CHAPTER IV -- WHEREIN IS COMMENCED THE ADVENTURE OF THE MACINTOSH, AND OTHER MATTERS

"How oft the sight of means to do ill deeds, Makes ill deeds done."

"Come, tailor, let us see't;

Oh! mercy.... What masking stuff is here?

What's this? a sleeve?"

"Disguise, I see; thou art a wickedness Wherein the pregnant enemy does much."

"A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!"

--Shakspeare.

ON returning to the pupils' room Lawless commenced (to my great delight, as I thereby enjoyed a complete immunity from his somewhat troublesome attentions) a full, true, and particular account of the pigeon-match, in which his friend Clayton had, with unrivalled skill, slain a sufficient number of victims to furnish forth pies for the supply of the whole mess during the ensuing fortnight. At length, however, all was said that could be said, even upon this interesting subject, and the narrator, casting his eyes around in search of wherewithal to amuse himself, chanced to espy my new writing-desk, a parting gift from my little sister f.a.n.n.y, who, with the self-denial of true affection, had saved up her pocket-money during many previous months in order to provide funds for this munificent present.

"Pinafore, is that desk yours?" demanded Lawless.

Not much admiring the _sobriquet_ by which he chose to address me, I did not feel myself called upon to reply.

"Are you deaf, stupid? don't you hear me speaking to you?--where did you get that writing-desk?"

Still I did not answer.

"Sulky, eh? I shall have to lick him before long, I see. Here you, what's your name? Fairlegh, did your grand-mother give you that writing-desk?"

"No," replied I, "my sister f.a.n.n.y gave it to me the day before I left home."

"Oh, you have got a sister f.a.n.n.y, have you? how old is she, and what is she like?"

"She is just thirteen, and she has got the dearest little face in the world," answered I, earnestly, as the recollection of her bright blue eyes and sunny smile came across me.

-29--"How interesting!" sighed Coleman; "it quite makes my heart beat; you could not send for her, could you?"

"And she gave you that desk, did she?--how very kind of her," resumed Lawless, putting the poker in the fire.

"Yes, was it not?" said I, eagerly. "I would not have any harm happen to it for more than I can tell."

"So I suppose," replied Lawless, still devoting himself to the poker, which was rapidly becoming red-hot. "Have you ever," continued he, "seen this new way they have of ornamenting things? encaustic work, I think they call it:--it's done by the application of heat, you know."

"I never even heard of it," said I.

"Ah! I thought not," rejoined Lawless. "Well, as I happen to understand the process, I'll condescend to enlighten your ignorance. Mullins, give me that desk."

"Don't touch it," cried I, bounding forward to the rescue; "I won't have anything done to it."

[Ill.u.s.tration: page29 Ornamenting a Writing Desk]

My design was, however, frustrated by c.u.mberland and Lawless, who, both throwing themselves upon me at the same moment, succeeded, despite my struggles, in forcing me into a chair, where they held me, while Mullins, by their direction, with the aid of sundry neckcloths, braces, etc., tied me hand and foot; Coleman, who attempted to interfere in my behalf, receiving a push which sent him reeling across the room, and a hint that if he did not mind his own business he would be served in the same manner.

Having thus effectually placed me _hors de combat_, Lawless took possession of my poor writing-desk, and commenced tracing on the top thereof, with the red-hot poker, what he was pleased to term a "design from the antique," which consisted of a spirited outline of that riddle-loving female the Sphinx, as she appeared when dressed in top-boots and a wide-awake, and regaling herself with a choice cigar! He was giving the finishing touch to a large pair of moustaches, with which he had embellished her countenance, and which he declared was the only thing wanting to complete the likeness to an old aunt of Dr. Mildman's, whom the pupils usually designated by the endearing appellation of "Growler," when the door opened, and Thomas announced that "Smithson"

was waiting to see Mr. Lawless.

"Oh yes, to be sure, let him come in; no, wait a minute. Here, you, Coleman and Mullins, untie Fairlegh; be quick!--confound that desk, how it smells of burning, and I have made my hands all black too. Well, Smithson, have you brought the things?"

The person to whom this query was addressed was a -30--young man, attired in the extreme of the fashion, who lounged into the room with a "quite at home" kind of air, and, nodding familiarly all around, arranged his curls with a ring-adorned hand, as he replied in a drawling tone:--

"Ya'as, Mr. Lawless, we're all right--punctual to a moment--always ready 'to come to time,' as we say in the ring".

"Who is he?" whispered I to Coleman.

"Who is he?" replied Coleman; "why the best fellow in the world, to be sure'. Not know Smithson, the prince of tailors, the tailor _par excellence_! I suppose you never heard of the Duke of Wellington, have you?"

I replied humbly that I believed I had heard the name of that ill.u.s.trious individual mentioned in connection with Waterloo and the Peninsula--and that I was accustomed to regard him as the first man of the age.

"Aye, well then, Smithson is the second; though I really don't know whether he is not quite as great in his way as Wellington, upon my honour. The last pair of trousers he made for Lawless were something sublime, too good for this wicked world, a great deal."

During this brief conversation Smithson had been engaged in extricating a somewhat voluminous garment from the interior of a blue bag, which a boy, who accompanied him, had just placed inside the study-door.

"There, this is the new invention I told you about; a man named Macintosh hit upon it. Now, with this coat on, you might stand under a water-fall without getting even damp. Try it on, Mr. Lawless; just the thing, eh, gents?"

Our curiosity being roused by this panegyric, we gathered round Lawless to examine the garment which had called it forth. Such of my readers as recollect the first introduction of Macintoshes will doubtless remember that the earlier specimens of the race differed very materially in form from those which are in use at the present day. The one we were now inspecting was of a whity-brown colour, and, though it had sleeves like a coat, hung in straight folds from the waist to the ankles, somewhat after the fashion of a carter's frock, having huge pockets at the side, and fastening round the neck with a hook and eye.

"How does it do?" asked Lawless, s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g himself round in an insane effort to look at the small of his own back, a thing a man is certain to attempt when trying on a coat. "It does not make a fellow look like a Guy, does it?"

-31--"No, I rather admire the sort of thing," said c.u.mberland.

"A jolly dodge for a shower of rain, and no mistake," put in Coleman.

"It is deucedly fashionable, really," said Smithson--"this one of yours, and one we made for Augustus Flareaway, Lord Fitz-scamper's son, the man in the Guards, you know, are the only two out yet."

"I have just got it at the right time then," said Lawless; "I knew old Sam was going to town, so I settled to drive Clayton over to Woodend, in the tandem, to-morrow. The harriers meet there at eleven, and this will be the very thing to hide the leathers, and tops, and the green cutaway.

I saw you at the match, by-the-by, Smithey, this morning."

"Ya'as, I was there; did you see the thing I was on?"

"A bright bay, with a star on the forehead! a spicy-looking nag enough--whose is it?"

"Why, young Robarts, who came into a lot of tin the other day, has just bought it; Snaffles charged him ninety guineas for it."

"And what is it worth?" asked Lawless.

"Oh! he would not do a dirty thing by any gent I introduced," replied Smithson. "I took young Robarts there: he merely made his fair profit out of it; he gave forty pounds for it himself to a man who bred it, only the week before, to my certain knowledge: it's a very sweet thing, and would carry him well, but he's afraid to ride it; that's how I was on it to-day. I'm getting it steady for him."

"A thing it will take you some time to accomplish, eh? A mount like that is not to be had for nothing, every day, is it?"

"Ya'as, you're about right there, Mr. Lawless; you're down to every move, I see, as usual. Any orders to-day, gents? your two vests will be home to-morrow, Mr. Coleman."

"Here, Smithson, wait a moment," said c.u.mberland, drawing him on one side; "I was deucedly unlucky with the b.a.l.l.s this morning," continued he in a lower tone, "can you let me have five-and-twenty pounds?"