I thought about asking her how many, butdecided my ego was too fragile for me to know the answer to that.

"Well, they let Diego live when he came to the island as a stranger," Paris mused.

He was right. Diego had accompanied our raid on the Council last year, and that was a huge violation of the rules. No non-family member ever saw Santa Muerta. Alive, that is.

While it was true that the Council had made an exception for Gin's sake, I didn't trust them to do it again. We needed the Council's support on this matter. Since I didn't know who the hell was after us (and at this point there were a couple of suspects), the only safe place for Leonie was Santa Muerta. Huh. Huh. That was ironic. The island was either the most dangerous or the safest place on earth for her. That was ironic. The island was either the most dangerous or the safest place on earth for her.

I snapped my fingers. "I've got it! We'll get married!" I thought it was a great idea. So why did Paris look so dubious and Leonie so nauseated?

"Leonie, would you marry me?" I asked her urgently.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I dreamed of a proposal." She didn't look happy. Why didn't she look happy?

"Well," I said, "I love you. And Louis loves you. And everyone in my family thinks you're amazing."

Leonie just stared at me. "So you're serious? You aren't just proposing so you can save my life?"

That seemed like an odd question. "Don't you feel the same way about me?" I begged.

She was taking too long to answer. Holy shit! Holy shit! What if she didn't love me? What if she didn't love me?

"Yes, Dak. I do love you. I adore your son and family." She shrugged. "I just didn't really picture it all going down this way."

Paris grabbed the phone book. "There are three chapels within a five-mile radius of this hotel. Let's go."

After calling the front desk and asking them to pay for and hold on to the pizza until we got back, we climbed in the car and drove to the first chapel on the list.

I'd seen chapels with Elvis impersonators, Elvira impersonators, and the like. What I'd never seen was a chapel with a Star Trek Star Trek theme. A very fat Captain Kirk look-alike in full regalia welcomed us onto the deck. The organist somewhat resembled a badly aged Uhura. theme. A very fat Captain Kirk look-alike in full regalia welcomed us onto the deck. The organist somewhat resembled a badly aged Uhura.

Mr. Spock performed the ceremony. I could handle the part where he did the thing with his hand and said, "Live long and prosper,"

but when he concluded the ceremony with, "This union is logical," I had to smother a laugh. Then Tribbles fell from the ceiling. Ikid you not. I handed two hundred dollars to the organist, ignoring her weird eye tic, and we fled. The whole thing took maybe fifteen minutes.

Stunned and a little freaked out, Leonie and I stumbled out of the Star Trek Star Trek chapel and into married life. I crushed my wife to my chest while Paris waved our marriage certificate in the dusty, arid wind to dry it. chapel and into married life. I crushed my wife to my chest while Paris waved our marriage certificate in the dusty, arid wind to dry it.

A shot rang out, and the three of us dove behind the row of parked cars. Scrambling to a crouched position I reached for my bride, only to find her in a very hot combat position, aiming her gun at the alley behind us.

Damn. She looked amazing. I sat down in the gravel and stared, glassy-eyed, at the woman of my dreams as she silently swept the alley and gave us a thumbs-up. She looked amazing. I sat down in the gravel and stared, glassy-eyed, at the woman of my dreams as she silently swept the alley and gave us a thumbs-up.

Another shot broke my daze, and I regained my composure, creeping around the first car to check out the lot. Nothing seemed to be out of place. In fact, there were no concerned pedestrians or police sirens wailing in the distance.

Leonie appeared beside me. "It must've been a car backfiring."

Paris nodded his agreement and we rose, holstering our weapons. We climbed in the car and drove off, circling numerous city blocksalong the way to make sure we weren't followed.

"Wow," I said to Leonie. "You looked hot back there."

She turned to me with a strange look.

"You've seen women do this before, right?

Your mom and sister are assassins. Isn't that what you said?"

"Yes, but they never looked as good as you did just now."

"Oh, for christ's sake, Dak. Don't turn me into a sexist fantasy or I'll have the marriage annulled."

What could I do? I nodded sheepishly and turned my attention to the road.

"I never thought I'd see the day you'd get married." Paris still looked a little shocked as we ate pizza back in our room. "And don't even think of consummating it tonight. Wait until you get a little privacy. Please."

Leonie tore another can from the six-pack that came with the pizza. "I can't believe it either. I always had the traditional idea of a full wedding. Not a quickie on the deck of the starship Enterprise Enterprise." She giggled and I melted.

It was almost as if our troubles were gone.

I watched as she popped open her can. Everything she did seemed elegant. She deserved better than this.

A strange fizz came from the can Leonie opened. Blue smoke started to pour out of it, and she dropped it to the ground. Paris threw a towel over it, but it was too late. My whole body felt as if it were swaying. I watched as Leonie collapsed onto the bed and Paris fell on top of her. I would have protested that arrangement had I not already hit the floor.

Chapter Thirty-four.

"A prayer's as good as a bayonet on a day like this."

-Color Sergeant Bourne, Zulu Zulu

Ever have one of those days when you get married by a Vulcan in a Star Trek Star Trekthemed chapel while on the lam in Nevada and wake up tied to a chair with your new wife and best friend in a strange room, your grandma standing overyou with a .38?

Well, this was one of those days. I came to tied rather uncomfortably to a chair. My pain was forgotten the minute I saw that Leonie was in the same situation on my right, Paris on my left. I didn't recognize the room. In fact, I had no idea if we were still in Nevada or on Santa Muerta. If the latter, this room was new.

The walls were a blindingly stark black-and-white tile, as was the floor. It was a veryuncomfortable room. Leonie was still unconscious, but Paris was awake. Grandma stood in front of us, a brushed-steel .38 in the shoulder holster she wore over her muumuu.

There was no sign of anyone else in the room.

"What's going on?" I said with more than a little attitude. This was the second time in one year my grandmother had threatened me, and I was getting pissed off.

"I should be asking you the same thing, Dakota." She looked angry.

"I suppose the Council is going to take action on the job?" I was really being an asshole, but this was irritating.

"Actually"-Grandma tilted her head to one side-"they don't know you're here yet. I did this myself. I wanted to find out what the hell you were doing before Lou killed you."

Okay, so that was good news. Maybe I'd better wise up.

"I can't let the Council kill Leonie. I love her."

Grandma looked at Leonie. "She's the one who made a man out of you? Hell, she should get a Nobel Prize for that." She laughed. "She's really lovely, Dakota. But that's beside the point now, isn't it?"

"Where are we?" Paris asked, which was good, because if he continued to remain silent I'd deck him. Not that I could. But I would.

"Let's just say you're safe for now. I have asafe room in my apartment. It's soundproof, and no one knows about it. Until now, that is."

"Jesus, Grandma," Paris cursed. "At least untie us if you aren't going to turn us over to the Council."

"Yeah!" I backed him up. "This is stupid.

You aren't going to kill us."

She arched her right eyebrow, and for a moment she reminded me of Leonard Nimoy.

"Oh? I'm not? Are you sure?"

"I am so sick of this family," I muttered. No one else had to deal with family shit like this.

"Quit pouting!" Grandma barked. "This is serious. You are in big trouble."

Paris snorted. "Then just shoot us. Because I'm so over these dramatics."

Okay, right attitude, wrong choice of words.

"Grandma, you aren't going to kill us and you aren't going to hand us over to the Council, so just untie us."

Leonie started to stir. She opened her eyes and immediately summed up the situation as bad, and possibly bizarre.

Grandma softened. "Hello, dear. It's so nice to meet the woman who tamed my idiot grandson. You must be very special." She smiled and patted Leonie's shoulder.

Leonie shot me a what-the-fuck? look. It was strange. But if we lived, she'd eventually get used to the quirks of the Bombays.

"So, Lou, Troy, and the others don't know we're here?" Paris ventured.

Grandma nodded. "That's right. And they won't until your hearing tonight."

My ears perked up. "Hearing? What hearing?"

My grandmother rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm not going to just hand over my grandsons for termination. Of course we'll have a hearing."

"What hearing? I've never heard of the family holding any hearings!" It was true. Bombays were more likely to just shoot first and ask the dead body questions later.

"We haven't held a hearing since . . ." She scratched her chin. "Oh, since 1823." She cast a glance at Leonie. "Let's just say it didn't end well."

Oh, great. We were just waiting for some weird witch trial. Maybe we could talk them out of it. I couldn't think. My head ached, and I had this strange aftertaste of yellow mustard. We were just waiting for some weird witch trial. Maybe we could talk them out of it. I couldn't think. My head ached, and I had this strange aftertaste of yellow mustard.

"What did you hit us with, anyway?" I asked.

"Just some knockout gas. I don't really want to tell all our secrets in front of an outsider and competitor." She turned to Leonie.

"No offense, dear."

"Um, none taken?" Leonie responded quietly.

"I just have to figure out a way to punishyou without killing all three of you. I figured time was on my side." She looked at her watch. "Unfortunately I overdid it on the gas and you slept too long." She pushed a button on the wall, and I watched as three hooks on heavy chains came down from the ceiling and clamped on our chairs. I could hear a light humming noise, and I looked down to see the floor open up. We didn't fall, as the chains from the ceiling lowered us to the floor of the room below. Just as the legs of our chairs touched down, the hooks disengaged and retreated into the ceiling and the room above. The ceiling closed up, leaving no trace of the secret room above.

Paris and I looked at each other. Actually I think we were both impressed-and more than a little freaked out-by what had just happened.

"What is this place?" Leonie whispered.

"I don't know," I answered. "But it sounds like we have some chance to get out of this alive."

" 'Always look on the bright side of life,' eh?" Leonie gave me a weak smile.

"Life of Brian?" Paris asked, and she nodded.

I was getting a little sick of movie quotes.

And I was the one who started them. "Someone's coming," I whispered.

I was not at all surprised to see all five members of the Council come into the room and take seats on the dais. Grandma was the last one in, and she made the introduction of Leonie to the others. She did it with a gentleness and politeness that made it seem like we weren't actually tied to chairs about to die.

"You really screwed up this time, Dakota,"

Troy sneered. I hated that limey bastard.

"Actually, I think you're right." I shouldn't have answered, but I couldn't help myself. "I screwed up by not killing you last time we were here."

"Nice," Paris muttered.

"We haven't decided what to do with you yet, so quit the cowboy swagger, Dak." Dela smiled.

Florence, the other European, nodded.

"My life isn't for you to bargain with, Aunt Dela," I snapped. "I'm sick of all this bullshit."

"That's disrespectful, Dak." Lou's face was an alarming shade of red.

"All right, Lou," Grandma said. "We haven't decided what to do. That's what we're here for."