I usually dropped by her office during the hours she reserved for open visitation from tenants; otherwise it could be hard to track her down. When a tenant came by, Ms. Bailey would ask me to step out. Our longest conversations, therefore, rarely lasted beyond fifteen minutes. Ms. Bailey remained formal with me, as if she were keeping her guard up. She never shared details about specific tenants; instead she spoke in generalities about "families who live around here."

After a few months of this, I told J.T. that I was frustrated by my interactions with Ms. Bailey. I couldn't tell if she trusted me.

J.T. enjoyed seeing me struggle. He had warned me that getting to know her wouldn't be easy and perhaps wasn't even worth trying. "It took a while before I let you talk with my boys," he said.

"What makes you think she'll just walk you around and show you everybody? Things don't go so fast around here."

He had a point. If Ms. Bailey needed time to feel comfortable with me, then I would just have to wait.

As the Chicago winter began to settle in, Ms. Bailey asked me to help her with a clothing drive. Tenants and squatters in her building needed winter coats, she said, as well as blankets and portable heaters. She wanted me to collect donations with her from several stores that had agreed to contribute.

A friend of mine let me borrow his car, a battered yellow and brown station wagon. When I went to collect Ms. Bailey at her building, she was carrying a large plastic bag. She grunted as she bent over to pick it up and again as she set it down on the floor of the car. With labored breaths, she directed me to our first stop: a liquor store a few blocks from her building.

She instructed me to drive around the back. She told me she didn't want the manager to see me, but she didn't explain why.

I parked in the alley as Ms. Bailey went inside. Five minutes later a few employees came out the back door and began loading the station wagon with cases of beer and bottles of liquor. Nothing expressly for winter, I noted, although a stiff bourbon could certainly help take the sting off the Chicago cold. Ms. Bailey climbed into the car. This donation, she told me, was made with the understanding that she would direct her tenants to visit this liquor store exclusively when they needed booze.

We drove a few miles to a grocery store on Stony Island Avenue. We went in the back way and met with a man who appeared to be the manager.

"Hey, sweetheart," Ms. Bailey said. She introduced me to Mr.

Baldwin, a large, pear-shaped black man with a round face and a wide grin. He had a clipboard in his hand, marking off the sides of beef hanging from a ceiling rack.

Mr. Baldwin gave Ms. Bailey a hug. "I got what you want, babe," he said. "All in the back. I got them ready for you yesterday."

He pointed us toward a younger man, who led us over to a few big garbage bags filled with puffy black jackets. At first glance they looked exactly like the jacket the young man was wearing, which had the name of the grocery store prominently displayed on the sleeves and chest. Were Were they the same jackets? I wondered if Ms. Bailey's tenants would wear clothing with a grocery store's name on it. they the same jackets? I wondered if Ms. Bailey's tenants would wear clothing with a grocery store's name on it.

As I hauled the bags to the car, Ms. Bailey shouted at me. "And bring three cases of beer in here, Sudhir!"

I did as I was told. Even I, middle-cla.s.s naif that I was, could sense a horse trade.

Back in the car, Ms. Bailey antic.i.p.ated my question. "I know you're wondering what we were doing at the food store," she said. "Take a look at the jackets." I reached into the backseat and grabbed one. It smelled distinctly of bleach, as if it had been disinfected. The store's patch had been either removed or covered up with another, even larger patch. It read ROBERT TAYLOR PRIDE.

Ms. Bailey smiled. "Those jackets are warmer than what most families can buy in the stores. These workers are sitting in a meat locker all day, so you know they have to stay warm. The manager donates about twenty to me each Christmas."

"And the patches?" I asked.

"The guy who makes the jackets for him does it for free-for us."

"And the beer?"

Ms. Bailey just smiled and told me where to drive next.

We hit several more stores that day. At Sears, Ms. Bailey exchanged pleasantries with the manager, and they asked about each other's families. Then he handed over a few boxes of children's coats; Ms. Bailey directed me to put the rest of the beer in his car. At a dollar store, Ms. Bailey traded some of the liquor for a bundle of blankets. At a hardware store, Ms. Bailey gave the manager the heavy plastic bag she'd brought along, and he gave her three portable heaters.

"Don't ask what's in the bag," she told me as I carried the heaters back to the car. "When I know you better, I'll tell you."

Only once did Ms. Bailey receive a donation that was actually a donation-that is, something for free. At one grocery store, she got some canned food without having to exchange any beer or liquor.

By the time we finished, we were on the far southern edge of the city. We hit traffic on the drive back to Robert Taylor, which gave me the opportunity to pepper Ms. Bailey with questions.

"When did you start doing this?" I asked.

Ms. Bailey told me that she had grown up in public housing herself. Back then, charities, churches, city agencies, and individual volunteers all helped out in the projects. "But the volunteers don't come around anymore," she said wistfully. "Have you seen any of those nice white people since you've been around? I didn't think so. n.o.body gives us money, n.o.body runs programs. Not a lot of people are doing the free-food thing anymore. Even the churches really don't do what they did in the past."

"But I don't understand why the people we saw today want to give you things. I mean, how did you get to know them?"

"Well, first of all, most of them grew up in Robert Taylor or they have family in the projects. Lots of middle-cla.s.s people don't like to talk about it, but they came from the projects. It's easy to forget where you came from. But I try and remind these people that they were once like us. And a few times a year, they do the right thing."

"So why give them beer and liquor?" I asked. "If it's a donation, it should be for free, no?"

"Well, things ain't always that simple," Ms. Bailey said. She brought up the incident I'd seen some months back, when the woman named Boo-Boo wanted to kill the Middle Eastern shopkeeper who'd slept with her teenage daughter. "That's what a lot lot of women have to do around here to get some free food," she said. "I don't want to see it come to that. So if I have to give away a few bottles of gin, that's fine with me." of women have to do around here to get some free food," she said. "I don't want to see it come to that. So if I have to give away a few bottles of gin, that's fine with me."

Back at her office, Ms. Bailey organized the winter gear and prepared large baskets filled with canned food and meat. Word spread quickly, and families from her building soon began to drop by. Some were shy, others excited. But everyone seemed happy, and I watched as children smiled when they tried on a new coat or a warm sweater.

I noticed that some people received food but no clothing. Others got a jacket but no food. And some people just stood around until Ms. Bailey told them, "We don't have anything for you today." She said this even though the food baskets and clothing were in plain view, so I didn't know why she was withholding the gifts from them. Did she play favorites with some families?

One day Clarisse, the prost.i.tute, walked into Ms. Bailey's office. There were several women already in front of her. Ms. Bailey's a.s.sistant, Catrina, was writing their names and noting exactly what each of them received.

"You got something for me today?" Clarisse asked, a lilt in her voice. Then her eyes landed on me briefly, but I didn't seem to register. She smelled like liquor; her blouse was undone so that one of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s was nearly popping out. Despite the cold weather, Clarisse was wearing a black miniskirt and sliding around perilously on high heels. Her face looked vacant, and her mouth was frothy. I had never seen her in this condition before. She had told me herself that she didn't do drugs.

"You're messed up," Catrina said, peering over her thick gla.s.ses. "You need to shower."

Ms. Bailey was in the next room, speaking with a tenant. "Ms. Bailey, look who's here!" Catrina called out. "Ms. Bailey, you need to tell her to get out of the office!" Catrina turned back to Clarisse and shot her a disapproving look.

Ms. Bailey came out and told Catrina to calm down. Then she motioned for Clarisse to come inside. As she closed the door, she rolled her eyes at me and sighed. I couldn't make out the whole conversation-it was unclear, in fact, if Clarisse was talking at all- but some of Ms. Bailey's proclamations were plainly audible.

"Get yourself clean or you ain't getting nothing! . . . Don't embarra.s.s yourself, coming in here high on that s.h.i.t! . . .You call yourself a mother? You ain't no mother. You could could be one, if you stopped smoking that junk!" be one, if you stopped smoking that junk!"

The door opened, and Clarisse stumbled out, tears in her eyes. She dropped her purse and then, as she stopped to pick it up, tripped and fell, ramming into the pile of donation baskets. As she tried getting up, Clarisse vomited, some of it landing on the baskets.

Catrina and I jumped over to help her. Both of us slipped on the vomit. A strong wind blew in from outside, and the smell filled the room. Clarisse resisted our help, but she couldn't manage to get up by herself. Her pretty face had turned pale and pasty.

"Grab her and get her out of here!" Catrina yelled. She had to say this two more times before I realized that she was talking to me. "Sudhir! Grab her and take her home. Now!"

I tried being delicate with Clarisse. She was falling out of her clothes, and I didn't quite know how to touch her. She began throwing up again, and this time it landed on my arm.

"Sudhir!" Catrina yelled.

Clarisse was on all fours by now. She was drooling and heaving, but nothing came out. This time I wrapped my arms around her stomach and yanked her up. I figured I'd better get her out of the office even if I had to drag her.

"That b.i.t.c.h don't want me to feed my babies," Clarisse moaned. "I need food to feed my babies!" She started looking around frantically-for her purse, I realized.

"Clarisse, just a few more feet," I said. "I'll get your bag, don't worry. But let's get you out of the office."

"My bag!" she wailed. "My bag, I need my bag!"

She started kicking and flailing, trying to make her way back inside the office. With one last effort, I heaved her upright, causing us both to stumble and slam against the gallery's chain-link fencing. She sank back to the floor. I hoped I hadn't hurt her, but I couldn't tell.

As I turned to retrieve her purse, I saw Ms. Bailey, standing in the doorway. She held the purse in her hands.

"Is this what she wants?" Ms. Bailey asked. "Is it?!" I nodded. "Look inside. You want to help this lady, then look and see why she wants her bag."

I shook my head, staring at the floor.

"Look!" Ms. Bailey snapped at me. She strode over and held the bag up to my face. I saw a few condoms, some lipsticks, pictures of her daughters, and a few bags of either heroin or cocaine.

"Have to have that fix, don't you, baby?" Ms. Bailey asked Clarisse, sneering. We all stood there for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few seconds. Catrina tried to interrupt, but Ms. Bailey waved her off.

"Go ahead, Sudhir, take her home," Ms. Bailey said. She bent over to stare down at Clarisse. "If I see your babies coming over and telling me that they ain't eaten no food in three days, I'm taking them away. You hear?"

Ms. Bailey turned and left. Catrina, with a disinterested look, handed me some paper towels. I bent down to wipe the vomit and tears from Clarisse's face. She didn't resist this time when I helped her up.

I walked Clarisse upstairs to her apartment and led her to the couch. The apartment was dark, and I figured it would be best to let her sleep. In a back room, her two daughters were sitting on a queen-size bed. They looked to be about two and four years old and were watching the TV intently. I closed the door to their room and put a gla.s.s of water on the table next to Clarisse. The scene was a study in contrasts. The apartment was neat and cozy, with wall hangings and framed pictures throughout, some of Jesus Christ and some of family members. It smelled as if it had just been cleaned. And then there was Clarisse on the couch, breathing heavily, eyelids drooping, a total mess.

When I had first met her, on the gallery outside J.T.'s apartment, Clarisse had set herself apart from other prost.i.tutes-the "hypes and rock stars"-who sold s.e.x for drugs. Plainly, she had lied to me about not using drugs; I guess she'd wanted to make a decent impression. At this moment I wasn't too concerned about her lies. She needed help, after all. But it was pretty clear that I had to be careful about blindly accepting what people told me.

I sat on a recliner next to the couch. "I'm afraid to leave you here alone," I said. In the dim light, I couldn't really make out her facial expression. But she was breathing heavily, as if she'd just gone through battle. "Let me call an ambulance."

"I'm okay. I just need it to wear off."

"What about the kids? Have they eaten?"

"Ms. Bailey wouldn't give us nothing," she whimpered, a stage past crying. "Why she treat me like that? Why she treat me like that?"

I felt a sudden urge to make sure her kids were fed. I went into the bedroom, asked them to grab their jackets, and walked them over to a local sandwich shop. I bought them cheeseburgers, chips, and soda, and on the way home we stopped at a small grocery store. I had only fifteen dollars with me, but I told the owner, a Middle Eastern man, that the family hadn't eaten in a while. He shook his head- as if he'd heard this story a million times-and instructed me to get what I needed and just take it with me. When I told Clarisse's girls that we were going to fill up a shopping cart, they looked like I'd just given them free pa.s.ses to Disney World. While they grabbed candy, I tried to sneak in a few cans of spaghetti-alas, one of the most nutritious items on the shelves-and some milk, cereal, and frozen dinners. When we got back, Clarisse was asleep. I put the food away, broke out a few Ring Dings for the kids, and put them in front of the TV again. They fixed on the cartoon images as if they'd never been gone. Since Clarisse was still sleeping, I left.

Two days later I returned to the building. Walking through the crowded lobby, nodding at the people I knew, I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into a corner. It was Ms. Bailey.

"You're sweet, you're young, you're good-looking, and these women will take advantage of you," she said. "Be careful when you help them."

"Her kids hadn't eaten," I said. "What could I do?"

"Her kids ate at my place that morning that morning!" Ms. Bailey said. She tightened her grip on my arm and moved in even closer. "I make sure they eat. make sure they eat. No No children go hungry in my building. No, sir." She tightened her grip even further, and it hurt. "These women need to do the right thing if they have a baby. You remember that if you have a child someday." children go hungry in my building. No, sir." She tightened her grip even further, and it hurt. "These women need to do the right thing if they have a baby. You remember that if you have a child someday."

"I will."

"Mm-hmm, we'll see about that. For now, be careful when you help the women. They'll take advantage of you, and you won't know what hit you. And I can't be there to protect you." I wasn't sure exactly what Ms. Bailey meant.

I nodded anyway, mostly so Ms. Bailey would loosen her grip. When she finally let go, I walked up to J.T.'s apartment to wait for him. It was the second time I'd been warned that I couldn't be "protected." First J.T. and now Ms. Bailey. I decided not to tell anyone, including J.T., about the conversation I'd just had with Ms. Bailey. In fact, the conversation had put me so out of sorts that by the time I got upstairs, I told Ms. Mae I had some schoolwork to do and had to get going. She fixed me a plate of food for the bus ride home.

A few weeks later, Ms. Bailey invited me to the building's monthly meeting. It was open to all tenants and posed one of the few opportunities for people to publicly voice their problems.

There were about 150 tenant families in Ms. Bailey's building. That included perhaps six hundred people living there legally and another four hundred living off the books. These were either boarders who paid rent to the leaseholders or husbands and boyfriends who kept their names off the leases so the women qualified for welfare. There were likely another few hundred squatters or people living temporarily with friends, but they were unlikely to attend a tenant meeting.

Ms. Bailey didn't seem all that enthusiastic about these meetings, but she let me know that she well understood their symbolic value. "They need to see that something is going on," she said, "even if nothing is going on."

The meeting was held in Ms. Bailey's office on a Sat.u.r.day afternoon in December. Although it wasn't very cold outside, the radiator was at full blast and the windows were closed. Ms. Bailey entered the steaming room and calmly walked past the few dozen people a.s.sembled on folding chairs, parking herself up front. She always sat down in the same awkward way. Because she was so heavyset, and because she had arthritis in her legs, she usually had to grab someone or something to help ease herself into a chair.

I was surprised at the small turnout. The attendees were mostly women and mostly in their mid-fifties like Ms. Bailey. There were, however, a few younger women with children and a few men as well.

Ms. Bailey deliberately arranged a sheaf of papers in front of her. She motioned for a young woman to open up the window, but it wouldn't budge.

"Okay, this meeting is in session," Ms. Bailey said.

A well-dressed man toward the back of the room immediately jumped up. "I thought you said you'd talk with those boys!" he said. "They're still hanging out there, making all that d.a.m.n noise. I can't get no sleep."

I a.s.sumed he was talking about the parties the Black Kings threw inside and outside the building.

"Did you make a note of that, Millie?" Ms. Bailey asked an old woman to her left. She was the official LAC recording secretary. Millie nodded while scribbling away.

"Okay," Ms. Bailey said, "go on, young man."

"Go on? I've been been going on. I'm going on. I'm tired tired of going on. Each time I of going on. Each time I come come here, I go on. I'm tired of it. Can you do something?" here, I go on. I'm tired of it. Can you do something?"

"You got that, Millie?" Ms. Bailey asked, looking over the rims of her gla.s.ses.

"Mm-hmm," Millie answered. "He's tired of it, he's been going on, and he wants you to do something."

"You can probably leave out the tired part," Ms. Bailey said in a serious tone.

"Yes, okay," Millie said, scratching away in her notes.

"Will there be anything else, young man?" Ms. Bailey asked. He didn't say anything. "Okay, then, I'm figuring you don't want to talk about the fact that you're living here illegally. Is that right? Now, who's next? n.o.body? Okay, then, we have some serious serious business to discuss. Before I take questions, let me tell you that Pride will be here on Tuesday registering all of you to vote. Please make sure to show up. It's very important we have a good turnout for them." business to discuss. Before I take questions, let me tell you that Pride will be here on Tuesday registering all of you to vote. Please make sure to show up. It's very important we have a good turnout for them."

Pride was the organization I'd come across earlier, made up of ex-gang members and devoted to gang truces and voter registration. Ms. Bailey had already told me that she worked closely with them.

"What are we voting for?" asked a young woman in the front row.

"We're not actually voting, sweetheart. You need to register first. If you're already registered, you don't need to come. But I want every apartment in this building registered."

"Ain't you even a little bit concerned that we're just helping J.T. and the rest of them?" an older woman asked. "I mean, they're the only ones who seem to be getting something out of this."

"You want these boys to turn themselves around?" Ms. Bailey answered. "Then you got to take them seriously when they try to do right. It's better than them shooting each other."

"The voting hasn't done a d.a.m.n thing for us!" someone cried out. "So why are you so accepting of what they're doing?" A chorus of "oohs" followed the question.