"It's no big deal. She doctors that horse for me, I let her study Chick."

"Study how?"

"Talk to him. Ask questions. Observe. What about the twins?"

"They started bleeding that morning. It got Elly spooked."

"Bleeding?"

"Their first time. Do you think I'll bleed too?"

He yawned. "I'm going to do some work now. You'd better go."

Chicks legs and sneakers were sticking out, toes down, from under the family van. "Whatcha doing, Chick?"

"Looking at ants."

I flopped onto my belly and wormed in beside him, careful not to crack my hump against the van's undercarriage. A school of small ants swarmed on a damp lump in the dirt.

"That looks like cake."

"It's my piece of the birthday cake. They like it."

"You were over at Doc P.'s again this morning, weren't you? What's she like?"

His hot pink face flashed at me, smiling. "She's going to make Frosty the horse well. And she's going to let me help her. She's going to show me how to stop things from hurting. Arty says it's good. But today I just moved her garbage out."

The twins and I were wiping the jars in the Chute with dust cloths and spray cleaner. I rubbed the big jar hard and peered through at Leona the Lizard Girl floating calmly inside. "Is Mama sick?" I asked.

"She has to sleep," said Elly. "Papa gave her an extra shot so she could sleep. It's good for her ribs."

They were cleaning both sides of Apple's jar. Iphy kept one hand spread across their wide, flat stomach.

"Does it hurt, Iphy?" I asked.

Elly snorted. "She keeps thinking about it."

"Let Oly do the Tray, Elly. I'll throw up if we have to do the Tray."

"You won't puke. Close your eyes while I do it."

"You think about the bleeding, too," Iphy protested.

"Yeah, but I'm not going, 'Ooh, what's that? Does it hurt?' every time something rolls over in our belly. I'm thinking what it means for us."

I was working on Maple's jar by then, spraying and wiping. "What does it mean?"

Iphy s eyes were closed as Elly examined the Tray's jar for fingermarks and smears. "What if we can have a baby? Don't you ever think about what's going to happen when we grow up?"

Iphy shook her head, eyes closed. "Nothing will change."

"What will change?" I was suddenly scared. Elly was impatient with both of us.

"Stupid! What do you suppose is going to happen when Mama and Papa die?"

Iphy's eyes popped open. "They're not going to die!"

"Arty will take care of us," I said, dusting the "BORN OF NORMAL PARENTS" sign. "He'll be the boss." But I was thinking I'd marry Arty and sleep with my arms around him in a big bed and do everything for him.

"Right!" Elly sneered. "We can depend on Arty!"

Iphy tried to be rea.s.suring. "I'm going to marry Arty and we'll take care of everybody ... "

Elly's spray bottle hit the floor as her right hand closed into a white fist and sailed in a short, tight hook to Iphy's mouth, where it smacked, spreading Iphy's lips and snapping her oval head back on her long-stem neck. Iphy tried to stuff her dust cloth into Elly's mouth and block another punch at the same time. They fell, squealing and thrashing, biting and pulling hair. I stood staring through the green lenses of my huge new sungla.s.ses at the convulsing tangle of twins on the floor. I probably could have stopped them, but I didn't feel like it. I turned and shuffled out of the green-lit jar room and down the narrow corridor, leaving the twins to their mutual a.s.sault.

We were still in Burkburnett when Dr. Phyllis did the job on Frosty with Chick to help and Papa joining in for the messy bits. They did it late one night in a smallish tent that reeked of antiseptic. The tent was so brightly lit inside that, from the outside, it glowed like a damaged moon heaving with shadows.

I sat fifty feet away on the hood of the humming generator truck and watched their silhouettes. Chick, a tiny motionless lump at one end of a long dark heap, and the squat, bulging form of Dr. P., standing for long periods in one place with only her head and shoulders moving. Al was busy, the large Papa shadow bending, stooping, rushing from one end of the glow to the other, seeming to pace nervously.

They made the big table from a pair of sawhorses and a steel door from one of the vans. The scarcely breathing heap in the middle was the ancient horse.

While Mama and the twins slept, while all the camp fell dark and the midway lights cooled in their sockets and the night guards shifted and spit and sighed at their scattered posts, I watched, leaning on Grandpas urn, feeling its cold bite working through my hump to my lungs.

A light filtered through the window of Arty's van but no movement showed on the gla.s.s.

It took a long time. The black sky should have ached with cold but there was no wind. The stillness was almost warm, almost comfortable. No frogs, no crickets, no birds sounded. I nodded off and woke with cramped shoulders and a sprung neck.

The rotten edge of the sky was moldering into a.r.s.enic green when the light in the tent went out. The grey fabric was suddenly dull and three shoddy figures crept out through the flap and trailed away.

I could hear Papa talking in low tones. As they pa.s.sed me, Chick reached up to grab Papa's hand, the small boy figure drooping sleepily over stumbling legs.

There are parts of Texas where a fly lives ten thousand years and a man can't die soon enough. Time gets strange there from too much sky, too many miles from crack to crease in the flat surface of the land. Horst theorized that we'd all live longer for "wintering in these scalped zones." The redheads moaned that it just seemed longer. As the days and miles went on they stopped moaning and leaned toward long silences. Their faces took on the flat, wind-tracked look of prairie. "The grave looks good by bedtime," they said, but the complaints lacked their usual spice and crackle.

We'd holed up near Medicine Mound and were taking fearful advantage of the truckers and riggers and a crowd that had come down 250 miles from the Indian Nation in customized maroon buses with fiddle and accordion bands playing next to the toilets and ice chests full of beer every five seats. The Indians stopped off to stretch their legs and their eyeb.a.l.l.s at our facilities on their way to the annual stockholders' meeting of some oil company.

Horst himself was reminiscing about the Texas town called Dime Box and the glories of Old Dime Box, which seemed isolated in his eyes to the broad, strong hips of one Roxanne Tuxbury (p.r.o.nounced Tewbury) who ran a motorcycle-repair shop there and was undismayed by the indelible stench of cat in a man's chest hair.

Papa was handing out doses of his most rancid tonic before breakfast. "The winter sun is kind of green and doesn't have the Go juice. That's why you get so sleepy." Horst was leaning on the door waiting for his secret spoonful of vile black Binewski's Beneficent Balm.

"Just don't let Dr. Phyllis know," Papa muttered with every pour from his big bottle of Triple B.

"Roxanne Tuxbury always rides a kick-start cycle," explained Horst, "and the thighs on that woman are as long and strong as her laugh, which you can pretty much pick up in Arkansas if the wind is right. She wears a little leather halter three hundred and sixty-five days of every year."

Papa jammed a big spoonful of Triple B under Horst's mustache and bent his famous Binewski eyebrows. "Too bad Dime Box isn't on our agenda this year. Maybe you ought to take a little van and hop down there for a week. Catch up with us after you've vented your glands or blown your gasket with Roxanne."

Horst swallowed hard to keep the Triple B down and glared at Al. "Leave the cats? If you had the sense to winter decently in Florida it'd give a man a chance to ... "

The bells started suddenly. Chick and Arty, who'd disappeared early that morning, came rolling up fast and shouting, "Elly! Iphy! Come out here!"

The twins, bug-eyed and wincing, crawled out of the dinette where we'd been finishing arithmetic lessons and waiting for breakfast. Mama forgot her biscuits and I trailed along. Papa and Horst laughed as we all trooped down along the hard clay track toward Dr. P.'s. Arty had a tape player in his wheelchair playing the taped bells loud. The show folk poked their heads out and strolled along, redheads and roustabouts. The flat grey of the day crept up our backs as we came to the shabby covered trailer parked near Dr. P.'s gleaming white mobile clinic.

Arty's chair stopped and Iphy's hand was caught tight in Arty's shoulder fin as Chick stepped forward. There was a rustle and b.u.mp from inside the trailer, and then the frost-coated, candy-orange horse stuck his head out the door and came prancing down the ramp to the ground with his mane braided in blue ribbons and his eyes rolling nervously as he arched his thin neck and crow-hopped in the dust. We all inhaled as we saw the long form of the horse, the Dachshorse, the chopped and channeled Ba.s.set Horse perched on starry stockings and realized that all four of the mush-boned feet were gone. The horse had been cut off just below the knees and was dancing his sprightly senile horse dance on stocking-covered, rubber-padded half-leg stumps.

"Ain't that something?!" Papa shouted. The redheads "wowed" softly and clapped, and Horst whistled a knife blast through his teeth that flattened the old horses ears. Arty grinned and bowed in his chair, and Chick watched the old horse steadily. Dr. P. did not appear at all.

We all went close to look and pat the sweating, scared horse, and to examine the sock-covered stumps and admire how his tail was tied up in blue ribbon so it wouldn't drag in the dust. Chick stayed close, holding the halter rope. The twins stroked the quivering coat of the stunned old beast and glanced at each other as Arty told them that, though it was late, this was his birthday present to them.

"Thank you, Arty," they chorused. Papa was praising Dr. P. and Mama set off running for the home van with a cry of "Biscuits!" and the group shifted and scattered.

Chick let the halter rope slide through his hands and the horse reached for a surviving clump of grey-green near the trailer wheel and b.u.mped his jaw on the ground because he wasn't used to being so low down. Or that's what I thought. Arty leaned back in his chair and looked worriedly at Iphy. "Are you glad?"

Elly watched the horse stepping gingerly on his shortened limbs, his huge body balanced precariously. Iphy took a breath and patted Arty's shoulder. "But is he okay, Arty? Doesn't he hurt?"

Chick interrupted quickly, "No, he doesn't hurt at all." And I, leaning on Arty's chair arm, wondered if Chick was doing it all, holding the horse up and making him dance. Elly's face turned toward us and she was old. She had sunk into some dark place behind her eyes, and whatever she was looking at wasn't me or Arty.

"So this is what it's going to be like," she said. Her voice was as dry as the sand that stretched to the sad edge of the sky.

The twins stayed as far away from Frosty the horse as they could, despite Arty's nagging them to "visit their pet." Chick took care of the horse. He would probably have croaked when he first woke up and noticed that his feet were gone if it hadn't been for Chicks literal support. Whether Chick had actually kept the brute's heart pumping against his will I don't know. Every morning Chick spent a few minutes jollying the horse into facing another day.

I can't be sure how much information or help Chick got from Dr. P. What is sure is that the tyke spent time with the doctor every day and he wasn't always taking out her elaborate garbage. All he would say when I grilled him was, "She's showing me how to stop things from hurting."

Chick also spent time with Arty. Suddenly Arty's nasty att.i.tude had switched to fond big-brotherhood. He let Chick do a lot of work for him - the brand of charity Arty was most generous in dispensing. Arty also debriefed the kid every time he came away from Dr. Phyllis's van. Chick was Arty's mole in the doc's previously impregnable camp. This was clever, considering that none of the rest of us had even got through her door, but I figured it for dangerous.

"What if she decided to dissect him to see how he works?" I asked. "What if she decides to make a big reputation by writing papers about him for scientific journals?"

"Naah. She won't," Arty a.s.sured me. "She wants to keep him to herself. She's teaching him to be a painkiller. She says that old horse would have kicked off right away if she'd dosed it with drugs to knock it out. She told Chick about the pain dingus in the horses brain, drew pictures, and had him fool around inside until he figured out how it worked. She says Chick put the horse to sleep, kept it unconscious, and sat on the pain dingus so the horse didn't have any shock reaction at all. She thinks Chick will help her be a great surgeon. She's not gonna advertise him. She knows she'd lose him if she did." Arty paused and thought for a second. He gave me an odd, worried roll of his eyes. "She might decide to take over the planet or something, but I'm trying to keep a tight rein on that kind of stuff. I think it'll work."

Arty was busy. It's amazing to me even now how much privacy he had in his own van, how much time he spent seeming to lounge around, and how much he got done by giving orders. He was working. His show was changing. He hired his own advance man - a specialist named Peabody who popped in once a month for an hour and then drove out again in a perpetually gleaming sedan. Peabody wore bank-grey suits and an air of smug humility that clashed with the style of the racetrack types who did the job for Al. Every town we hit held a larger crowd waiting docilely for Arty. They weren't always poor. They weren't always old.

News cameras were common enough on the midway. We were often booked as a feature of some local crawdad festival or Miss Artificial Insemination pageant or whatever, that drew coverage for us. But the reporters also started doing more interviews with Arty in his tank.

Whatever he was telling them was what they wanted to hear. We were all running flat out to keep up with the crowds. Papa trucked in a portable chain-link fence to close off Arty's stage exit from the people who wanted to touch him and talk to him after his shows.

Arty got a golf cart to toot back and forth in. Papa's guard crew increased to fifty large men dressed in sky-blue uniforms with spangled Binewski badges and arm patches. They carried discreet, telescoping electro-shock sticks and stun-gas spray canisters.

Arty stopped coming to the family van for meals. Mama cooked his food and I carried it to him on trays.

The midway jingled with profits from Arty's crowd. The twins, the geeks, the swallowers, and every act in the variety tent bubbled daily with cheerful audiences, but they were really just waiting for Arty.

Arty was absorbed. Mama treated it as another one of his growth phases. "He's always been moody, sensitive," she said.

Papa strode the line from early to late - "working harder than I ever have!" - jubilant at the gross and his own roaring of orders and arrangements. But he was fuzzy behind the eyes because he was no longer the actual King Cob of all the Corn. In his dire heart he felt the difference.

He wasn't working for himself anymore. He was working for Arty. Everything revolved around Arty, from our routes and sites to the syrup flavors in the soda fountains.

We were all nervy with an unspoken antic.i.p.ation. We were accelerating toward something and we didn't know what.

BOOKIII.

Spiral Mirror

12.

Miss Lick's Home Flicks

The library microfilm spews a stream of nuggets. An announcement of the birth of Mary Malley Lick, eight pounds, nine ounces, at Good Samaritan Hospital. The obituary of Eleanor Malley Lick, dead of cancer when her daughter was eight years old. Mary Lick, an uncomfortable fifteen-year-old in a baggy sweater, pictured as "A soph.o.m.ore at Catlin Gabel School, who holds the Oregon State Women's Handgun Marksmanship championship for the second year in a row." Thomas R. Lick cutting the ribbon for the new trophy and smoking room at the Sauvie Island Gun Club.

Then there are articles about all the Lick enterprises. There are fifty-one plants nationwide and a flagship factory tucked into a bend in the Willamette just north of the Fremont Bridge. The product is Lickety Split dinners-portable food for airlines and for inst.i.tutions, from rest homes to schools, jails to asylums. Nineteen full menus with special Kiddie, Diabetic, Kosher, and NMR (No Mastication Required) lines. Everything from three to six courses in plastic trays with an indentation for each item. A subsidiary arm leases microwave ovens to clients for "on-the-spot warming."

An item about the failure of a labor strike at the Portland plant mentions that Lick Enterprises employed close to eight thousand workers coast to coast and not one of them belonged to a union. Thomas R. fired all the strikers in Portland and hired fresh help unpolluted by notions of collective bargaining.

A mug shot pictures prim young Mary, with her spanking new degree in Business from the state university, recently named Portland plant manager at the age of twenty-four. The caption explains that despite her age she was "by no means a novice, having worked in the plant for seven years in various departments ranging from bookkeeping to sanitation."

In the old man's obituary - cancer - seven years later, Mary is listed as Executive Vice President and sole heir to Lick Enterprises.

The last item is a tentative mention in the also-ran list trailing the four hundred richest individuals in the nation. The dry line beside her name explains that, since all Lick a.s.sets are privately held, only estimates of her net worth are available.

I take the copies back to my room and read everything again. There is no mention of relatives, friends, or lovers, no names or faces recur near Mary Lick. Every photo shows her isolated even in a group. Her expression is never quite in sync with the cheer or solemnity of those around her. She is alone.

Just before midnight I go downstairs and listen to Lil breathing. Then I go upstairs and knock on Miranda's door. There is no answer.

After the morning shift at KBNK I hole up in an empty office at the station and spend the afternoon on the phone. I enjoy it. I can never be inconspicuous in person. A hunchback is not agile enough for efficient skulking. But my voice can take me anywhere. I can be a manicured silk receptionist, a bureaucrat of impenetrable authority, or an old college chum named Beth. I can be a pollster doing a survey of management techniques or a reporter for the daily paper doing a feature on how employees view their bosses. Anonymous, of course - no real names used and all businesses disguised.

A dozen phone calls into the day I am thinking grimly about my luck. Mary Lick could have played chess or poker or pool. She might have been intrigued by dim, cozy p.o.r.no shops with black booths for a spy to hide in. It would have been a snap to get close to her if she were a horticulture type or a dog breeder. But no. Miss Lick is physical. Her secretary exclaims, "She just couldn't get from one day to the next without her two-mile swim in the evening."

In my family Arty swam and n.o.body else did. I never learned. Trudging home it occurs to me that things could be worse. Lick could just as easily have gone in for jet boat races, jumping horses, or sky diving. I can learn to swim.

Miranda's windows are glowing yellow as I come up the street. I go straight upstairs to her door and knock. She laughs and takes me in and shoos out a handsome man named Kevin so she can draw me. I sit naked for hours watching her. She draws and makes tea and draws and talks. We don't mention her tail.

The Athletic Club is only a few blocks from the apartment building where Miss Lick owns and occupies the top floor. The club is in the same style as the apartment building, a ma.s.sive brick-and-gla.s.s temple to the joys of insulation. The word is that Miss Lick's father was instrumental in having the club opened to female membership.

"Of course we have been integrated for more than thirty years," the information girl told me over the phone. I asked to have the club brochures mailed to me. The pamphlets were glossy productions with color photos of the Oak Trophy Lounge (full-service bar), the saunas, dining room, weight rooms, handball and tennis courts, and the Thomas R. Lick memorial swimming pool. I invested in the six-week introductory membership and spent four afternoons loitering in the five-story parking lot across the street to watch Miss Lick's black sedan enter the brick gateway at 5:30 every evening.

I stand in the middle of the deserted locker room, a ditty bag in one hand and a combination lock in the other, staring at myself in the mirror that covers the door. I look old. I have always looked old. The hump is not a youthful thing and the nakedness of my scalp and my hairless eyelids and brow ridges creak of something ancient. I have stuffed my wig into the ditty bag already, waiting for her. "Always remember," my father used to say, "how much leverage you've got on the norms just in your physical presence." I examine my wide mouth and pink eyes, and the slope of cheekbones into the tiny leg that serves me for a jaw and wonder if it will work this time when I need it to. After all, Miss Lick is not a norm and for all I know she is immune to the usual tricks.

She comes through the door and it starts - her double-take stare rea.s.sures me instantly. She is not immune. There is the standard civilized greeting, ignoring the obvious.

"Perhaps you can tell me which lockers are ... "

I hesitate and she drops her purse on a bench and nods at a row of cabinets against the wall, "All those without locks."