"You guys okay?"

"Wonderful," the pastor says.

I nod.

"Just give me a few minutes," Mom says.

Wonderful, my brain echoes.

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

Marsh shakes his head. "No, thank you. My wife and I just finished dinner ourselves. Just wanted to see Chris. Heidi has such good things to say about him."

Mom hears someone calling her name and disappears.

"My wife, your mother-they're not so different, are they? Both can get made up and look oh so pretty, but deep down they're really truly tortured, aren't they?"

"What do you want?"

"I want you to answer my question. What's the most powerful thing in this world?"

I shake my head.

Love, Chris. It's love. That's what Iris said. Tell him that.

He waits for a moment, acting as if I'm going to respond.

"It's fear, Chris. Fear. It will drive a person to do anything. If you grow desperate and afraid, anything can happen. Anything."

I swallow. I want to look away, but I can't.

"You know enough about fear, right? But imagine being able to invoke it in others. My young man-it is a taste that cannot get any sweeter."

He stands, looks around, then glances at me.

"Keep looking. Keep learning. Ultimately you'll understand. Ultimately you'll know what to do. We always do."

With that he leaves.

I sit in the booth shivering and breathless and wondering why he's playing games with me.

71. Girls I sit in English class and remember looking back at Jocelyn. Some days she'd ignore me. Other days she'd give me a quick glance and smile.

Now she's not around to do either.

I still feel like an empty mug.

Day by day, something hot and bitter gets poured into that mug.

Day by day, I'm getting more full, but not particularly in a good way.

"Hi."

This isn't just a hi. It's a rehearsed hi. Like the kind you do in front of the mirror for a part in a play. But this isn't a play. It's art class.

"Hi," I say back to her.

There's something different about her today. I guess if I paid closer attention I'd know it right away. It's sorta like the months passing. I forget until someone tells me it's already April.

"I don't know if Sunday still works for you?"

I'm busy trying to figure out what looks different about her, and I basically ignore the question.

"It can be another Sunday. They were just thinking-my older brother is going to be in town."

"You're not wearing your glasses."

I need to be a little quicker about these things.

"Sometimes I wear contacts."

"Really?"

She gives me a polite smile that probably says Yes, like every other day, you idiot.

"It's fine if it won't work."

"No-that's great. I mean-is it a formal thing?"

"No. We'll be coming back from church."

Again, I wait. She didn't ask the first time, but maybe the second.

"But we always change anyway before lunch."

Again, she doesn't ask.

"Will you need a ride?"

"No, please, come on."

I say that as if I can't believe she's asking me if I need a ride.

But, to be honest, I do need a ride.

I'm such a loser.

Girls asking me out and me needing rides.

Loser.

I manage to get to Poe, who's rummaging in her locker, before she can spot me coming and bolt.

For a moment, I realize that she's just as alone as I am at this school. Jocelyn and Rachel are both gone. I don't see that she's replaced either of them.

"Poe."

She looks at me with a nervous, attacking stance.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I joke.

"Chris, you know-we've talked about this."

"I haven't heard anything since-"

"You will."

"Everything okay?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the next-"

But she takes off before I can ask her what our next step of action is.

I sigh.

There's gotta be a self-help book out there that can help me with these-girls.

72. Meets and Meetings "We've got a big meet coming up on the twenty-first. So I don't want any of you doing anything stupid the weekend before, like getting arrested or going to the hospital for drinking too much. Got that?"

He seems to be talking to Ray and me. I think he could care less about two-thirds of the guys on the team.

Obviously Coach Brinks doesn't know me.

"The meet this Thursday will be a warm-up for Hendersonville because they're tough, and frankly, we aren't. But we still got a little game in us, right, Chicago?"

"Yes, sir," I say.

"Now let's go out and have a good practice."

As we're walking off the center of the field to the track, Ray pulls me aside. "Hey-you make a decision about prom yet?"

For a second I think prom is some kind of dish I'm supposed to try.

"No."

"Alexis really wants to go with you."

"She told you?"

I vaguely remember Ray talking to me about this some time ago, but I was winded and my shins were killing me and I couldn't for the life of me picture Alexis.

"No, not really. But, come on. She's a senior. She's hot. And she's pretty much willing."

"I don't know."

I haven't even seen Alexis, not to mention the fact that I really couldn't care less about going to this school's prom.

"I'll introduce you to her. Stef is good friends with her, and they want to double. And I'm telling you, buddy ..."

Ray laughs as Coach Brinks barks out to us.

As I start practicing hurdles, I reflect that this is certainly good training for what I need to do around this place.

Run and jump.

Run far away and jump over everything in my path.

Ray is going to take me home when another voice interrupts and offers me a ride instead. Turns out it's time to touch base with Jared.

Part of me still questions whether I should tell him about Poe.

"You still keeping a low profile?" His voice has an accusatory tone in it.

"Do I still have to?" I ask.

"Look-just-some weird things have been happening, and I needed to let you know about them."

"Like what?"

And what's your definition of weird, since everything around here is weird?

"The group that meets at the falls. You said you saw them once. Do you have any idea where they might be meeting now?"

I shake my head. "I haven't been invited."

"The sheriff-has he talked with you at all?"

"Sheriff Wells? Not since calling me a liar and telling me to stay out of his hair."

"He's been doing some funny things recently. So how's that new job of yours going?"

"It's good. It pays well. And the lady there is pretty cool."

"And you haven't discovered any dead bodies in the basement?" Jared jokes.

"Those rumors are just because Iris never goes to town. You ever been up there?"