She ushers us into her room, and we plop down on the bed, in front of her large flat screen TV. Kim grabs the remote and pushes a couple of b.u.t.tons.

I'm unprepared for the sight of Zane suddenly appearing on the screen. After seeing him only in my dreams for so long...to actually see him...it's completely overwhelming. Oh, G.o.d, he is so gorgeous!

As Aiden Cross, his masculine beauty just hits you like a physical blow. He looks so amazing and s.e.xy in a v neck black sweater and dark jeans. His dark blonde hair is perfectly tousled (no doubt courtesy of some floozy hair stylist), and his cerulean blue eyes are so bright, they seem to pop out of the screen.

Everything else fades away as I watch Zane (Adrian!) laughing and chatting with Joanna, the quirky talk show hostess. He is completely charming and s.e.xy, and the women in the audience can't seem to stop screaming and giggling at his every word. G.o.d, I don't blame them.

I listen raptly as Joanna gushes his praises, talking about how many alb.u.ms he's sold, how many Grammys he's won-while sneakily mixing in questions about his love life. Zane smoothly evades her inquiries, laughing it off or joking his way out of any tough spots.

The more I watch him, the more I see the ghost of Zane in the famous rock star. His half-smile. The way he rubs his jaw sometimes when he's thinking about something else. How he tilts his head to the side when he's amused by something.

The way the muscles in his chest and arms tense when he's...

Oh, wow. That image just popped out of nowhere. Bad Violet. Shaking my head, I try to focus on the interview.

"So you're a busy guy, I've noticed," Joanna is saying casually, smiling innocently at Zane. "All that dating must be hard with your schedule."

He leans back in his chair, completely at ease. "Yeah, no. I've actually been in my recording studio every day working on some songs. And I'll be going on tour in October, so I've been preparing for that, too. I know it's a long way away, but I'll be gone for, like, a year, so-"

"Yeah, mm-hmm," Joanna nods thoughtfully. "So what does Alaina think about you being on the road for so long?"

I bite my lip hard at the mention of that famous b.i.t.c.h. "You're s.a.d.i.s.tic, Kim," I mutter.

She shushes me. "Just wait."

"Nothing..." On TV, Zane remains inscrutable, continuing to smile. "Why would she care?"

"Because she's your girlfriend, right?"

"We're friends."

"Huh. Okay." The s.p.u.n.ky hostess tries another tactic while the audience giggles at her antics. "So, Valentine's day is coming up."

"Is it?" Zane plays it cool.

"Yup. So, Aiden, I'm sure all the women in the audience would like to know-what would be your idea of a perfect Valentine's day date?"

The audience whoops and cheers. Zane looks out and them, and chuckles. "Well, d.a.m.n, now I have to say something romantic and elaborate, huh?"

"Not necessarily. I'd say it depends on the woman. Like, for example...Alaina Skye."

He looks heavenward as if for help. "You're not gonna let that go, are you?" he asks good-naturedly.

"Did I say her name again?" Joanna shakes her dark curls. "I'm sorry. You just seem like a romantic kind of guy. So what would you have planned for that special day?"

I lean forward, eager to hear his answer. What would our Valentine's have been like? The perfect day, to me, would be just the two of, us hanging out together-preferably in bed.

Zane hesitates for a second. He takes a drink from his cup before answering. "Well, this is going to sound really bad-and lazy-but I think I'd just want to hang out, you know? Spend all morning in bed-" The audience screams, and he flashes that s.e.xy grin. "Then have a picnic in the living room, just her and I. Time is very precious to me, and I think I'd just want to be alone with her, have her all to myself for the whole day. I know that's not really every woman's idea of a great date, but..."

Lauren turns to look at me. "Did he just describe that day at the hotel with you?"

I nod, dazed. "I...think so."

"So yum!" Kim squeals. The whole bed bounces with her excitement.

"Well, Aiden, you could probably take a girl to the dump, and she'd be thrilled. Am I right, ladies?" Joanna winks at the wildly approving audience. "Now let's talk about this 'her.' What does she look like? Five-seven? Blonde hair, blue eyes? Dolphin tattoo?"

Alaina Skye. Ugh.

For a minute, Zane and Joanna stare at each other like gunslingers at high noon. Then they both burst out laughing.

"Alright." Still chuckling, Zane shrugs slightly. "Actually, Joanna, she's about five-four, brown eyes, long golden brown hair. No tattoo, but if she did have one, it would probably be of a bunny."

I flush, my heart suddenly thudding. He is talking about me!

I'm ninety percent sure.

"A bunny, Violet? Really?"

"Shh!"

"Wow," Joanna is saying. "That is very...specific. Are you describing your perfect woman, or your girlfriend."

Zane smiles. "Both."

"Aww!" Kim and the audience say simultaneously.

Joanna leans forward, resting her chin on her hands. "Tell us more."

"Uh..." Put on the spot, he chuckles, staring down at his hands resting on his lap. "Well, the truth is...I screwed up with her big time. I don't think she's going to ever forgive me. So...I don't know."

The audience "awws!" again.

"Oh, no," Joanna says sympathetically. "What'd you do?"

Zane just shakes his head with a small smile playing on his beautiful lips. When she continues to stare piercingly at him, he just laughs. "What? That's...all I got."

"Aiden, you can't just leave us hanging!"

He remains silent, still smiling. Those achingly blue eyes of his look right back at her, refusing to give anything away.

Finally, she huffs a sigh. "Okay, you. We're running out of time. But I must say, whoever she is, she would be a fool not to forgive you. I bet it works out between the two of you."

Zane exhales softly. He seems to look straight into the camera, into my eyes when he says, "I hope so."

I can't stop thinking about Zane' interview. Does that mean he still wants to be with me? Does that mean the ball is in my court now? What am I suppose to do? Nothing's changed. He's still one of the most famous faces in the world, and I'm...just me. I mean, say we get back together...then what? What happens when he goes on tour for a year. I'll be miserable.

I'm miserable now. I don't know what to do. I miss him. I miss him so much.

Chapter 36.

Mom is planning me a surprise birthday party. I know this because she is the worst at keeping secrets. Last month, she dropped a whole bunch of invitations at my feet. It looks like she's inviting every living relative we have-maybe because I don't have many close friends.

I don't want a birthday party. That's about the last thing I want. But how do I tell her that without hurting her feelings? She's been so sensitive lately, crying at the drop of a hat. Between her and Lauren, I feel like I'm in the middle of a soggy Kleenex commercial.

The day of the party (that I'm not suppose to know about), Mom takes Lauren and I to a high end spa. We get facials, ma.s.sages, and our hair done-and I'm not sure why since all three of us don't like strangers poking and prodding at us. Mom especially hates when anyone touches her face, but she grits her teeth and get through it-and I do the same for her. Lauren simply tries to bite anyone who comes too close to her. She is super grouchy lately.

Afterwards, we go shopping for outfits to wear for the party. My mind is a million miles away, so I kind of give Mom carte blanche on my picking out my dress. I keep thinking about what Zane said to me one day at the beach. Live in the moment. Don't worry about what might happen.

I really try to picture my life as a Aiden Cross' girlfriend. I can't see it. h.e.l.l, I could barely see myself as Zane O' Connor's girlfriend. But I try to imagine a life without him-and it makes me want to cry.

"Violet, you have to try on this dress!"

Mom pushes some red material in my hands. When she sees my face, she frowns. "Are you okay? You look like you're crying."

"No," I say, blinking rapidly. "This, uh...dragonfly. It almost got me in the eye."

"Dragonfly? Where?" Mom looks around, paranoid. She hates insects with an almost psychotic intensity.

"Yeah, it left. Um, where are the dressing rooms?"

"Right there," she replies, pointing to the sign we're standing in front of, which says, "Dressing Rooms."

I clear my throat. "Oh. Okay. Lauren, do you have anything to try on?"

Lauren unenthusiastically holds up several dresses. I can tell they were all picked by Mom-who by the way, has no idea Lauren is pregnant.

We both drag our feet. I hate dressing rooms. I always feel so weird about standing in front of a mirror to change. And I'm always so paranoid that some little kid is going to crawl into my stall. It's actually happened before. The kid was eight and a perv. I'll never forget his huge eyes and giant grin as I held my shirt in front of me with one hand and tried to shoo him away with the other.

I quickly wiggle out of my shirt and jeans and shimmy into the dress. It's fire engine red, with a halter top and almost no back. The skirt is short and full and kind of swirls against my legs when I move. Okay, I love it.

"Violet, come out so I can see!" Mom calls from outside.

Rolling my eyes, I do as she asks. When she sees me, her eyes widen slightly.

"Oh, wow. I didn't realize that dress was quite so...s.e.xy. You look great, though. Do you like it?"

"I do," I say. I try to adjust the top so not quite so much cleavage is showing, but the dress was designed to show cleavage, so my attempts are unsuccessful.

"Well, I'm not sure if it will be appropriate for-uh-dinner tonight. At the restaurant."

"Oh. What restaurant was it again?" I ask, unable to resist putting her on the spot.

"Didn't I say?" Mom fidgets and smoothes back her pale blonde hair. "Um, was it The Four Seasons?"

"Are you asking me?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure it was. I mean, it is." She makes a little snorting sound. "Sorry. Pregnancy brain. You know how it is. No! No, you should definitely not know how it is-because you're not pregnant, right?"

"No, I'm definitely not," I sigh.

Mom gives a relieved chuckle. "Thank G.o.d. Not only are you way too young, but how weird would that be? Us being pregnant at the same time? Me, pregnant with your little brother or sister, and your baby would be my baby's niece or nephew-on both sides! Is that right?"

A young couple standing near us give us a wide-eyed look, then quickly shuffle away. "Lauren!" I shout a bit desperately. "Come on out!"

I decide to get the dress. I don't have anyone to look s.e.xy for, but I feel good in it, so why not? Lauren chooses a pretty black dress that looks striking against her pale skin. We get ready in my room, then Lauren is suppose to take me out for a few hours so Mom can get my party set up.

Lauren knows I know, so she doesn't bother to pretend. We decide to watch movies all day at her place until it's time to go home and be surprised. I wish I could just stay here, instead of put on a happy face for a bunch of people. Actually, I wish I could just hang out at the beach all day, just staring at the waves, and thinking. I know what I want to do-I just need to find the courage to do it.

So Mom went all out for my party: elaborate decorations, caterers, a deejay...a marching band. Okay, I'm kidding about the marching band. Almost everyone that was at the wedding is back again for my birthday-even Taylor. She's probably hoping to hook up with Zane.

Oh, and Matt and Rachel are here! Why did she invite them? Why did they come? It's super awkward when they come up to say happy birthday to me. Rachel still can't look me in the eye, and neither can Matt. I don't understand. He was never this interested in my body when we were dating, but now he can't keep his eyes off my cleavage. Weird.

I wonder if Zane knows it's my birthday? I bet Mom told him. She must've told him about the baby, too. Will he take time away from his celebrity lifestyle to visit when she gives birth?

I am restless throughout the party. I stick close to Lauren, not caring if I seem rude. I want to talk to Zane. The moment I decide to sneak away to call him, Mom grabs me and tells me the caterers are bringing out the cake. So I put a smile on my face while they bring in a huge chocolate cake-Dobash, my favorite! Everyone sings to me, and I try not to grimace as I blow out the candles. Someone, though, put trick candles on my cake, and I blow so hard, one of the cake decorations-a tiny little basket made to look like a birthday present-flies off the cake and hits my baby cousin, Bella, in the eye. She screams and screams, and in the chaos, Great Grandma manages to hobble her way over to me and squeeze my b.o.o.bs really hard-for what purpose, I don't know. Fortunately, several people manage to capture these special moments on video, so I'll always have these memories. Doc.u.mented. Online, probably.

My b.o.o.bs hurt. I just want everybody to go home. I try to escape to the garden, but Lauren grabs me.

"I need to talk to you," she says. There's a strange furtive look in her big brown eyes.

"Um, okay." Alarmed by her expression, I gesture toward the back door. "We could go out in the garden, or-"

"I saw a bunch of your cousins head out there. I think they're going to play football, or smoke pot."

"What?! They'd better not," I say, trying to peer through the window.

But Lauren grabs me and tows me along. "Let's go to your room."

What is going on with her? I wonder if she's going to tell me she's having twins? Yikes! Has the pressure finally gotten to her? Even though the lights in my bedroom are already on, she flips the switch twice.

I blink at her. "Is that a new ritual of yours, or something?"

Lauren makes a face. "It's a pregnancy thing."

Okay. Being pregnant obviously turns women nutty. "What did you want to talk to me about?" I ask her.

"I wanted to ask you if you're happy," she blurts out. She paces in front of the French doors. "Because you don't seem to be. You're putting up a good front, but I can tell. Are you regretting breaking up with Zane?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Yes," I sigh. I drop down onto my bed. "I miss him so much, it hurts. I-I think I'm going to call him. I know it's probably not going to work out, and I'll end up getting my heart shattered into, like, a million pieces. But I love him. I'd rather have a piece of him for even just a little while, then nothing, never at all. I'll just-I don't care, I'll just deal with it."