By W. W.

Behold! I am not one that goes to Lectures or the pow-wow of Professors.

The elementary laws never apologise: neither do I apologise.

I find letters from the Dean dropt on my table--and every one is signed by the Dean's name--

And I leave them where they are; for I know that as long as I stay up

Others will punctually come for ever and ever.

I am one who goes to the river,

I sit in the boat and think of 'life' and of 'time.'

How life is much, but time is more; and the beginning is everything,

But the end is something.

I loll in the Parks, I go to the wicket, I swipe.

I see twenty-two young men from Foster's watching me, and the trousers of the twenty-two young men,

I see the Balliol men _en ma.s.se_ watching me.--The Hottentot that loves his mother, the untutored Bedowee, the Cave-man that wears only his certificate of baptism, and the s.h.a.ggy Sioux that hangs his testamur with his scalps.

I see the Don who ploughed me in Rudiments watching me: and the wife of the Don who ploughed me in Rudiments watching me.

I see the rapport of the wicket-keeper and umpire. I cannot see that I am out.

Oh! you Umpires!

I am not one who greatly cares for experience, soap, bull-dogs, cautions, majorities, or a graduated Income-Tax,

The certainty of s.p.a.ce, punctuation, s.e.xes, inst.i.tutions, copiousness, degrees, committees, delicatesse, or the fetters of rhyme--

For none of these do I care: but least for the fetters of rhyme.

Myself only I sing. Me Imperturbe! Me p.r.o.nonce!

Me progressive and the depth of me progressive,

And the bathos, Anglice bathos

Of me chanting to the Public the song of Simple Enumeration.

CALIBAN UPON RUDIMENTS[1].

OR AUTOSCHEDIASTIC THEOLOGY IN A HOLE.

Rudiments, Rudiments, and Rudiments!

'Thinketh one made them i' the fit o' the blues.

'Thinketh one made them with the 'tips' to match, But not the answers; 'doubteth there be none, Only Guides, Helps, a.n.a.lyses, such as that: Also this Beast, that groweth sleek thereon, And snow-white bands that round the neck o' the same.

'Thinketh, it came of being ill at ease.

'Hath heard that Satan finds some mischief still For idle hands, and the rest o 't. That's the case.

Also 'hath heard they pop the names i' the hat, Toss out a brace, a dozen stick inside; Let forty through and plough the sorry rest.

'Thinketh, such shows nor right nor wrong in them, Only their strength, being made o' sloth i' the main-- 'Am strong myself compared to yonder names O' Jewish towns i' the paper. Watch th' event-- 'Let twenty pa.s.s, 'have a shot at twenty-first, 'Miss Ramoth-Gilead, 'take Jehoiakim, 'Let Abner by and spot Melchizedek, Knowing not, caring not, just choosing so, As it likes me each time, I do: so they.

'Saith they be terrible: watch their feats i' the Viva!

One question plays the deuce with six months' toil.

Aha, if they would tell me! No, not they!

There is the sport: 'come read me right or die!'

All at their mercy,--why they like it most When--when--well, never try the same shot twice!

'Hath fled himself and only got up a tree.

'Will say a plain word if he gets a plough.

[1] Caliban museth of the now extinct Examination in the Rudiments of Faith and Religion.

SOLVITUR ACRIS HIEMPS.

My Juggins, see: the pasture green, Obeying Nature's kindly law, Renews its mantle; there has been A thaw.

The frost-bound earth is free at last, That lay 'neath Winter's sullen yoke 'Till people felt it getting past A joke.

Now forth again the Freshers fare, And get them tasty summer suits Wherein they flaunt afield and scare The brutes.

Again the stream suspects the keel; Again the shrieking captain drops Upon his crew; again the meal Of chops

Divides the too-laborious day; Again the Student sighs o'er Mods, And prompts his enemies to lay Long odds.

Again the shopman spreads his wiles; Again the organ-pipes, unbound, Distract the populace for miles Around.

Then, Juggins, ere December's touch Once more the wealth of Spring reclaim, Since each successive year is much The same;

Since too the monarch on his throne In purple lapped and frankincense, Who from his infancy has blown Expense,

No less than he who barely gets The boon of out-of-door relief, Must see desuetude,--come let's Be brief.

At those resolves last New Year's Day The easy G.o.ds indulgent wink.

Then downward, ho!--the shortest way Is drink.