Yin Li had stood calmly on the sidewalk with a large bouquet of roses in his hand, drawing countless pa.s.sersby’s attention . I walked straight into my apartment without a single backwards glance . The following two days followed the same pattern . He didn’t call to me and didn’t bother me . He only stood there with a new, fresh bouquet of roses every day . Meanwhile at home, the aromatic lilies Li Jing had sent me bloomed wantonly with a heavy fragrance .

After another day, he didn’t just have roses in his hand anymore . He even had a sign by his feet that said in large letters in French: “Forgive me . ”

I would have never thought that Yin Li could do something like that . Not knowing how to face him, I escaped through the back door .

Frank helped me contact Madame Taylor, and today was our meeting .

Madame Taylor is a world-renowned dancer . She had gained fame and recognition in her youth . When she retired from the troupe, she then became a ch.o.r.eographer . She had once publicly announced that she would never take a student of her own volition . I was that exception .

Currently, she was running late, and meanwhile, I grew increasingly nervous . My heart was uneasy .

She was my only hope for unraveling all the riddles .

However, once my gaze landed on this famous teacher’s esteemed, elegant face, I felt a chill come over my body . She clearly recognized my face, but her reaction wasn’t that of a happy reunion . Instead, it was calm to the point of indifference .

“Show me a pirouette on pointe and a backwards kick . ” Her voice was aloof and she didn’t even greet me or hug me . She only dropped that one ice-cold sentence .

“I’ve lost my memories . ” I felt slightly ill . “I was in a car accident and forgot everything . I don’t remember who I was, and I don’t remember you either . ”

Only with that did Madame Taylor look at me with slight surprise . But it was only that one look . She then continued . “Let me see your leg . ” With that, she came forward to examine my calf . She crouched in front of me, her face solemn and grave . She pinched me from my toes all the way to my heel to my calf . Afterwards, she asked me to twirl .

“Teacher, are there any problems? We can sit and chat . ”

At this, her face grew even colder . “I think there’s no need for any further discussion . And don’t call me teacher . I don’t recognize you as Alicia . You don’t have the legs of a dancer . ” She looked up at me and her tone was like a judge delivering a death penalty . “Those without strong legs can never become a magnificent dancer with the ability to stun the audience from the stage . With your legs as they are right now, it’s impossible for you to become a professional dancer . In the history of ballet, there has never been a dancer with such flabby, powerless legs . ”

Her cruel words made me feel resentful and wronged . “But I am Alicia . You know this! I can relearn how to dance! I’m not afraid of pain!”

“Many times, just having the right att.i.tude is not enough . You only have the desire to dance ballet, but not the legs for it . Every dancer, for the sake of dance, is capable of sacrificing a lifetime of blood and sweat . They sacrifice everything, yet in the end, the ones who are able to stand at the peak of the world, look down on all others, and receive the wors.h.i.+p of all, are very few in number . ”

“It’s regrettable . Alicia is a dancer I very much respect . But the reality now is this: an Alicia without ballet is not Alicia . You are not her . ”

My heart was in complete disarray . I nearly died, and without knowing what for . I lived painfully amidst a giant lie . Once I realized the truth I wanted to reclaim my past, but  discovered that everyone no longer needs me .

Without a dancer’s legs, I have nothing .

I held back tears . Unwilling to accept all this, I asked, “Then in the past, why did I never have even one public performance? I had fulfilled all your prerequisites, yet why didn’t I even have the opportunity to stand in before world? Why?”

Why couldn’t I even be spared a beautiful memory? I never had the opportunity to even find out what I once could have accomplished .

Listening to my choked words, Madame Taylor seemed to be a bit moved . “It was what your mother requested . A dancer’s journey is long, from their first appearance on stage to the splendor of their last performance . She didn’t want you to develop a grand reputation too early and become too involved with the outside world . She also didn’t like those endless galas, and didn’t want your energy to be wasted on the young men of the French beau monde . The outside world is too enticing . Many girls more talented than you have lost their gifts to such frivolousness . ”

“You should dance alone, right up until the moment before you mature . Then when you spread your wings, from that moment forth, no one will ever be able to bind you or shroud your brilliance . ” She seemed to be reciting something as she spoke . “Indeed, you are the naturally gifted and resilient dancer I have ever met . I’ve told you this before . Suppose one day you throw us all away, perhaps because of my failure to think things through, and then as my pupil you dazzle the public . The media will start to pursue you . Your mother and I shared the same worries . Gaining early media exposure will only make you scatterbrained . ”

However, the moment of my maturity never came . In the end, I still withered prematurely in a car accident .

Madame Taylor lowered her gaze . “You were once our secret seed . But now you can no longer sprout . ”

She spoke that line with total certainty, leaving no room for doubt . It was as if, in her eyes, I was merely a vessel for ballet . I finally couldn’t stop my tears from tumbling down . “I want to relearn how to dance . Please Madame, continue to teach me . ”

But Madame Taylor shook her head . “What do you even remember now, of ballet? I don’t accept dancers who won’t be leaving any trace of themselves in the history of ballet, let alone someone with no future as a dancer, who I’d have to completely remold . You don’t even know a single drop of the basics . I don’t want to see a clumsy Alicia . My memory of you will forever be of your precise, fluid movements . ”

“And perhaps this way, it won’t be as cruel . You’ve never appeared in the public eye and never experienced the world’s expectations of you . Furthermore, there won’t be as many spectators left heartbroken from your fall from greatness . On the contrary, this won’t give you any pressure and is a happy ending for you . ”

However, is this really not cruel? To the artistic world, my life’s work is like a dragonfly skimming the water’s surface; a mere, ephemeral pa.s.sing . Time can erase its every trace . In the end, it will be as if it never even happened . If so, what would be left to signify that it has been snuffed out?

“So you’re only willing to acknowledge the Alicia that can dance, and in your eyes, I am nothing? Don’t you feel like this is unfair to me? How can you call this a good conclusion for me?! Supposing if I had instead gotten my chance to s.h.i.+ne, would it now be preferable for me to have just died, rather than becoming a cripple who can’t dance? Don’t you think this is selfish?”

“Dance has always been a selfish art . Ballet even more so . If it were the past you, you would understand that from your own experience, even more so than I . Every dancer, for the sake of becoming princ.i.p.al, must be an extremely selfish person . Stealing the gaze of the entire audience, is precisely how ballet is conveyed . ”

The eyes with which Madame Taylor stared at me seemed to look down on me from high above, pitying me . “You even forgot that . A dancer must be indifferent enough to be able to support the weight of her whole body on the tip of her toe . Indifferent enough to support the weight of the entire audience’s scrutiny . Ballet has always been a cruel art . Now, you not only don’t have the legs for ballet, you’ve even lost the mindset necessary for it . You aren’t Alicia . You aren’t a dancer . I don’t acknowledge you . ”

She one-sidedly ended the conversation like that, and left me still sitting there with tears streaming uncontrollably down my face .

 .

Yin Li had stood calmly on the sidewalk with a large bouquet of roses in his hand, drawing countless pa.s.sersby’s attention . I walked straight into my apartment without a single backwards glance . The following two days followed the same pattern . He didn’t call to me and didn’t bother me . He only stood there with a new, fresh bouquet of roses every day . Meanwhile at home, the aromatic lilies Li Jing had sent me bloomed wantonly with a heavy fragrance

After another day, he didn’t just have roses in his hand anymore . He even had a sign by his feet that said in large letters in French: “Forgive me . ”.

I would have never thought that Yin Li could do something like that . Not knowing how to face him, I escaped through the back door

Frank helped me contact Madame Taylor, and today was our meeting

Madame Taylor is a world-renowned dancer . She had gained fame and recognition in her youth . When she retired from the troupe, she then became a ch.o.r.eographer . She had once publicly announced that she would never take a student of her own volition . I was that exception

Currently, she was running late, and meanwhile, I grew increasingly nervous . My heart was uneasy

She was my only hope for unraveling all the riddles

However, once my gaze landed on this famous teacher’s esteemed, elegant face, I felt a chill come over my body . She clearly recognized my face, but her reaction wasn’t that of a happy reunion . Instead, it was calm to the point of indifference

“Show me a pirouette on pointe and a backwards kick . ” Her voice was aloof and she didn’t even greet me or hug me . She only dropped that one ice-cold sentence

“I’ve lost my memories . ” I felt slightly ill . “I was in a car accident and forgot everything . I don’t remember who I was, and I don’t remember you either . ”.

Only with that did Madame Taylor look at me with slight surprise . But it was only that one look . She then continued . “Let me see your leg . ” With that, she came forward to examine my calf . She crouched in front of me, her face solemn and grave . She pinched me from my toes all the way to my heel to my calf . Afterwards, she asked me to twirl

“Teacher, are there any problems? We can sit and chat . ”.

At this, her face grew even colder . “I think there’s no need for any further discussion . And don’t call me teacher . I don’t recognize you as Alicia . You don’t have the legs of a dancer . ” She looked up at me and her tone was like a judge delivering a death penalty . “Those without strong legs can never become a magnificent dancer with the ability to stun the audience from the stage . With your legs as they are right now, it’s impossible for you to become a professional dancer . In the history of ballet, there has never been a dancer with such flabby, powerless legs . ”.

Her cruel words made me feel resentful and wronged . “But I am Alicia . You know this! I can relearn how to dance! I’m not afraid of pain!”.

“Many times, just having the right att.i.tude is not enough . You only have the desire to dance ballet, but not the legs for it . Every dancer, for the sake of dance, is capable of sacrificing a lifetime of blood and sweat . They sacrifice everything, yet in the end, the ones who are able to stand at the peak of the world, look down on all others, and receive the wors.h.i.+p of all, are very few in number . ”.

“It’s regrettable . Alicia is a dancer I very much respect . But the reality now is this: an Alicia without ballet is not Alicia . You are not her . ”.

My heart was in complete disarray . I nearly died, and without knowing what for . I lived painfully amidst a giant lie . Once I realized the truth I wanted to reclaim my past, but  discovered that everyone no longer needs me

Without a dancer’s legs, I have nothing

I held back tears . Unwilling to accept all this, I asked, “Then in the past, why did I never have even one public performance? I had fulfilled all your prerequisites, yet why didn’t I even have the opportunity to stand in before world? Why?”.

Why couldn’t I even be spared a beautiful memory? I never had the opportunity to even find out what I once could have accomplished

Listening to my choked words, Madame Taylor seemed to be a bit moved . “It was what your mother requested . A dancer’s journey is long, from their first appearance on stage to the splendor of their last performance . She didn’t want you to develop a grand reputation too early and become too involved with the outside world . She also didn’t like those endless galas, and didn’t want your energy to be wasted on the young men of the French beau monde . The outside world is too enticing . Many girls more talented than you have lost their gifts to such frivolousness . ”.

“You should dance alone, right up until the moment before you mature . Then when you spread your wings, from that moment forth, no one will ever be able to bind you or shroud your brilliance . ” She seemed to be reciting something as she spoke . “Indeed, you are the naturally gifted and resilient dancer I have ever met . I’ve told you this before . Suppose one day you throw us all away, perhaps because of my failure to think things through, and then as my pupil you dazzle the public . The media will start to pursue you . Your mother and I shared the same worries . Gaining early media exposure will only make you scatterbrained . ”.

However, the moment of my maturity never came . In the end, I still withered prematurely in a car accident

Madame Taylor lowered her gaze . “You were once our secret seed . But now you can no longer sprout . ”.

She spoke that line with total certainty, leaving no room for doubt . It was as if, in her eyes, I was merely a vessel for ballet . I finally couldn’t stop my tears from tumbling down . “I want to relearn how to dance . Please Madame, continue to teach me . ”.

But Madame Taylor shook her head . “What do you even remember now, of ballet? I don’t accept dancers who won’t be leaving any trace of themselves in the history of ballet, let alone someone with no future as a dancer, who I’d have to completely remold . You don’t even know a single drop of the basics . I don’t want to see a clumsy Alicia . My memory of you will forever be of your precise, fluid movements . ”.

“And perhaps this way, it won’t be as cruel . You’ve never appeared in the public eye and never experienced the world’s expectations of you . Furthermore, there won’t be as many spectators left heartbroken from your fall from greatness . On the contrary, this won’t give you any pressure and is a happy ending for you . ”.

However, is this really not cruel? To the artistic world, my life’s work is like a dragonfly skimming the water’s surface; a mere, ephemeral pa.s.sing . Time can erase its every trace . In the end, it will be as if it never even happened . If so, what would be left to signify that it has been snuffed out?.

“So you’re only willing to acknowledge the Alicia that can dance, and in your eyes, I am nothing? Don’t you feel like this is unfair to me? How can you call this a good conclusion for me?! Supposing if I had instead gotten my chance to s.h.i.+ne, would it now be preferable for me to have just died, rather than becoming a cripple who can’t dance? Don’t you think this is selfish?”.

“Dance has always been a selfish art . Ballet even more so . If it were the past you, you would understand that from your own experience, even more so than I . Every dancer, for the sake of becoming princ.i.p.al, must be an extremely selfish person . Stealing the gaze of the entire audience, is precisely how ballet is conveyed . ”.

The eyes with which Madame Taylor stared at me seemed to look down on me from high above, pitying me . “You even forgot that . A dancer must be indifferent enough to be able to support the weight of her whole body on the tip of her toe . Indifferent enough to support the weight of the entire audience’s scrutiny . Ballet has always been a cruel art . Now, you not only don’t have the legs for ballet, you’ve even lost the mindset necessary for it . You aren’t Alicia . You aren’t a dancer . I don’t acknowledge you . ”.

She one-sidedly ended the conversation like that, and left me still sitting there with tears streaming uncontrollably down my face