"Very well," I said heavily. "But Rheged?"

"You have already made your own decision on that."

It was true, I had. "Who are you?" I asked in a whisper.

He smiled, very gently. "I am Taliesin, the Emperor's chief bard. Does any other answer mean anything?"

"Are you of the Sidhe?"

But he did not answer, only turned and began to walk on.

In the afternoon I remembered Sion's mare, went to check on her, and found that the farmer had arrived and collected his cart and his money the previous afternoon. I felt, on hearing this, more uncertain of myself than ever. It was almost a relief to set out the following morning with Cei and the band of thirty for Degannwy. At least then I did not have to think about what troubles would come. There were troubles enough on the road.

The journey was indeed a rough one, especially the first part of it. Cei's thirty were hostile and suspicious of me. They used any means available to them to force me to leave, and Cei was their leader in all such attempts. If there was an unpleasant task to be done, the sort usually reserved for slaves if any are about, I was a.s.signed to do it. I was insulted fairly blatantly, and otherwise ignored. I was not wanted there, and the warriors made it abundantly plain. But I discovered that I could use my tongue to turn the point of the insults or turn them into a joke, and this, with patience and a certain amount of pretending that I hadn't heard, prevented a duel. There was nothing I couldn't stand-though I was glad Agravain was not with us. He would have felt obliged to kill half the party.

We took the Roman road from Camlann through the hills which the British call Gwlad yr Haf, Kingdom of Summer, which they say lie close to the Otherworld, then to Baddon, which the Romans called Aquae Sulis, and north-west up another Roman road to Caer Legion, and went again into the mountains of Arfon. It was awesome country, beautiful and harsh. The road was rough there: it had taken the Romans a long time to conquer the west of Britain, and they had abandoned it quickly. Degannwy was in the midst of the roughest part of the country, a small fortress but a very strong one. Everyone in it, from the king Maelgwn on, hated us almost tangibly, and gave us the bare minimum of hospitality demanded by the king's oath of fealty to Arthur. When we left, Maelgwn managed to cheat us of some of the tribute he owed, and the grain he gave us was adulterated with chaff, though we did not discover this until we reached Camlann. We were in a hurry to leave Degannwy, for we feared that if we stayed there would be bloodshed between our party and Maelgwn's men, or that perhaps Maelgwn would send his warband after us and claim to Arthur that the destruction had been the work of bandits.

The return journey was at once easier and more difficult than the trip to Degannwy. Riding up the north road with empty carts we had had no trouble with bandits. On our return journey we were attacked three times in as many days, and by large groups. The robbers attacked from ambush, using bows-a weapon no warrior will touch-and attempting to loot the tribute-laden carts before the whole party could bear up to protect them. Two warriors were killed in these attacks, and seven were wounded. We doubled the distance we had to travel by riding up and down the line of carts, wearing our shields on our arms instead of slung over our backs. I don't doubt that many of the bandits only attacked us because we were Arthur's; the whole countryside hated us. At the monasteries where we stopped to collect the tribute-they paid their taxes separately from the king-the men were full of mutterings, and of stone-throwing when we left. We scarcely dared to ask for hospitality at the larger fortresses, and, when we did ask, had to guard our carts and our backs.

But the difficulties combined to make it easier for me. I fought with the others against the bandits, cared for the wounded as well as I could, and with them shared the hostility of all around us. In such conditions they would have been less than human if they had not begun to trust me. By the time we rode back into Camlann, I was accepted as a member of the Family by everyone in the band but Cei. Stubborn Cei, the songs called him. It was easy to see why. He was stubborn in battle, willing to hold a position at any cost, never afraid, never unnerved, using his sharp tongue to drive on his companions and taking no thought for himself. He was a man in every way fitted to command Arthur's infantry. But he was stubborn in his opinions as well, and that included his opinion of me. A pity, for I learned to admire him.

We arrived in Camlann again just over three weeks after we had left it. It was very sweet to me, if strangely dreamlike, to ride back through the gates at one with the band I had joined as an outsider. It was victory.

The warriors in Camlann also looked at me differently to how they had when I left. Agravain, grinning, lost no time in telling me the reason for this. News of the events at Sorviodunum had arrived. The incident had become slightly distorted in the telling-I was supposed to have cut down a good dozen Saxons when I fled-but it had won me the respect of the Family.

But not of Arthur. Cei gave the High King a complete report of the journey, of Maelgwn's forces and his att.i.tude, and of the bandits. Arthur became thoughtful over Maelgwn, gave gifts to the wounded and praised the dead, and had a feast given in honor of the rest of the band. Both Cei and Arthur avoided mentioning me altogether.

I was not very discouraged, however. I had proved myself to Cei's band, and this was a long step towards doing the same with the rest of the Family. I was beginning to know the men, and to make friends. Bedwyr and Agravain both decided that I was doing the right thing after all-though Bedwyr was more uneasy than ever over his lord's att.i.tude. It was my first real victory, and I exulted in it. I was certain that, with the Light's aid, I could prove myself now. I wanted only an opportunity.

Three days after the feast that opportunity opened before me. The Family was on the move.

Thirteen.

Arthur and Cerdic had been contesting who could force the other into a pitched battle first, and Arthur had appeared to be winning, for Cerdic's followers were impatient for open war. Now came news that Aldwulf had returned to Bernicia with his followers, leaving Cerdic's men restless and still more eager to fight. The loss of his raiding party must have stung Cerdic, though he gave no sign of it, but it was expected that he would presently be pushed into raising the fyrd, the full peasant army, and marching on Camlann. Arthur had been unwilling to encounter the whole of Cerdic's army, which was much larger than the force he could muster, but, now that it seemed inevitable, decided to strike first. There was a risk involved, but the Pendragon was also concerned over the situation in the north and what might happen when Aldwulf returned and renewed his alliance with Deira, the other northern Saxon kingdom. He was willing to take the risk so as to have his hands free. The northern British kingdoms were already in difficulties: Rheged still weak from the civil war, and troubled with the Irish raids along its coasts; Ebrauc and Elmet engaged in a blood feud; March ap Merichiawn of Strathclyde already paying tribute to the Dalriada to his north and unwilling to fight the Saxons to his south; and G.o.doddin, my father's old ally, still bitterly opposed to her neighbors. The northern Saxons were already beginning to raid their British neighbors heavily, and had seized some lands as well, and to stop them was a matter requiring an extended campaign, which was impossible if Cerdic remained strong and in possession of Sorviodunum.

Arthur had contacted his subject kings Constantius of Dumnonia and Eoghan of Brycheiniog and requested them to raise their armies. While they sent the spear about their domains, calling up all the townsmen and farmers, Arthur himself prepared for one of the lightning-swift raids which were so characteristic of him. With luck, Cerdic would be unaware that the Family was, in this case, backed by armies, and would lead whatever forces he had gathered into a trap.

It was a fine morning late in June when he left Camlann and rode south to take the east road to Sorviodunum. The sun was dissolving the morning mist, and the day promised to be hot. Camlann looked firm and secure, set above the heat-haze on its hill, the fields were beginning to shade into gold, the sky was the palest blue imaginable, and the earth smelled rich. The Family was in a fine mood, joking and singing and boasting of the great deeds it would do. Ceincaled stepped lightly, eager to run, rejoicing in the day and in his own strength, and I felt as he did. I wondered whether it always felt so, to ride off to war, destruction, and the threat of death.

We followed the east road until we came into the Saxon lands, and then cut across the plain. We travelled by night when nearest to Sorviodunum, and, as the land was not heavily settled, managed to avoid the notice of the Saxons altogether. We pressed on, concentrating on speed, right through the land of the South Saxons and into Cantware. There we sacked the fort of Anderida, which Arthur had taken once before, seizing what goods were there and burning as much of the fortress as we could. Then we turned north and spread out over the country, pillaging it.

The purpose of a raid, other than the taking of plunder, is to cause as much damage as possible to the enemy. It is thus a savage business, worse than a pitched battle where warriors are fighting warriors. In raids, as often as not, one is fighting unarmed men, old men, and women and destroying their livelihoods. The only pleasant part is the freeing of the British thralls, who are usually overjoyed and sometimes wild for vengeance. Set free enough, give them their masters' weapons, and give them liberty to take their masters' goods and go, and they do all the damage anyone could wish. Arthur wished us to be as gentle as possible, and usually we were able to confine ourselves to firing the crops and driving off the cattle, without killing, but still it is an unpleasant business.

We cut a wide path through Cantware and began to work westward through the kingdom of the South Saxons. Cerdic had heard of this by then, and he gathered the army he had raised and came after us. Aeduin king of Cantware was nearer, but had not yet raised the fyrd. He began to do so-we encountered one of his messengers-and waited for Cerdic. We regrouped, sorted out our plunder and left the heavier goods, and pressed on towards the north-west. Cerdic's army approached from the south-east, following the trail of ruin we had left. We were nearly in Cerdic's lands, now, but instead of pushing through them Arthur turned northwards until we were nearly at the Tamesis river. There we again sorted out our plunder and even abandoned most of the cattle we had driven off, then turned and rode west as fast as we could. Our scouts reported that Cerdic had divided his army and left a part of it near the southern borders of his lands, but this we had avoided by travelling so far north.

The Saxon kings were enraged. We had entered their lands and done untold amounts of damage, and slipped through their hands when they tried to catch us. The three kings-Aeduin of Cantware, the king of the South Saxons, and Cerdic-now had a unified force. Cerdic was probably delighted, perhaps even thought that he had won his contest with Arthur. He would certainly have to lead his army on into Dumnonia now. He had a very great numerical advantage over our forces, even though he was unaware that we had raised the armies, but Arthur hoped our advantages of surprise and a battlefield of our choice would be enough to offset this. If his hope proved useless, then the Saxons would destroy the Family and be free to do whatever they pleased with southern Britain. But we did not like to think of that.

The Family rode as quickly as possible to the agreed-upon meeting place of the armies of Dumnonia and Brycheiniog, and found that the armies were in fact there, a thing which had been uncertain, since some of the British kings had failed their promises before.

We had scarcely arrived, and Arthur had only just leapt from his worn horse and embraced Constantius of Dumnonia, when, on the High King's orders, fresh horses were found for the Family and the armies struck camp. I kept Ceincaled, however, for the raid had not tired him enough to warrant a new mount. And I thought I would want him if we could trap the army of Cerdic of the West Saxons.

Arthur had set men to watch the main roads, and a post arrived from one of these reporting that the Saxons were taking the east road towards Baddon. We turned directly south, marching as rapidly as we could to meet them, and Arthur fretted at the slowness of the full army's pace.

Those two weeks showed me why Arthur was so great a leader. In the whirl of speed our campaign had become he remained steady, was able to understand every detail which was reported to him, fit it into its place, and take account of it in his own plans. When everyone around him was too weary or tense or confused to think, he remained steady, certain, and in control. He fought well, without malice or hatred, and never lost sight of what he fought for, so that he never, even in the most difficult moments, commanded an action of vengeance or cruelty, nor was he ever unwilling to speak to his followers. The blood and dust and exhaustion could not hold us as could Arthur's vision; he was the kind of king who occurs once in ten generations or in ten hundred years. He demanded, simply by being, all of the best his servants could give; and we gave it gladly.

I said "we," and yet I was not able to include myself among those who served Arthur. I wished to, more so than ever, but the High King trusted me no more than he had at first. I hung about the fringes of the Family, fought when I could, and puzzled over the reason why even the sight of me seemed to anger him. I set my hopes on the battle and what it might show, half-eager and half-afraid. Perhaps, I thought, I would not like what it showed me: nonetheless, it was the test, and I was eager for it. I prayed to the Light, grasping my sword-hilt, that I would not disgrace myself or the Family.

The day before the battle we camped near the edge of the plain of Sorviodunum, in a forest by a river called the Ba.s.sas. In mid-morning the following day the Saxons arrived, and we were waiting for them.

Arthur had, as always, planned carefully. The road followed a curve beneath the slope of a hill to its south, and he posted the cavalry along this hill, hidden in the woods which covered it. He set the infantry of the Family, with the warbands of Constantius and Eoghan, in the center, just around the curve on the road itself; and dispersed the less skilled armies through the wood on the flanks. The Saxon forces, if all went well, would march around the curve into the foot forces, which should break their shield-wall; after which, on a signal, the cavalry would charge through the Dumnonian lines to cut the Saxons off and to disrupt them.

I waited with the cavalry, beside Bedwyr and Taliesin. Agravain was fighting with the foot, near Arthur, in the manner he still preferred. The morning sun was hot, and we had already thrown off our cloaks and tied them over our saddles, and the sunlight filtered through the trees to glitter off the metal of arms and armor. In the camp behind us the camp-followers were preparing for the battle in their own way, filling buckets with water and readying wagons: we could hear the called orders and the creak of yokes and wheels. We were very happy, oddly tense and relaxed at the same time, and we laughed and joked a great deal while we waited for the Saxons to arrive. I felt very light-headed, and for a time wondered if I would disgrace myself by fainting, and wondered if the heat had anything to do with it. But I did not feel so much faint as full of an exultation which mounted as the distant shadow on the road, the Saxon host, drew nearer. I looked up at the blue sky and wanted to sing. I loved the sky, the warm-smelling earth, the sunlight through the trees: all the sensations which seemed sharper and clearer than they ever had before. I loved my comrades, Bedwyr, Taliesin, and all the others, and I even loved the Saxons as well. I wondered how many of those beside me would die, and if I would be among them. Life was very sweet.

The Saxons marched up the road in good order, in a wide column which overflowed on to the verges, and the sun shone on their spears and helmets. Their scouting had been poor, for they were in a hurry to catch Arthur, and they did not know that we were waiting. They crossed the river; and then it seemed that their vanguard must have heard something or received a message from an outrider, for they began to halt. The rear ranks ran into the vanguard, questioning, and Arthur and the center began to advance.

They saw them and, for an instant, there was silence; then the neat column twisted as the army tried to spread itself out to meet the threat, the leaders shouting orders which were relayed to the rear ranks, the common soldiers milling about trying to obey, trying to avoid panic and to form a shield-wall.

They had no chance to do so. The British army, which had approached slowly at first, swelled, like a wave before it breaks, gathering speed, the lines moving forward and suddenly charging, jogging along with their shields held high before them. There was a scream of war-cries down the line, the glittering of weapons being raised at once, and the air flashed with throwing spears, incongruous in the morning sun. It seemed unreal. The lines were closing; some Saxons were throwing spears back, sporadically, still trying to form a shield-wall, and then...

The lines. .h.i.t, with a tremendous clash of weapons that made the air tremble. The British went through the front Saxon ranks in no time, and the Saxons were swept back, leaving a line of dead like the high tide line on a beach. The odds, which had been against us, were being evened now. The shouting and screaming of the hosts were carried back to where we waited like the report of Yffern, and there was a robin singing in the trees nearby. Our line of cavalry edged forward a little down its length, longing for the battle. I felt still more dizzy. Ceincaled tossed his head, snorting.

"It will be a hard fight," said Bedwyr contemplatively, standing in the saddle to have a good view down the valley, then dismounting again. "They are not as confused as they should be; see how the rear ranks still march forward past us. They have not panicked; we had hoped for that. And it is very hot." He laughed, as though this were very funny, and we all joined him.

Arthur's dragon standard waved in the center of the battle, and the High King was now visible beneath it as the British line advanced. We caught glimpses of him now and then, recognizing him by his purple cloak. I saw Agravain at one point, too, fighting a Saxon with a gold-crested helmet. My brother thrust the other through the throat with his spear, then lunged past, and I lost sight of him. The standards of Constantius and Eoghan waved, to the right and to the left of Arthur's, but behind it. The Family fought better than the other warbands.

Now the Saxon rear ranks finally caught even with the leaders, and spread out into the wood, past us to the northwest. They engaged the armies of Dumnonia and Brycheiniog, under the trees. We could not see what was happening, but it seemed that the Saxons were unable to advance, for they did not re-emerge from the wood to encircle the center.

"It is going well!" said Bedwyr, intently watching. "We have them...no! Wait."

I saw Cerdic, standing in a sudden stillness in the center, standing high, on top of something, so that everyone could see him. He was shouting. I could not hear what he shouted, but I saw the Saxon ranks solidifying around him, and then attacking with fresh purpose, moving sideways off the road.

Someone threw a spear at the Saxon king, but he jumped down again and vanished. The battle dissolved into chaos. I twisted my hands in Ceincaled's mane, trying to see. The center was now near the edge of the wood on the other side of the road.

"No!" hissed Bedwyr. "We have lost them...no, we still have them...Oh Yffern! Why did Arthur have to fight with the foot today?" His horse danced nervously, and he caught the bridle more firmly. "We cannot attack now. It is far too confused, and the Saxons have their shield-wall formed. But the balance..."

Was swinging. Despite their losses, the Saxons were rallying, forming a strong shield-wall; and they had broken the momentum of the British charge. The forces had locked shields, the high tide line of bodies moved no further forward, but hung for what seemed an eternity, motionless. The British stumbled back a few feet, then pressed forward. The hosts swayed like a tree in the wind, like a huge panting animal struggling to give birth. It was hot, very hot. My leather armor was stifling, and in the center the heat must have been nearly unendurable. I felt even more dizzy as the pressure mounted within my skull. It is undecided, I thought, it may turn either way, and Light, let the victory be with us!

But then, just when it seemed that the outcome would become clear, I saw the south flank, the Dumnonians, whose line had been thinned by the Saxon move northward, begin to collapse. If they broke, and the Saxons came through, they could encircle the center and...I looked towards that center, where the dragon waved above the locked warriors. Arthur should be the one to signal us when to attack, but he was nearly in the forest now: could he see the danger on the flank?

The center jerked forward, suddenly and again I saw the High King. Behind him the standard wavered; Arthur turned, small with distance, and seized the standard as it fell, and swung his arm forward. The war-cry rose to us, and the Family was shouting its lord's name. They thrust forward...

But the Saxon flank movement broke through the British line, and the British fell back, trying to lock shields again, were forced back, falling, and then the shield-wall was in pieces and the Saxons were coming through, the light making their helmets look like the heads of so many insects. I clutched my spear uselessly. We could not charge them; their line was three deep, and they could brace their thrusting spears against the ground and destroy any hors.e.m.e.n who managed to pa.s.s the hail of throwing spears they would throw at us. And yet, if the cavalry did not charge, the Saxons would encircle the now rapidly moving British center, destroy it, kill Arthur...

It was unthinkable. We all knew it. To attack against the shield-wall was almost certain death, but...We will charge," said Bedwyr quietly, voicing the thoughts of all of us. "Mount!" He vaulted onto his horse, drew up the reins and looped them about the cantle of the saddle; his shield was already strapped to his arm. "For Arthur!" he called, nearly screaming it, and spurred his horse forward into a gallop.

"For Arthur!" we answered as one, and followed.

The light-headedness that had been with me all the morning suddenly transformed itself into a fire in my mind, the same blinding inward illumination, more powerful than ever before. The sun of noon was high, Ceincaled's pace flowed like music, and I felt light as air, as sunlight. I urged the horse on, no longer thinking of anything at all, past Bedwyr and out of the forest on to the Saxon lines.

They had had time enough to see us coming, and greeted us with spears. I loved them and hurled my own throwing spears in answer, instinctively concentrating on one place in the line and hoping to break it. The world was dissolving about me, leaving only a light and an ecstasy. I threw away my spear and drew Caledvwlch. The Saxons, holding their places, leaning back and bracing their thrusting spears, wavered suddenly as they saw it, their faces distinct, pale and vivid under their helmets now. I was on them, swerving Ceincaled from the tips of two spears and striking, hard and fierce; turning the horse along the lines and striking again. I was vaguely aware of shouts and of screaming, yet the action seemed soundless and detached. The Saxons moved so slowly, recoiling, hesitating, some turning; then the rest of the cavalry also was striking into them and they shattered. We were through their lines and turning back to destroy them. I think I was singing, the same song that burned in my skull. We had the victory within our hands.

The pattern of the rest of that day is lost to me in the fire.

The Saxon army was broken in two places, I was later told, and tried to retreat back the way it had come. But the cavalry had cut off the retreat by the road, over the bridge, and the retreat increasingly became a rout, a desperate run through the forest and across the river as the soldiers dropped their shields to run and most of their arms to swim. Cerdic managed to control his warband and some of his men and retreat in order, but by then most of the British forces had crossed the bridge, and the cavalry cut him off. He surrendered to Arthur late in the afternoon, while the British cavalry still pursued the remnants of the rest of the Saxon forces.

My own memories of the battle, as of most battles, are limited, blurred by too much light, sharp-edged fragments of pa.s.sion and action. It only becomes clear to me again when, as evening was darkening the east, Bedwyr rode up beside me and caught Ceincaled's bridle.

I knew that he had been somewhere near for most of the day, and that made me pause; but nonetheless I lifted my sword to strike. He caught my sword hand.

"Softly," he whispered. "The battle is over, Gwalchmai." I met his eyes, which were dark and calm, and my mind cleared a little. "Softly," he repeated. I took a deep breath, lowered my sword, and he released my hand and watched me seriously. I looked about.

There were no Saxons in the immediate area, except for dead ones. I did not recognize the place; it seemed to be on the plain. A little to the west, behind Bedwyr, stood a group of Arthur's cavalry, on horses whose heads drooped with weariness. They were looking at me with a kind of awe.

I shook my head, tried to sheath my sword and couldn't fit it in the scabbard. "Where..." I began, and stopped. Exhaustion rolled over me in a great wave, and I caught Ceincaled's mane to stay in the saddle. My side ached, and I felt drained, like a cleaning cloth with the water wrung out of it. Everything seemed dark, and looked different to what it had been only a few moments ago.

"We are some three miles north and east of where we were this morning," Bedwyr answered my unfinished question, steadily. "And it has been hard fighting. Cerdic has surrendered, and tomorrow he will ask Arthur for terms for a peace, and that peace he will have to keep, for a year or two. We have succeeded. Now, let us go back to the camp and rest."

It was dark by the time we reached the camp, but the place seethed with torchlight and activity. The dead and the wounded were being brought in from the battlefield by the servants and camp-followers of the army, the wounded being carried to physicians and the dead guarded from looters. Men and women hurried back and forth, bringing herbs and hot water to the doctors; carrying food, for men and for horses leading horses stumbling to the picket lines and carrying still forms on stretchers to the physicians or to the heap awaiting burial. For many the battle had only begun. I was glad that my part in it was finished and I could go to sleep. Even Ceincaled was tired, though he held his head high; and the horses of the others stumbled, blind with exhaustion.

As we entered the camp the workers-servants, slaves, mistresses and wives and relations of the fighters-looked up, then pointed to us. Someone cheered, and some others took it up. Ceincaled tossed his head and a spring came back into his step. Some of the other warriors drew in the reins and straightened, beginning to smile back. Some of the early l.u.s.tre of victory surrounded us as we rode to the center of the camp, where the Family was and where we could give our horses to the grooms.

Agravain was in the central hub of the camp, seeing to some prisoners whom he abandoned when he saw me. He ran across, circling the great fire, and reached me as I reined in my horse. He caught my foot. He was unkempt and dirty, there was a smear of someone's blood on his cheek, and his beard was bedraggled, but his eyes burned.

"By the sun and the wind and the sea, Gwalchmai!" he shouted in Irish, "I have never seen...if Father could have seen you, he would have given you half the Orcades for that charge. Yffern, he would give you all of them! By the sun, you fought like CuChulainn. I swear the oath of my people..."

He was drowned out by a crowd of warriors and servants who thronged about us, shouting congratulations and praise. It was too much for me. I had felt worn and bewildered before, and could only shake my head vaguely.

"I think I must indeed have fought like CuChulainn," I said to Agravain finally. "He went mad in battle. And I...don't remember..." Lugh's blessing, I thought. Yes, this sweet madness was given also to his son, CuChulainn. Again I shook my head to clear it, wishing that all the people would go away. "But I am not a divine hero like CuChulainn, Agravain. I am tired. Can you make them be quiet?"

He let go of my foot, spun on the crowd, and snapped, "By Yffern, let him be now. Can't you see that he is tired? There is time and plenty for praising tomorrow."

The crowd did nothing. Agravain's face darkened and he began to shout. Bedwyr edged his horse away from the crowd a little-they still followed him-and said to Agravain, softly but clearly, "Perhaps if you spoke British they would understand you."

Agravain glared at him for a moment, then began to laugh. The other warriors began laughing as well, then the servants. The rest of the cavalry slid from their horses, and the crowd began to disperse, everyone embracing and congratulating everyone else.

I dismounted slowly from Ceincaled and caught his bridle. The horse nuzzled my shoulder, snorted in pride and content. I rubbed his sweaty neck, whispering some words of praise and grat.i.tude; then a groom took the bridle from me and led the stallion off. I was about to follow, and care for the horse myself in my usual custom, but Agravain caught my arm and pulled me off to the tent we shared with Rhuawn and Gereint. I remembered what he had been doing and asked, "But your prisoners?"

"The servants will take care of them. I was really only waiting for you."

My beautiful new spears were gone, and my shield, still strapped to my arm, was hacked so badly as to be useless. I dropped it on the floor and Agravain helped me off with my jerkin. I muttered thanks and collapsed on the sleeping pallet. In the few seconds before I fell asleep it struck me: I had done it. Somehow I, or the fire in my head, had become the hero of the battle and saved the Family. Oh my King, I said silently, you are generous to me beyond measure. The meadow gra.s.s under me smelled sweet, of sunlight and flowers under blue skies. Arthur would accept me. I had won.

Fourteen.

I woke towards noon the following day. I would have slept longer, but I had a raging thirst. I lay still, aching all over, and trying to remember why I felt so glad in spite of this. After a little, the past day returned to me and I sat up abruptly, wondering if I could have dreamt it. But it was real, real. I sat there for a few minutes, wanting to sing and knowing no words to carry my joy. I think that that was one of the best moments of my life.

There was no one else in the tent. I rose, tried to straighten my clothes a little, and left to find some water. I noticed that I had a cut along my ribs, where a spear must have penetrated the jerkin. It did not seem to have bled much, and was a light wound for the kind of fighting I had been in for; I saw that my right arm was covered with blood. Still, I decided it would be best to have it cleaned. Even a small cut can be deadly if it takes the rot. First, though, a drink; and then I would have to see that Ceincaled was properly cared for. And find Agravain, of course. I had been glad of him the previous night and he deserved thanks and attention. Besides which, I admitted to myself, I wanted to hear what he had to say about my fighting.

I found a servant carrying a double yoke of buckets from the river, and asked him if I could have some water. He looked at me suspiciously.

"And who might you be? I was bringing this to the sick tents, where it is needed."

"Oh," I said. "In that case..."

He gave me another look, then smiled. "Ach, it is not that badly needed. You are a warrior, plainly, and if you are just now waking after the battle-I could give you some."

"That is exactly what I am," I said. "That, and very thirsty."

He slid the yoke off his neck and handed me one of the buckets. "Drink some, and I think you had better use the rest to wash in. You are a sight. If you don't mind my asking, who are you? You look as though you were in the thick of it."

I took a long drink before answering. The water was delicious. "My name is Gwalchmai, son of Lot."

He actually gasped. "Sweet Jesu! Annwn, but you were in the thick of it indeed! My lord, I can tell my children of this, to be sure!" The man caught my hand and clasped it eagerly. "Indeed, my lord, you are the hero of the camp!"

"Am I? I don't remember it. I was not even sure what I was doing."

He gave me a puzzled look. "That is not the talk of a warrior."

"Well, I suppose I am not yet used to being a warrior." I felt very pleased, though. Extravagant praises are given to the finest fighters in any battle, and, though it seemed unreal, I had earned that position. My father would hear of this, and be proud. Arthur would accept me. I felt as though some inner wound had finally healed.

I took the bucket of water back to our tent, which was still empty, and there washed and put on a clean tunic. When first I saw my reflection in the water of the bucket I understood the servant's initial suspicious look. I was covered with grime and dried blood. I felt grateful to Lugh for the gift of madness that hid the memory of how that blood had got there. I vaguely remembered rubbing the worst of the blood off my sword the night before, but I took it out and cleaned and oiled it again now. Then, feeling still happier, I set out again to find Ceincaled.

He had been picketed in the best place in the line, well-groomed and watered and fed with grain, but he was very pleased to see me. While I checked him to see if he had been at all hurt, listening to the grooms congratulating me on the way I had fought, Agravain came up.

He shouted my name when he saw me, ran over to give me one of his bear hugs, then stepped back, grinning. "I thought you would be here," he stated cheerfully. "By the sun, Gwalchmai, the thing appears no less splendid in the morning than on the night."

I shook my had. "I don't remember it. And what else could I have done? Bedwyr ordered the charge, not I."

"But the charge would have failed without you. Don't disagree with me, brother-accept the credit. You deserve it!"

I grinned back. "By the Light, it is a miracle. Arthur will accept me now."

"He'd be an idiot if he didn't, and he is certainly not that. By the sun and the wind, though! There we were at the centers, slogging away, thrust and cut and push and getting nowhere, until around noon Arthur caught the standard himself and shouted for us to charge, and we thought we had them. And then we hear a sound like the sky falling, and look up, and there is the cavalry charging down. By the sun, Arthur was angry-he thought you had decided you could not wait-only then he saw what was happening. We all thought it couldn't be done, and the Saxons were even laughing, falling back a little to watch. But then you charged ahead of the rest, looking like CuChulainn, and drew that sword of yours-I swear the oath, it cast shadows all the way over to where I was-and you did it! You broke through their shield-wall, and the rest came in behind you and chopped them to bits."