"You know, like a bloodsucker, only she saps people's energy. It can be just as deadly though."

An energy vampire. I'd never heard of such a thing. "How can you tell?"

"I saw the mark of her clan on her back."

"There are clans of energy vampires?"

"Babydoll, that's a whole other story."

Chapter Twenty-Five.

We emerged into the mild summer night and I breathed in the city air with a measure of relief. Adam took a moment to orient himself and then launched into the air. "Portland is this way," he said confidently, waiting for me to join him. "We're gonna pick up the pace."

I wasn't sure I could fly much faster than I did when I normally flew, but with some personal instruction, I caught the hang of zooming through the sky fast enough to make my head spin. Once more I relied on Adam for guidance, taking his hand while he kept us on track. He a.s.sured me that with practice I could learn to travel great distances in a short amount of time, even travel the globe without tiring once I got the hang of it. I think he enjoyed being the Alpha male again, having something to teach me. The fact that I had more Grace than he did must have rankled something awful.

Once we landed in Portland, I begged a few minutes to clear my head and excused myself to the closest public rest room. After washing my hands and face, I pulled out my cell to give Parker an update. He wasn't happy about being left out of the search again, but thanks to the time difference in Midian, it hadn't taken all that long for our first unsuccessful attempt. I was still giving him my a.s.surances that I'd check in soon when Adam rapped on the door.

"When you're done talking to loverboy, we've got a baby to find."

"I'll be right out!" A few murmured endearments and I joined Adam with a combination of annoyance and shame. In a way he was right, it was starting to get late. The chances we would find Ben in exactly the same spot grew slimmer by the minute. Still, I knew Parker would be a ball of worry at home, and I didn't begrudge him that time.

"Finally," Adam muttered, starting off at a brisk pace the moment I came into view. I ignored his tone, jogging to catch up with him.

"Are you absolutely sure it's the train station in Portland? I didn't see any signs with the city name on it." I'd only been to Portland a few times myself, mostly on the road up or down to California.

"Yeah, the building is pretty distinguishable, you'll see," he replied with confidence. "It's right over there." Turning a corner, the big brick building came into view and I had to give him props, it definitely was the same building alright. My steps grew perceptibly faster as the station loomed up ahead, eager to find them, but the spot where we'd seen him huddled over was empty.

"d.a.m.n it," I hissed, looking frantically in every direction.

"Relax, he's probably inside. Come on." Undaunted, Adam strode to the main entrance with purpose. I wanted to look around outside a bit more, but I could see the logic in checking the inside of the station first. Not that it was all that cold outside on a warm August night, but inside would undoubtedly be more comfortable if he didn't have somewhere else to go. I didn't want to think about what we'd do if we couldn't find him in the vicinity. Stake it out and hope he returned?

There were still a fair amount of people in the station despite the late hour, and we spotted a few people who might have been homeless parked on benches, but none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Ben. I stopped trying to get a look at any of their faces, instead focusing on their auras to clue me in. Even in his darkest period, the base of Ben's aura remained true.

I'd started to give serious thought to splitting up and searching again when I spotted the familiar wash of indigo that marked Ben's soul. Wearing a dirty brown sweater and a ratty pair of pants that had once been khakis, his dark curly hair was matted and stuck up at odd angles. A bushy beard shot with strands of gray all but obscured his face, and his brown eyes were hooded as he sat rocking back and forth on a long wooden bench outside the ladies room.

Clutched in his arms was the same gray woolen blanket and he muttered to it as he rocked, his foot tapping in counterpart as if he couldn't stand to stay still for a second. With a sob of relief, I moved faster than I thought possible, s.n.a.t.c.hing the bundle out of his arms.

Dimly, I heard his cry of outrage, and I became aware of a minor scuffle as Adam kept him from lunging at me to retrieve the bundle. But all I could focus on was the pain twisting my heart when the threadbare blanket fell away to reveal the dirty, pink, plastic box.

I sank to my knees, numb with disappointment as I stared at the stupid thing. I'd been so sure! So sure Ben had Bunny and I'd have her back in my arms that very night. I should have known. I should have realized Ben was in no shape to kidnap a baby and steal it all the way down to Portland. How could I have been so stupid?

The walls holding back my emotions crumbled and rotted away in the face of the new disappointment, and I openly wept, not caring what it must look like to the people in the train station. Gradually, I felt Adam's arms go around me, holding me close, and I cried all over his shoulder until I ran out of tears. Even then, I didn't want to move. I didn't want to open my eyes and embrace a reality without my child in it.

"Mercy..." Adam's voice was low at my ear. "We should get moving. Come on, let's go."

He was right, I knew it, but it didn't make it any easier to lift my head. In the end, it was concern for Ben that made me pull back with a sniff. Ben sat on the ground next to the bench, clutching Azazael's box, rocking back and forth again.

"Is he okay?"

"Ben's gone completely out of his gourd, but I think it works for him," Adam replied, gently pulling me to my feet. Ben's aura was still a peaceful indigo with no sign of the darkness that had been eaten away thanks to Lucifer, but Ben was far from the man I'd known.

"Ben?" I said gently, pulling myself out of Adam's arms to crouch down beside him. "Ben, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you." He smiled up at me sunnily before a distracted look swept over his features. "No, she can't," he added.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sitting."

"Okay, why are you sitting here?"

"Because this is where my shoes are." The same distracted look affected him and he muttered something else I couldn't quite catch.

"Ben, you have to give us the box. It's not good for you." I held out my arms, but he only clutched Azazael tighter, a petulant moue twisting his lips.

"No, this is my only sunshine."

"Ben... please?"

"No, you know what happened last time, I won't do it again. Burned and burned and ate my guts for garters. She doesn't have it in her anymore anyways, can't you see? She's empty, like you." Ben scratched at his beard furiously with both hands, hard enough to make me wince.

I traded looks with Adam who made a crazy loop around his ear with his finger. "Ben, are you talking to Azazael?"

"He's a p.o.o.p," he smiled up at me again.

"No arguments here," Adam smirked, and I straightened up to talk to him.

"We have to help him, we can't just leave him here."

"Why not? He looks happy enough."

"Because he's a human being. One that deserves a h.e.l.l of a lot more than a life like this."

"Hey, he made his choices. What do you want me to do, tie him up and take him with us? He likes it here."

"You're impossible, you know that?" I scowled at him. "We have to get Azazael away from him, that's what's making him looney tunes. Maybe then he'll go back to normal."

"Alright, I'll take care of that." Bending down, he scooped the pink box out of Ben's arms easily, freezing him in place when he started to bellow in protest. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now, you keep him like that while I take care of our friend here."

"Are you nuts? I can't keep him all frozen like this. What if someone notices?" Not that anyone paid us any particular mind, but the longer we stuck around, the bigger risk we took.

"They'll think he had a stroke, no biggie."

"And you just take off and leave me here with him? Typical," I snorted, and Adam's eyes narrowed angrily.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like you don't know."

"Whatever. Look, I'm gonna get rid of this and I'll be right back."

"I think maybe I'd better hang onto him. I promised him to Remiel." Plucking the box from Adam's hands, I tucked it under my arm. "Now help me with Ben, we're not leaving him here."

Adam's mouth opened and closed like he thought better of what he'd been about to say, then he bent over to pick Ben up, tossing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Ugh, he could sure use a bath," he muttered, shifting his hold on him.

"That's probably a good idea, let's get him cleaned up. Who knows, a little food, a hot shower and no Azazael, and he might be back to his old self."

Only it didn't work.

I stowed Azazael in a locker for safekeeping at the bus terminal across the street, and then we found a cheap motel to hole up in and try to get Ben cleaned up. An hour later, Ben was cleaner, fuller, but no less nuts. After tucking him into the bed, I held his hand until he fell asleep as my presence seemed to calm him.

"He's asleep," I reported, joining Adam on the lumpy couch of our presidential suite. "Any ideas where we go now?"

"You should get some rest," he replied, brushing the hair back from my shoulder. "You look pretty wiped out."

"I wouldn't be able to sleep right now." I didn't even know if I could. I'd noticed I slept less and less each night, and I was willing to bet I didn't need to sleep at all anymore.

"Sure you can. You'll feel better in the morning."

"That seems doubtful seeing as how we still have no idea where Bunny is." I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, wishing I could sleep. Then maybe I could magically wake up and find it had all been a terrible dream. But that wasn't reality, and as soon as we regrouped I'd have to press on.

"Still, it's a good idea to clear the mind." Adam rubbed at my shoulder and I gave a little groan as muscles I hadn't realized were clenched and tense responded. Only the last thing my mind felt was clear when he was that close to me. I know I should have pulled away, it was inappropriate to say the least, but it felt so good... I let him keep rubbing my shoulders, knowing it fully well it was a bad idea. To my utter surprise, Adam pulled away on his own after a few minutes and I rolled my shoulders experimentally.

"Thanks," I murmured, but he didn't look up at me, staring straight ahead at the dark television set.

"This never would have happened I hadn't left you."

I'd already had that thought, but let it go. There was no use in crying over what couldn't be changed. Still, it was surprising to hear that bit of introspection from him. "You don't know that."

"We'll never know, will we?" His head came up and I felt my heart twist at the anguish I saw in his clear, blue eyes.

"Adam..." I pulled him into a hug, offering the comforting shoulder that time. He clung to me fiercely, burying his face in my neck.

"I'm sorry, Mercy, so sorry..." he breathed. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought... I wanted you to be safe. Both of you."

"I know." I smoothed my fingers through his hair, but I couldn't tell him it was okay... no matter how much I wanted him to stop suffering, because it wasn't. It might not be his fault Bunny was missing, but I couldn't tell him he'd made the right decision. He was right about one thing - we'd never know how it would have turned out if he'd never left. With Adam present in the delivery room would I have our baby safe and sound in my arms? It was useless to speculate.

We sat like that for a long time, soaking in each other's comfort and misery until he pulled back to look at me.

"I hate to be the one to say this, but have you thought about the possibility that we won't be able to get her back?" he said gravely and I shoved him away a little harder than I intended to.

"Don't say that."

"I'm saying what needs to be said. I'll keep looking with you while we have leads to follow up on, but eventually we might have to accept..."

"No, there is no eventually. I'm getting her back." I rose to pace the small room, the inactivity suddenly unacceptable. "Parker will help me if you don't want to anymore."

"I didn't say I didn't want to help. d.a.m.n it Mercy, I'm trying to get you to accept certain realities."

"Realities change all the time, this is proof of that."

"Speaking of which, I'm done running away from my problems. I'm ready to try this again."

"Try what again?"

"You and me."

Did Adam figure I could pretend we'd never had a baby and things would go back to the way they were before he left? I stared at him in a combination of horror and self loathing at the tiny piece of me that wanted to take him up on his offer. "You're too late, I'm not available."

"I don't see a ring on your finger and you know there's no excuse for you to be with Parker anymore now that the baby's gone."

All of a sudden it got a lot easier to say no. "I don't need an excuse to be with Parker. I choose to be with him."

"I thought you said you didn't love him."

"A lot has changed since you left."

"I still love you. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Not when you made the decision to abandon us." I held up my hand when he started to say more. "No, I don't want to hear your reasons. I understand they seemed like good reasons to you, but the truth is, you've never been there when I needed you. Parker has. He's earned the right to my love and I'm not going to dump him now because you decide it's safe to risk being in my life again."

"So that's it? I'm supposed to step aside and let him have you?"

"It's not up to you. You lost the right to be a part of my life like that. If... when we get Bunny back, that's a different story. If you want to be involved with her upbringing, we'll figure something out. But you and I..."

"You can't tell me he gives you everything you need..."

Before I could say another word he pulled me into his arms, his lips covering mine. I wish I could say I shoved him away or delivered a dramatic slap across the face like they do in the movies, but I'm weak. I kissed him back. It was a wonderful, awful, thrilling, heart-pounding, magical, gut-wrenching kiss, because I knew in the back of my mind it was also a form of goodbye. Because as much as I loved the pa.s.sion in his kiss, it wasn't enough.

"Neither do you," I whispered when the kiss drew to a close.

Adam's thumb brushed across my cheek as he took in my words, and I saw defeat in his eyes for the first time. With a nod, he let go of me, long strides carrying him to the door.

"You're leaving?" I don't know why it surprised me, but I still felt disappointment.

"Relax, I'll be back later. I have to take care of some things."

Chapter Twenty-Six.