"Did we win?" Ivy asked.

"Nah ... but made two touchdowns, which isn't bad."

"I better head out," Raphael said, grabbing his coat and sauntering toward the door. "Thank you for your hospitality, it's been a pleasure as always."

We walked Raphael out to his car. On the curb a metallic green Porsche was parked. It was a color I'd never seen on a car before, but I had to admit it suited the extravagant archangel.

"Nice wheels," said Xavier, circling the car appreciatively.

"Take it for a spin anytime."

"This guy"-Xavier pointed with his thumb-"is awesome."

"Are you two kidding?" Ivy asked, exasperated.

"Boys will be boys," Raphael declared. "Don't try and change us."

"Football and cars," I said with a grin. "Actually makes a nice change."

"This isn't just a car," Xavier said. "It's a thing of beauty."

"They don't get it." Raphael directed a wink at me. "Maybe we'll take her out some other time." He jumped into the driver's seat and revved the engine. He stuck his head out the window and yelled out, "By the way, Xavier, medicine is still your calling. Don't forget that."

Then he took off down the street so fast the tires screeched and the exhaust released a billow of smoke into the air.

"Such an attention-seeker," Ivy muttered, and Raphael sounded the horn at the end of the street as if to say, "I heard that!"

When he was gone, Xavier and I were both beyond ready for bed. Ivy showed us upstairs to the guest room that we hadn't even had a chance to see yet. It was quaint with polished furniture and a king-sized bed full of plump cushions. The window was circular and looked onto the tangled Mississippi woods. As I sat lightly on the bed, it occurred to me that Xavier and I hadn't had the privilege of sharing a bed for a while. I hoped nothing had changed between us.

While Xavier flopped down on the bed, I excused myself to take a shower, letting the hot water pour over my body and steam up the glass. It felt like a sort of cleansing ritual, like I was letting all my troubles sink down the drain. I used up half a bottle of shower gel, soaping and resoaping my muscles, kneading them gently with my fingers and feeling the tension ebb away. I finally emerged with my hair toweled dry and my whole body tingling and smelling of lavender.

Xavier was sleeping, the exhaustion of the day visible on his face. He stirred when I came in and reached out to pull me onto the bed.

"You smell good." He pressed his mouth into my neck, inhaling deeply.

I giggled as his stubble tickled my skin. "You don't."

"How rude," he replied with a laugh. "But probably true." He slid out of bed. "My turn in the shower. Don't go anywhere."

He peeled off his clothes and dropped them in the laundry hamper before disappearing into the bathroom. I dove eagerly under the covers and scrunched the crisp sheets with my toes. I buried my face in the clean pillow that smelled faintly of baby powder and stretched like a cat. Almost immediately my body was ready to surrender to fatigue. I was struggling to keep my eyes open when Xavier emerged from his shower wearing only a towel wrapped loosely around his hips. Every time I saw his physical form, it floored me completely. Droplets of water still clung to his shoulders and the light coming from behind lent a polished golden hue to his skin. He was so well proportioned he reminded me of a statue on a pedestal in a museum.

"That was fast," I said, trying not to stare.

"You learn not to linger in the bathroom when you have sisters." His smile faded a little.

"You miss them, don't you?"

"More than I thought I would," he said. "But mostly I hate the thought of them worrying about me. I know Claire is probably sick over it and I'm sure Nic hates me for taking off like this."

"You can make it up to them," I promised. "When all this is over."

"Do you really think it'll ever be over?" Xavier asked distantly.

"Yes," I said as firmly as I could manage. "This is not going to last forever. I promise you that."

"Hey," Xavier said, suddenly looking down at himself. "I just realized I don't have any clean clothes."

I flipped the cover off his side of the bed. Now was not the time for heavy discussion, we'd had enough of that. Now was the time for loving my husband. "You don't need them," I said.

"Oh, really?" Xavier's mouth twisted in a smile. "Does that door have a lock?"

"Do you care?" I challenged.

Xavier raised an eyebrow, but dropped his towel and slid into bed beside me. I felt his presence envelop me, his skin still warm from the shower. His lips were reverential as he kissed me lightly, working his way down from the tip of my chin to my collarbone.

I traced the scratches on his body from the ordeal he'd endured and instinctively held him tighter, my fingers digging into his warm flesh. The memory of him bound to the bed sprang up in my mind, the way his ocean eyes had filled with cruelty that didn't belong to him. I felt my mouth go dry at the thought.

"Are you okay?" he murmured into my chest.

"Uh-huh." I bit my lip and tried to shove the unpleasant memories out of my head.

Xavier sensed my tension and looked up. "You sure you're not too tired for this?"

His consideration was stirring. It was the old Xavier resurfacing, the one who put my needs above all else. "Me?" I smiled. "I think I should be asking you that question."

"I'm actually okay," he said, sounding surprised. "I just can't shake the feeling my body is being controlled by someone else."

"Well it was," I said, letting my fingers lightly caress his chest. "But they're gone. It's just you and me now."

Xavier lifted me up easily so I was lying on top of him. The firmness of his body beneath me felt like a safe harbor.

"You want to hear something funny?" he asked as I buried my face in his neck, letting the wooden cross he wore leave an imprint on my cheek. "What happened today was really hard, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Lucifer was inside me. And even after he went, I felt like he left a mark behind, a stain on my soul."

"That's not funny," I told him.

"Wait, you didn't let me finish. Every time you touch me it feels like you're washing me clean, washing away the darkness. You're healing my body with your body and renewing my soul with your soul."

"I don't have a soul," I murmured.

"Yes, you do," Xavier insisted, cupping my chin in his hand. "Maybe it isn't the same as mine, but it's there. You have so much light; I feel it every time I look at you. That's the way God made you."

"Do you know what I think?" I said. "I think everything we've been through so far might feel like a curse, but really it's a blessing. Our Father set us on this path because He meant for it to lead somewhere ... somewhere amazing. And He equipped us with everything we need for the journey ... each other."

Xavier gazed at me for a moment, then brought his lips to meet mine. His kiss this time was long and deep. It felt like tiny internal flames had appeared from somewhere inside me and were now igniting every particle of my body. This time was different from our first encounter in the woods. The mood was more leisurely, less urgent. There was no fear of discovery and more time to explore. This was how I'd imagined the easy intimacy of marriage. I felt safe and protected and warm from head to toe.

THE muted morning sun seeping through the open shutters was conflicted, duty bound to wake us but hesitant to disturb our rest. I crept out of bed, trying not to disturb Xavier, who was sprawled on his belly. I wanted him to sleep for as long as possible before having to face any challenges the new day might bring.

I wrapped myself in a pink robe and trotted downstairs to the kitchen where I found Ivy preparing a breakfast for giants. There were muffins bursting with blueberries, eggs and sausage and grits warming on the stove, and granola-topped glasses of yogurt parfait. Ivy was expertly flipping pancakes and stacking them on a plate. The smell of ground coffee filled the room. Gabriel was nowhere to be seen.

"I hope you're hungry," Ivy said. I could see she was trying to ease the stress of the last few days and I appreciated her efforts.

"Smells good," I replied.

"Where's Xavier? Still sleeping?"

"Yeah. Where's Gabriel?"

Ivy gave a resigned shrug. "He was gone when I woke up this morning."

"How's he doing?" I asked awkwardly.

"I don't know," Ivy said. "He won't talk about it."

"Okay," I said, trying to keep my anxiety under wraps. "I guess he just needs time."

Back in the bedroom, the covers had been thrown off, telling me Xavier was already up. I peeked in the bathroom and thought nothing of it when I found it empty. But when there was no sign of him on the balcony or out in the hall, my heart was already thudding. I breathed a sigh of relief seeing light coming from under a door across from our bedroom. I pushed it open gently and found him in the study. He was sitting at a broad desk poring over the contents of a book he'd pulled from the shelves. When the door creaked, he glanced up.

"Morning."

"Am I disturbing you?"

"Of course not, come in."

I walked over to him and peeked over his shoulder. The book he was reading was an Atlas of Human Anatomy open to a labeled color plate of the foot's skeletal system.

"Do you know how many bones make up a foot?"

I probably should have known but my mind was still full of morning fog.

"How many?"

"Twenty-six. Amazing when you stop to think about it."

"Yes, it is. Um ... are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Xavier smiled. "It's just what Raphael said earlier got me thinking, that's all."

I frowned. "What did he say?"

"That medicine was still my calling. And I think he's right, it's my way of making a contribution. When all this is settled down, I want to go back to college. I want to be a doctor."

"You've always wanted that."

"No." He shook his head. "Before it was my parents choosing for me. Now, it feels right."

"Good," I said. "Because you're going to make a great doctor."

"One day."

22.

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace WE decided not to return to Ole Miss for a few days. Xavier needed time to recover physically and I was emotionally drained from the stress. We hid out in the house, mostly sleeping and only wandering downstairs to eat and interact briefly with my siblings. Ivy seemed to have bounced back as usual, but I didn't see much of Gabriel. He stayed locked away in his room and hardly spoke to any of us. I was still amazed at the sacrifice he'd been willing to make for us. I prayed every night for him and thanked my Father for sparing Xavier's life. When I finally thought to check my phone, I found a barrage of missed calls from Molly, Mary Ellen, and even some of Xavier's friends all wanting to know what had happened to us. I recalled Molly's announcement about her engagement to Wade, but I didn't have the space in my brain to worry about it just yet.

I lay down against Xavier, curling up against his warm gray T-shirt and feeling his soft hair tickle my nose.

"I'm sorry," I told him for the hundredth time since we'd woken up.

"Beth, please." He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "It wasn't your fault. I'm the one who's sorry you had to see me like that."

"It wasn't you," I replied. "None of it was."

"But I let him in."

"You were dead. He invaded your body. You couldn't help that."

"It's so weird to think I was dead," Xavier murmured. "I wish I could say I saw a bright light or something, but all I saw was you."

"Me?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Just different variations of you: you on the porch swing, you and Phantom asleep on the couch at Byron, you in your dress on prom night. It's like I was supposed to be seeing Heaven, but all I wanted to see was your face. I guess my Heaven is you."

"I was so scared." I turned my cheek across the pillow to face him. "Thinking you were going to die. It made me realize there isn't anywhere I wouldn't follow you to."

The corners of Xavier's mouth turned up in a smile. "You know something? Heaven is supposed to be so pissed at us right now ... but you and I both should have died over and over again. But we're still here. Do you know what that means?"

"We're like cats?" I asked. "We've got nine lives."

"Maybe." He laughed. "But I think it means someone is looking out for us."

"I hope so," I said, kicking my foot out from under the covers and letting the sunlight through the window warm my toes. "I'd like to believe that."

When my phone went off for the fifth time in under twenty minutes, I sighed and leaned out of bed to retrieve it. It was no surprise the missed call was from Molly. I called out to my sister in the next room and she poked her head through the door.

"What am I supposed to do about Molly?" I asked. "She's freaking out."

"Let her come over," Ivy said. "Shutting her out usually does more damage than good."

That much was true. Molly hated to be ignored or excluded and if she got worried, she was capable of putting up missing-person posters all around campus. Xavier hid his face beneath the cover.

"Don't be like that," I said, nudging him. "She's our friend. We should be excited to see her."