What is that which is put on the table and cut, but never eaten?--A pack of cards.

Why does a sculptor die horribly?--Because he makes faces and busts.

When does a farmer double up a sheep without hurting it?--When he folds it.

What lives upon its own substance and dies when it has devoured itself?--A candle.

Why is a dog biting his tail a good manager?--Because he makes both ends meet.

What thing is it that is lower with a head than without one?--A pillow.

Which is the left side of a plum-pudding?--That which is not eaten.

What letter of the alphabet is necessary to make a shoe?--The last.

If all the seas were dried up, what would everybody say?--We haven't a notion (an ocean).

Why is it certain that "Uncle Tom's Cabin" was not written by the hand of its reputed author?--Because it was written by Mrs.

Beecher's toe (Stowe).

Why is a fishmonger never generous?--Because his business makes him sell fish (selfish).

What is that which works when it plays and plays when it works?--A fountain.

What is that from which you may take away the whole and yet there will be some remaining?--The word wholesome.

Why are fowls the most economical things a farmer can keep?--Because for every grain they give a peck.

What coin doubles its value by taking away a half of it?--Halfpenny.

Why is it dangerous to walk in the meadows in springtime?--Because the trees are shooting and the bulrush is out (bull rushes out).

Why is a vine like a soldier?--Because it is listed and has ten drills (ten-drils) and shoots.

Why is an opera-singer like a confectioner?--Because she deals in ice-creams (high screams).

If a man who is carrying a dozen gla.s.s lamps drops one, what does he become?--A lamp lighter.

What belongs to yourself, but is used more by your friends than by yourself?--Your name.

Why is a spider a good correspondent?--Because he drops a line at every post.

When is the clock on the stairs dangerous?--When it runs down.

Why is the letter "k" like a pig's tail?--Because it comes at the end of pork.

What is the keynote to good manners?--B natural.

Why is a five-pound bank-note much more profitable than five sovereigns?--Because when you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out you will find it in-creases.

Why is a watch like a river?--Because it doesn't run long without winding.

What is that which flies high, flies low, has no feet, and yet wears shoes?--Dust.

When has a man four hands?--When he doubles his fists.

What trees has fire no effect upon?--Ash-trees; because when they are burned, they are ashes still.

What is the difference between a schoolmaster and an engine-driver?--One minds the train and the other trains the mind.

A man had twenty sick (six) sheep, and one died; how many were left?--19.

What is that which everybody has seen but will never see again?--Yesterday.

Which is the best day for making a pancake?--Friday.

Which is the smallest bridge in the world?--The bridge of your nose.

What four letters would frighten a thief?--O I C U.

What is that which goes from London to York without moving?--The road.

Which is easier to spell--fiddle-de-dee or fiddle-de-dum?--Fiddle-de-dee, because it is spelt with more "e's."

When may a chair be said to dislike you?--When it can't bear you.

What animal took most luggage into the Ark, and which two took the least?--The elephant, who took his trunk, while the fox and the c.o.c.k had only a brush and a comb between them.

Which of the English kings has most reason to complain of his washer-woman?--King John, when he lost his baggage in the Wash.

If a bear were to go into a linen-draper's shop, what would he want?--He would want muzzlin'.

Why is B like a hot fire?--Because it makes oil Boil.

Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest?--Because it had no Eve.

If an egg were found on a music-stool, what poem would it remind you of?--"The Lay of the Last Minstrel."

Why is a schoolmaster like a shoe-black?--Because he polishes the understanding of the people.

Why is a washer-woman like a navigator?--Because she spreads her sheets, crosses the line, and goes from pole to pole.

Why is an author the queerest animal in the world?--Because his tale comes out of his head.

Why is it that a tailor won't attend to business?--Because he is always cutting out.

When can a horse be sea-green in color?--When it's a bay.

Why were gloves never meant to sell?--Because they were made to be kept on hand.