I braced myself as I stared into her face, looking for a trace of someth ing I knew she had lost, utterly and forever-her humanity. She met my gaze with cold indifference. I shuddered at the pools of darkness deep in her eyes.
"What have you done?" I whispered in horror.
"I decided to lead the way for the rest of the Seconders, instead of encouraging them to hold back. I took the step you were afraid to take.
I went through the sex gates and expanded my consciousness to the edge of what a human mind can handle, and then beyond. It is no worse than shedding an old coat."
"Yeah. I can see what a snazzy new being you are." I started edging around her toward the entrance of the cave.
"I can operate on the quantum level in ways you cannot even begin to imagine."
She made a quick gesture, and the air around her began to brighten. In another second she was surrounded by a pulsing halo of golden light. I t hrew up my hand to shield my eyes.
"What are you trying to do? Look like a god? Impress the mere mortal?"
"You are no mere mortal." Her voice took on a pleading note. "You're almost there. You could join me."
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"No thanks."
I edged closer to the entrance. Would she let me go, or was she planning to kidnap me, too? Getting kidnapped twice in one day seemed a bit much- it was enough to make me wonder if someone-or something-was messing withmy reality.
Bingo! I'd found the truth. My pattern sense quivered like a dog on p oint.
Amanda had used her new powers to control Josie. Josie was only a tool t o get me out here. Amanda chuckled, and I knew she'd been following my thoughts.
"I didn't want to face both you and Rita. Together you might defeat me. But it was easy to suggest an escape plan to Josie's already diabolical mind . Besides, I needed to get you away from Rita and her simpering humanity, so you would listen to what you're missing."
"I'm not missing one damned thing."
"You're throwing away a chance to become godlike. Why? To live you r life among sniveling humans who will always fear and despise you because you are different than they are?" Although she spoke with cold logic, I heard the echo of old hurts in her words.
"And what about you?" I challenged. "You've sacrificed your humanity. Where will you go, where will you live, and who will you call your people?"
"I've made contact with the entity who wanted to help you change." Triumph flared to life on her face.
"One of the gate masters?"
My heart sank. They were back. Would they return to the Nexus and reclaim their technology, just when we were starting to learn their secrets? Was this whole episode nothing but another twist in whatever experiment they were running with the human race as their guinea pigs? Her answer surprised me.
"No, the entity is not a gate master. The gate masters have evolved beyond this level of reality, as Messler guessed. This entity belongs to another race, one that has also achieved quantum consciousness. It has viewed our blundering ar ound at the edges of its domain with both amusement and concern-if such human emotions can be ascribed to a creature that is nothing like us. It attempted to contact you, 185
because it wished to help humanity."
"Humanity has had too much help lately," I said. "The human rac e is never going to be the same."
She smiled. It looked like a human smile, a curving of the lips, and a radiant flash of white teeth. But nothing happened in her eyes. They were cold and focused.
"It can help us by showing us how to become more like it. Its conscio usness is far above ours. If we insist on remaining human beings, barely able t o peer over the edge of the quantum sphere of consciousness, we will only irritate it. Wecannot remain stagnant. We must evolve. To turn down such a gift is a crime against life itself. Life grows and evolves."
It was a noble little speech, but I wasn't buying it. I remembered Me ssler's theory that the human race was evolving in a different direction than the gate masters because we had developed intuition, whereas they had developed logic.
They had tried to make our world more like theirs by sending us their se x gates. Now this entity wanted us to become more like it. My whole being rebelled at the idea. It was one thing to learn to be flexible about gender identity. It was another to give up my humanity altogether. I was human and I intended to stay that way.
"I'll pass," I said.
"Don't be foolish," Amanda whispered.
I saw a flash of emotion deep in her eyes. Loneliness? Fear? Desperation?
Those were human feelings. She claimed to be beyond that. Yet every creature must retain some emotion if only the desire to survive. She grabbed my arm. Her sharp nails dug into me.
"Touch my consciousness if you dare, and see what you're missing."
My skin crawled at her touch. The longer I spoke to her the less human she seemed. I yanked my arm free and straightened my shoulders.
"If you want."
Our gazes locked. The light vanished. I fell into a black hole, a place where relentless forces clashed in seeming chaos. A mind reached out to touch mine, its thoughts as clear as crystal, and as cold. This being existed wholly without emotion, untouched by human desire, without that sense of self that makes us unique.
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deep within its vast consciousness lay what was left of Amanda. She was little more than a memory of what once was, consumed by this larger entity. Her soul was gone. Her knowledge fed this other being.
I recoiled in horror. The power within the entity's mind was terrifying. Its thoughts could bend space and time, remold reality, make the sun halt in the sky- so much power belonged only in the hands of a god. But I'd rejected t he idea of a god long ago. I wanted my human freedom. I wanted to continue to feel- even to feel the pain now splitting my head-not become like this icy, relentless intellect that measured us with a dispassionate gaze and lived complete within itself, unmoved by our plight.
"No!" I broke free of her mind touch, and staggered toward the entrance of the cave. "Let me go."
"You are a coward, Lee." She stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
I stopped and glared at her. She was a shell of a human being. "Call me what you want. I choose to keep my humanity. I think you'll find most of u s will make that same choice."
This last sentence I addressed to the entity I knew lived within Amanda. In our brief touch, I'd sensed its hunger.
"Your race does not deserve the treasures the sex gates have brought you."
Amanda-or the thing that possessed her-spat the words at me. "You toy with quantum reality on the whim of some passing emotion, never dreaming how dangerous your actions can be to the balance of the entire universe."
"We do what we have to do to survive."
Her eyes narrowed, as she examined me like some specimen under a microscope. "You play with concepts you do not understand, using mental powers the gate masters never intended for you to develop. This situation cannot be allowed to continue."
"What do you intend to do about it?"
"I'll remove the gates from Earth, and then use my quantum powers to control the populace. I will bring peace to your planet at last."
Shock left me speechless. I stared at her openmouthed. My pattern sense 187
warned me that this entity could indeed do such a thing.
"Nothing to say," she taunted.
"You can't!"
"I can. Do you think you or any of your feeble kind can stop me?"
A thousand memories flashed through my mind. I thought of the wonders th e gates had brought to humanity-of minds opened to new experiences by c hanging sexes, of bodies healed, of youth reborn, and finally the ability to travel to other worlds, to travel in time itself.
"The gate masters intended for you to experience the sex change, noth ing more," Amanda said. "The Seconders are an aberration. The gates ar e an experiment gone awry. It must be stopped."
I clenched my fists at my side, as a dangerous plan rushed through my he ad.
I could join Amanda, become like her, fight this entity from the inside, and stop it from taking the sex gates away from us...
I saw Rita's face, remembered the feel of Justina's little cheek p ressed against mine. No! The price was too high. I could not survive losing Rita and Justina.
"Are you afraid of us?" I sneered. "Why should a being with your powers care about a second-rate race like ours?"
The glow around her body brightened. "I don't care, as long as you stay on your backwater planet and behave. You made a mistake when you came out to where the big boys play. Next time don't stick your nose out the door until you're strong enough to join in the game."
A form appeared at the entrance to the cave. I squinted, unable to make out who it was in the bright light. Fortunately, Amanda was facing me, busy gloating over her triumph. I kept talking to hold her attention.
"Thanks for the advice, but we'll make our own decisions."
The figure stepped closer and raised one arm. I could see the rock clutc hed in her hand. Maybe my eyes widened. Maybe I gasped at the last second. Some thing warned Amanda and she whirled around, but it was too late. Josie was already bringing down the rock in a terrible blow. It struck Amanda with a sicke ning crunch and she crumbled to the ground. I dropped to my knees at her side and pr essed my 188
fingers to the pulse at her neck. She was dead. I looked up at Josie, fully expecting a second blow-this one fatal-to fall on my already bruised head, but to my surprise she giggled, and dropped the rock.
"Guess I fixed her," she said. "That will teach her to mess aro und in my mind."
"You knew she'd controlled you mentally?"
Josie kicked Amanda's body, her face twisted with contempt. "Not until I left you here. I guess she got so busy arguing with you that she forgot to keep tabs on my mind. I was halfway to the Nexus city when I realized I was free again. I wasn't going to let her get away with trying to control me."
I remembered what Rita had told me-psychopaths craved power. They wanted to be in charge. Amanda had chosen the wrong person for her first experiment in mind control. Or the alien entity had. I staggered to my feet. I could barely stand, and I had two problems to solve-Josie, and the entity who had threatened to remove the sex gates from Earth.
"Let me help you." Josie reached out to grab my elbow.
"Aren't you going to tie me up again?"
"Hey, that was Amanda's idea. I'm smart enough to know I'm s tuck on this world until one of you Seconders finds a way to let us go through the se x gates a second time. As far as I'm concerned, we're on the same side."
I slumped against the cave wall in relief. One problem solved, it seemed. That left the entity, and its ominous threat.
With Josie's help I limped back to the Nexus city. The going was slow -my head hurt too much for me to move fast-but eventually we topped a hil l and saw the towers spread out before us. As soon as I got close, H.C. materialized infront of us.
"Tell Rita I'm okay, and show Josie the way back to her tower,"
I ordered. "I'm headed for the sex gate first. I need a new body."
It only took H.C. a moment to give Rita the good news, and then he reappeared to guide Josie away. I didn't trust my charming psychopath, but I had to admit she'd come down squarely on the side of humanity. Maybe there was hope for these people, after all.
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While I waited for Rita, I limped into the gate room and made a quick journey through, on guard for any attack by the entity the whole time. But there was no sign of the being within the quantum flux. I emerged as a woman, feeling one thousand percent better. Rita was waiting for me, as I came out of the gate.
"You're safe." Her voice quivered with relief. We'd barely had time for a passionate kiss when Russ came through the gate and joined us.
"Russ!" There was no one in all the alternate universes I more wan ted to see at the moment. "We've had a bit of a problem here."
"I know." He shot me a grim look. "Derrick showed up back in th e original Nexus and told me what Amanda was planning."
"He didn't join her?"
"No. He intended to. She'd talked him into it. But at the last minute, he couldn't face losing his humanity."
"I'm glad, but we still have one awfully big problem."
"I know. The entity." Russell's eyes flashed. "We'll get all the Seconders on the Nexus worlds together, make the biggest group mind ever seen, and teach that so-and-so a thing or two about messing with humanity."
"I'm surprised it hasn't moved against us already," I said, remembering the tremendous power I'd sensed through Amanda. "Maybe we should do a little reconnoitering first."
Rita clutched my arm. "Oh, Li, be careful."
I pulled her close and gave her a reassuring kiss. The sensation of my breasts pressing against hers was distracting, but for once I had something more important on my mind.
Russell and I plunged back into the gate and united our minds. Together we made a careful sweep of the quantum flux, searching for any trace of the entity's thoughts. Yet even as we searched I was aware that the sense of dread that had haunted me each time I'd entered the gate for months was gone at last .
I hope that's a good sign!
Our thoughts were so linked that I wasn't sure if I thought that or Russ.
Together we searched through the quantum state that held us, but foundnothing.
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