"I don't either." Xavier leaned back and looked at me, his turquoise eyes bright and beautiful. This time it seemed plain stupid to resist the pull of something so powerful.

"But ... what about..." I didn't want to finish the sentence for fear Xavier would revert back to his old cautious self. I was so intoxicated I could barely keep my thoughts coherent. Xavier gazed at me for a moment, and then said, "I'll be careful."

Our first night as husband and wife felt like exploring a magical underwater world where nothing existed save the two of us. I was only aware of the feel of his warm skin beneath my fingers and the press of his lips as they explored my body. The forest felt like our own private kingdom where no one else could enter. Everything came to life before my eyes that night; the moss-covered boughs of the trees and the ferns on the forest floor were all glittering silver as the moonlight washed over them. The air seemed alive, dancing around us, bringing with it the sweet smells of the earth.

Afterward, when I opened my eyes, I saw a dazzling array of stars unspooling across the night sky like fireworks. Thinking back to that night, I remember glorious, fragmented images rather than a whole sequence of events. I remember my arm lying outstretched and looking pale as stone against the mossy ground. I remember Xavier's fingers trailing their way across my shoulder and feeling my veins pulsing with supernatural energy. I remembered his shirt crumpled on the ground and my hands pressed against his smooth chest. I remembered feeling like I was filling up like a balloon until I felt like I was about to burst. Most of all I remembered not being able to determine where Xavier's skin ended and mine began.

When a dam breaks, what can you do to stem the torrent of water? Perhaps the water can be redirected but it can never go back to being contained. That was how I felt then-unencumbered by heavenly dictates and tied to Xavier by bonds not even death could break.

10.

From Dixie, With Love WHEN I woke, Xavier and I were a tangle of limbs on the forest floor, but I couldn't have felt more comfortable. I lifted my arms above my head and stretched, relishing the giddy feeling in my head. We'd slept a dreamless, exhausted sleep by the base of an ancient oak while the gibbous moon kept watch over us, peeking between the treetops.

I sighed dreamily as I watched the sky flush with rose. Pre-sunrise the hills were black silhouettes and everything was silent, interrupted only by birdsong. The human inhabitants of Oxford were still in bed and minus the hum of traffic the scene had a primordial quality. I propped myself up on my elbows and studied Xavier. He looked different somehow. His face was even more striking in sleep when he wasn't frowning or on alert. Contentment wasn't something I was used to seeing on him. I wished the moment would last forever.

"I don't like being watched when I'm sleeping," Xavier murmured, adjusting his position. His eyes were still closed but the corners of his lips were already curling into a smile.

"Bad luck," I said, snuggling back down beside him. "I like watching you. Besides, we should leave soon, before people start waking up."

"Why?" Xavier's eyes flashed mischievously. "Nobody knows we're here."

We fell back onto the ground, all sensible thoughts abandoned. There was less urgency in Xavier's kiss this time but I still felt like I was diving from a great height. The same feelings from last night washed over me as I descended back into the coral sea of vivid colors and warm sensations, a place where only the two of us existed in a fantastical dimension.

WHEN the sun rose properly, it flooded the forest with a light so bright it hurt my eyes. Although we were both reluctant, we needed to get back to campus before people started to notice we were gone. While I was sure Spencer and Clay wouldn't pry, I knew Mary Ellen was going to be full of questions.

In the early hours of the morning, the campus was deserted. Only the empty red cups littering Fraternity Row served as a reminder of the revels of the night before. I knew that once the students woke up and got some food in them the celebrations would start all over again until class began on Monday morning. When I found my dorm, the woman at the front desk gave me a strange look. I caught sight of my reflection and saw I still had tiny twigs caught in my hair. I flushed and hurried past her, opting to take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator. I slipped into my room as quietly as I could ... but not quietly enough.

"Laurie, where have you been?" The tone was a combination of curiosity and accusation. Mary Ellen sat bolt upright in her bed almost the second the door clicked shut behind me. "I looked everywhere for you!"

"I'm sorry," I told her. "Did you get home okay with Missy and Erin?"

"Yeah." She shrugged. "Where were you?"

"I ran into some old friends from high school and we hung out."

"Really?" Mary Ellen asked nosily. "Who were they?"

"Just some sorority girls," I replied lightly, and could have immediately kicked myself.

Mary Ellen's eyes widened with admiration. "You're friends with sorority girls? But they're not supposed to talk to freshmen. Which sorority?" she asked eagerly.

I'd gone and dug myself a hole but luckily, it was one I could climb out of. I let my mind travel back to when I arrived-the letters on the houses flashed through my mind with an unexpected clarity. I blurted the first one that came to mind. Delta Gamma.

"They're DG's." I was surprised at how easily I could lie. "I would have called you to come with us but I didn't have your number."

"Oh." She looked disappointed. "Maybe next time. Did Ford go with y'all?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Um ... your brother?" Mary Ellen said, frowning at me, like she thought I might have knocked my head.

Saying our new names aloud was like putting on a new outfit for the first time. It was too crisp and not quite comfortable because it hadn't softened with wear. I'd thought that being a new person might offer a whole new perspective on life. Instead I just felt confused-I was one person on the outside, another within. I was also worried that I'd slip up and say or do something that would set the whole delicate balancing act tumbling to the ground.

"Right," I said, forcing a laugh. "Mental blank. I don't know where Ford was, probably off with some girl. He's like that."

Mary Ellen gazed into space and I could almost read her thoughts: I could be some girl.

"Do you think you could hook me up?" she asked with doleful eyes.

I was a little taken aback by the suddenness of the request. I'd expected her to build up to this, ask me in a few weeks when we knew each other better, but she'd dived right in.

"With Ford?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. "He seems to know all the right people and he's really good-looking ... but you probably hear that a lot."

"Look." I sat down on the edge of my bed and pretended to think. "I'd hate for you to get hurt. I don't think Ford's looking for a serious relationship."

"Hmmm." Mary Ellen frowned and sank back onto her pillows. I could tell she wasn't about to give up so easily. "Maybe we could come up with a plan?" she said.

"I don't know," I hedged.

"What if you told him you think we'd be good together? He'd listen to you."

"I'm probably the last person he'd listen to."

"Right." Mary Ellen looked pensively into space. "I'll think of something."

"What about Spencer or Clay?" I asked, trying to distract her with another proposition. "They both seem cute."

"Maybe," Mary Ellen mused, reaching down to grab her laptop. "I'm going to Facebook stalk him."

I had to actively try to hold back the possessiveness that rose within me. I wanted to tell her it was never going to happen, but of course I couldn't. I was starting to dislike Mary Ellen already; she was too pushy and demanding. I mentally chastised myself for being so negative; one of the basic edicts of Christianity was tolerance. I guessed my defensive side kicked in when it came to other girls chasing after Xavier.

I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my head, trying to ignore the sound of Mary Ellen clacking away on her laptop. I tried recalling Bible verses in my head, but stopped short. Did I even have any right to seek guidance from the Word anymore? I didn't know and I felt guilty trying. My mind went suddenly into panic: Was it possible that the law of God didn't apply to me anymore? If I couldn't live by that, what would I live by? There was no one else I wanted to serve. I didn't want to reject His sovereignty; I only wanted to keep Xavier. But maybe I couldn't have both. I realized my breathing had quickened and I recited the words of a hymn Gabriel used to play under my breath to calm myself.

"Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O ruler of all."

THE next few days passed in a blur. I soon came to realize that college didn't leave a spare moment to think about troubles. Floor meetings, shopping for game-day dresses, raiding Walmart for dorm supplies, and learning our way around campus took up every minute. Classes began on Monday and I took notes, but absorbed nothing. I couldn't help scanning the faces as they filed into the lecture halls, watching and waiting for signs of the Sevens.

Mary Ellen was very quickly getting on my last nerve. Her interest in "Ford" soon developed into an infatuation and then a full-blown obsession. She warned the other girls off by calling "dibs" on him. She would peer over my shoulder whenever I got a text and creep up behind me when I was sending e-mails. When Xavier came to visit after our first night together, she made it nearly impossible for us to talk. When he poked his head through the door, she nearly pushed me out of the way in her eagerness to get to him. Xavier was all politeness despite the fact that her behavior must have annoyed him.

"Ford!" She clutched at his arm. "How did you get past the front desk? They're being so paranoid about boys being here right now."

Xavier gave an easy shrug. "I gave them my ID. It's all good." He turned to me, his eyes twinkling with a smile. "Hey, Laurie. What's up?"

"Hey." I felt almost bashful as flashes from the previous night flooded my mind. I averted my eyes and smothered a grin with the back of my hand. "Not much," I replied lightly. "Y'know, just hanging out."

"Yeah?" Xavier said. "Did you have fun last night?"

Luckily, Mary Ellen was too starry-eyed to pick up on the intimate note in his voice.

"It ... wasn't what I expected," I said slowly. "It was so much better."

"You were only there like five minutes," Mary Ellen's amplified voice cut in, determined not to be excluded from the conversation. Xavier sighed; I could tell he was feeling uncomfortable. "As for you..." She pointed an accusing finger at him. "I hardly saw you at all!"

"Yeah," he replied. "I was kind of preoccupied."

"Preoccupied with what?" she asked without taking a breath.

"This girl from my hometown. We had some catching up to do."

That was not the answer Mary Ellen wanted to hear. She was silent for a minute before letting out a forced laugh.

"Is she an ex-girlfriend? Awkward!"

"No," Xavier replied. "I actually know her pretty well."

"So was it good catching up?" I asked sheepishly.

Xavier held my gaze. "That's an understatement."

"Are you going to see her again?" Mary Ellen asked, trying hard to sound casual.

Xavier flicked his turquoise eyes over to her. "Probably not," he said. "I'm not looking for anything serious."

I couldn't help smiling at the shared joke that was only apparent to us.

"You're too busy living wild and free, right?" I said.

"Exactly, sis." Xavier winked at me. "You know me too well."

As Mary Ellen became more agitated, I saw red blotches spread across her neck and chest. Thankfully, the conversation was cut short when our neighbors, Erin and Missy, knocked on the door.

They were sweet girls and seemed to like Mary Ellen, but I caught them on a few occasions rolling their eyes behind her back. When they weren't comparing notes on boys, I noticed the girls spent their time discussing prospective sororities. I tried to feign interest but usually got bored within the first few minutes and had to tune out. I was too busy absorbing the thriving atmosphere of the campus and adjusting to the new culture. I was constantly taken aback at how carefree everybody seemed. It was a sad indictment of how troubled my life with Xavier had been.

"I am so excited for football season," Mary Ellen told me as we were walking to the grove one afternoon. "I mean, we won't win, but who cares."

"Why not?" I asked, a little surprised at her defeatist attitude.

"Ole Miss never wins." She laughed. "Everybody knows that."

"But I'm sure we stand a chance!" I said, feeling strangely upset by the thought of my adopted team losing.

"Not really." She shrugged again. "Bama and Auburn are where you go if you want to win football games."

"Humph," I said. "Maybe our luck will turn around this year."

"Haven't you heard?" Mary Ellen grinned at me. "We might not win the game but we never lose the party."

Mary Ellen and I stopped in the Grove where we found Xavier sitting with Clay, Spencer and a group of boys from the baseball team. They were having an in-depth discussion about Rebel sports. Spencer looked up and waved when he saw us. I slid in next to him while Mary Ellen made a beeline for Xavier. I hadn't noticed before, but Spencer was good-looking, with a swatch of blond hair and hooded blue eyes.

"So, how was your first weekend?" he asked.

"I survived," I told him. "It was pretty crazy."

"Yeah, frat row was just about exploding with freshmen."

As he talked, two squirrels began chasing each other around the trunk of a tree and caught my attention. Their movements were so quick they seemed almost computerized. One was clearly in pursuit of the other and I couldn't help smiling.

"He just won't give up, will he?" I said.

Spencer glanced up to see what I was looking at and grinned. "Maybe she's been giving him mixed signals," he replied. "He's all confused."

"Nope." I shook my head. "I think it's pretty clear she's not interested."

The first squirrel finally halted his pursuit and the other stopped as if in confusion. She then darted past again, daring him to pick up the chase.

"See, now she's just playing games," Spencer said. "Manipulative bitch."

I burst out laughing. I liked Spencer already; he was so relaxed and normal. Sitting there in the Grove I almost felt as though there was no such thing as heavenly soldiers called Sevens, and everything we'd been through so far was just part of a hideous nightmare.

Then my cell phone rang. I had only just switched it back on, ignoring the barrage of messages and missed calls from people wanting to know where I was. But this was a number I didn't recognize.

Xavier tensed up immediately, although no one noticed but me. The phone lay on the picnic table vibrating and spinning in circles until Mary Ellen finally looked across at me.

"Aren't you gonna get that?"

"Hello?" I said tentatively, feeling my heart thumping in my chest.

"Beth!" The squealing voice on the other line sounded relieved and all-too familiar. "I didn't think you'd pick up. I've been calling for days!"

"Molly?" I asked, and watched Xavier breathe a barely perceptible sigh of relief. "Is that you? Where are you calling from?"

"Of course it's me, I got a new phone," she replied. "But more important, where have you been? You just took off and left town, we were all so worried. Things have been so weird. First you disappeared and then Father Mel died suddenly. They're saying it was a heart attack? It was awful. We all thought Mrs. Woods was going to have a breakdown."

"I know, we heard," I said. "And it is awful. I wish I could be there but things are just too complicated right now."

"Why? Are you okay?"