Joanna looked into her daughter's beautiful brown eyes, eyes that held hers quite candidly, and realized she had no way of knowing whether Elen spoke the truth. Even if she had, what of tomorrow? Elen was entrapped in an unhappy marriage, a barren marriage. How long would it be ere she sought satisfaction elsewhere, ere that rebellious spirit led her astray?

"Ah, Elen . . ." Her voice wavered. "How could we have meant so well and done so wrong? I truly thought you could learn to love John the Scot, but I should have known, should have seen . . ."

"I no longer blame you, Mama." Elen stooped to pick up a cockle shell. "None of us is given a warranty of happiness, not in this life. Even if I'd wed another man, who's to say we'd have found contentment together? Sometimes even love is not enough. After all, you loved Papa, and where did it get you?"

"To Llanfaes," Joanna said tonelessly, and Elen dropped the shell, moved to close the space between them.

"Mama, I'm sorry! I do not know why I said that. Why must my accursed tongue inflict wounds I never mean?"

"It does not matter, Elen . . . truly."

"But it does! I swore to myself that this time I would not do it, that I'd say nothing hurtful or harsh." Elen turned her back, stood staring out over the water. When she spoke again, her voice was indistinct, pitched very low. "But I've sworn that before, only to hear myself provoking yet another quarrel with you, stirring up strife betwixt us . . ."

"Why?" Joanna reached out, touched her daughter's arm. "Why, Elen?"

"I would that I knew! Frustration, resentment, mayhap sheer perversity. You do not bring out the best in me, Mama. But then I hardly need tell you that, do I? I've always been a disappointment to you, as far back as I can remember"

T.

655.

"Darling, that's not so! Elen, I love you, I do!" Elen kept her eyes stubbornly set upon the distant mountains, but her lashes were wet, tangled.

"That may be so, Mama, but you do not approve of me. I used to wonder how Davydd did it, how he knew so unerringly just how to please you, for I ... I never did, you see. I did try, though. You may not believe that, but I did "I was about seven the first time I realized you were not like the mothers of my friends. Your father had freed some of Papa's hostages, merely because you asked it of him. People were so joyful, so grateful, and I was so proud of you. I wanted to be a great lady, too . . . just like you. And as I grew older, I watched as you acted for Papa at the English court, I saw how much Papa loved you, and 1 tried to be what you wanted, to be like you. But you were so controlled, so serene, so sure of yourself, and I... I was none of those things, Mama. In truth, I was not in the least like you, at best could only hope to become an imperfect copy of a perfect original, and that seemed rather pointless to me, even at fourteen. And so I stopped trying to gain your approval. Only I... I could not stop wanting it."

Elen had not intended to reveal so much and she forced an abrupt, self-conscious laugh. "I did not mean to babble on like this. I guess I've been like a bottle corked too long. One inadvertent touch, and the contents spew out in a great gush. Let that be a lesson to you, Mama. There are fewquestions so full of risk as a seemingly simple 'why.'"

Joanna had been listening to her daughter's outpouring in astonishment. "Is that how you truly saw me, Elen? As controlled, serene, sure of myself? God in Heaven!" She caught Elen's arm, turned the younger woman to face her. "Elen, look at me. Truly look at me. I was a King's bastard. Under our law, I had no claims to anything, least of all to my father's name. My father loved me, but he could not legitimize my position at his court; I was there on sufferance and all knew it. And then at fourteen, I became a foreign wife, the English bnde, the outsider once more."

Elen's eyes had widened. "I never knew you felt that way, Mama. You always seemed at home in Wales."

"That is what I am trying to tell you, Elen. I learned at a very early age to hide my fears, to appear what I was not Pride, no less than charity, covers a multitude of sins. I was very fortunate, found with your father what had been denied me in John's world, and in time I did gain greater assurance; the poise was not entirely pretense. But scrape away the surface gloss, dig through the glaze to the raw clay, and you'll find a little girl forbidden to play with the other village children, a little girl who'd lie for hours in the heather above Middleham Castle, wanting nly to belong.656 "And that is what I wanted to give you, a sense of belonging You were so impulsive, Elen, so so rash I did try to curb your spirits, to teach you to adapt to the world you'd one day have to live in, as the vife of a Norman lord I did want you to conform, I cannot deny it And I was disappointed when you would not But only because I loved you so much, because I feared for you My darling, you seemed so heartrendmgly vulnerable, so open to hurt I wanted to spare you that if I could to show you how to construct a woman's defenses, how to make castle walls out of courtesy, to distance yourself whilst still preserving the inner keep, the secret self that is Elen "

Elen was blinking back tears "I daresay you're right, Mama " She gestured toward a tiny bird skittering along the water's edge "Life probably would be easier for me if I had protective coloring, if I could blend into my background like that little sandling " She smiled tremulously "But I'm not a sandling, Mama, am more akin to the magpie, I fear, curious and conspicuous and too venturesome for my own good1"

Joanna stepped forward, touched her hand to Elen's cheek "As it happens," she said, "magpies have ever been one of my favorite birds," and Elen came into her arms, clung tightly Joanna was reluctant to end their embrace, kept her arm around Elen's waist "Passing strange, that you should have drawn that analogy to the sandling, for your father once made a surprisingly similar cornparison He, too, talked of protective coloring, told me I cloaked myself in the muted earth tones of a wellborn Norman lady But he knew it was camouflage, knew me so well "

He'd never been taken in by her act Right from the first he'd seen through it, had seen the frightened little girl behind the bridal silk, the brittle smile Joanna's eyes filled with tears "Elen Elen, I've made such a bloody botch of things Tell me the truth How badly have I hurt Llewelyn7 I do not mean the man, that I know But what of the Prince7 How much damage have I done7"

"Not as much damage as you fear, Mama I'll not deny the potential was there for disaster, that you threw a burning brand into a sun-dried field But Papa acted to contain the fire, seems to have quenched it in time Not so surprising, at least not to anyone who knows Papa He holds all Wales in the palm of his hand, has for nigh on fifteen years now It would take a brave man to challenge him, an even braver one to mock him Mayhap if he'd showed weakness but he hanged Will de Braose at high noon before eight hundred witnesses Men will remember that, Mama "

"And Davydd7"

Elen did not pretend to misunderstand "Again, the answer is n as much damage as you think or as there could have been Papa n657 made a point of keeping Davydd close by his sideconspicuously so yVhen he met the English Chancellor in Shrewsbury last week, Davydd ^as with him, and will be with him again when he meets with Maelgwn next month It is an effective strategy, Mama, will do much to discourage speculation, to still all but the most vicious tongues "

"I would to God I could believe that "

"I'm not offering false comfort, Mama Papa is a man well able to take care of himself, to look to his own interests He was never a defenslve battle commander, preferred to take the war into enemy territory And that is what he has done He is no longer calling himself Prince of Gwynedd, has begun to make use of a new titlePrince of Aberffraw and Lord of Eryri "

After more than twenty years in Wales, Joanna at once grasped the significance of the change Aberffraw was the ancient capital of Gwynedd, and in Welsh lore, the Prince of Aberffraw held a position of dominance Although he was shrewd enough to do it by indirection, with a subtlety to allay the suspicions of his English neighbors and the jealousies of his Welsh allies, Llewelyn was, in effect, claiming for himself the title of Prince of Wales Joanna bit her lip "How very like him that is," she said, and there was in her voice such a poignant blend of pride and pain that Elen felt as if their roles had suddenly been reversed, she found herself yearning to comfort Joanna as a mother might comfort a hurt and helpless child "Let's go back to the manor, Mama You look so careworn, you've not been sleeping, have you7"

"Not much," Joanna admitted She whistled for Topaz and they began to walk along the shore "We'd best wake Ifan up ere we go, I think he might be discomfited if we just went off and left him Tell me about Gwladys and Ralph de Mortimer Were they wed as planned7"

"No, the wedding was delayed But it has been rescheduled for next month "

Elen's eyes rested pensively upon her mother's face She'd not exaggerated, the strain was telling upon Joanna She sighed, knowing what she had now to say would only lacerate an overburdened conscience even more "I know no other way than to say this straight out, Mama Papa and the de Braose family have decided to honor the plight troth "

Joanna stared at her daughter in disbelief "Davydd Davydd is st'll going to wed Will's daughter7"

Elen nodded "Papa wrote to Eva de Braose and her brother Pembroke, told them that whilst he'd had no choice but to put Will to death, he was still willing to consider a marital alliance Will's widow and "ernbroke showed themselves to be no less pragmatic than Papa Not nty did they want the marriage to take place, they wanted it to be658 ~;ble despite Isabella's tender years. The wedcelebrated as ^"ggg* M^aelmas week.~ ding is to be "eia ai/-r s/ but the sun still burned against her lids Joanna close a ner iey ^^ ^^ Uewdyn bear to do thig? HQ^ dried the tears on ner en ^^ ^ ^ ^.^ Qf wm? ,/And Dayydd could he look at isaoeua w . . . he's willing- , j In t j think because he wants so "Yoc Mama, it seems "c * r les, ivia were to SUggest he wed with a mermaid, I much to please lapa. 11 r scouring the beaches for one. But there's daresay Davy*1 wou ofttimes misjudge Davydd. He's more like more to it than mat. ic y ^ ^ differences more of style than subPapa than men naive, u knowg wha{ he wantg_ stance. Davyad knows ^J^^ and obviously tha^s Bue^ Davy