The one who held me at night, years ago.

'Thanks,' I say.

'It's okay.' He looks embarrassed. 'We used to be friends, you and I. Things...changed.'

'Why?'

'You changed.'

'I don't understand.'

'I don't really understand, myself.' He sighs. 'When you first came to train with us, you were different. You were scared, cried a lot. You didn't want to be there, not like the rest of us. But every now and then, you changed. Into this angry, crazy girl: Nico's puppet, dancing on his strings. And it was something to do with Nico and this doctor who took you away, sometimes for days. Each time you came back you changed more often, until the girl I first knew almost never appeared.'

A doctor? A flash in my mind: a special sort of doctor, not the kind who mends bones or cures illness. I was afraid of him, so afraid. I try to push it away; his face and then his name swing into view. Dr Craig. In that dream I had, the doctor who said I would be sick.

'And Nico told us when you were this changed person to treat you like one of us, and to ignore you when you were the other one. Bit by bit the other went, until the only time she came back was when you had nightmares.'

My head aches, pounds. Two people, like Nico said. Lucy, and Rain. They split me into two people...that doctor? I feel sick inside. I turn away but Katran follows. Turns me and holds my shoulders in his hands so I can't look away.

'Listen to me. Nico is up to something with you, and it started years ago. I don't get it and I don't like it. Don't let him use you. You don't belong with us; you never did. Run while you still have the chance.'

I shake my head. 'No,' I say, faint, then: 'No.' Stronger. 'You just want me out of the way. You're jealous of me and Nico. Of how important I am to him and the cause.'

He laughs, anger behind it. 'Yeah, sure: that's it.' He turns away, gets on his bike.

I start to walk off.

'Wait,' he says, and I pause. 'Listen to me, Rain. I believe in what we are doing. That ours is the way, the only way, to get rid of the Lorders, to free ourselves. Make our lives better. But it doesn't have to be your fight. Not when you don't even know who you are: how can you make a choice? Try to get your memories back where they should be. Don't block them out.'

I watch him disappear up the path, shaking with confusion. Anger, and fear. Memories lurk at the edges, threaten to overwhelm, but I don't want them. I push them away.

Somehow I stumble back to the house, let myself in and slip upstairs in silence. Curl up on my bed.

It is late afternoon; no one will be home for an hour. I need to shower, change, look ordinary by the time anyone gets in, but my thoughts are in turmoil.

Try to remember?

But of what Katran said, about how I was those years ago, there is little trace. It is like a song I half recognise, can whistle along to the tune but don't know the words.

I thought my confusion, and how my memories come and go, was because I was Slated. But according to Katran it started long before the Lorders got their hands on me.

I try to concentrate. Nico said he protected me from Slating, that I was split into two people: but how did he do that? I know he made Lucy be right-handed, and that Rain hid inside when the Lorders got me. They Slated me as if I was right-handed. Lucy is gone, and the memories that were Rain remained after I was Slated, hidden inside, waiting for the right trigger to let them out.

That is what Nico wanted to happen. But that isn't the whole story. Some wisps of Lucy and her memories her dreams, fears still remain. Buried deep. A squirm in my guts says Nico wouldn't be happy if he knew it. He was wary when I mentioned Lucy, surprised I even knew who she was.

And then I'm angry, so angry, at Katran. I'd been sure earlier of being in Free UK, and part of it all: of belonging to them. So that I belonged somewhere, and knew who I was. Katran spoiled everything.

Now all that is left is confusion.

That there is something wrong with my memory is an understatement.

Is it just down to choice? Forget Kyla and her life, and be with Free UK. Do it completely, not holding anything back. I grip Emily's ring so tight in my hand that it forms a circle in my skin.

But I don't want to forget Ben. I focus on his face, on holding it clear in my mind, but it is not enough. Never enough. I get out my sketch pad, pencil, and draw him over and over. Concentrate. I hold onto the look in his eyes, the way he stands. The way he runs. Katran defies the natural world as he moves through it. Ben is part of it.

Ben is part of me.

I long to see him, to touch him. When I was with him, I always knew who I was. Together, we can work out what to do.

Aiden said he would get in touch once he found a way to get to Ben that was safe, but it can't wait.

I can't wait.

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO.

Heavy frost glistens on grass in the moonlight. I shiver in equal parts with cold and excitement as I slip quietly through our sleeping village to the footpath. I hope I am right; that Ben will be there. Maybe it is too cold, too dark this time of year for an early morning run?

Once I get to the trail bike, I wish I'd thought to wear gloves. The cold makes my hands numb and clumsy as I work out how to get into the hide in the dark. I finally pull the bike out, and start up the canal path.

Once past familiar territory, I struggle to pay attention, to find my way from the map I'd memorised, when all inside is Ben. Now and then I have to put my torch on when the way is unclear, worried I'll go wrong in the dark.

At one point miles from home, I stop and take Emily's ring from my pocket. I can't keep it: it is too dangerous. What if someone sees it? I kiss it, and try to throw it into a deep part of the canal. To let it disappear into the muddy bottom. But I just can't bring myself to let it go. I climb a tree, instead. Slip it round a twig not visible from below. My eyes note the place, the bend in the canal. One day, I'll come back for it.

Miles on again, something niggles, pulls me out of my concentration. Something not right. Faint, distant behind me, too far away to be certain; whispers of sound. Very like another bike.

I stop, pull mine into the trees and creep back the way I came; slow, quiet, stealth. Shadowing the path rather than on it, and- There.

A figure waits on the path. On a bike. There is the faint flash of a tracker on the handlebars: what he tracks is stationary. Indecision plays across his face: stay a safe distance, or go on to see why it has stopped?

I step out in front of Katran.

He jumps. Guilt crosses his face, then is gone.

'Hi,' I say.

'Hi.'

'So, do you want to tell me, or should I guess?' I say, and he shrugs, doesn't answer. 'There is a tracker on the bike. You're following me, checking up on me.'

Katran flushes enough that even in this light I can see.

'There is a tracker on the bike, yes. But it isn't like that. They all have trackers, for safety, yeah?'

'But you were monitoring it.'

'Nico told me to.'

Nico: there is a flash of fear, inside. 'Does he know?'

'Not yet. Where are you going?'

I stay silent.

'Well, wherever it is, I'm coming with you.'

I stalk back up the path. Maybe I can ditch the bike before we get too close, and slip away. Or maybe I can find the tracker and take it off.

But Katran, busted now, is staying close.

When we get to my bike, I turn to him. 'Please don't follow me. Wait here if you want to. I won't be long, and we can go back together.'

'No.'

'I don't need a babysitter!'

'Yes, you do.'

I sigh, cornered; no choice but to tell him. 'You know how you told me to remember who I am? Not to let go of things.' He waits. 'I'm going to see Ben.'

'What? The one Tori keeps going on about?'

'She hasn't got things right. He and I were...close.'

'But I thought he was dead.'

I shake my head. 'He's alive, and I'm going to see him.'

'He's been in touch?'

'No. He doesn't know I'm coming. He may not even be there today; it's just a hunch.'

'But how-'

'Don't ask how I found him. I won't tell you. But now you see why you can't come with me?'

Katran's face has so much emotion worry and hurt, warring with anger that before I know I am even moving, I am right up to him, a hand on his arm. 'Katran? Are you all right?'

'No.' He sighs, ruffles his hair back with one hand. 'Look. I'll follow behind, stay out of sight. I'll have your back in case anything goes wrong. That is the best I can do. All right?'

And it is so obviously against his better judgement, so much more than I could have expected of him, that I smile. 'All right.'

I get on my bike, take the next few turns, and my memory has served me correctly: it is the right way. The sky is still dark when we reach the stretch I'm sure Ben will go running near his school. We hide our bikes, and wait in the trees, watching.

The darkness gives way to a dim lightening in the sky, bit by bit. No sign of him. My throat is tightening, and I'm just about to turn to Katran and say sorry, I must have got it wrong, when he grabs my arm.

'Look,' he breathes. Points up the hill from the path. A lone figure runs down it, the light behind him. I squint, unsure, and then yes. It is him! The smile is wide on my face and my feet are scrabbling out of the woods and chasing down the path after his retreating figure.

Ben can run. Can he ever. I push the speed more and more. He must hear something, turns his head slightly to see who is behind; then turns forward and keeps going.

Perhaps he can't tell it is me in this light. I push faster. 'Wait up,' I call softly. 'Ben, wait.'

His pace slows, then becomes a walk.

I reach him.

'Yes?' he says.

I smile widely into his eyes, brown with golden glints. I grab his hand. He looks down at our hands. Half smiles.

The details start to penetrate. Something isn't right.

'Ben?'

'Sorry. You've confused me with somebody else.'

'No I haven't.' And I cling to his hand.

He shakes his head, pulls his hand away. 'Sorry, I'm not Ben. If you'll excuse me, I've only got a short time to finish my run.' And he takes off. Runs away. Leaves me standing, watching him go, watching him run, and every movement he makes is my Ben. Tears begin to leak out of my eyes.

He doesn't know who I am.

He doesn't remember anything.

My stomach twists. He's been re-Slated. It is the only answer. But he is seventeen. They're not supposed to do that unless you are under sixteen. Why would they break their own rule for Ben?

He doesn't know who I am.

I'm shaking, still standing on the path. Ben may turn and come back this way. With that thought, I stumble into the trees, and wait. Soon he appears in the distance. I watch as he runs closer, his usual graceful gait, then past in a blur back up the hill.

There are sounds in the woods behind me, but I stand still, watch Ben disappear into the light of the sunrise above.

'Rain?' A low voice: Katran.