Why am I listening to this? Is she f.u.c.king some other poor boy?

She lays the note out for him, and he bends to read it.

"They're only asking for fve thousand dollars," he says almost absentmindedly. "Any idea who it might be? Someone in the community?"

"No," she says in her soft sweet voice.

"Linc?"

Linc? Who's that?

"What-after all this time? I don't think so," she grumbles.

"Does Isaac know?"

"I haven't told him."

Who's Isaac?

"I think he needs to know," Christian says. She shakes her head, and now I feel I'm intruding. I want none of this. I try to retrieve my hand from Christian's grasp, but he just tightens his hold and turns to gaze at me.

"What?" he asks.

"I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed."

His eyes search mine, looking for what? Censure? Acceptance? Hostility? I keep my expression as bland as possible.

"Okay," he says. "I won't be long."

He releases me and I stand. Elena watches me warily. I stay tightlipped and return her gaze, giving nothing away.

"Goodnight, Anastasia." She gives me a small smile.

"Goodnight," I mutter, my voice sounds cold. I turn to leave. The tension is too much for me to bear. As I exit the room they continue their conversation.

"I don't think there's a great deal I can do, Elena," Christian says to her. "If it's a ques- tion of money." His voice trails off. "I could ask Welch to investigate."

"No, Christian, I just wanted to share," she says.

When I am out of the room, I hear her say, "You look very happy."

"I am," Christian responds.

"You deserve to be."

"I wish that were true."

"Christian," she scolds.

I freeze, listening intently. I can't help it.

"Does she know how negative you are about yourself? About all your issues."

"She knows me better than anyone."

"Ouch! That hurts."

"It's the truth, Elena. I don't have to play games with her. And I mean it, leave her alone."

"What is her problem?"

"You ... What we were. What we did. She doesn't understand."

"Make her understand.""It's in the past, Elena, and why would I want to taint her with our f.u.c.ked-up relation- ship? She's good and sweet and innocent, and by some miracle she loves me."

"It's no miracle, Christian," Elena scoffs good-naturedly. "Have a little faith in your- self. You really are quite a catch. I've told you often enough. And she seems lovely, too.

Strong. Someone to stand up to you."

I can't hear Christian's response. So I'm strong, am I? I certainly don't feel that way.

"Don't you miss it?" Elena continues.

"What?"

"Your playroom."

I stop breathing.

"That really is none of your f.u.c.king business," Christian snaps.

Oh.

"I'm sorry." Elena snorts insincerely.

"I think you'd better go. And please, call before you come again."

"Christian, I am sorry," she says, and from her tone, this time she means it. "Since when are you so sensitive?" She's scolding him again.

"Elena, we have a business relationship which has profted us both immensely. Let's keep it that way. What was between us is part of the past. Anastasia is my future, and I won't jeopardize it in any way, so cut the f.u.c.king c.r.a.p."

His future!

"I see."

"Look, I'm sorry for your trouble. Perhaps you should ride it out and call their bluff."

His tone is softer.

"I don't want to lose you, Christian."

"I'm not yours to lose, Elena," he snaps again.

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?" He's brusque, angry.

"Look, I don't want to argue with you. Your friendship means a lot to me. I'll back off from Anastasia. But I'm here if you need me. I always will be."

"Anastasia thinks that you saw me last Sat.u.r.day. You called, that's all. Why did you tell her otherwise?"

"I wanted her to know how upset you were when she left. I don't want her to hurt you."

"She knows. I've told her. Stop interfering. Honestly, you're like a mother hen." Chris- tian sounds more resigned, and Elena laughs, but there's a sad tone to her laugh.

"I know. I'm sorry. You know I care about you. I never thought you'd end up falling in love, Christian. It's very gratifying to see. But I couldn't bear it if she hurt you."

"I'll take my chances," he says dryly. "Now are you sure you don't want Welch to sniff around?"

She sighs heavily. "I suppose it wouldn't do any harm."

"Okay. I'll call him in the morning."

I listen to them bickering, trying to fgure this out. They do sound like old friends, as Christian says. Just friends. And she cares about him-maybe too much. Well, who wouldn't, if they knew him?"Thank you, Christian. And I am sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I'll go. Next time I'll call."

"Good."

She's going! s.h.i.t! I scamper up the hallway to Christian's bedroom and sit down on the bed. Christian enters a few moments later.

"She's gone," he says warily, gauging my reaction.

I gaze up at him, trying to frame my question. "Will you tell me all about her? I am try- ing to understand why you think she helped you." I pause, thinking carefully about my next sentence. "I loathe her, Christian. I think she did you untold damage. You have no friends.

Did she keep them away from you?"

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"Why the f.u.c.k do you want to know about her? We had a very long-standing affair, she beat the s.h.i.t out of me often, and I f.u.c.ked her in all sorts of ways you can't even imagine, end of story."

I pale. s.h.i.t, he's angry-with me. I blink at him. "Why are you so angry?"

"Because all of that s.h.i.t is over!" he shouts, glowering at me. He sighs in exasperation and shakes his head.

I blanch. s.h.i.t. I look down at my hands, knotted in my lap. I just want to understand.

He sits down beside me. "What do you want to know?" he asks wearily.

"You don't have to tell me. I don't mean to intrude."

"Anastasia, it's not that. I don't like talking about this s.h.i.t. I've lived in a bubble for years with nothing affecting me and not having to justify myself to anyone. She's always been there as a confdante. And now my past and my future are colliding in a way I never thought possible."

I glance at him and he's staring at me, his eyes wide.

"I never thought I had a future with anyone, Anastasia. You give me hope and have me thinking about all sorts of possibilities." He drifts off.

"I was listening," I whisper and stare back down at my hands.

"What? To our conversation?"

"Yes."

"Well?" He sounds resigned.

"She cares for you."

"Yes, she does. And I for her in my own way, but it doesn't come close to how I feel about you. If that's what this is about."

"I'm not jealous." I'm wounded that he would think that-or am I? s.h.i.t. Maybe that's what this is. "You don't love her," I murmur.

He sighs again. He really is p.i.s.sed. "A long time ago, I thought I loved her," he says through gritted teeth.

Oh. "When we were in Georgia ... you said you didn't love her."

"That's right."

I frown.

"I loved you then, Anastasia," he whispers. "You're the only person I'd fy three thou- sand miles to see."

Oh my. I don't understand. He still wanted me as a sub then. My frown deepens."The feelings I have for you are very different from any I ever had for Elena," he says by way of explanation.

"When did you know?"

He shrugs. "Ironically, it was Elena who pointed it out to me. She encouraged me to go to Georgia."

I knew it! I knew it in Savannah. I gaze at him, blankly.

What do I make of this? Maybe she is on my side and just worried that I'll hurt him.

The thought is painful. I would never want to hurt him. She's right-he's been hurt enough.

Perhaps she's not so bad. I shake my head. I don't want to accept his relationship with her. I disapprove. Yes, that's what this is. She's an unsavory character who preyed on a vulnerable adolescent, robbing him of his teenage years, no matter what he says.

"So you desired her? When you were younger."

"Yes."

Oh.