"No, not exactly angry; but you wound my pride."

"It would do you no harm to kill it outright," said Miss Carr, laughing-such a loud, jovial peal of merriment, which rang so clearly from her healthy lungs, that Flora, in spite of her offended dignity, was forced to laugh too.

"You feel better now. I hope the proud fit is going off, and we can enjoy a reasonable chat. These clothes-what a bore they are, to both poor and rich,-the rich setting their heart too much upon them, and the poor despised because they have not enough to keep them warm,-and those mean and old. Then, this is not all. There are the perpetual changes of the fashions, which oblige people to put on what does not suit them, and to make monstrous frights of themselves to dress in the mode. You must have a morning-gown, a dinner-dress, and an evening costume; all to be shifted and changed in the same day, consuming a deal of time, which might be enjoyed in wholesome exercise. I have no patience with such folly. The animals, let me tell you, are a great deal better off than their masters. Nature has provided them with a coat which never wants changing but once a-year; and that is done so gradually, that they experience no inconvenience. No need of their consulting the fashions, or patching and st.i.tching to keep up a decent appearance. It is a thousand pities that clothes were ever invented. People would have been much healthier, and looked much better without them."

"My dear madam, did not G.o.d himself instruct our first parents to make garments of the skins of animals?"

"They were not necessary in a state of innocence, or He would have created them like cows and horses, with clothes upon their backs," said Wilhelmina, sharply. "It was their own fault that they ever required such trumpery, entailing upon their posterity a curse as bad as the thorns and thistles. For I always consider it as such, when sweltering under the weight of gowns and petticoats on a hot day; and I rate Mother Eve roundly, and in no measured terms, for her folly in losing the glorious privilege of walking in buff."

"You must have been thinking of that," said Flora, rather mischievously, and glancing down at Miss Wilhelmina's legs, "when you cut your petticoats so short."

"You are welcome to laugh at any short petticoats," said Wilhelmina, "as long as I feel the comfort of wearing them. Now do tell me, candidly,-what impropriety is there in a woman showing her leg and foot, more than in another woman showing her hand and arm? The evil lies in your own thoughts. You see the Bavarian buy-a-broom girls pa.s.sing before your windows every day, with petticoats cut three or four inches shorter than mine. You perceive no harm in that. 'It is the fashion of her country,' you cry. Custom banishes from our minds the idea of impropriety; and the naked savage of the woods is as modest as the closely covered civilian. Now, why am I compelled to wear long petticoats drabbling in the mud, when a Bavarian may wear hers up to the knees, and n.o.body think the worse of her? I am as much a free agent as she is; have as much right to wear what I please. I like short petticoats-I can walk better in them-they neither take up the dust or the mud, and leave my motions free and untrammelled-and what's more, I mean to wear them.

"I have tried trowsers; but they fettered me. It is difficult to stow a large figure like mine away into trowsers. I felt as if my legs were in the stocks, and kicked them off in disdain-simply remarking-'what fools men are!' So, you don't like my short petticoats? and I hate your long ones. First, because they are slatternly and inconvenient; secondly, because they make your stockings dirty; and thirdly, because they give you the idea that they are intended to conceal crooked legs. So don't say one word in their favour."

"It is but a matter of taste and opinion," said Flora; "we will not quarrel about it. I think it wiser, however, in order to avoid singularity, to conform to existing fashions."

"Mrs. Lyndsay, I can prove to you in less than two minutes, that you transgress daily your own rules." Flora looked incredulous.

"You do not wear a _bustle_, which is now considered by all ladies an indispensable article of dress."

"You are right: it is a disgusting fashion, which destroys the grace and just proportions of the female form. A monstrous piece of absurdity, that I have never adopted, and never will."[A]

[A] During twenty years Flora kept her word.

"Bravo! Bravo!" shouted Miss Wilhelmina, clapping her hands in an ecstasy of delight. "I have conquered you with your own weapons. There is no slipping past the horns of that dilemma. You refuse to wear a hump on your back, and I decline the honour of the long petticoats. Let us hear how you can justify yourself?"

"You have gained an advantage by my own admission," said Flora; "but I can't consider myself beat."

"Fairly out of the field, my dear-fairly out of the field. Acknowledge the defeat with a good grace. Let us shake hands, and drink a gla.s.s of wine together in token of peace."

"I never keep wine in the house," said Flora, rather embarra.s.sed, at the request, particularly at such an early hour of the day.

"Never keep wine in your house! Why, how do you contrive to keep up your spirits, without a gla.s.s of wine now and then?"

"We are young, and require no artificial stimulants, to render us cheerful and happy."

"Well, I require stimulants," said Miss Wilhelmina, "with the violent exercise I take. I do not object to a gla.s.s of brandy-and-water, or even of gin, when I feel exhausted."

"If you feel ill, Miss Carr, I will send out and get some."

"Ill! Lord bless you! I never was ill for an hour in my life. So, you cannot afford a little luxury like wine? My child, I pity you: I am sure you require it. I wish you were better off."

"I shall never quarrel with Providence, from whom we have received so many blessings, on that account," said Flora; "I am very grateful for the real comforts we enjoy."

"Poor comfort!" quoth Miss Wilhelmina. "My ideas of comfort are always a.s.sociated with wealth. I maintain, that no one can really be comfortable without it. What should I be, without money? An antiquated, despised old maid-and with all my expensive habits, and queer notions, the very boys in the village would hold me in derision. For even boys know the importance of money, and let me pa.s.s unmolested through the midst of them."

"I perceive that you are very popular with the young folks," said Flora.

"All bribery and corruption, my dear. Boys are but men abridged and cramped down into skeleton jackets. When I come to a town, I throw a handful of small silver coin into the middle of the first group of boys I find in my path. The next time they see me coming they cry out l.u.s.tily, 'Off with your hats, boys: here comes the rich lady!' Off go the tattered hats and caps, and my small coin pays for the compliment."

"Your plan is an expensive one," said Flora; "no wonder the boys regard you with such favour."

"I never found money fail but in one instance," said Miss Wilhelmina thoughtfully. "Mind, it is not to every one that I would communicate my experience. People like to talk of themselves-to tell portions of their history; it relieves their minds. There are very few to whom I have ever told mine; but I think it will amuse you. The follies of others are always entertaining.

"My father was Scotch-my mother Irish. The two nations don't amalgamate very well together. The children of such an union are apt to inherit the peculiar national failings of both. My father united to a love of science a great deal of mechanical genius. He was a clever, prudent, enterprising man, and ama.s.sed a large fortune. My mother I never knew-she died when I was an infant. My father hired a good-natured, easy kind of woman, to be nurse. She was a widow, without children, whom he afterwards promoted to the head of his table. She was his third wife. He had one son by his first marriage, who had been born in Scotland, and adopted by a rich uncle. He afterwards got an appointment in India; and I never saw him above half-a-dozen times in my life-and only when a child. He was a handsome, proud man, very Scotch in all his words and ways. We never took to one another. He thought me a spoilt, disagreeable, pert child; and I considered him a cross, stern man; and never could be induced to call him brother.

"I inherited a good property from my mother, which made me a very independent little lady, in my own conceit. I knew, that the moment I became of age, I was my own mistress. Perhaps it was this consciousness of power which made me the queer being I am.

"My step-mother was very fond of me. She spoilt me shockingly-more than most mothers indulge their brats. She always seemed to retain a sense of the inferior position she had held. Not a common failing, by-the-by: persons raised unexpectedly to wealth, from the lower cla.s.s, generally measure their presumption by their ignorance. She always treated me as a superior. My father was very fond of her. These pa.s.sive women are always great favourites with men. They have no decided character of their own, and become the mere echoes of superior minds. A vain man loves to see his own reflection in one of these domestic magnifying gla.s.ses: it is so gratifying to be the Alpha and Omega in his own house. His former wives were both handsome, conceited women, who thought so much of themselves that they could reflect no perfections but their own. In this respect I resembled my mother-from a baby I thought fit to have a will and opinions of my own.

"My step-mother always yielded to my masterly disposition when a child, generally ending the brief contest with the remark, 'What a pity Willie was not a boy! What a fine spirited boy she would have made!' When I grew a tall girl, I became more independent still, and virtually was mistress of the house. My father sent me to school. I learnt quickly enough; but I was expelled from half a dozen for striking my teacher whenever she dared to raise her hand to correct me. At length my education was finished, and I returned home for good, as wild and as fierce as an untamed colt.

"My step-mother had a nephew-a lad whom my father had befriended very much. He had paid for his education, had bound him to an eminent surgeon, and, when his term expired, had enabled him, from the same source, to walk the hospitals and attend the necessary lectures. Henry was attending the last course which was to fit him for entering upon his profession; and during that period he made our house his home.

"He was not handsome, but a well-grown, high-spirited, clever young fellow. Not at all a sentimental person, but abounding in frolic and fun, full of quaint, witty sayings, and the very incarnation of mischief. We took amazingly to each other; and he enjoyed all my odd freaks and fancies, and encouraged me in all my masculine propensities.

"I grew very fond of him: he was the only creature of his s.e.x I ever loved;-but I did love him, and I thought that he loved me. I considered myself handsome and fascinating. All young people think so, if they are ever so ordinary. It belongs to the vanity of the age, which believes all things-hopes for all things, and entertains no fears for the result.

"The girls at school had told me, that 'I was a perfect fright;' but I did not believe them. They laughed at my snub nose and carrotty locks, and said 'that it would take all my money to buy me a husband.'

"Now, by way of digression, I'm a great talker, Mrs. Lyndsay, and love to ramble from one subject to another. Do just tell me, why a _snub_ nose should be reckoned vulgar, and red hair disgraceful?"

This was an awkward question. It was, however, put point blank. Flora could not avoid giving something in the shape of an answer.

"It is impossible to account for these things," she said. "Any deviation from a recognised standard of taste and beauty is always open to objections. But there are a great many modifications of these rules.

Elegance of form, grace of manner, charms of expression, and even sweetness of voice, will render plain persons not only agreeable, but highly so."

"You reconcile me to my snub nose and red hair," said the odd woman.

"But few people possess a nice sense of discrimination; they are quick at finding out defects, slow at discovering graces. The world is full of unjust partialities. My snub nose would have been considered a beauty in Africa. My red hair would have been admired in Italy; but there is no struggling against national prejudices; and these bull-headed English are the most prejudiced animals under the sun-and I was remorselessly branded as a fright by a pack of sneering girls, half of whom had noses as bad as my own. I had my private opinion on the subject, in which I flattered myself my cousin (as I called Henry), would perfectly agree.

"He never told me he loved me. I felt certain that he did, and that it was grat.i.tude to my father, for all that he had done for him, which kept him silent. This was a foolishly romantic notion of mine. But there was a touch of romance about me in those days. I was green-very green. I can laugh at myself now. But it has always been rather a sore subject.

"Henry did not speak himself. So I thought I would break the ice, and speak for him. You look surprised. Well, I know it is not exactly according to the general rules observed in such matters, which ties a woman's tongue, and obliges her to wait with all humility, until she is asked by some man, whom perhaps she does not care a fig for, to be his wife. I never lived within rules, and I thought I had as much right to please myself, and ask a man to marry me, as a man had to ask me to be his wife.

"I made Henry an offer of my hand, heart, and fortune-and-it is no use being ashamed at my time of life, of a thing which happened such a long time ago-I was _refused_!-without any softening of the matter-down right, positively refused.

"The ungrateful varlet did not even thank me for the honour. He briefly told me, 'That I was a very amusing girl, but the last woman on earth he should wish to make his wife; that as to money, it was certainly a great inducement, but not enough to compensate for the sacrifice of his principles. He had a good profession, and hoped to earn by it wealth and independence.'

"Ah! how I hated him while he told me all this. How I have hated all his s.e.x from that hour, for his sake!

"However, my dear, it had this good effect,-it cured me of all such ridiculous weakness then and for ever. I shook off the love fit, and Wilhelmina was herself again.

"My step-mother died shortly after this, and I became the mistress of my father's house. He was old and very infirm, and completely wrapped up in his scientific studies. I only saw him occasionally, and then my nonsense amused him. He pined after my step-mother; and very shortly followed her to the grave. I had just attained my majority when he died, and I came into a fine property, and found myself at my own disposal.

"n.o.body cared for me, and I cared for n.o.body. I wished to take a peep at the world, and determined to travel over as much of its surface as I possibly could; and please myself as to the method I employed to effect my object.

"I have been in a great many foreign countries, and seen a great many strange people; and been an actor in many extraordinary scenes; and I have come to the conclusion, that the world after all is not such a terrible bad world to live in, and that the very worst of its inhabitants are not entirely without some good."