Max Nik and Tina blink up at me, Nik's face full of confusion, whereas Tina's mouth gapes. And I just stand here, nowhere near embracing the awkward silence, wishing I were the invisible man so I could lose my sweats and boxers, and hightail it out of here.

My brother's accent thickens in frustration or anger. So, right now, when he says, "What the f.u.c.k are you talking about, man?" it actually comes out, "Tha f.u.c.k you tawkin' 'bout, man?"

Tina's eyes lose focus. She shakes her head, trying to comprehend what I've just said before lifting her saddened gaze to me. "Honey, what on earth are you saying? You can't move out. This is Ceecee's home. Your home."

I dip my chin, place my hands on my hips, and bounce one leg. I think of what to say without sounding like an a.s.shole. "No. This is your home. You have two little girls and a growing family. Yeah, Ceecee was brought up in this house, but it isn't ours." I dare to look at Nik. "Never was."

He shrugs lightly. "I don't get where this is coming from. What happened?"

I breathe deep, raise my arms, rest my wrists on my head, and reply on an exhale, "Nothing happened. It's not like that. This isn't a decision made out of anger or anything..."

But Nik doesn't hear it. He immediately stands and moves in front of me. "Whatever it is, we'll fix it. Tell me what's goin' on..."

"It's nothing. I swear..."

"It must be somethin'. Tell me what I need to do to get you to change your mind."

"You don't get what I'm sayin'."

Tina stands from the table, approaching me, but I back up, hands out in warning. When Tina hugs you, there's not a lot you wouldn't do for her. I hold my arms out. "Don't, Tina, not right now. I need my head clear."

Nik quickly becomes p.i.s.sed. "Don't f.u.c.k me around, Max. Tell me what the issue is."

Frustration erupts inside of me, and molten-hot anger spews out of my mouth. "f.u.c.k, man, not everything is about you! It's about me! It's about Ceecee! It's not about you, or Tina, or the girls! It's about me and my girl. That's it."

Tina's quiet voice breaks through my anger, taking me down a peg. Or six. "You're not happy here?"

There's not a sadder sight you'll see than Tina upset. That s.h.i.t stings. I quickly reach out and take hold of her hand. "No, sweetheart. That's not it." I run a hand through my hair. "I'm not explaining this how I should be."

Nik folds his arms across his chest, looking agitated, but sounding patient. "Take your time."

I release my hold on Tina's hand and move to sit on the back of the sofa. I remain quiet a moment, thinking up what I should be saying, not what my mouth seems to want to say. "Okay. So, we've been here forever, right?" Nik nods. "We've been real happy here, Nik. You helped us out when I needed you, and I look at Ceecee and what a great little lady she's becoming," my throat thickens, "and it's because of you."

Nik's harsh features soften with his eyes. I avoid his stare and move on, "But I stayed too long. I stayed when I should have left. I kept this going, and now it's hard. I should've left when it was easy, because the thought of moving out now," I look up at Tina, "it gives me heart palpitations."

Tina quickly pleads, "Then don't go! We love you. We want you here. There's plenty of room for all of us; just don't go."

I smile sadly at the both of them and drop a bomb. "Already bought a place."

Nik runs his hands across his face and whispers, "f.u.c.k me."

"Listen, it's time. We've been here ten years too long."

Nik interjects heatedly, "I wanted you here." He pauses, his eyes pleading. "I want you here, man."

I shake my head and gently but firmly tell him, "I love you for that," and I mean it, "but I need to start living again. I need to move on. Maddy..." I breathe in a ragged breath, "...she f.u.c.ked me, and I was broken for a long time. But I'm not broken anymore. We're not broken anymore. I gotta do what I should've done years ago. I need to take charge of my life," I look up to meet Nik's eyes, "and I'm finally ready for it."

"Well this f.u.c.king sucks."

Nik and I both turn in shock to stare at Tina. Tina never swears. Not ever.

She watches us watching her, sniffles, and pouts, "Well it does."

We stand there, not sure what to say to each other, basking in an awkward, question-filled silence. It's not a nice feeling. Sorta like heartburn. Nik nods. "I s'pose it was going to happen eventually. I mean, it's not like I pictured Ceecee leaving for college from here." But the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes say he did.

Tina asks quietly, "Does she know yet?" I shake my head, because words fail me.

Nik asks, "Where's the house?"

That, at least, makes some of the tension ease.

I point to the east, hiding my smile and waving my hand around. "That way."

Nik's face turns stoic. "Where?"

I point again, this time with feeling. My smile breaks through.

Nik's lips tilt upwards. "You didn't."

Tina asks, "Did what?"

"I did," I respond smartly.

Tina repeats, louder, "Did what?"

Nik covers his face with his hand as his body shakes in silent laughter. "You sneaky son of a b.i.t.c.h."

Tina's voice borders hysterical. "I'm freaking out! Someone tell me what the h.e.l.l is going on!"

I grin down at her. Nik shakes his head and breaks the good news. "Looks like we've got a new neighbor."

She gasps, her body shaking in a fit of excitement. "Shut up!" She jumps up and down on the spot, then squeals, "Oh, thank G.o.d!" Not able to lose the smile on her face, she giggles then asks, "Where's the house? Can we see it?"

"Sure. Let's go."

Tina all but runs down the hall, her belly bouncing along the way. "Come on, you guys!"

Nik and I walk behind closely. He chuckles. "She has no idea. She's gonna freak."

I smirk. "Oh, I know."

As we exit the house, Tina stands by the car, waiting for Nik to open it. As he walks by her, he hooks an arm around her waist. "No use wasting gas."

Tina allows him to lead her away, but her eyes narrow at me in suspicion. I move to her free side to walk with them. We walk up the driveway, and when he reach the sidewalk, Tina squints into the sunlight, turning left then right. "Which way?"

I move to stand behind her, gently grasp her hips in my hands, and move her body to face the street. I can feel the confusion coming off of her, but she doesn't say a word. I know the exact moment it clicks. She gasps, and then covers her mouth with both hands. Her body turns to face me very, very slowly.

Wide eyes meet mine. She whispers, "You're moving across the street?" I grin so hard my dimple cuts into my cheek. Tina squeaks, then launches herself into my arms, laughing. "You're a sneaky, sneaky man, Max Leokov. And I love you to death." She yells through her laughter, "I love you!"

Tina refuses to release her monkey grip on me, and that's all right with me. I hold her while my gaze moves to my new house across the street. Nik's hand squeezing my shoulder brings me back to reality. I look over at him, a question in my eyes. His face beams with pride, and although I don't need it, it feels good to have it, especially coming from Nik.

My throat thickens. I clear it and announce, "We'll tell Ceecee tonight."

Tina moves back from me, and she looks nervous for me. She takes my hand in hers and utters, "Yeah. We'll tell her as a family." She smiles big, although it doesn't reach her eyes. "I'm sure everything will be just fine."

I nod. Yeah. I'm sure it will.

Ceecee's tear-stained face breaks my heart. "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

This is not how I expected things to go. It happened so differently in my head. In my stupid, stupid head. I move to hug her, but she backs away from me. Tina and Nik immediately start trying to explain. "No, Angel! Most definitely not. We love you!"

"Aww, Cricket. You know that's not it."

Her breath hitches from crying. She whispers a mournful, "I don't want to leave. I love it here."

I try to be the voice of reason. "Baby, we can't live here forever."

She looks up at me and snuffles, "I don't want to be alone."

I smile down at her, although my heart has effectively been ripped from my chest. "It's not like we're going to be far. We're just across the street. You can come here anytime you like."

I'm not prepared for her anger. "Then you go!" She turns and wheels away from me. Just as she hits the hall, she calls out, "Go, if you want! I don't care!" Her killer blow makes me wheeze out a breath. "I don't need you anyway."

Nik moves toward me, his face full of sympathy. I hold my hands up in warning. I don't want anyone near me right now. I look down to the floor and make an escape to the courtyard. I walk halfway down the steps and take a seat, closing my eyes, taking in the evening breeze. A sigh escapes me.

Have a kid, they said. It'll be fun, they said.

A humorless chuckle rumbles deep in my throat. I stay on the steps for a long time, hours even, and I still can't figure out what the f.u.c.k I can do or say to comfort my baby.

Sometimes, life is hard.

Chapter Five.

Helena This morning was as uneventful as originally planned. And by uneventful, I mean crying relatives, rushing to the airport, and an awkward goodbye to my eldest sister.

I woke at five am, had a shower, and ate a small breakfast of toast and coffee. My bags, already packed, stood by the front door ready to go. The boxes of my things had left a week ago, and Nat called to tell me they had been received already. I thanked the G.o.ds of shipment for that. It really would've sucked to not have my things when I got there. Nat asked me if I wanted her to unpack the boxes, and I quickly yelped a no. Truth is, I didn't leave my vibrator at home. For two reasons.

Reason one: My parents likely would have found it.

Ewww.

Reason two: I need it. It's a part of my pre-bedtime ritual. It wears me out and helps me sleep. And while I have no boyfriend, or even a bed buddy, it's coming with me. And I don't need my sister seeing that s.h.i.t.

Don't misunderstand me. My sisters and I talk about s.e.x, and we talk about it openly, but it's one thing to talk about s.e.x, and another thing to actually see a long, thick, purple glitter jelly d.i.l.d.o vibrator that your sister named Sir Squeal-A-Lot.

She doesn't need to see that. No one needs to see that. I don't need to see that. Why do you think I find my happy place in the dark before bedtime?

We rushed to the airport, where I lined up with the ten thousand other people who were travelling at the b.u.t.t crack of dawn. I all but threw my suitcases at the poor attendant. I just wanted to get to New York already. I was excited. This was going to be a huge change for me. A good one, I could feel it. But, I may have left a small detail out when I spoke to Nat.

I may have told her I was arriving at six pm. Not midday. I'll tell you why I did this. Firstly, Nat would've left work early to come get me, which would've been an inconvenience. Secondly, she would not have come alone. She would've brought all the girls and their guys, and it would've been made an event-something I don't like at all. Thirdly, it may sound strange, but the first time in my new apartment, I'd like to be alone to get better acquainted with my new surroundings. And yes, I have visited Nat before, so I've seen the apartment, but I didn't go through all of Nat's drawers and cupboards.

I need a little me time.

As I said goodbye to my parents and held them tight, trying to memorize their smells, I was shocked to find I wasn't even sad about leaving. I would've thought I'd have shed a tear or two, but no. After my parents, I stood in front of Nina. She placed her hands in her pockets and looked down at the floor, avoiding my eyes. Nina is never emotional.

Never.

Not. Ever.

It should've had me worried, but it might make me a s.h.i.tty sister to say it made me happy. I think I melted the ice queen. She cleared her throat. "You got everything you need?"

I patted my hand luggage. "Everything. I'm all good."

She peeked up at me. "You're coming home for Christmas, right?"

I opened my mouth to say yes, but then I thought about it. I shrugged lightly. "If I get time off, definitely."

This answer did not placate her. At all. She scowled. "You better come visit."

I glared right back. "Why don't you come visit me?"

She made a face. "Because I have a salon to run and it would be easier for you to visit us here."

I placed a hand on my hip. Oh yeah, she knew she just threw down. "Well, you have two sisters in New York now. Get off your fat a.s.s and come vacay with us sometime."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Why should I? You're the a.s.sholes who left!"

I continued to glare while she scowled. "Fine."

"Fine."

We stood there another minute or so before I caved. I'd miss my sister. I love my sister. Even if she is a total f.u.c.knut.

With a sigh and roll of my eyes, I rushed over to her and wrapped her in a tight hug. The b.i.t.c.h didn't hug me back for a full minute, but then her hands gently gripped the back of my jacket and she pushed her head into my shoulder. I felt wetness there. I kissed her cheek and whispered, "I'll come home for Christmas."

She sniffled and choked out, "And I'll come visit. I promise."

We held each other tight until an overhead announcement aired. My flight was now boarding. I waved goodbye to my forlorn family and boarded a flight to my new life.

Nat told me she'd left a key with the little old lady in apartment 309, the apartment across from mine. As soon as I landed, I gathered my suitcases and caught a cab over to the apartment complex. When it came into view, I broke out into a huge smile as b.u.t.terflies flew around in my stomach, a mixture of nervousness and excitement flowing through me.