"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."

Lao Tzu.

We have developed a fairly urgent need to respond to many things: emails, Tweets & other social network status updates, instant messages, phone calls, text messages, blog posts, blog comments, forum posts, and more. This need to respond gives us anxiety until we've responded, but unfortunately, there is a never-ending stream of things that require your response.

If we allow these messages to force us to respond, almost as soon as they come, then we become driven by the need to respond. Our day becomes responsive rather than driven by conscious choices. We flit from one task to another, one response to another, living a life driven by the needs of others, instead of what we need, what we feel is important.

You don't need to respond.

Think about why we feel we need to respond to everything. Often it's just a compulsion -- we're so used to answering messages that we have developed an urge to respond. Often it's also out of fear: fear that people won't think we're doing our job, fear that we'll lose customers, fear that we'll miss out on something important, fear that people will think we're rude or ignoring them.

But what if we weaned ourselves from this compulsion? And what if we addressed these fears?

First, imagine that you're free from the compulsion. What would it be like? You'd choose what you're going to do today, and work on the important things. You could still respond to emails and other things, but it would be because you decided it was important to communicate something, not because someone else sent you a message and you felt compelled to reply. You'd be much less stressed out, because you don't feel like you need to get through these piles of things to respond to, or worry about people trying to contact you through various channels.

Next, address the fears. Think about what specific fears you have -- are you afraid people will think you're rude? Are you afraid you'll miss something? Are you afraid you'll lose customers, or get in trouble at work? Figure out what your fears are -- there are probably more than one. Now address them with a tiny test -- go without responding, just for a few hours. What happened? Did you lose anything? Did you miss anything? Did someone get offended? If nothing bad happens, extend this test -- try half a day, or a full day. See what happens. In most cases, nothing bad will happen at all. In a few cases, something negative might happen, but it'll be pretty minor. You'll realize that your fears are mostly ungrounded.

Finally, start weaning yourself. If you agree that being free of these compulsions would be a better way of living, start moving towards this life. Again, try just a small test -- a couple hours every day when you don't respond to things. Set a time, after this "response-free" block of your day, when you do respond. This way, you're in control -- you decide when to respond. Eventually, you might increase your "response-free" zone to half a day or more, but start small.

3: let go of the need to stay updated.

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."

German proverb.

Many of us are slaves to the news, to the need to keep updated with what's happening in the world, in our business niche, with our friends.

We are information junkies in some way: we watch TV news all the time, or entertainment news, or keep up with lots of blogs, or our RSS feed reader, or Twitter, or Digg or Delicious, or email, or one of the many news aggregator sites.

The need to keep up consumes much of our day, and creates a kind of anxiety our minds barely register.

What is this need based on? Why can't we get free of it?

Actually, we can get free. I've done it in my life, to a large extent. Let's examine the two questions.

what is this need based on?

In short: fear.

If we really think about it, we're not gaining much by keeping up with all this information. How is it adding to our lives? How is it helping us to create, to live happy lives, to do what's most important to us, to spend time with our loved ones? If anything, it takes away from these things.

Let me repeat that point: this obsession with keeping up with information takes away from the things that are most important to us.

But we try to keep up because we're afraid: we might miss something important, and seem ignorant we might miss out on an opportunity we might not see something bad that we need to respond to something bad might happen to us if we aren't informed These fears seem reasonable, until we test them. Then we can see that they're not really grounded in anything other than societal norms, and a "need" created by media corporations and similar companies.

how to break free.

Two ways: 1) examine each fear individually, and 2) test them.

When we shine a light on our fears, they lose power. When we test them to see their validity, they will usually fail, and we can overcome them.

Let's shine a brief light: We might seem ignorant. Really? How often do people quiz you on current events, or laugh at you for not knowing? Maybe some times, but even if it does happen, so what? Let others be fueled by this need, and let yourself focus on things you care about, not what others think is important.

We might miss out on an opportunity. Possibly. There are always going to be opportunities we miss. But more likely are the opportunities we're missing because we're letting our days be consumed by trying to stay up to date. When we do this, we lose time we could be using to pursue exciting, real opportunities.

We might not see something bad that we need to respond to. If something really bad is happening, we'll know. I hear things on Twitter, even if I only pop in once in awhile, and friends and family will always tell me about a storm or economic collapse or something similar. Sure, this is relying on others, but if they're going to tell us anyway, why worry about keeping up ourselves?

Something bad might happen to us if we aren't informed. This is highly unlikely. I've been uninformed -- tuned out from the news and other information I don't want -- for a few years now. Nothing bad has happened to me. Instead, good things have happened because I'm free to create, to focus on what makes me happy.

The next step is to actually test the fears. Do this by tuning out of the news or whatever information you try to keep up with, for one day. Then see if any of your fears came true.

If not, feel free to read the news you want, peruse the websites you follow. Then try a second test of two days -- see what happens. Keep repeating this, but extending the test, until you can go a couple weeks without staying up to date. Then see if your fears are true.

Testing will show you facts. You'll see if something bad happens, or if you appear ignorant, or if you miss out on big opportunities. You'll also see whether you are freer to live the life you want.

4: how not to live in your inbox.

"It's not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?"

Henry David Th.o.r.eau.

Many of us do this -- we have our email inbox open most of the day, and most of the time, our work is right there, in the inbox. It's where we live, communicate, keep track of tasks, do our work, organize ourselves.

Unfortunately, it's not the best way to live and work. You're constantly getting interrupted by new messages, and so we're at the mercy of the requests of others. A new email comes in, and so we must stop what we're doing to check the new email, and possibly respond. Even if we don't respond right away, whatever we were just doing was interrupted.

This is the opposite of focus, and nothing exemplifies the need for focus better. Sure, you're always in touch, always up to date, always on top of things. But you have no focus, and you're buffeted in all directions by the winds of your email (or Twitter, Facebook, IM or other communication channels). It's also hard to prioritize when you're living in a sea of emails -- every new email become important, and that makes choosing our tasks carefully an almost impossible task.

Here are some suggestions: Get your task list out of your inbox. An email inbox is a bad todo list, because it can't be prioritized, emails can't be renamed to reflect the tasks within them, emails have multiple tasks within them, and there are always new emails coming in. Instead, choose a simple to-do list and as you process your email inbox, pull out the actions to the to-do list. A notebook or index card works fine, as does a simple program such as Taskpaper or Things, or even a text file in Notepad or TextEdit or Notational Velocity. If you set up a keyboard shortcut for your to-do app or file, it just takes a second to copy and paste a to-do from an email.

Do email only at pre-appointed times. You'll need to experiment to find the schedule that works best for you, but try to stick to it rather than constantly checking your inbox. Examples might be: check email 5 minutes at the top of each hour, or just twice a day (say, at 9 am and 3 pm), or once a day at 10 am, or twice a week. Again, these are just examples -- your needs will dictate the best schedule for you, though I would suggest trying a less frequent schedule than you think you need and seeing if that works.

Do your work with your email closed. When it's not a pre-appointed time to check email, have it closed. This principle, by the way, also applied to any other forms of communication, such as Twitter, Facebook, IM, forums, etc., as well as other distractions such as games. Close them all when you're going to work. In fact, close your browser or at least all the browser tabs you don't need for that specific task. Now work without distraction for at least a short period.

Choose your tasks wisely. Once you're out of your inbox, you can prioritize. You can decide what's important, because you're no longer at the mercy of the requests of others. What's the best use of your time? What tasks will have the most impact on your life and work, rather than just seeming urgent right now?

5: the value of distraction.

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

A.A. Milne.

Reading this book, you might get the idea that distractions are evil and that we must strive to be focused at all times. Not at all. Distraction is natural, it's fun, and interestingly, it's valuable.

Distraction, in most cases, is the enemy of focus, and so if we want to get anything done, we must learn to find at least a modic.u.m of focus, some of the time. But that's not to say we should banish distraction, every minute of the day. What's needed is balance.

Distraction is important for a few reasons: Our minds need a break -- being focused for long periods of time is stressful and we need to alternate focus with periods of relaxation.

Distraction can take our minds off a troubling problem, and that can often lead to our minds working on the problem in the background, in our subconscious.

Distraction can lead to inspiration -- by reading other things, new ideas can be sparked, or we can find motivation.

Distraction is fun. And in fun, we often find things we truly love. Let yourself be open to these new paths.

Distraction can lead to better focus, once we go back to focusing.

So how can we incorporate healthy distractions, but still find necessary focus? The secret is balance: conscious, purposeful balance.

There are lots of ways to find balance. The key is to think about what you need to focus on, when your peak focusing hours are, and try different styles to find a method that works best for you.

Some ideas: Block off a few hours a day (all at once or broken into 2-3 parts) for focus. Let yourself do email and other communicating during the others parts of your day.

Work in intervals. Focus for 10-15 minutes, then do 2-5 minutes of distraction, and repeat.

Try a 40-20 split for every hour: 40 minutes of focus, 20 minutes of distraction.

Disconnect completely for large parts of your day, and have certain periods just for distraction.

Again, these are just some ideas. You'll have to find the method that works best for your work needs and personality.

6: why letting go can be difficult.

While it might seem appealing to give up distractions and let go of the addiction to information, email or news, it's not always easy. It's definitely easier said than done.

It's similar to the problem of letting go of possessions -- often we have sentimental or emotional attachment to possessions, or worry that we'll need them later or be less secure without the possessions. Clearing out clutter isn't always easy, because of these emotional hurdles.

Letting go of addictions to information and distractions is just as hard.

We might want to let go, but when the rubber meets the road, we balk. We have urges. We falter and fall and fail.

Why is that? And how can we overcome these hurdles?

Let's take a look at the biggest difficulties and some ideas for beating them.

1. Addiction. Information, news and distractions can become an addiction, as we discussed in previous chapters. And beating addictions isn't easy. Even when our motivation to beat the addiction is strong, the urges we feel and rationalizations we make to ourselves can be even stronger. How do we beat this addiction? We talked about this previously, but in a nutsh.e.l.l, we must beat them individually (not a whole bunch of addictions at once), figure out what our triggers are for that addiction (when do we automatically do the addiction and feel the urges), and become mindful of the triggers and our urges.

Remember that urges are only temporary. If you are aware that you're feeling an urge, you can ride it like a wave -- it'll surge and get stronger, and then fade away. Take some deep breaths, and replace the habit with another habit -- like doing pushups, going for a walk, or finding a quiet spot and reflecting. If you enjoy the new habit, you can more easily replace the old habit. Ride the urges and you can beat them, one at a time. Eventually the urges will go away and you'll have a new habit that's more conducive to focus.

2. Filling an emotional need. Each distraction fills a need in some way. You do the distraction for a reason. New email gives you a little feeling of satisfaction, a confirmation that you're important. So do new replies on Twitter or Facebook or other online forums, or text messages or phone calls. Entertaining distractions fill a need to avoid boredom, or a need to rest from work that strains our mind. There are other similar emotional needs that these distractions fill, but the key is to consider each need. What happens when we try to remove these distractions? We feel a void where they used to be. Which means we need to find a way to fill that void.

If you get satisfaction or a feeling of importance from new emails or other notifications or messages... it's important to be honest with yourself about that. Why do these interruptions, notifications, make you feel good? Is there another way to get validation? Maybe it's good to find recognition instead from the accomplishments and creations that result from finding focus.

If you try to avoid boredom, perhaps it's important to find things that excite you, that you're pa.s.sionate about. Someone pursuing a pa.s.sion doesn't need solitaire or Farmville to avoid boredom.

Whatever the emotional need, be honest about it, be conscious of it, and find other ways to fulfill it.

3. Fears. As we discussed earlier, often we feel the need to stay up-todate, with news or by checking email constantly or other similar ways of staying in touch. We fear being out of touch, being uninformed. The only way to beat fears is to face them, and confront them with facts.

Fears have the most power when we don't confront them, when we let them hide in the dark and exercise their quiet influence over our lives. So the key to beating these fears is to face them. Be honest -- what are you afraid of?

Then shine a light on these fears with actual facts -- what harm has actually been caused so far? Try to do a short test -- an hour, a day, a few days, a week -- and see what the results are. In most cases the actual harm will be much less than you fear. For example, try going a day without responding to email -- see whether you missed anything that was truly important. By getting actual results, the fears will be shown to be baseless (in most cases, I'd guess).

More on beating fears later, in the chapter by psychologist Gail Brenner.

4. Desires. Sometimes we have trouble letting go of these addictions because of desires -- the desire to be successful at something, for example, or the desire to be seen as good at something, or the desire to build wealth. If we have a strong desire to be a successful blogger or Internet marketer, to take just two examples, we might try to connect with as many other bloggers or readers or marketers as possible, and try to attract as many followers as possible on Twitter and our blog, all of which would require lots of time emailing, tweeting, blogging, commenting on blogs, and so forth.

If the desire wasn't there, the need to connect all the time wouldn't be there. Now, I can't say whether you want to get rid of the desire, but it's important to be honest about what your desires are, what the consequences are when it comes to these addictions, and whether that's how you want to live your life. If you're OK with these desires and their consequences, at least you're aware of them.

If you want to drop the desire, it's not simple, but it can be done. I'd suggest first thinking about why you want to drop the desire -- because of negative consequences -- and then be more aware when the desire comes up at different times during the day. Just like addictive urges, desires will come and go, and taking some deep breaths and riding out the desire will help you get through it. Eventually, you'll learn that you don't need the desire.