Forever Alexa.

by Cate Beauman.

To all those who are lost.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

Thank you Liam Carnahan, the BEST editor on the planet, for your excellent work. I don't know what I would do without you and Invisible Ink Editing.

A huge thank you to Lieutenant John Reese from the Loudon NH Fire Department, Misty Rose, and Deputy Chief Corey MacDonald, Esq. for lending me your expertise.

CHAPTER 1.

February 1995.

Alexa turned up the television, struggling to focus on the cartoon she loved instead of the whiskey splashing about in Mom's half-empty bottle of Johnny Walker. Her sister sat next to her on the lumpy cot they shared, clinging to her side like she'd done since they were told to get in the backseat of the car a week ago.

Abby giggled as Tommy, Chucky, Phil, and Lil found themselves caught up in another disastrous backyard adventure. Her smile faded when their favorite show went to commercial. "Lex, I'm hungry," she whispered close to Alexa's ear.

Alexa glanced at their more-than-half drunk mother, then turned to Abby. "We'll eat soon," she murmured, terrified mom would hear and realize she'd stolen twenty-five dollars from her almost empty wallet. She pressed her clammy, trembling fingers to the folded bills in her jean pocket as her own belly growled, despite her nerves. Mom forgot to feed them. She always forgot to feed them when she drank.

Alexa stared out the grimy motel window at the bright yellow arches across the way. Her mouth watered as she thought of ketchup and grilled meat, of soft white bread and salty pickles she couldn't wait to sink her teeth into. They hadn't had a meal since lunchtime yesterday. Soon, she promised, when mom pa.s.sed out. It was only a matter of time.

She snuck another peek over her shoulder at the tears trailing down mom's cheeks and willed her mother to close her eyes. Maybe she would finally be brave enough to pick up the ugly, green phone and call Gran. Gran showed her how to make a collect call, 'just in case.' Even at eight, Alexa knew what 'just in case' meant-it meant exactly this.

Why couldn't mom be like she used to? Everything had changed when Alexa was in first grade. Mom and Dad had yelled at each other, and then he went away. They moved out of the big house with the pretty pink room, and mom stopped taking care of them. Now she cried all the time and drank her yucky brown drink that made her talk funny or sleep.

When Alexa was in second grade, a woman came to school to tell her she and Abby would be moving to her Gran's apartment while mom went to a special hospital. Everything was better after that. Gran smelled nice and cooked good food, even though the bones in her fingers were twisted and her body hurt most of the time. Gran taught her how to play the piano, and she read to her and Abby every night. Alexa didn't mind that she had to do the laundry or brush Abby's hair or get all of the groceries when the special van came to take them to the store. Gran sat in a neat scooter and let Abby steer while she drove.

Mom came back sometimes, but she stayed at the hospital a lot-and that was okay. Alexa's stomach always hurt when she was around, and it made Abby cling to her and Gran. Mom wasn't beautiful anymore. Her long black hair, just like hers and Abby's, was no longer shiny and she never brushed it. She didn't tuck them in at bedtime or take them to the park, either.

When Alexa came home from school on Tuesday, the van was there to take Gran to her doctor's appointment. Mom waited until Mr. Worthington drove away, then she made her and Abby get in the car she borrowed from the neighbor so they could go get ice cream. But they never went out for ice cream, and they never went home to Gran. She wanted Gran; she missed her so much. After she tucked Abby in at night, Alexa would stare at the phone in the light from the window or turn her face into the pillow and cry. She wanted to go home.

The empty bottle hit the ugly, orange carpet with a thud, and Alexa jumped.

"Lexy Lou, get me another," mom slurred, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

Abby clutched Alexa's arm as their mother began to sing.

"It's okay, Abby." She turned the TV up louder. "Watch Rugrats."

"Hey, turn that down! Don't you know a good song when you hear one?" Mom laughed hysterically until she sobbed.

Abby pulled the blanket over her head, and Alexa rushed to her feet. She grabbed the full bottle of Johnny Walker on the table and brought it to the bed. "Here." She wanted mom to drink more so she would go to sleep and leave them alone. Eyeing the phone again, she stepped back.

"Where you goin', Lexy Lou?" Mom yanked her to the mattress and entwined her in a hard hug. "Don't you love me anymore?"

Alexa slammed her eyes shut and tried not to breathe in her mother's terrible breath.

Mom clutched her tighter. "I said don't you love me anymore? Or are you like your dad? You and Abby went to live with your grandmother and left me-just like him." She sobbed louder. "Don't you want to be with me?"

Abby's sniffles came from under the blanket she clutched tight around her on the cot. Alexa wanted to go to her. Abby was only four; she didn't know what was going on. Sometimes she wasn't sure either, but she was the big sister. It was her job to take care of Abby. "Yes, I want to be with you." She squeezed her eyes tighter as she lied. "I like being here with you."

"Then hug me back."

Alexa wrapped her arms around her mother, waiting, hoping to be released.

"He left us. He walked right out the door and left us. Why did he leave me? Selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

Alexa's heart thundered, and her lips trembled as she struggled to hold on to her own tears. Why did mom ask her questions she didn't know how to answer? When would she let her go?

"I don't want to do this anymore." Her mother finally released her, but took her hand. "I love you, Lexy Lou. I love you my Abby Dabby. I want you to remember that this is all his fault."

Alexa cringed as mom plastered her cheek with s...o...b..ry, stinky kisses.

"All his fault, Lexy." Mom got to her feet and lost her balance, falling back against the bed. She righted herself, grabbed her full bottle, and staggered to the bathroom, slamming the door.

Alexa stood where she was, shaking, listening to the faucet turn on in the bathtub and her sister's quiet crying underneath the blanket. She looked at the phone and hurried to the cot. "Abby, come on out from under there."

"I want Gran." Abby pulled the blanket off herself. "I want to go home to Gran."

"We will. We're going to McDonalds first." She stared at her sister's long, tangled hair and watery blue eyes-the exact same color as her own. "You can have a surprise-a happy meal."

Abby wiped at her tears. "A happy meal? You too? Can you have one too?"

She wanted one. She'd never had a happy meal. Gran couldn't afford to get them one. They didn't go to McDonalds or Burger King like the other kids in her cla.s.s. "I'm too big for happy meals. You're just a kid, so you can have one. We have to go. It's getting dark and starting to snow."

Alexa tied her shoes, then Abby's. "Coat on, Abby."

Abby put on the pretty blue parka their neighbor had given her and struggled to zip it. "I can't do it."

"I'll do it." She bent forward and froze when the water shut off in the bathroom. Ears straining, she listened until mom settled in the tub.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She wanted to get them away from here. "Let's zip you up. Like this, remember?" She shoved the zipper in place and pulled up.

"Gran tried to show me, but her fingers wouldn't bend."

"I'll teach you. Like Gran is teaching me how to cook." Alexa had started doing the cooking while Gran watched and told her what to do. Gran's hands were getting worse. They hardly worked at all now, but that was okay. She could do it. She liked to help Gran and Abby. Gran always called her 'the little mommy,' but when she said her joke, her eyes were sad. "Come on."

Alexa reached for the k.n.o.b as something crashed to the floor and broke behind the closed door. She wanted to ignore the mess that surely needed to be cleaned up, but it was so quiet. Mom didn't sing or cry or say bad words the way she had last night when she locked herself in there. The silence left her more uneasy than the sounds of her mother's misery. "Abby, turn on another show for a minute."

"But I'm hungry, Lex. You said we were going to eat." Her eyes watered. "I want Gran. When can we go home?"

"Soon." She glanced at the phone. Mom was probably sleeping. Maybe she should call now, but what if mom came out? Mom said if she tried to contact Gran, they would never see her again. Licking her lips, finding her courage, Alexa walked to the phone, picked it up, and quickly slammed it back down. The fear was too much. The clutching in her stomach made her feel like she was going to throw up.

"Who are you calling?"

Alexa turned. "Watch TV and stop with all the questions."

"You don't have to be so bossy." Abby made a face and stuck out her tongue before she walked to the cot for the remote.

Alexa reached for the phone again and yanked her hand away. She needed to check on mom first. If she was asleep, she would call, and Gran could send Mr. Worthington and his van to the truck stop they were stuck at and pick them up. They would wait at McDonalds and eat their dinner just in case mom woke up and wanted to take them away again.

Dread filled her and her shoulders hunched as she took small steps to the bathroom door. What if mom started to cry and wanted to hug her? Cringing, she raised her hand and gave a gentle knock.

No answer.

She knocked again. "Mom?"

Nothing.

Although mom remained quiet, she wanted to see her asleep for herself. "Mom?" she whispered as she twisted the k.n.o.b, afraid she might wake her. Alexa peered in and blinked. She stared at her mother and breathed in the metallic scent that reminded her of the taste of a b.l.o.o.d.y lip. She took a step toward the crimson-colored water and the brown liquid pooled on the floor where the gla.s.s lay in shards.

Alexa's breath shuddered in and out as she walked closer. Mom's long hair was so black against the white of her skin and her purple lips. The cheerful sounds of familiar commercials filled the silence of the bathroom. Despite her horror, Alexa couldn't take her eyes from mom's slim naked body silhouetted in the deep red. As she stared, she knew it was blood-too much blood. Mom's chest didn't move, and her eyes didn't open.

Heart thundering, Alexa backed up and began to hum the song she'd learned in school about calling nine-one-one. Mom needed her to call nine-one-one. She looked at her mother once more before she closed the door. "Abigail, come here."

Abby's attention turned from the television to her.

"Sing with me. Sing about calling nine-one-one." Although the TV blared, it was too quiet in the horrid room.

"I'm scared, Lex."

"Don't be afraid. I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you. Sing the 911 song I taught you."

Abby clutched her arm, and soon her shaky voice joined Alexa's. Without thinking, without knowing what she did, Alexa picked up the phone, still singing. She watched her own fingers press the numbers. "...you know what to do. Call nine-one-one, and we'll help you."

"Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?"

The woman's voice echoed in her ear as she continued to sing, her eyes transfixed to the bathroom door and the horror behind it.

CHAPTER 2.

May 2014 The warm winds blew through Alexa's window as she sped north on I-270 toward home. She glanced in her rearview mirror and smiled as she glimpsed Olivia fast asleep, exhausted in her pink booster seat after their weeklong adventure. Focusing on the road again, she came to attention when a sign announced a rest area two miles ahead. She had to pee-bad. She'd been holding it for an hour, waiting, hoping her pa.s.sengers would stir. Well, they were going to have to get up, because her bladder was about to explode. "Abby, wake up. We're stopping in a second."

Her sister blinked several times in the pa.s.senger's seat, yawned huge, and stretched. "Where are we?"

"About sixty miles from Hagerstown."

"Thank G.o.d. It feels like we've been in the car for hours."

Alexa rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Ab, we've been driving for less than four, and you've slept almost the whole time."

Abby smiled. "Some of us require plenty of beauty sleep."

Scoffing, Alexa slid her a glance. The one thing Abby would never need is beauty sleep. Her little sister was a stunner. "I've gotta make a pit stop. My eyeb.a.l.l.s are practically floating. See?" She quickly turned her head and widened them, ill.u.s.trating her point. "Can you wake Livy?"

Abby peered in the backseat. "Let's let her sleep. She wore herself out. I'll stay with her while you do your thing."

Alexa glanced in her rearview mirror as she exited the interstate. The gray van she had noticed off and on throughout the drive was still behind them. "It's getting dark. There aren't many cars in the lot."

"Worry wart alert. Worry wart alert," Abby blurted out in her familiar, teasing robot voice. "Just go pee, Lex. Olivia and I'll wait here with the windows up and doors locked. Nothing's going to happen in the five minutes you'll be gone." She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'll even punch nine-one-one into my cell. I'll keep my thumb hovered over 'send' the entire time."

Alexa pulled into a spot as close to the facilities as possible. The sun was dipping along the horizon, the first stars winking to life. "I'm sorry, did you say you wanted to walk back?" She and Abby grinned at each other as she unfastened her seatbelt. "You sure you don't want to come?"

"Pee already, Lex," Abby said with an exasperated laugh.

"Okay, be right back." Alexa rolled up her window and shut the door, careful to lock her sister and daughter in, and hurried up the path to the bathrooms. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled when Abby made an exaggerated go-ahead motion, as if encouraging her to continue forward. Chuckling, she shook her head. She couldn't help being the mama bear. Some habits would never fade, no matter how old she and Abby were. She was the cautious one and Abby the free spirit-it was ingrained in their DNA.

Alexa pushed her way into the restroom and into a stall. With her bladder empty, she sighed her relief, yanked up her jeans, and washed her hands. She studied her face in the mirror, noting the slight hint of tan the week of sun had left on her fair skin. The mini-vacation had been the perfect kick-off to an exciting new adventure. Abby had a week-old college diploma in her pocket and two interviews lined up in Los Angeles. Alexa had eight blissful weeks away from her first grade cla.s.sroom. Lazy, wonderful summer days to spend with her sweet little girl lay ahead of her.

Ready to get on with it, ready to get back to their lives, Alexa pulled the door open, took a step, and stopped short as her heart froze. Time stood still as two men in black ski masks dragged Abby kicking and screaming toward the gray van. From a distance, her sister's pleading, terrified eyes bore into hers. Staring, blinking, she finally ran forward as the horror of the moment truly sunk in. "Stop it! Leave her alone! Abby! Abby, no!"

Her sister twisted and turned, fighting a useless battle against big hands and powerful arms. Alexa skirted her car as the men stepped into the back of the van, taking Abby with them. Abby's pleading shouts for help echoed into the night until the door quickly closed and the van screeched off.

Alexa sprinted after the vehicle, screaming until she came to her senses and dashed back to the car. Olivia cried in the backseat, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh, baby. Oh, honey." Alexa fumbled with Olivia's buckle. Her hands shook and her breath heaved as she freed her daughter from her booster and clutched her close, rocking them both on the edge of the seat. She reached forward and rummaged through her purse in the center console, searching for her phone. Grabbing it up, she dialed nine-one-one. Her eyes darted around the dark, desolate, parking lot, and her teeth chattered while her body shuddered in sheer terror.

"Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?"

"Someone took my sister," she gasped between panicked breaths. "Someone took my sister."

It was well after midnight when Alexa let herself into her small home. On autopilot, she carried Livy to the couch, laid her down, and covered her with a fleece blanket, too terrified to put her daughter in her bed, or even let her out of her sight. With her arms empty and suddenly feeling cold, Alexa glanced into the moonless darkness boring through the windows. She hurried around the living room, quickly twisting the blinds and yanking curtains closed, before she turned on every light she could. It was so quiet-too quiet-in her little corner of the woods. Her house, tucked among the trees on the outskirts of town, always brought her comfort, but not tonight.

Head pounding, heart aching, Alexa sat down and pressed a hand to her nauseous stomach. She stared at the lists she'd made before her family left for their week of fun in Virginia. Abby's small graduation barbeque was supposed to be tomorrow night. She wanted to do more, so much more for her sister, but money was tight. Purchasing streamers, balloons, napkins, and a million other items had been her biggest worry just hours ago. Now she wished juggling a couple hundred dollars was her biggest issue.