devil such as the one you've married, but you have no choice. Fortunately for you, your condition will provide a good reason to discontinue contact for many months. Once you've gotten the deed out of the way, future overtures can be denied. Have I made myself clear?"

Somewhat dazed, Kate nodded.

"I understand your hesitancy, but once endured, it will be compensated for by your home and security."

There was still a possibility that Kate could be displaced. In the back of her mind she'd suspected as much. Was fear what had led her to Noah's room, prompted her to offer him access to her bed?

She didn't want to believe Noah would change his mind or turn her away. He'd never done anything to make her mistrust him. But neither had Levi. She'd learned the hard way that she had to look out for herself and not blindly trust. She had to seal this pact once and for all.

Estelle said goodbye and took her leave, and Kate washed and put away the teapot and cups in a haze of thought. Noah wasn't keen on the idea. He'd made it clear that he wanted her to keep to herself and that he intended to do the same. Should she mention this? Her prior attempt to talk about it had been met with anger.

Perhaps she should simply attempt to endear herself to him, and matters would work out on their own. She couldn't imagine that happening, however, not when the man didn't even allow her to sit beside him at dinner.

Kate walked out back to take her aprons from the line. Bringing the sun-warmed material to her nose, she inhaled fresh mountain air and sunshine. Kate gazed across the peaceful countryside toward the mountains, comparing Rock Ridge to the places where she'd grown up and worked. The ring of a hammer striking an anvil broke the silence and a cardinal bounced on a nearby limb before taking flight.

All she needed was one time. Once, and their legal joining would be concluded. She wanted to trust Noah to keep his word and his promises, but she'd trusted a man before and look where it had gotten her. She had to look out for herself and her child.

Estelle's words about Noah being distasteful chewed at her confidence in her ability to go through with it. How ugly was he? How difficult would it be to submit herself to a man she didn't find.. .attractive?

Levi's handsome features had been striking, he'd had a lean body and agile strength. He'd seduced her with skill and charm and left her dizzy.

After all, she wasn't really sure what Noah's features looked like. His beard and his habit of letting his hair fall over the side of his face prevented her from ever having a good look at him. Maybe she didn't want a good look. She'd seen his chest in the lamplight?-maybe it got worse.

She felt guilty, somehow unfaithful for thinking it, but maybe she was better off not seeing him so she didn't have to deal with her reaction if it was negative.

By the time she'd finished her sewing and put things away, the meal house bell rang. She met Fer-gie in his kitchen, dished up plates for herself and Noah and carried them to the house. A few minutes later Noah came in and they ate in silence. He kept glancing at her. Finally he surprised her by asking, "Something wrong?" "Actually, yes."

He laid down his fork. "What is it?"

"You don't need me to do laundry. You don't need me to cook. I have to sneak out to the meal house and help Fergie in order to have something to occupy my day. I know nothing of ranching or horses or cows, so my advice will never be of import. What is my place here?"

He glanced around, obviously struggling for an answer. "You're...you're..."

"What? What am I?"

"You're Levi's wife."

His words shot a needle of pain into her heart. Wishing he hadn't said that, she shook her head. "No.

Not anymore. I'm your wife now." The food Noah had eaten sat in his belly like rocks. She was his wife. She was his wife and she wasn 't happy. He was doing it all wrong, because he didn't know what the hell to do.

"There has to be something that's of value to you," she said softly.

"What do you want from me, Katherine?"

She pushed away her plate and laced her slender fingers on the tabletop. She looked lovely in her pretty

blue dress. Looking at her hurt, because she was so pretty and so unattainable.

"Would you like a companion?" he asked.

Her forehead creased as she narrowed her gaze. "Pay someone to keep me company? Am I such a

burden?"

"No." He'd bungled things again. "I aim to take care of you."

"The only thing I ask is that you let me belong."

If he knew how to make her feel better, he would. "How?"

"As long as our marriage is not consummated, the contract is not legal or binding."

The rocks in his stomach threatened to come up. The word "consummated" took on a life of its own,

with inciting images and feelings he'd kept rigidly bridled. He swallowed. She'd offered to share her bed out of pity or a warped sense of duty. He'd turned her down. Would she leave now? Would she change her mind?

Bringing his brother's widow home and providing for her had been the honorable thing to do. Even marrying her had been noble. But sleeping with her?

He had to make her happy. He didn't know how to make her happy. He was out of his element. He wasn't Levi.

"And if," he managed to say, "then you would belong?"

"Then our marriage would be legal. We would be bound."