"When she told me she was with child ... I was so angry. I didn't spare a thought for her -- or even myself. The only thing going through my mind was how you'd said you wanted a grandchild..."

Edmund had gone very still. He had begun to form a very clear picture of all that had transpired, a very clear picture indeed.

"I said ... such terrible things. Things I did not truly mean." His voice grew raw. "Things that should never have been said . . . "

Edmund sighed. He had crossed the floor before he knew it, and dropped his hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "So do we all, boy," he said quietly. "So do we all."

Gabriel said nothing. Edmund's face was lined and grim as he looked down at his son's dark head. "God knows I am the last one to offer words of wisdom. You can only hope she will forgive you, Gabriel. But first," his tone was grim, "first you must find her."

Chapter 21.

On this particular night in late March, the Hare's Den was packed to the rafters. As usual when a fishing vessel returned to port, there was scarcely a seat left in the common room. Coarse male shouts and ribald laughter filled the air, filtering all the way back to where Cassie stood in the kitchen.

She rubbed the small of her back, which ached almost constantly now. The thin slippers she wore were unlaced to accommodate her swollen feet. Though she'd have liked nothing more than to beg Avery's indulgence and creep off early to her cubby hole in the attic, she did not. Avery ran his establishment with an iron fist, and he did not hesitate to use it on the help.

When she had left Farleigh, her only objective was to get away. She had eventually made her way to London, where she hoped to find employment working for a modiste. One look at her shabby wrinkled appearance and she was turned away time and time again. And even while the babe within her rounded and swelled, her hopes were gnashed to bits. She was forced to sell off what few possessions she had been able to take with her in order to simply put food in her mouth.

London had been as terrifying as she remembered -- and far less friendly than she recalled. Though Cassie would have joyously accepted even the most menial of jobs, one scornful glance at her expanding middle and the door was slammed in her face. She had spent the first weeks in January begging on the streets.

Then came the day she thought she spied Gabriel near the riverfront. Once again, she fled. It was only later she realized how foolish it was to think he would even care should he chance to see her.

No doubt he thought he was well rid of her.

It was at a local inn in a fishing village near Brighton that her journey ended. The cook's assistant had quit to join the crew of a cargo ship bound for India. Though she would not have thought it possible, Avery was far worse than Black jack had ever been. The wage he paid her was but a pittance. Still, he allowed her to sleep in the attic, and he allotted her a meal a day, to be taken after her work was done.

A sudden tightening of her belly made her draw a deep breath. Her hands gripped the edge of the wooden table; she smiled slightly as the spasm eased.

He moved often now, this child beneath her heart. She carried a boy, of that she was convinced. But her smile was altogether fleeting. Gabriel would never see his son. He would never know his son.

He did not want his son.

Unwittingly, her mind spanned the weeks, back to her last days at Farleigh. Oh, what a fool she had been! She had thought that Gabriel had begun to care for her, perhaps even love her a little. And she had so hoped the baby might be a new beginning for them, that they might truly begin to build a life together, and at last put vengeance and mistrust behind them.

Someday, she told herself, this bittersweet pain in her soul would lessen. But when ... when?

As for the future, Cassie dared not speculate. She was well aware that Avery would not let her stay once the baby was born. His greed would not allow him to tolerate an idle pair of hands for even a few days. He would thrust her back out into the streets, and then where would she be, for who would hire a woman with a babe in her arms? So while her body ached from hour upon hour of exhausting toil, fear and worry preyed upon her endlessly.

Her mind thus occupied, she did not notice Avery's entrance into the kitchen.

"Did you not hear me, girl?" He pinched the side of her breast cruelly. "We need help out in the common room, so stop your dallying! Some well-breeched young gent's decided he wants brandy, not ale -- the table in the far corner. See to it and be quick about it!"

Cassie hastened to obey. As she placed a bottle of brandy onto a tray, she caught sight of her hands. Between the winter's cold and the hours spent scrubbing the floor, they were chafed and reddened, as badly as they'd been at Black Jack's. She smiled rather sadly. Definitely not the hands of a lady. Evelyn would have been horrified.

Seconds later she walked across the floor of the common room, her gait careful as she headed toward the table in the corner. Though the memory made her ache inside, Cassie could not help but recall another time when she had taken a bottle of brandy to another rich, well-dressed gentleman ...

Across the crowded room, she spotted him. He was alone, his back to her. All at once a staggering dread gripped her chest. Her breath caught halfway up her throat. The tilt of his head was so very familiar, the set of his shoulders wide and proud. Her heart lurched. Oh, but her mind was playing cruel tricks on her. And surely her eyes played her false ...

He turned his head then, providing her a clear view of his profile, flawlessly chiseled and wickedly handsome.

Her heart began to pound. She felt the blood drain from her face. The tray slipped from trembling fingers. "No," she whispered faintly. "Oh, no..."

In the weeks after Cassie's disappearance, Gabriel knew fear as never before.

He despised himself for lashing her with his tongue as he had. All along, he had thought only of himself -- and getting even with his father. He had used her with a callous disregard for her feelings and how all this would affect her. Yet for all her starch and spirit, she was scarcely invincible ...

He had hurt her, hurt her immeasurably.

Though he fought it with all he possessed, there were times he could not control the wandering of his mind. Times when his thoughts veered straight to his mother. It was despair which had killed his mother ... what if he'd driven Cassie to the same fate?

It was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat. Surely the hand of Providence could not be so cruel as to deal him such a blow twice ...

Gabriel was not a man to pray, but he prayed as never before.

Four months later, he had begun to despair of ever finding her.

In the hope that it would give him more time to devote to finding her, he had decided to sell a portion of his shipping business. It was this which brought him to this small village near Brighton. The owner of a fishing fleet there had inherited a goodly sum from an uncle, and had expressed an interest in purchasing several of his vessels. An hour of dickering and they had finally settled on a price and terms. His solicitor would visit as soon as the papers were drawn up.

Now, his dealings concluded, Gabriel sat alone, feeling morose and detached and totally unmindful of his boisterous surroundings. Thomas had gone back outside to await him in the carriage, yet Gabriel could not find the energy to move.

It was then that his ears picked out a crash, and the splintering sound of glass ... He glanced around in idle curiosity.

Suddenly he couldn't breathe.

Oddly, it was the shape of her that registered first -- round, full, heavy with child.

In a heartbeat, he was on his feet, the movement so sudden his chair banged to the floor behind him. "Cassie ... Cassie!"

Sheer horror flooded her eyes. She whirled, her intention plainly to put as much distance between them as possible. But she hadn't gone more than a few steps before she found herself jerked around.

It was Avery. His fingers bit cruelly into her flesh. He shoved her back against the end of a table. Had Cassie not flung her hand behind her to reach for the edge, she would have lost her balance.

He drew back his fist. "You clumsy bitch!" he snarled. "You'll pay for that, by Gawd!"

Before he could make good his threat, his arm was wrenched behind his back. "Lay a hand on her," said a voice from behind him, "and I promise you'll never see the dawn of another day." For all that his tone was deadly calm, Gabriel's face was a mask of lethal fury -- and unrelenting purpose.

"All right, all right- - just let me be!" Avery whirled, his thick lips curled. He had backed off but he was hardly subdued. "What's it to you if I give the wench the clubbing she deserves? It just so happens I pay her wages --"

"And it just so happens she's carrying my babe, so you'd be wise to find yourself another barmaid. She's leaving with me, and I'll kill any man who thinks to try and stop me." It was not a threat, but a mere statement of fact. The atmosphere had gone utterly quiet -- and utterly sober.

Glittering and dangerous, Gabriel's gaze encompassed the room. "No? A wise choice, gentlemen." He flipped a gold coin toward Avery. It struck the floor, landing between his feet. "Here. That should more than cover the cost of the brandy." With that he caught Cassie's hand.

Struck dumb by his presence, Cassie was scarcely aware as he tugged her toward the door. Her head was still spinning, her heart pounding madly as he nudged her into the carriage and slammed the door. A signal to Thomas and they were off.

She shivered, whether from cold or reaction she did not know. Gabriel was here ... here. A dozen different emotions blustered and squalled within her. Anger. Frustration. Strongest of all was a soul-deep humiliation.

"I think you owe me an explanation. What the devil were you doing in that place?"

He sat across from her, silently accusing. Harshly condemning. Her gaze dropped. She began to tremble. Oh, why did he have to find her -- why did it have to be here? Her face burned with shame and embarrassment. Nor did she want him to see her like this -- oh, she knew how terrible she looked. Her hair had lost its luster. Her skin was pale, stretched tautly over her cheekbones. She felt so ugly and cumbersome ... A pang rent her breast. Oh, but how fitting that was! Hadn't Gabriel told her that long-ago day she would forever be an encumbrance?

She could not stand to be an obligation. A duty. Didn't he know that was why she'd left?

"Answer me, Cassie. What the hell are you doing here?"

She stared at her hands, clasped in her lap as she sought to still their shaking. Her lips began to quiver. She could not summon the courage to meet his gaze.

"Dammit, look at me!"

She did. It proved her downfall. Her mouth was tremulous. Tears stung the back of her throat. Her chest hurt with the effort it took not to break down. "Why did you have to find me?" she said brokenly. "Why?"

His jaw locked hard and tight. "What! Do you mean to tell me you would prefer to remain here? You were so anxious to escape the life you knew at Black Jack's -- but that place is no better than all you left behind in Charleston! I still can't believe you left me -- and for this yet!"

"Did you think that was what I wanted? I tried to find a position as a seamstress in London ... And then I thought I saw you there ... I knew I must flee. . ."

In jagged bursts her story came out. Gabriel went white as he listened. Guilt and shame forged a searing blot on his soul. He had no one to blame but himself. To think of her alone on the streets of London, with no money, nowhere to stay ... She could have been robbed, beaten, killed!

His hands came down on her shoulders. He dragged her onto the seat next to him. His fingers curled into her arms. "God," he cried. "Did you really think I wouldn't look for you? How could you think that -how?"

Tears welled in her beautiful golden eyes. "How could I not?" A million layers of hurt bled through her tremulous whisper.

Gabriel shook his head, his tone as anguished as hers. "I was a fool, Cassie. I was wrong to say what I did, for I did not mean it, I swear! I came back to Farleigh that same night, only to find you gone ... I know I hurt you and I would take it back if only I could. But I have suffered, too ... My God, did you ever think how I would feel when I discovered you gone? All these weeks of searching, wondering where you were, if you were all right. .. I nearly went out of my mind! And you could have come home, Cassie. You should have!"

She hugged herself, trying hard not to tremble and failing miserably. "To what? Your scorn? Your disdain? You did not want me," she cried with heartbreaking candor. "I could not stay knowing how you felt ... I had to leave ... don't you see, I had to!"

Her despair was his undoing. It wrenched at everything inside him. She resisted as he began to pull her close, but she was no match for either his strength or his resolve. His embrace engulfed her; with his arms he encircled her tight and close, wrapping his greatcoat around them both.

At his touch, something inside her seemed to break loose. Suddenly it was all pouring out. Her heartache and grief. Her shame and fear.

"All I ever wanted was to please you. I wanted to be the lady ... you thought I could never be."

Her fingers clenched and unclenched on his chest. "I should have known better than to hope ... My mother did not want me. Your father did not want me. You did not want me." She began to sob. Helplessly. Uncontrollably. "What's wrong with me, Gabriel? What's wrong with me?"

His hold tightened. His heart twisted as he held her, her arms so brittle he thought they might break. "There's nothing wrong with you, love." His whisper brushed the baby-soft skin of her temple. He kissed away the tears cascading from her eyes. "You're sweet and lovely. Beautiful and desirable. All a man could want. All I want."

If she heard, there was no sign of it. She lay against him and cried her heart out until she was limp and exhausted, her emotions bled dry. Gabriel held her, his own throat achingly tight. At last strain and fatigue took their toll; she fell asleep curled against his chest.

It was very late when the carriage rolled down the long curving lane toward Farleigh Hall. Gabriel's expression was bleak as he carried her up the staircase to her room. He tugged off her gown and slippers, laid her on the bed, and tucked the counterpane beneath her chin.

She stirred, uttering a low moan. Gabriel was beside her in an instant. "Hush, love," he soothed. With his fingertips he swept a tangle of golden strands from the curve of her cheek. "It's all right. You're sale now."

She quieted, turning her cheek into his palm. She seemed so pale and fragile, he thought with a knifelike pang. With a sigh of weariness, he straightened. In the darkness he stripped off his clothes and slipped in beside her. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he reached for her, drawing her loosely into his arms. She nestled against him, unconsciously seeking his warmth.

He watched her as she slept, feeling the rise and fall of her breasts against him. His fingertips light and immeasurably gentle, he traced the outline of her tear-ravaged face, the curve of her cheek. She was so trusting, so innocent.

All I wanted was to please you. I wanted to be the lady you thought I could never be.

His heart squeezed.

What's wrong with me, Gabriel? What's wrong with me?

He thought of how she had cried, her spirit broken, her pride in tatters. He cursed himself again and again. Christ, but he had been so blind, so careless and hard. She had been so starved for love, for affection. Yet what had he given her?

Cassie, he thought. Oh, Cassie, what have I done to you?

It was then he felt it, a slight stirring there, where her belly pressed his side.

There was a life growing in her. A part of her ... a part of him. How could he turn his back on that? On her? A wrenching pain ripped his insides. How could he do to his own child what his father had done to him?

Yet he knew how deeply he had hurt her. All along he had done nothing but hurt her! So what was he to do? Thrust her from his life? No. He could not. He would not.

Easing back just a bit, he spread his fingers wide on the mound of her belly. Holding his breath, he waited. His reward came scant seconds later -- his unborn child rolled beneath his hand, as awake as his sire. The ghost of a smile touched his lips. He was glad that Cassie slept, for he knew if she awoke, she would no doubt slap his hands away.

He stayed that way for a long time, his hand on her belly, his palm conforming to her tummy, solid and warm. Feeling and discovering. Stroking and marveling. Pondering ...

And praying.

Eventually the babe's movements quieted. Cassie slept on, unaware. Gabriel turned her in his arms, cradling her -- cradling their child. Very gently he kissed the swell of her belly, her closed eyelids, the softness of her lips, then he lay back and closed his eyes.

It was a long, long time before he joined her in slumber.

Chapter 22.

Weary beyond measure, Cassie slept through the morning and well into the afternoon. When at last she awoke, tepid sunlight slanted in through the curtains. The hour was indecently late. A fire crackled in the hearth, casting out its golden glow slow. The room was warm and cozy, yet she felt curiously tired and reluctant to move. And there was a nagging ache in her back.

Just then the door opened. "My lady?" whispered a voice.

It was Gloria. Cassie turned her head to find the little maid peeping through the crack of the door. When she saw that her mistress was finally awake, she rushed across the floor.

"Oh, my lady," she cried. "You are home! Oh, I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have returned!" She dropped to her knees beside the bed, tears flowing freely.

Cassie smiled sadly and laid her hand on the girl's head. If only for Gloria's sake, she wished she could say it was good to be back. Yet she felt neither joy nor regret; indeed, it seemed rather strange to be at Farleigh once again.

Within minutes a tray of food was whisked onto her lap, including her favorite pot of chocolate. She had little appetite, but she forced herself to eat. While she ate, her bath was prepared, strategically placed before the hearth to take full advantage of its warmth. She soaked for a luxuriously long time while Gloria chattered on, straightening the bed and dusting as if her mistress had never been gone.

At last Cassie rose from the tub, giving herself over to Gloria's capable hands. But she sighed when Gloria moved to the wardrobe. "I'm afraid my choices will be a bit limited," she murmured. Her hand fluttered self-consciously to her middle. "I daresay not a one of those gowns will fit."

Gloria plucked a voluminous flannel nightgown from the shelf. "No matter," the girl said briskly. "His lordship gave strict instructions you're to stay in bed and lift nary a finger." She dropped the nightgown over her mistress's head and twitched it into place. Then she brushed Cassie's hair and left the tresses loose and flowing around her shoulders. The task completed, Gloria urged her mistress back into bed.