Lori stared at him.

"He's a science geek, but he's still a guy," I informed her.

"Obviously," she agreed.

Collin stood and folded his napkin. "Ladies, why don't you allow me to wash the dishes while you relax and perhaps try to ring the police again."

"Why thank you, good sir," Lori said in a terrible imitation of Collin's accent. "That would be simply delightful."

"You're such a dork," I told her as Collin began stacking plates. As he rounded the corner into the kitchen, Lori leaned forward and grabbed my hand.

"Wow, he's hot," she whispered. "Great accent and yummy hands."

"I didn't notice."

"He's also got a nice ass."

"Ladies," Collin said behind us, making me jump and drop my napkin. "Are you done with your glasses, or would you like another drink?"

"I'll get it, thanks," I said as I reached for the wine bottle and drained it into my glass.

"Very well," Collin said, and carried the rest of the dishes back to the kitchen. I heard the taps turn on, and the familiar squirk sound of my dish soap dispenser.

"Sorry about that," Lori whispered as we both retreated to the sofa. "I'm almost sure he didn't hear my comment about his ass."

I rolled my eyes. "I told Mom I wanted a cat instead of a baby sister. She should have listened."

"Well, see, now you have us both," Lori said, snuggling close to Blue Cat and looking so adorable I wanted to pinch her cheeks. Hard.

Instead, I hit redial on my phone and listened to it ring Officer Frank's line.

"Voicemail again," I muttered.

"Leave a message."

"Saying what?"

Lori shrugged. I sighed. The phone beeped.

"Hello, Officer Frank. My name is JJ Shultz. My sister Lori and I were in your office on Saturday talking about fake handbags and Pete Wilco and the missing intern. The thing is, someone just dropped off one of those designer fakes on my porch and another one on Lori's porch, and inside the bags was a... well, it's a long story, but I think it's a threat. And a note that says 'back off, bitch' and some other stuff. So the thing is-"

Beep.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it in disbelief. "The goddamn voicemail cut me off."

"Don't you hate that?"

Redial. Voicemail. Beep.

"Listen, Officer Frank, it's JJ again. Shultz, JJ Shultz, at 555-7553. And the thing is, we're really worried about Macy. I think someone took her or something and now they're trying to scare us. I don't know if you can get fingerprints off a handbag or anything, and I guess we can't prove there was a crime committed exactly since they left something instead of taking something, but... oh, but wait, someone had to steal the animals from Lori, right? So... um, I forgot, I didn't mention the animals, but it looks like they're wearing a Gucci scarf like Macy had on the day-"

Beep.

"Goddammit!"

Lori frowned. "Maybe we should just go down there?"

In the kitchen, I heard the clank of plates being loaded into my dishwasher.

"So he's cute," Lori said.

"Collin?"

"Of course Collin. Is he single?"

"I have no idea."

"I love the idea that you've had hottie Pete, hottie Daniel, and hottie Collin in your house all in the span of three days. Can I be you when I grow up?"

"They could all be ax-murdering sex fiends for all I know."

"At least they're all cute ax-murdering sex fiends."

"And anyway, hottie Pete Pete, I mean has a girlfriend. And I'm dating Daniel, though I'm trying to decide if I'm still mad about the thing with the supposed county policy on dating. And Collin thinks I'm a spy sent by the DEQ or the EPA or some other agency to keep tabs on him at the landfill."

"What?"

I sighed and looked at my sister. "It's been a busy day."

"No kidding."

My cell phone vibrated in my hand, startling me out of my conversation with Lori. I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"JJ? This is Pete. I hear you've had some excitement this evening. Everything okay there?"

"Pete?" I said, dumbfounded.

"From work. Pete Wilco-"

"I know who you are," I said, though I was feeling a little uncertain about that. "How did you hear about where are you?"

"Remember I said I had a couple buddies who are cops?"

"No."

"Well I do. I'm actually hanging out with one of my pals right now, and he just got buzzed about a message you left for Joe Frank down at the station. I wanted to make sure you're all right."

"I'm okay," I said slowly, glancing at my clock. It had been less than five minutes since I'd left that message.

"My buddy said something about an animal is your cat all right?"

"Blue Cat is fine," I said, not bothering to mask the confusion in my voice. "Someone left a handbag and a threatening note on my porch. I'm sorry, why are you calling, exactly?"

"Joe Frank is busy with some other police business, but he wanted to send an officer over to you right away. My buddy has one more call he has to take, but I can be there in five minutes if you want someone to wait with you until he gets there."

Alarm bells were sounding in my head, but I wasn't quite sure why. Admittedly, I was no expert on police procedure, and my only real experience with cops had been a speeding ticket six years earlier. Still, Pete's story was completely strange.

I heard a female voice in the background and tried to pick out what was being said. "Is that your girlfriend?" I asked Pete.

"What?"

"In the background? You said you might be off for a few days this week if your girlfriend came up from L.A. to visit-"

"Oh. No. It's the radio. I just left my buddy and got in the car. I'm pretty close by, actually. Do you want me to stop by and wait with you 'til the cops show up?"

"Well, Collin's here-"

"Collin?"

"From work."

Pete was silent for a moment. "I'm coming over. I'll be there in just a few minutes."

Then he disconnected the call.

"Well that was weird," I said, looking at the phone before I set it down on the table.

"Pete's coming over?" Lori sounded as confused as I felt.

"Pete from work?" Collin asked, emerging from the kitchen with a dishtowel in his hands and steamy streaks on his glasses.

"I guess so."

"Hmm." Collin set the towel on the counter. "I was going to head out, but maybe I'll stick around a bit longer."

"Why? You think he might be a spy, too?"

Collin quirked an eyebrow at me. "At this point, I'm making note of any suspicious behavior."

I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but the doorbell rang and saved me the trouble of figuring it out.

"Shall I get it?" Collin said. "Since I'm up?"

"Sure," I told him. "It's probably Pete. He said he was close by in his car."

"Well that's convenient," Collin murmured.

"Are you always this paranoid?" I asked, genuinely curious.

Collin ignored the question as he yanked open the door with more force than necessary. "Pete, jolly good to see you. What brings you by?"

"Hey, Collin I understand there's been some drama here this evening?"

"You could say that," Lori murmured, looking appreciatively at Pete. "Nice shirt. Banana Republic?"

He shrugged. "It was a gift."

"From your girlfriend?"

Pete smiled, but didn't answer.

"I just thought since you bought her that handbag, maybe she went shopping and-"

I pinched my sister's thigh and smiled up at the two men standing there in my living room. "Pete didn't come here to be badgered, Lori."

"Why did Pete come here, exactly?" She smiled at him. "I'm just curious."

"I heard there was a problem. My friend who's a cop is supposed to swing by, but he had another call to take before this one. I just wanted to make sure everything's okay here."

"Oh. Well, that's very... thoughtful of you," I said, not sure exactly why I was feeling uneasy. "So the police will be here soon?"

Pete glanced at his watch. "He was in the middle of dealing with an attempted homicide. It might be another twenty minutes."

"Right. Handbags not being their highest priority?"

"Something like that," Pete said. "They do want to try to get prints though, take some statements from you, that sort of thing. He also said your message mentioned a missing person?"

"Right," I said. "Lori's intern. We haven't heard from her for a few days."

Pete frowned. "This is the one you mentioned had mob ties?"

Lori sighed. "We don't know that. Her uncle might have mob ties. Maybe. We're not really sure about that."

"Right, right," Pete said. "I remember. Is it unusual for her to just take off?"

"Not really," Lori admitted. "But it's unusual that the last time we heard from her, she was hot on the trail of information about counterfeit handbags."

"Huh," Pete said, his expression unreadable. "Make sure you mention that to the cops, okay?"

Beside him, Collin was still wiping his hands on the dishtowel, looking leery. Lori caught my eye and raised one eyebrow. Clearly we were both having a tough time reading the dynamic between these two and figuring out what the hell was going on.

"Can I get anyone a drink?" I asked, standing up. "Gin and tonic, red wine, white wine, beer, milk, cider-"

"A spot of tea would be lovely, thank you," Collin said.

"Water for me, if it's not too much trouble," Pete replied, moving toward the table. "Are these the bags left on your porch?"