PAPA. "Yes, Percy."

PERCY. "Then I'm awful smart."

PAPA. "Why?"

PERCY. "Because the teacher says I'm a 'Know-nothing.'"

All great artists have queer experiences during their lives, which the biographer loves to dwell upon in his books of anecdotes. Here is one that occurred to the great pianist Paderewski in England. He received a polite letter from an invalid lady, asking him if he would spare the time to play her one piece during an afternoon, as her health would not permit of her going to any crowded concert-room, the letter closing with an offer of a half a guinea reward.

Paderewski replied with an invitation to call at his hotel, appointing an hour when he would receive her. The lady called, and Paderewski, after pleasantly greeting her, sat before his piano and played a prelude, a nocturne of Chopin, and Songs without Words.

The little impromptu concert over, the lady rose, thanked the virtuoso most graciously, and extended her hand to bid him adieu, slipping the promised half-guinea into his palm.

"Ah, what is this?" Paderewski inquired.

"Why," she said, sweetly, "it's the half-guinea I promised you."

"Now, I really believe," he answered, with a smile, "that I shall be able to get to the next town without it." And pleasantly returning the coin, he bowed the lady out.

Napoleon's smooth face was a sure evidence of his dislike for a beard.

In some anecdotes of the Russian campaign there is a story told of the great Emperor and a poor but witty barber, who had occasion to shave him.

Napoleon had made a rather lengthy detour from the line of march with a detachment of officers. Arriving at a small village they refreshed themselves with a good meal and baths. Napoleon, wishing to be shaved, the village barber was called in. While the poor fellow strapped his razor and pa.s.sed it industriously over the great Emperor's chin, he remained silent and seemingly melancholy, although performing his work with amazing rapidity and smoothness. When he had finished, Napoleon complimented him, remarking, "But, man, why do you wear such a melancholy face? You should be happy to have the privilege of shaving an Emperor."

"I am doubly happy, your Majesty."

"Then what is it that troubles you?"

"Alas, your Majesty, when I think of the Kings upon Kings and Emperors that have died without knowing what it was to be shaved by me, I am sad and melancholy."

"What did Washington mean when just, before the battle of Trenton he said, 'Put none but Americans on guard to-night?'" asked an Irishman, who was heatedly defending the valor of the Celtic race in general.

"I'll tell you what he meant! He meant, 'Let the Irish sleep; I've work for them to-morrow.'"

BOBBY. "Mamma, I want you to crack me open."

MAMMA. "Why, my boy, what's the matter with you?"

BOBBY. "Papa said I was a bad egg. I don't believe it."