Wait. We're going to have s.e.x?

OMG!!!.

I sit on the edge of the bed and panic for a full five minutes. I have seen this stuff in movies all the time. Why is this still freaking me out? I have wanted this moment since I met him. There are a million b.u.t.terflies doing a tumbling routine in my stomach.

I wish my mom was here. Well if she was, I'm sure she would be against it. In fact, she'd ground me forever but still I could use a hug, or at the very least, antipsychotic meds because I am losing my mind.

"Okay, Emerson Hope Baxter, keep it together." I order myself out loud in the mirror.

"You have come a long way. You know he loves you. You love him. And tonight is going to be special. You're going to make love to an Angel. How many girls get to say that?"

Then something happens that almost never happens: I talked myself out of panic mode. I walked over to the closet and picked out a black mini-skirt and top Miku bought me. I put on heels and thank the heavens above that they are wedges. Had they not been, I would surely have fallen over. I let my hair out and put on some gloss. I'm not Ameana but I cleaned up pretty okay.

As I headed out the door, my nerves give way to excitement. I love him so much. I can't wait for the chance to love him in a whole new way.

Jay and Rio are standing guard over me tonight. I didn't even have to call Rio for him to come and get me.

"I read your Wave; anxious and excited."

"Yeah," I say bashfully.

He reads more of my Waves.

"Oh, I see," he says.

"Rio, please don't tell anyone-"

"Hey, it's none of my business."

"How do I look?"

"Great."

"Thanks."

We head outside. Jay asks why I'm wearing a skirt. It's a fair question sine I have made a religion out of jeans and sweaters. I say I just wanted to wear something different. He exchanges a look with Rio. This is so embarra.s.sing.

I wish Marcus had come to pick me up himself. It would have been better if the whole team wasn't in on what was going on. But I don't even care at this point. All I want is to be alone with my boyfriend.

Once we get to the house, Rio and Jay see me upstairs and head back out. I enter and find Marcus among his books as usual. He looks up and sees me standing before him.

Suddenly I'm not really sure what to do with my hands. I keep shifting my weight and biting my lower lip. I think back on what Miku said and I try to give off an air of confidence.

"Hey," I say, in what I hope is a light, breezy, s.e.xy tone.

"Hey," he says quickly.

"Where is everybody?" I ask taking my coat off. I wait for him to see my new outfit.

"Demon hunting," he says not looking up. d.a.m.n.

"Oh."

"That's why I asked you over."

"I kinda figured," I say slowly, gaining more confidence. He stands and gives me a quick kiss.

"I think it's about time this happened," he says softly in my hair.

"Okay, um...should we go to your room?" I ask, uncertain about undressing in the middle of the living room.

"No, out here is fine," he says simply.

"Okay," I wanted more privacy even through we were alone. But I didn't want to disagree with him and ruin the mood.

"Stay right here," he says, as he runs into his room.

I inhale deeply and prepare to be with the guy I love. As I stand there, my heart races and my hands shake. I go over it in my head. I will let him take the lead. That way, I can't go wrong.

Wait. Does he want me

to take the lead?

Emmy, he's a Guardian. He's a natural-born leader. He will guide you. Now for once in your life, stop doubting yourself. Think about the last time you two made out. Think about how soft his lips felt pressed against yours. How you ached to be closer to him...

I take yet another deep breath and decide that I am done being scared. I am done being nervous. I have only weeks to live and I will not waste another moment in doubt.

I turn away, unb.u.t.ton my blouse and let it fall to the floor (just like they do in the movies). I stand there in a newly purchased black padded bra that enhanced my chest by nearly a full cup. When I hear Marcus open the door, I whip around to face him and speak in my best grown-up voice.

"So, Mr. First Guardian, what do you think?"

Standing there with Marcus is Julian. Horrified, I desperately try to cover myself up with my hands. Shocked, Marcus runs to try help me cover up.

Everything seems to be happening at once; Julian threatening to kill Marcus, me looking desperately for my blouse and Marcus apologizing profusely.

I don't stop to address him. I don't even get my blouse. I just put my coat on and run out of the house. I don't want to wait for the New Year. Someone kill me now.

CHAPTER THREE: h.e.l.l IS EMPTY.

"Will you let me in?" Marcus asks, pounding on my bedroom door. I don't answer. I stay under the covers and wait for some kind of merciful force to kill me...

Nothing happens.

Apparently Death takes his victims only when he's good and ready.

I've been home for an hour now. So far, I haven't been able convince time to back up and let me keep some of my dignity. How could it have gone so wrong? Why was Julian even there? I replay it over and over again. This experience is going to scar me for as long as I live.

Bright side: That'll only be for another seven weeks or so...

"You know I can just get in a Port and show up inside your room, right?" Marcus reminds me. I roll my eyes and open the door.

"Em, I didn't know that you thought tonight was..."

"I'm such an idiot!"

"It wasn't that bad."

"I stood in the middle of the living room half naked in front of Julian. Why was he even there?"

"He's really been on the edge since your mom died. I thought maybe it's time the two of you talked. That's why I had the team clear the house; so you guys could have some alone time."

"Julian isn't the one I needed alone time with," I mumble.

"I'm sorry I wasn't clear with you."

"Is that all you're sorry about?"

"Was there something else?" he asks slightly irritated.

"You're not even a little sorry that we aren't going to be together tonight?"

"I want to be with you, you know that."

"How would I know Marcus? By the way you spend hours away from me? Or the way you make plans to meet me, then send Rio instead?"

"You know what I'm trying to do here, Emmy."

"Upset me?"

"You misunderstood my text, that's not my fault."

"Why would you even bring Julian to the house? We have nothing to say to each other."

"You two need to talk."

"He's the reason we're all in this mess."

"I'm not a fan of the guy but the fact of the matter is, he's your father."

"So what?"

"You two have a connection."

"I can't believe you are standing here arguing on behalf of the man who raped my mom."

"Julian says-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS!"

"He's trying to reach you."

"And I'm trying to reach you.

Marcus,

tonight was supposed to be...special. Now it's ruined."

"It's not ruined. You can still talk to your father."

"UGH!" I hurl my pillow at him. "You are not listening to me," I protest.

"No, Emerson, I hear you clearly. You want to push away the only family you have left"

"Why is it so important to you that I talk to Julian? He can't tell us anything new. He's useless to the mission now."

"Not everything is about the mission."

"This from the Guardian who spends twenty-six hours a day digging around in books?"

"I am not going to apologize for trying to save my girlfriend's life."