"Hush, Im not finished yet." He wasnt brusque, but he was insistent, and continued where he left off, "We knew we could never abandon you, and the only way your mother would agree to it was if someone was there to protect you. Someone who had a vested interest in you, other than because we were paying her."

Chris and I both looked over at Meg, and as the realization sank in, Chris pulled back and Meg removed her arm from her shoulder.

"I retained Megs services with the explicit understanding that she was not to let you know, or interfere with your progress. I can only imagine how hard it was for her those first couple of months. Her reports were so dire that we feared you might not survive and several times we thought about bringing you home again."

"In fact, when we told you to leave, and your father closed the door on you, we almost changed our minds right then, it was so traumatic for us." Felicia said.

"And then, just as we had lost all hope, you sobered up and got a job waiting tables. We were ready to bring you home right then and there, but we were afraid to trust you yet, so we made the decision to wait and see how you progressed. We decided on Christmas day that we would bring you home, but Meg here, threatened to quit on me because she didnt want to lie to you anymore, and I couldnt fault her on that. So, here we are, with open arms, hoping that you will see the wisdom of our plan and forgive us."

No one said a word, "Do you have any questions, Chris?"

I could see her thinking, trying to absorb everything, and then she looked up at her father and asked, "And the building? Were you going to kick me out again, even after I had pa.s.sed your test?" There was a twinge of anger in her voice, but I think it was directed at her fathers involvement with her building more so than in his deception.

"No, how could you even think that?" he said tersely.

"Because, I have trust issues too."

"Okay, I probably deserve that, but no, honey, I was not going to kick you out again. It was timed so that you would be home already before Blackstone displaced the residents, otherwise I would have come and gotten you much sooner."

Chris sat quietly, picking at a loose string on the arm of the couch. She seemed lost, almost like she was adrift at sea with no lighthouse to guide her to sh.o.r.e. I so desperately wanted to turn on that light for her.

Chapter Twenty.

Conciliation - Chris Livingston, Melinda Blackstone, Meg b.u.mgartner and Carl & Felicia Livingston I sat there, like a zombie, oblivious to anything else but my own thoughts. My mind went back to that day my father shut the door in my face and I felt the sting of his rejection as if it were yesterday. But this time, my mind took me even further back to where I so desperately did not want to go. Back to the drivers seat of my car, a whisky bottle in my hand. Until now, I did not remember the swerve of the car hitting the shoulder of the road, or my swerving it back into the lane, but it was the wrong lane. Now I remember. The squeal of tires, the grinding of metal, and the gla.s.s shattering into a million pieces, played out in my memories. No, I dont want to remember! But I had no choice. The memories had overflowed the dam, flooding my mind with pictures, forcing me to relive the accident. I walked away from my car without a scratch. He couldnt walk at all, and probably never would.

"I have something I want to say," I looked at my parents first, "I failed you both, and I am truly sorry. Im also thankful to you for having the courage to kick me out of your lives. I understand it now, and I think perhaps you probably saved my life. But when a person is the recipient of tough love, they dont see it as love at all, instead they..., I saw it as a mult.i.tude of things, like resentment, embarra.s.sment, rejection and even hate." My mother gasped and I quickly added, "I know now that you didnt hate me. At first, I pulled myself out of the gutter to prove to you that I could win your love back. Now I realize that I had never lost it. Somewhere between then and now, my priorities changed. I wanted to give back, to help those less fortunate, because I didnt have the means to give the man I put in a wheelchair back his legs. Now my only priority is to apologize to that man and beg his forgiveness, which I dont expect to ever receive."

I turned my attention to Meg, and placed my hand in hers, "Meg, you were there in that alley when I woke up, werent you?"

She nodded her head, but said nothing.

"I vaguely remember seeing a dark shadow in the corner, but I was too drunk to see that it was you. I also failed you, and I failed Bonnie and I am so sorry for that. I would give anything if Bonnie were here now so I could apologize to her."

"She is here, Chrissie," Meg put her palm over her heart, "shes always here."

"Meg, if you can forgive me, Id like for us to stay friends. Id like you to remain my big sister, um, if you want too?"

"Chrissie, you understand what that will mean, right?"

Meg had a smile in her eyes, and I felt the playfulness in her question, "What will it mean, Meg?"

"That you empower me with all the rights and privileges a big sister deserves, like teasing, nagging and annoying the heck out of you."

"Yes, I will be happy to bestow those privileges on you."

"Good, then as youre big sister, Im asking that you let that other stuff go, all right?"

"Ill try, Meg." I leaned over and gave her a friendly shove with my shoulder, and she shoved me back.

I wiped the moisture from my cheeks and looked at my parents again, "Thats all I had to say."

"All right then, I guess were done here." My father said.

I looked over at Melinda, who I realized had been quiet this entire time, "Unless you want to say something, Melinda?"

"Only that I wish you could feel what Im feeling right now, listening to you as an outsider. You people give me cause for hope, and I am privilege to have been a part of your conciliation."

Shocked, I could only say, "Wow."

"What?"

Meg answered before I could, "That was just beautiful."

"Thanks, I have my moments sometimes."

"You should have them more often." Meg teased "Hey, remember youre her big sister, not mine."

"Oh, didnt I tell you, its a package deal. Anyone friends with Chrissie, is a subject in my sisterly regime."

"Be careful what you ask for, because Im not going anywhere." Melinda said.

"And Im holding her to that too." I said with a grin.

Failure Is an Option - Melinda Blackstone, Chris Livingston, Meg b.u.mgartner and Carl & Felicia Livingston It was late when the Livingstons and Meg left the hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Livingston insisted that we eat something before they left. So Chris and I found ourselves in the hospital cafeteria once again, eating hospital food and allowing Carl to pay for it. Not that we really had a say so in the matter, he insisted on paying for all of us. The conversation continued once we were settled at a table, but this time it was about the future instead of the past.

"Chris, you look awfully tired, will you come home with us tonight and get some rest? And youre invited too, Melinda. I can have our chauffeur drive you back in the morning."

"Thanks, mom, but I prefer to stay here close to Norma in case she wakes up." Chris said.

"Well, promise me youll be home for Christmas, at least."

"Gosh, mom, Im sorry, I cant. Not if Norma is still in the hospital, and besides, Melindas test isnt over until the twenty-seventh, so we cant indulge in anything that we didnt work for ourselves until then."

"I dont understand, honey, how will having Christmas with your father and I affect that?"

"Dont you see, mom, it would be a failure on our part, because of the pack we made."

"Chris, failure is an option if you dont think of it as failure." Chris looked at me as if I had lost my mind, "Your part of the test was to keep me from driving you to drink again, and my part was to abstain from everything else, including alcohol. You pa.s.sed your test with flying colors."

"First of all, that was not my test. My test was to sacrifice my s.p.a.ce and privacy to make room for you. An easy challenge that got easier as time went by. In fact, I enjoyed having you there very much."

"Are you saying that you enjoyed my socks hanging in the window to dry, or my underwear on the kittens head, or my makeshift Christmas tree made of clothes hangers?"

"Yes, actually I did, and dont forget how much you enjoyed my flushing the toilet while you were showering, and eating tuna and pot pies all the time, and working a twelve hour shift and coming home to a lumpy bed."

"Oh yeah, I dont think Ill ever forget those fun times as long as I live." I sure hope I dont ever forget them.

"When will your test be over with, Melinda?" Just like her daughter, Felicia preferred to call me by my given name. I kind of liked it. But unlike her daughter, her memory was lacking because Chris had already told her. Perhaps she just wanted to hear me say it.

I looked at my watch and did some calculations, and then I said, "Five days, eighteen hours, and thirty-one minutes, but whos counting."

Felicia laughed and then unknowingly dropped a sledge hammer on my jocularity, "Yes, I should imagine that you cant wait to get back to your own place."

Chris looked pensive and I wondered what she was thinking, I hoped it was the same thing I was thinking. "Actually, Felicia, Im selling my condo in Vegas so if you know of anyone who needs a swinging bachelorette pad, give them my number."

I noticed that Chriss expression had changed into an approving smile and I was relieved.

"All right, let me just leave you with something to think about, Chris," Carl said as he stood up and put his coat on, "your monthly allowance is reinstated as of this moment, and raised to seventy-five hundred. Your car is in the garage, waxed and ready to use, and your birthday and Christmas presents are overflowing in your bedroom. When you are ready, come home, they will all be waiting for you."

"Thank you, daddy. Give me some time to think about things, all right? Im too preoccupied at the moment to be making life changing decisions."

"I understand. And regardless of your decision to move back home or not, you are still our daughter, and we love you."

Felicia added, "Yes, and even if you dont come home, your allowance is still there for you to spend as you see fit, right Carl?"

Carl cleared his throat, "Yes, as long as its not spent to buy alcohol."

"I promise you both that will never happen again."

He looked at her keenly and said, "I believe you, Chris," and then he slid his hand under his jacket and pulled out his wallet. Taking out several one hundred dollar bills, he handed them to Chris, who hesitated, and looked at me. "Id feel better if you took this, sweetheart," he said, "Do you need more?"

"No, daddy, this is plenty, thank you." Chris took the money and hugged her parents, kissing them both.

As we watched them walk away, Chris turned to me and quipped, "So, now Im filthy rich and youre dirt poor. Kind of funny how things turned out, isnt it?"

"Yuk it up, funny girl. You only have a few days to enjoy it before Im back to being my old rich self again."

She looked at the money she held in her hand, "And thats when the real test begins, isnt it?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Christmas Surprises - Chris Livingston and Melinda Blackstone By Christmas Eve, when Melinda and I finally got off work, we were beyond exhausted. The restaurant closed early and would not reopen until the day after Christmas, so we decided to swing by the hospital and check on Norma and then go home for the night. I used some of the money daddy gave me to take a taxi back and forth to work, the hospital or the apartment. That would allow time for us to shower and feed the two kittens, Blackie and Pluto, who we usually found snuggled together on the bed, sleeping peacefully. I envy a kittens life. But Melinda refused to use the money, stating that she was on to me, and she would not give in. I had to applaud her determination.

Norma was still in a coma, but her pneumonia was improving and the doctor was hopeful that she would recover. His concern was that she wasnt coming out of the coma and he seemed to think it was more emotional now than physical. When we asked him how we could help, he told us that talking to her as if she were awake has been known to help coma patients wake up. But he cautioned us that Norma had to want to wake up, for that to work. It took me a minute to understand what he was saying, and when I did, it broke my heart.

Christmas Eve was bitter cold, and the four of us huddled under a blanket tent to conserve heat. I never had so much fun in my life. The kittens entertained us with their playfulness, and Melinda and I talked about Christmas past. She told me what a brat she had been if she didnt get the presents she had asked for, and she always asked for a lot. I could just imagine the kind of tantrums she must have had as a child, but she told me that she had them as an adult too. We drifted off to sleep soon after that. For the first time in a long while, I slept soundly, even as the kittens continued to play under the sheets.

Christmas day! As a child, Christmas at the Livingston house was always magical and full of wonder. Even before we were rich, we always had a huge tree with lots of presents underneath it. On Christmas Eve, wed go caroling in the neighborhood and then open one gift. On Christmas day, Id jump on my parents bed to wake them up so I could open my presents. And after the presents were open and the wrapping paper strewn about, wed get dressed and go to church to wish Jesus a happy birthday. It was our custom that I leave one toy at the altar for baby Jesus, which of course was actually given to the homeless kids. It wasnt until I was ten or eleven that I understood what a homeless kid was. I believe that my birthday present to the baby Jesus was the beginning of my desire to pay it forward by giving it back.

I woke before Melinda, and eased out of bed so as not to wake her. Wrapping my blanket around my shoulders, I fed the kittens and set the coffee to percolating. I noticed that there were some new presents under the tree. One of them was small, about the size of a deck of cards, which made me laugh at the memory of Melinda cheating at cards, but then she was such a lousy card player that it didnt matter anyway. The other present was bigger, and wrapped much nicer than the rest of our presents. My gift for Melinda was wrapped in the Sunday funnies and tied with yarn, but I still thought it looked Christma.s.sy.

I looked at Melindas hand drawn calendar on the wall and at first I was excited, because I had almost everything I had asked for, but then I was glum because those Xs marking off each day meant that soon, Melinda would leave. I remembered what she said, Im back to being my old rich self again, and I flinched. What will happen to her now? What will happen between us now? I glanced over at her, sleeping contentedly. She had one bare leg protruding out from under the blanket, and I walked over to her with the intention of covering her up so she wouldnt get cold, but I ran my fingers across her soft skin instead. If I had the power, I would never let the clock strike midnight again so that we could stay like this always. I smiled at the thought until reality returned. What if she didnt want to stay cold and hungry and poor for the rest of her life? What if she didnt want to stay with me at all? I realized that I wasnt being fair to her by asking questions that she wasnt awake to answer, so I covered her leg and walked back over to the hot plate to check on the coffee. After thirty minutes of drinking my coffee and playing with the kittens, I decided it was time for Melinda to wake up, so I sat the coffee cup down, and with a childs grin, ear to ear, I jumped up on the bed and started dancing.

"Wake up! Wake up! Its Christmas morning! Come on, its time to open the presents!"

I probably should have thought that through a little more and remembered that Melinda was not a morning person. After a few expletives that were not very Christma.s.sy, she finally woke up.

"What time is it?" she asked as she stretched the kinks out of her back.

"Its almost six A.M."

"Huh? Too d.a.m.n early, wake me in four hours." She said and snuggled back down under the covers.

"Oh no you dont. Its Christmas and I want to open presents." I slung back her blanket and yanked back the sheet, watching as the cold air raised goose b.u.mps are her arms.

"You are such a brat." She said with a laugh.

"Ill stop being a brat when you get your pretty little b.u.t.t out of bed."

She stopped laughing and looked at me, "You think my b.u.t.t is pretty?"

"What?" I was stalling to give myself time to think, and I came back with such a lame remark that it almost made me gag, "I wouldnt know, I havent seen your b.u.t.t."

"Au contraire, mon ami. I believe that there was a full moon in this very apartment not too long ago."

"Ew, please, dont remind me," I said and then quickly turned away before she saw the delight on my face, "Come on, lets open our presents, then get down to the hospital."

She jumped out of bed excited as a child, but when her bare feet hit the ice cold floor, she changed her mind and jumped back in bed.

"See, you should have put on some socks first." I wore socks to bed in the winter, but Melinda never has.

"How about we open the presents in bed where its nice and warm?"

Actually I thought that was a good idea so I gathered them all up and piled them on the bed, then I crawled back in and pulled up the blanket.

"Who should go first?" I asked, not that we had a lot of gifts to open.

"I think Blackie should go first."

"Blackie, as in the kitten, right?"

"Yeah, who did you think?"

I smiled at her, and held out the round, rattling present to Blackie, who only sniffed at it and then continued licking herself. I had gotten her a little toy that had a plastic ball inside a plastic ball so that when she rolled it around, it made a racket. I unwrapped the toy and tossed it at her, but Pluto pounced on it first and sent it flying across the room. Soon both kittens were chasing the ball around the room and we laughed at their antics.

Melinda picked up the gift with the beautiful wrapping and handed it to me. "This is from George and he said it was to both of us."

"Dont you want to open it?"

"Nah, you go ahead and rip that paper off. Ill just sit back and watch."

Im not sure where my mind went at that moment, but it sure wasnt thinking about opening Christmas gifts.