CHAPTER XIII

_SOCIAL TRAINING FOR FARM BOYS AND GIRLS_

We have been exceedingly slow in realizing the social needs of our children, in the usual instance depending on chance conditions to determine the matter for us. The city and the rural communities present a striking contrast in this respect. It does not seem possible that both can be right, while there is much to support the opinion that both are wrong. That is to say, in the city community the majority of the children are allowed to spend too much time in the company of others. As a result, they take on social manners and customs in a mere formal way and by far too early for the good of their character-development. The city ripens young life too fast. It produces the manners and refinements of adult life before the child becomes matured mentally. In the ordinary rural community there is not enough social experience for the young; and hence, a certain amount of crudeness, awkwardness, and lack of refinement tend to linger permanently in the character.

A HAPPY MEAN IS NEEDED

What seems necessary, therefore, is the establishment of a social life which will be a compromise between the excess of the city and the deficit of the country. So far as can be learned, very little has been achieved in the matter of establishing just such a social order in the rural communities as will tend to develop the lives of the boys and girls in an ideal, symmetrical way. We may not feel very certain as to just how this ideal juvenile society should be constructed.

Nevertheless, an attempt will be made to sketch in this chapter a working plan therefor. Some may see fit to adapt it, while others may improve it through practice.

What especially needs to be thought of in the development of any normal young life is the problem of rounding out the character on all sides.

There are certain fundamental character-forming experiences and disciplines, such as work, play, recreation, and social intercourse.

Many parents seem to be possessed of the idea that they can develop their children through play and social training alone. Others seem to believe that hard work and plenty of it is all that is necessary for the development of a substantial character in the young. Still others appear to allow their boys and girls to roam at will and to indulge them only in the recreative experiences. But how indefensible the idea that anyone should try to find permanent joy and satisfaction through recreative experiences without first having had as their counterpart the experience of work and the responsibilities that pertain thereto!

So, again, it may be contended that there is a happy mean between the over-work and the absence of social experience so common in the farming communities and the lack of work and the extreme social excitement that so often obtains in the life of the city child.

A SOCIAL RENAISSANCE IN THE COUNTRY

There is becoming more and more apparent the necessity of not only a revival of the social life in the country, but also the demand for its reconstruction. It is especially to be desired that the reorganization be effected under the guidance of sound principles of psychology and sociology. That is, it must be based on the fundamental fact of the s.e.x instinct so prominent during the adolescent period, and the further fact of the imperative demand at this time for a large amount of social intercourse. How differently this point of view persistently held will shape the matter as compared with the older ideal of merely "giving the young folks a good time"! Yes, the social life of adolescent boys and girls has its source in the s.e.x instinct then so predominant. It is not therefore to be viewed as a piece of superficial sentimentality, but rather as a profound law of nature.

As suggested by two or three of the preceding chapters, there may be organized a social center in the church, or other such centers may develop independently through the leadership of some mature persons. But instances of this cla.s.s of effective organization are as yet few and far between. Meanwhile, the young are growing up and their present social needs are very pressing. Individual farmers cannot wait for neighborhood movements; and so the parents of the children requiring the social life must themselves take the initiative in the matter.

CONDITIONS TO GUARD AGAINST

Before proceeding to a detailed outline of various plans for supplying the social needs of rural young people, it may be well to point out a few of the pitfalls to be guarded against. In reference to the latter, it is not the purpose to advise parents to try to place their children in an exclusive social set. Far from that. The purpose is rather the converse; namely, to urge parents to attempt to build up good, clean characters in their boys and girls and yet permit the latter to mingle freely with common humanity. An aristocracy in the towns and cities is bad enough and a thing wholly out of harmony with the best and highest interpretation of our national life; but an aristocracy in the country neighborhood is an abomination.

But while the so-called best families must think of their young as growing members of the entire social community and not as belonging to an exclusive set, there is nevertheless great need of constant watchfulness in respect to certain evils that always threaten the lives of farmers' sons and daughters.

1. _The social companionships of girls._--Of course it must be admitted that there is frequently present in the country neighborhood some vile or wicked young character whose influence is very pernicious. On one occasion this person may appear in the guise of an exemplary young man, smooth in manners, stylishly dressed, and apparently interested in the best affairs. But as a matter of fact, he may be secretly an agent for some infamous inst.i.tution in the city. The records show that thousands of country girls have been enticed away to the cities by such characters only to meet an untimely and awful fate. The parents of the country girl should therefore know who the young man is with whom she keeps company.

Usually it is a comparatively easy matter to test his worth. If he have no fixed local attachment in a home, and no permanent business relations in the community, he may be regarded with suspicion at least, and may be compelled to furnish evidence of his moral integrity.

Another type of the young country man unworthy of the company and companionship of the young woman is the one who is known by the men of the community as being habituated to the use of vile and indecent language, or to the practice of drinking intoxicants. If such be among his known characteristics, the evidence is decidedly unfavorable, making him unsuitable as a social companion of the country girl. It is reasonable to predict that he will never change his ways very radically, and especially that he will not develop into a desirable life companion for the daughter. Some good parents make the fatal blunder of allowing their girl to keep company with such a coa.r.s.e-grained young man simply because he is so "good hearted," and "means well," and the like.

To say the least, a depraved social taste will gradually develop in the girl's life if she continue in such company.

Another contamination for the country girl sometimes results from the depraved young woman who has drifted into the neighborhood. The girl herself will be in the best position to detect such a type, as the latter will be marked by her coa.r.s.e manners when in the presence of the girls, and by her practice of discussing obscene matters in private conversation with them. This is the situation in which the innocent young girl's mind may become forever poisoned and her wholesome faith in humanity entirely too much unsettled.

2. _Bad companionships for boys._ Similar warnings as those given above need to be sounded with reference to the young country boys, and others as well. Farm boys are necessarily much in the company of men of very common tastes and low ideals. They hear not a little evil conversation and profanity, as it is used by such men. As a result, there will be need of much constructive teaching at home. Admonitions, warnings, and advice will be necessary.

In every instance it is well for the parents to remind the boy of the great interest they have in his welfare, of how deeply he may grieve them by taking up any of the evil practices in question, and of the high ideal which they hold in mind for his future.

Farm parents will need to keep up an intimate and frank exchange of ideas with their youthful son on the general subjects discussed in this chapter. They may ask him to repeat all he has heard and to relate all he has seen, good and bad, they then offering their corrections and admonitions. The especial danger is that the boy may acquire evil forms of speech, pernicious ideas for his secret thoughts, and a too low estimate of the worth of humanity. The vile companion is especially inclined to make the youth believe that there is no purity of character among girls and women--a most lamentable state of mind for a boy or a man of any age.

The boy in the country is not only very much in danger of having his mind contaminated by the evil speech and the evil misinformation mentioned above, but there is always the possibility of his being enticed by some older and depraved companion into the company of evil women. Strange to say, there are a few men who seem to plan deliberately this form of downfall for innocent boys and to regard the success of their vile plot in the light of a mere joke. It is perhaps a fault of society that such men are permitted to run at large. And it is especially the fault of fathers if such men keep company with their boys. No matter how excellent the family history, how well-born the boy may be, and how carefully he has been admonished, there is always some danger of his yielding to an evil s.e.x temptation--a situation which the parent should always be watchful about and ready to meet.

3. _Secret s.e.x habits._--It is probable that country boys are more p.r.o.ne to secret perversions of their s.e.x life than are city boys. The enforced solitude of the former and the increased opportunities for such secret evil may be accountable for the difference. In any event, there is necessity of constant watchfulness, and that especially until the son has reached comparative maturity of the physical body. The danger is at its height at the beginning of the adolescent period, fourteen to sixteen years of age. But the preparation for meeting the possible s.e.x perversion should be begun very early and consist in frank talks and admonitions. The small boy's questions about the origin of life must be answered frankly but only to the extent of imparting to him enough information to satisfy his present curiosity. Thus to satisfy his childish curiosity will prove a means of counteracting the evil influences of the bad companionships referred to above. Then, the youth needs to be shown some instances of the ruinous effects of s.e.x perversion in boys and men, together with the inculcation of the idea that any such evil practice will cut off the possibility of his realizing the high standards of moral character set for him. It is well also to remember that prevention of the boy's misuse of his s.e.x life is comparatively easy and that cure is extremely difficult.

4. _The so-called bad habits._--When we speak of the "bad habits" among boys and men we are inclined to think of swearing, smoking, and the use of intoxicants. Without thought of defending the practice of profanity, we may say that it is often acquired in an innocent fashion and that it ordinarily implies no conscious or intentional evil. That is, it is usually not so bad in its actual a.n.a.lysis as it sounds to the listener.

Moreover, it is a habit which many boys take up and afterwards discontinue when once they have set up for themselves high standards of manliness.

With juvenile smoking the case is different. Without the thought of offending the adult smoker or defending adult smoking, we may say with a high degree of certainty that the use of tobacco is extremely hurtful to growing boys. It weakens and deranges the organic processes, leaves its deleterious effects in the throat, eyes, and lungs, and breaks down the natural const.i.tutional defense so essential in time of such diseases as pneumonia and typhoid fever. On the mental side, tobacco lessens the boy's ability to study. Very wide investigations have shown that the habitual smokers among school boys rank low in scholarship; that they are p.r.o.ne to fail in their cla.s.ses and quit the schools; that almost none of them take high rank as students. The moral effects are even worse. In times of temptation the young boy who smokes is more inclined to yield and to choose the worse form of conduct instead of the better.

He lacks especially that fine sense of inner worth so necessary for the one who would succeed in arousing his own moral courage sufficiently to withstand the temptations that naturally beset young life. The rural parents will not of course despair about the boy or turn against him should they discover that he has secretly become confirmed in the use of tobacco. There are still possibilities of his development into a substantial character; but because of his smoking the problem becomes a much more involved and difficult one.

All that has just been said in reference to tobacco may be emphasized many fold in respect to intoxicants. To allow a growing boy to begin the use of intoxicating drink in any form seems to be wholly indefensible.

However, if there are open saloons in the adjoining town or city, even the best country boys are always somewhat in danger of taking the first false step. Rural parents must not be satisfied with the thought that their boy is "too good" to take up such a thing; they must be a.s.sured that he is not doing so. Now, the only way to obtain such a.s.surance is by means of keeping in intimate touch with the boy and his movements--by knowing when and where he goes, why he goes there, and whom he meets in the various places visited on his rounds. Thus, he may be saved from a life of debauch and degradation, and that by means of providing carefully that he reach his full maturity of mind and body without any knowledge of the taste of intoxicating drinks.

A CENTER OF COMMUNITY LIFE

As explained in a number of preceding chapters, there are being carried out several plans for bringing about a social awakening in the farm districts. Some of these are succeeding admirably, especially the county Y.M.C.A., and in a few instances the rural church. But presumably there are many thousands of country districts wherein these helpful agencies will not be found for many years to come. So, in the following lines there will be an attempt to furnish detailed methods and suggestions to rural parents who are under the necessity of a.s.sisting their own children in a social way. The discussion thus far has been of a somewhat destructive order. Now, something of a constructive nature will be offered.

The first essential in the awakening of a clean social life for the young is a center of effort. If there be no church or clubhouse of any kind within easy access of all, then the farm home may be made use of for this service. There are many advantages in the common country home as a social center for the young, among them being the probable presence of some sympathetic parent to offer guidance and to keep down unbecoming conduct.

INVITE THE YOUNG TO THE HOUSE

So, if country parents are really in earnest about doing something to develop their own children in a social way, let them throw open their own homes for the purpose. In a certain Iowa home this thing was done in an admirable manner. Let the father tell the story in his own language:--

"For years we had a room in the house which we called the 'parlor.' It contained some expensive furniture which the members of the family scarcely ever saw, as the place was usually kept closed up and dark. Why we reserved such a dark, musty room for the 'special company' that came two or three times each year, I do not know. At any rate, we decided to make the place useful. In remodeling the house we enlarged it to 16 by 20 feet in size and added one very large window.

[Ill.u.s.tration: PLATE XXIII.

FIG. 30.--An agricultural and domestic science club in Oklahoma. Without being so named, it is also distinctively a social club, and a splendid socializing and refining agency.]

"Here we made a society room for the young people of the neighborhood.

Extra chairs were obtained, also a large new stove and fixtures for gaslights. There were also some simple wall decorations and a small library and reading table. That was two years ago. Since then our two boys and two girls have given many parties in that room and no one has got more enjoyment out of the affairs than their parents. We feel as if that room was the best investment we ever made."

Not nearly all anxious parents may be so situated as to follow the excellent plan described above, but it is certainly worthy of a trial by all who can avail themselves of its benefits. Best of all, the young people in whose behalf this thoughtful endeavor is put forth will most certainly grow to maturity confirmed in the belief that the country life is not lacking in its social enjoyments.

HOW TO CONDUCT A SOCIAL ENTERTAINMENT

In giving a social entertainment to the young people of the country, there are a few simple yet common matters to be observed. First of all, there is the frequent tendency toward reticence or backwardness. It will be remembered, of course, that the object of the occasion is not merely pa.s.sing amus.e.m.e.nt for the young, but also that of furnishing some means of character-development. In fact, the author wishes that every chapter of this book be thought of as contributing something toward the building up of young lives. So, in case of the home party, it will be necessary to see that every one present takes some active part. The bashful youth who is merely permitted to sit by and look on will go home secretly displeased, if not much pained, at his own backwardness. He may even fail to appear again on such an occasion, and thus the availability of a most helpful agency be permanently lost to him.

It is not therefore so much a question of the dignity and importance of the games played as it is a question of the active engagement of every one present in the amus.e.m.e.nts. Much will depend on leadership. An able leader will have the group organized before the several members realize what is being done. An expert student and director of young people was seen on a certain occasion to take charge of a party of forty boys and girls ranging in age from fifteen to twenty years. These were quickly placed standing in two parallel lines of twenty each. Each side was given a dish of unhulled peanuts and asked to engage in a contest of pa.s.sing the nuts down the line one at a time, from hand to hand, the one at the farther end of the line placing the nuts in a receptacle. This simple game "broke the ice" for the entire evening. After that it was easy to keep the entertainment going.

The supervisor of the social affair is advised to discourage all games that tend to an over-amount of silliness and that allow for undue familiarity of the s.e.xes. There is, however, a dignified form of fun and merriment quite as enjoyable as the baser sort. And, too, the leader of the evening need not be reminded of the many little opportunities for inculcating wholesome lessons in dignified manners. Many a "green" and awkward country youth is started on the way to salvation through the courteous treatment he receives from some older and much respected person. Simply to treat him as if he were a dignified young gentleman amounts to inciting him to put forth his greatest effort to make a show of manliness. A close student of young nature will often observe that merely to address such a youth as "Mister" So-and-So causes him to straighten up and try to look the part.

The hostess and guide at the rural party of young people will err not a little if she feels under the necessity of preparing a banquet or even a heavy luncheon for the occasion. Something as simple as a light drink and a wafer or two will be quite enough. The object of the refreshments is not merely to feed the young people to the point of stupefaction, but rather to give physical tone to support the vivacity of all.

WHAT ABOUT THE COUNTRY DANCE