"You're only a joking?" said the captain.

"I give you my word of honour I am serious," said I; "and your vessel is a prize to His Britannic Majesty's ship, the ---."

The poor man fetched a sigh from the waistband of his trousers. "I am a ruined man," said he. "I only wish I'd known a little sooner of the war you talk about: I've got two nice little guns there forward; you shouldn't a had me so easily."

I smiled at his idea of resistance against a fast-sailing frigate of fifty guns; but left him in the full enjoyment of his conceit, and changing the subject, asked if he had anything he could give us to drink, for the weather was very warm.

"No, I ha'n't," he replied, peevishly; "and if I had--"

"Come, come, my good fellow," said I, "you forget you are a prize; civility is a cheap article, and may bring you a quick return."

"That's true," said Jonathan, who was touched on the nicest point--self; "that's true, you are only a doing your duty. Here, boy, fetch up that ere demi-John of Madeira, and for aught I know, the young officer might like a drop o' long cork; bring us some tumblers, and one o' they claret bottles out o' the starboard after locker."

The boy obeyed--and the articles quickly appeared. While this dialogue was going on, the frigate was in chase, firing guns, and bringing-to the different vessels as she pa.s.sed them, dropping a boat on board of one, and making sail after another. We stood after her with all the sail we could conveniently carry.

"Pray," said the captain, "might I offer you a bit of something to eat?

I guess you ha'n't dined yet, as it isn't quite meridian."

I thanked him, and accepted his offer: he ran down instantly to the cabin, as if to prepare for my reception; but I rather thought he wished to place some articles out of my sight, and this proved to be the case, for he stole a bag of dollars out of the cargo. In a short time, I was invited down. A leg of cured pork, and a roasted fowl, were very acceptable to a midshipman at any time, but particularly so to me; and, when accompanied by a few gla.s.ses of the Madeira, the barometer of my spirits rose in proportion to the depression of his.

"Come, captain," said I, filling a b.u.mper of claret, "here's to a long and b.l.o.o.d.y war."

"d.a.m.n the dog that won't say amen to that," said the master; "but where do you mean to carry me to? I guess to Halifax. Sha'n't I have my clothes and my own private _venter_?"

"All your private property," said I, "will be held sacred; but your vessel and cargo are ours."

"Well, well," said the man, "I know that; but if you behave well to me, you shan't find I'm ungrateful. Let me have my things, and I'll give you a bit o' news as will be of sarvice to you."

He then told me, on my promising him his private venture, that we had not a moment to lose, for that a vessel, just visible on the horizon, was from Smyrna, richly laden; she was commanded by a townsman of his, and bound to the same place. I turned from him with contempt, and at the same moment made the signal to speak the frigate. On going on board, I told the captain what I had heard from the master of the prize, and the promise I had given. He approved of it; the proper number of men were instantly sent back to the brig, the prisoners taken out, and the frigate made sail in chase of the indicated vessel, which she captured that night at nine o'clock.

I would not willingly believe that such perfidy is common among the Americans. On parting with the master of my brig, a sharp dialogue took place between us.

"I guess I'll fit out a privateer, and take some of your merchanters."

"Take care you are not taken yourself," said I, "and pa.s.s your time on board one of our prison ships; but, remember, whatever may happen, it's all your own fault. You have picked a German quarrel with us, to please Boney; and he will only spit in your face when you have done your best for him. Your wise President has declared war against the mother-country."

"d.a.m.n the mother-country," muttered the Yankee; "stepmother, I guess you mean, tarnation seize her!!!"

We continued following the ship, and by night-time the frigate had secured eight prizes; one of them being a brig in ballast, the prisoners were put on board of her, my Yankee friend among the number, and turned adrift, to find their way home. We took care to give to all of them their private ventures and their clothes. I was in hopes of being allowed to go to Halifax with my prize; but the captain, knowing how I was likely to pa.s.s my time, kept me with him. We cruised two months, taking many privateers, some large and some small; some we burned, and some we scuttled.

One day we had one of these craft alongside, and having taken everything out of her that was worth moving, we very imprudently set her on fire before she was clear of the ship's side; and as we were on a wind, it was some minutes before we could get her clear. In the meantime the fire began to blaze up in a very alarming manner under the mizen chains, where, by the attraction of the two floating bodies, she seemed resolved to continue; but on our putting the helm up I and giving the vessel a sheer the contrary way, as soon as we were before the wind, she parted from us, to our great joy, and was soon in a volume of flame. Our reason for setting her on fire alongside was to save time, as we wanted to go in chase of another vessel, seen from the mast-head, and lowering a boat down to destroy this vessel would have detained us.

Before the end of the cruise, we chased a schooner, which ran on sh.o.r.e and bilged; we boarded her, brought away her crew and part of her cargo, which was very valuable. She was from Bordeaux, bound to Philadelphia.

I was sent to examine her, and endeavour to bring away more of her cargo. The tide rising in her, we were compelled to rip up her decks, and discovered that she was laden with bales of silk, broad cloths, watches, clocks, laces, silk stockings, wine, brandy, bars of steel, olive-oil, etcetera, etcetera. I sent word of this to the captain; and the carpenter and plenty of a.s.sistants arriving, we rescued a great quant.i.ty of the goods from the deep or the Yankee boats, who would soon have been on board after we left her. We could perceive in the hold some cases, but they were at least four feet under water. It was confoundedly cold; but I thought there was something worth diving for, so down I went, and contrived to keep myself long enough under water to hook one end of a case, by which means we broke it out and got it up.

It was excellent claret, and we were not withheld from drinking it by any scruples of conscience; for if I had not dived for it, it would never have come to the mouth of an Englishman. We discussed a three-dozen case among just so many of us, in a reasonable short time; and as it was October, we felt no ill effects from a frequent repet.i.tion of the dose.

I never felt colder, and diving requires much stimulant. From practice at this work, I could pick up pins and needles in a clear, sandy bottom; and, considering the density of the medium, could litre like a beaver under water; but I required ample fees for my trouble. When we returned on board, we were very wet and cold, and the wine took no effect on us; but as soon as we thawed, like the horn of the great Munchausen, the secret escaped, for we were all tipsy. The captain inquired the cause of this the next day, and I very candidly told him the whole history.

He was wise enough to laugh at it; some captains would have flogged every one of the men, and disgraced the officers.

On our return into port, I requested permission to go to England in order to pa.s.s my examination as lieutenant, having nearly completed my servitude as a midshipman. I was asked to remain out, and take my chance for promotion in the flag-ship; but more reasons than I chose to give induced me to prefer an examination at a sea-port in England, and I obtained my discharge and came home. The reader will no doubt give me credit for having written some dozen of letters to Eugenia: youth, beauty, and transient possession had still preserved my attachment to her unabated. Emily I had heard of, and still loved with a purer flame.

She was my sun; Eugenia my moon; and the fair favourites of the western hemisphere, so many twinkling stars of the first, second, and third magnitude. I loved them all more or less; but all, their charms vanished, when the beauteous Emily shone in my breast with refulgent light.

I had received letters from my father, who wished me to come home, that he might present me to some of the great men of the nation, and secure my promotion to the highest ranks of the service. This advice was good, and, as it suited my views, I followed it. I parted with my captain on the best terms, took leave of all my mess-mates and the officers in the same friendly manner; and last, not least, went round to the ladies, kissing, hugging, crying, and swearing love and eternal attachment.

Nothing I declared, should keep me from Halifax, as soon as I had pa.s.sed; nothing prevent my marrying one, as soon as I was a lieutenant; a second was to have the connubial knot tied when I was a commander; and a third, as soon as I was made a captain. Oh, how like was I to Don Galaor! Oh, how unlike the constant Amadis de Gaul! But, reader, you must take me as I was, not as I ought to have been.

After a pa.s.sage of six weeks, I arrived at Plymouth, and had exactly completed my six years' servitude.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN.

Examine him closely, goodman Dry; spare him not. Ask him impossible questions. Let us thwart him, let us thwart him.

BEAUMONT AND FLETCHER.

Soon after my arrival at Plymouth, notice was given by a general order, issued from the flag-ship, that a pa.s.sing day for the examination of midshipmen, as touching their qualifications for the rank of lieutenant, would be held on board the _Salvador del Mundo_, in Hamoaze. I lost no time in acquainting my father with this, and telling him that I felt quite prepared, and meant to offer myself. Accordingly, on the day appointed, your humble servant, with some fourteen or fifteen other youthful aspirants, a.s.sembled on board the flag-ship. Each was dressed out in his Number One suit, in most exact and unquizzable uniform, with a large bundle of log-books under our arms. We were all huddled together in a small screened canvas cabin, like so many sheep ready for slaughter.

About eleven o'clock, the captains who were to be our Minos and our Rhadamanthus made their appearance, and we all agreed that we did not much like the "cut of their jibs." At twelve o'clock the first name was called. The "desperate youth" tried to pluck up a little courage--he cleared his throat, pulled up his shirt-collar, touched his neckerchief, and his c.o.c.ked-hat and journals, boldly followed the messenger into the captain's cabin, where three grave-looking gentlemen, in undress uniform, awaited him. They were seated at a round table; a clerk was at the elbow of the president; "Moore's Navigation," that wise redoubtable, lay before them; together with a nautical almanack, a slate and pencil, ink and paper. The trembling middy advanced to the table, and having most respectfully deposited his journals and certificates of sobriety and good conduct, was desired to sit down. The first questions were merely theoretical; and although in the gun-room, or in any other company, he would have acquitted himself with ease, he was so abashed and confounded, that he lost his head entirely, trembled at the first question, stared at the second, and having no answer to make to the third, was dismissed, with directions "to go to sea six months longer."

He returned to us with a most woe-begone countenance; I never saw a poor creature in greater mental torment. I felt for him the more, as I knew not how soon his case might be my own. Another was called, and soon returned with no better success; and the description he gave of the bullying conduct of the youngest pa.s.sing captain was such as to damp the spirits, and enough to stultify minds so inexperienced as ours, and where so much depended on our success. This hint was, however, of great use to me. Theory, I found, was the rock on which they had split; and in this part of my profession I knew my powers, and was resolved not to be bowled out by the young captain. But while I thus resolved, a third candidate was returned to us, _re infecta_; and this was a young man on whose talents I could have relied: I began to doubt myself. When the fourth came out with a smiling face, and told us he had pa.s.sed, I took a little breath; but even this comfort was s.n.a.t.c.hed from me in a moment, by his saying that one of the pa.s.sing captains was a friend of his father. Here then was solved an enigma; for this fellow, during the short time I was in his company, gave proof of being no better than a simpleton.

On my own name being called, I felt a flutter about the heart which I did not feel in action, or in the hurricane, or when, in a case more desperate than either, I jumped overboard at Spithead, to swim to my dear Eugenia. "Powers of Impudence, as well as Algebra," said I, "lend me your aid, or I am undone." In a moment the cabin door flew open, the sentinel closed it after me, and I found myself in the presence of this most awful triumvirate. I felt very like Daniel in the lion's den. I was desired to take a chair, and a short discussion ensued between the judges, which I neither heard nor wished to hear: but while it lasted I had time to survey my antagonists from head to foot. I encouraged myself to think that I was equal to one of them; and if I could only neutralise him, I thought I should very easily floor the other two.

One of these officers had a face like a painted pumpkin; and his hand, as it lay on the table, looked more like the fin of a turtle; the nails were bitten so close off, that the very remains of them seemed to have retreated into the flesh, for fear of further depredation, which the other hand was at the moment suffering. Thinks I to myself, "If ever I saw 'lodgings to let, unfurnished,' it is in that cocoa-nut, or pumpkin, or gourd of yours."

The next captain to him was a little, thin, dark, dried-up, shrivelled fellow, with keen eyes, and a sharp nose. The midshipmen called him, "Old Chili Vinegar," or, "Old Hot and Sour." He was what we term a martinet. He would keep a man two months on his black list, giving him a breech of a gun to polish and keep bright, never allowing him time to mend his clothes, or keep himself clean, while he was cleaning that which, for all the purposes of war, had better have been black. He seldom flogged a man; but he tormented him into sullen discontent, by what he called "keeping the devil out of his mind." This little nightmare, who looked like a dried eel-skin, I soon found was the leader of the band.

The third captain was a tall, well-looking, pompous man (he was the junior officer of the three), with commanding and most unbending countenance: "He would not ope his mouth in way of smile, though Nestor swore the jest was laughable."

I had just time to finish my survey, and form a rough estimate of the qualities of my examiners, when I was put upon my trial, by the president, who thus addressed me:--

"You are perfect in the theory of navigation, I presume, sir, or you would not come here?"

I replied, that I hoped I should be found so, if they would please to try me.

"Ready enough with his answer," said the tall captain; "I dare say this fellow is jaw-master general in the c.o.c.kpit.--Whom did you serve your time with, sir?"

I stated the different captains I had served with, particularly Lord Edward.

"Oh, ay, thats enough; you _must_ be a smart fellow, if you have served with Lord Edward."

I understood the envious and sarcastic manner in which this was uttered, and prepared accordingly for an arduous campaign, quite sure that this man, who was no seaman, would have been too happy in turning back one of Lord Edward's midshipmen. Several problems were given to me, which I readily solved, and returned to them. They examined my logs and certificates with much seeming scrutiny, and then ventured a question in the higher branches of mathematics. This I also solved; but I found talent was not exactly what they wanted. The little skinny captain seemed rather disappointed that he could not find fault with me. A difficult problem in spherical trigonometry lay before them, carefully drawn out, and the result distinctly marked at the bottom; but this I was not, of course, permitted to see. I soon answered the question; they compared my work with that which had been prepared for them; and as they did not exactly agree, I was told that _I_ was wrong. I was not disconcerted, and very deliberately looking over my work, I told them I could not discover any error, and was able to prove it by inspection, by Canon, by Gunter, or by figure.

"You think yourself a very clever fellow, I dare say," said the little fat captain.

"A second Euclid!" said the tall captain. "Pray, sir, do you know the meaning of '_Pons Asinorum_?'"

"Bridge of a.s.ses, sir," said I, staring him full in the face, with a smile under the skin.